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Show 10 SALT FLAT NEWS, MARCH, 1972 i 4 ? I n First the trash smasher... ELECTRIC AND NOW, WASTE BASKET 1971 Ghrysler Plymouth FACTORY BUY BACKS By Richard Menzies From a recent product report, it appears that the growing problem of purloined pentagon papers may soon be ended, thanks to the ingenuity of the Shredmaster Corporation of New York, whose unique machines promise to change classified documents into shredded insulating material at the push of a button. Besides top secret papers, the wonderful Shredmaster also accepts IBM cards, ledger sheets, checks, certificates, coupons, statements, obsolete records, paper clips, rubber bands, and presumably clumsy secretaries, instantly converting one and all into useful and guaranteed illegible paper-mach- e. Ranging from a compact desk model for under three hundred dollars, the Shredmaster comes in a wide array of colors and a variety of sizes, all the way up to the ominous Conveyor-40- 0 (floor model) for three thousand dollars, including the popular cross cut featured Just as no modem kitchen is complete without a trash no business office can afford to be without at least one of these handy and decorative machines. At last government bureaucrats, who for years have struggled to perfect the unintelligible document, have at their fingertips a final and, happily, electric solution an automation that, while it may have the side effect of putting a million clerical drudges out of work, will doubtless prove a boon to the national security. Imagine the spectacle of a Daniel Ellsbeig or Jack Anderson in a Washington back alley, sifting through mountains of political confetti, trying in vain to piece together as much as a vert) or ample pronoun. With the all new heavy-dut- y Conveyor-40- 0 paper shredder, the modem businessman can tidy up his affairs at the rate of one ton per hour. Into the hopper go records, surveys, statistics, ledger sheets, certificates, deeds,, documents, memoranda, depositions, com-pacte- r, proceedings, files, letters, communications, bulletins, bonds, stocks, correspondence, minutes, maps, and blueprints. The Shredmaster promises to make old fashioned paperwork a thing of the past; hours formerly consumed filing will become short minutes of grinding. For a change, every office in America will at last be engaged in the production of tangible goods; businesses that formerly thrived without will at last be turning out a useful tons of millions of product paper insulation. While that sort of industry might create quite a little problem along Wall Street, as city canyons slowly fill up with insulation material, other forms of urban blight, such as noise pollution, should be substantially reduced. It will only remain for some alert consumer watchguard, such as Ralph Nader, to complete the cycle. Analyzing the new trend, Nader will declare the insulation product ninety percent fat, and a beam of light will be shed on the illusive quality of Yankee FACTORY WARRANTY SOME WITH AIR CONDITIONING AND VINYL ROOFS save mm EXAMPLE i AIR CONDITIONING 1871 FIIBY ill iSSL RADIO HEATER 72 NEW 2599 FORCE CAR TRADE-INUSED CAR CLEARANCE OVER 95 TO CHOOSE FROM S CHRYSLER PLYMOUTH INC. Used Car Center 1100 SOUTH MAIN 328-493- 4 up-to-da- te Yfullertcw V MUFFLER SHOP O 7f you can't fix it with this - call LAmbert 5-52- 12 1821 W. Commonwealth Fullerton, California DECORATOR SIDING WHOLESALE Write R. GOLDBERGER 322 UNIVERSITY ST. S.L.C. 84102 TAXES and ACCOUNTING BUSINESS ENTERPRISES S.L.C, 272-051- 9 AM. FORK 756-356- 5 ROY WAS HERE- - 1 |