Show MODERN SCIENCE OTTUMWA as First WOMAN AID TO CUPID JURED A headache spinal weakness dizziness and depressionthat was everything horrid I tried many doctors parts of a lie and still not Take Garfield Tea to arouse a sluggish liver— all diuggista sell it No man has come to true greatness who baa not felt In some degree that his life belongs to bis race — Phillips Crooks Chilly “They say the pretty Boston girl is a I wonder what kind of a good pick she is?" "Ice pick I suppose” pick Scott’s Rebecca In “Ivanhoe" The character of Rebecca In Scott's Tvanhoe” was taken from a beautiful Jewess Miss Rebecca Gratz of Philadelphia Iler steadfastness to Judaism when related by Washington Irving to Scott "won his admiration and caused the creation of one of his finest characters Rather 8imple lie —You are the only woman I ever loved She— Do you expect me to believe that? He— I do I swear It is true She — Then I believe you Any man who would expect a woman to believe cannot have been much In the company of women that Crutches Richard Croker expressed fork or Biers at a dinner at New a distrust for aero- planes “There’s nothing underneath them" said ‘If the least thing goes wrong down they drop the “I said to a Londoner other day: “’How Is your Bon getting on since he bought a flylhg machine?’ '“On crutches like the rest of them’ the Londoner replied” he That IT’S FOOD and Makes Restores Possible There are stomach well as eye and ear and Health specialists as other special- ists Oue of these told a young lady of N JJLo quit mediNew Brunswick She says: and eat “Fbr about 12 months I suffered seI was unable verely with gastritis to retain' much of 'anything on my stomach and consequently was compelled to give up my occupation “1 took quantities of medicine and had an idea I was dieting but I continued to suffer and soon lost 15 In I was depressed pounds weight In spirits and lost Interest in everything generally My mind was so affected that it was Impossible to become Interested In even the lightest cines reading matter “After suffering for months I decided to go to a stomach specialist and my lie put tre on health begaft to Improve Immediately It was the keynote of a new life “I found that I bad been eating too much starchy food which I did not digest and that the cereals which I had I soon tried bad been too heavy proved that It la not the quantity of food that one eats but the quality “In a few weeks I was able to go hack to my old business of doing clerhave continued to eat ical work for both the morning and I wake in the morning evening meal with a clear mind and feel rested I regained my lost weight in a short time I am well and happy again and owe It to Name given hy Post urn Co Battle Creek Mich Read “The Road to Wellville” In “There’s a Reason” pkgs Rter rrad the above letter f A new eae appears from tlmo to time They re aeaalac trao aaS full of fcumas of her tralnet Mabel “Hello HAT would you think of your coaching heart’s tender and overflow sentimental the dots and dashes of the Morse code? You can’t brush the parental parlor rug with your knees you can’t by wireless plead with your eyes when words fall with a calloused operator In Cupid’s role — yet the thing has been done Only a done and successfully few days ago' a young man accomthe Impossible and brought plished his Heloise back from a transatlantic We hear of martrip by wireless proposals by phoriages by telephone elopements by special trains nograph and aeroplane romances —now what In has of name the things become of the lad who used to call for a year recite on his knees from the poets and ask father’s permission and blessing? The most recent jind flagrant violation of tbe staid old formulas was this wireless wooing of young Lawrence Crltchell of Chicago but it 1b simply an omen of what one may expect In the future This Is the story Miss Leslie Miller of Chicago went some months ago to San Francisco with her mother and there met a young man who eventually proved an Lawrence enterprising Lochlnvar Crltchell saw Miss Miller In and about town for nearly a week During this brief period he unconsciously — or to exact — subbe more psychologically of tbe became enamored consciously For some reason this did young lady not dawn upon him until she who had the unwonted tremors had Inspired Mrs George Miller and her gone daughter were bound for Chicago and New York en route for Paris Wbeij Miss Miller disappeared from bis sight for the first time realized Crltchell was lacking in his that something life Wireless the Last Resource He boarded the next train east and held up the special at a half dozen stations to send burning telegrams after the mother and daughter All his haste was of no avail for when he reached New York Miss Miller had There was already sailed for Europe It was too nothing left but wireless late to pursue her with a tug or anysort so of the that wireless had thing to serve His first message was rewith an answer warded Yes — she liked him but she was noncommittal A few more heated messages scorched was actbe ether and the proposal also by ’wireless She promcepted ised to return hy the next boat and she kept her word She arrived In New York the first week of the new year and of course as the best sellers have It they were Ineffably happy in their reunion They were married at the Chicago home In Prairie avenue with all dispatch and proceeded on thetr honeymoon according to the accepted conventions This of course is typically American for no one could conceive of such a thing happening abroad and It Is of necessity characteristic of this Not that our grandfathers would age not have wooed by wireless If they had had the facilities for of all things there Is nothing so InIngenious When automobiles genious as love the elopers first appeared were the nrst to prove the merits of the Innovation and father In his buggy was to feed upon left behind gasoline fumes and his own wrath Dut all that Is antiquated now Opportunity for Thrilling Romance are still in the hands of Aeroplanes demonstrators and experimentalists but certainly the day is not far distant when the outraged parent of an eloping daughter will rumble down upon the escaping couple In his eighty car only to see them rise horsepower before him and soar aloft as on a magic carpet What a thrilling Jules Verne romance enuld be written right now with the latest scientific devices as the nucleus to the plot Take this as a pattern romance Father objects to Reginald’s presence He Is forbidden to about the house call and Gwendolyn pines alone Is for a time frantic then Reginald and then an inspiration despondent GwenIs born of his despondency dolyn owns a phonograph Acting on the Inspiration Reginald Invests In an outfit and breathes passion into the tin horn after this fashion: “Darling Gwendo’yn do you recognize this voice? I know It is strange In your ears for sorrow has clouded my soul and the tones that were once merry which vibrated with the joy that I felt In life”— and so forth for of the record then the dramatic whisfollowing In hurried pers: “Gwennle dear be at your window Wednesday night at 9:30 and we’ll put one overNm the old man Slide out Into my six cylinder and we’ll beat It to my aero shed where the boys will have the biplane ready Mind Gwennle no for us you trunks” This Is not exactly amorous diction but under the pressure of excitement emotional the best lover will lapse Into the vernacular the Unsuspecting One Gwendolyn In the privacy of her Gwendolyn rooms to which she has retired to pine receives the record with the next from the dealer and after consignment playing a few ragtlmers and reproductions of Caruso and Melba she slips on tbe machine and record Reginald's faints at the first words just recovering In time to hear the elopement plans They elope Father pursues In his aeroplane They capture a parson and embark with him on a submarine and come to the surface just In time to see father’s specially chartered turbine liner bearing down upThe news of the wedding Is on them transmitted by wireless telephone and Is forthcoming by the forgiveness same medium whereupon they all return by transatlantic dirigible which happens to be passing Even this scheme of affairs— on which by the way no rights are preempted— falls to include a proposal by telepathy and a marriage over the There have actuwireless telephone by phonograph ally been proposals There is with strange complications one Instance on record where the obreceived the streperous parents canned message first ran It off on the and Intercepted all the phonograph There have been marriages plans over the telephone where the runIn such a away couple were besieged fashion that they could not reach a to tie the parson or magistrate knot so they just called one on the phone and had him read the service over the wire they making the and transferring the ring responses In the most approved fashion The mailtal bureau was a novelty In Its day a radical departure from the of wooing conventions proposing eloping and wedding but the telephone the wireless proposal and wedding the aeroplane flight In no wise conflict with the sacred forntulds of mating they simply use new Instruments to facilitate the most ancient and time honored ceremonies In the Time to Come Now for instance If a young man a century or so hence finds it Impossible to reach his beloved In the hour of his Inspiration he Is really commiconvention by tting no sin against transmitting his Immortal question through the medium of the Impalpable A ether proposal by telepathy If It be properly directed and not permitted to wander astray and settle upon the wrong recipient should be quite as proper and should be as impartialas a kneeling petition ly considered on the aforesaid parental rug What a boon this same telepathy will be to the separated lovers! The young woman sits In the parental homestead under a severe matronly eye Suddenly a message begins to A Very Demure Young Lady By LAWRENCE ALFRED CLAY more and yet a commonplace and effective medium for been discovered by the apple packing girls of the fruit growThe young woman who ing west slips red apples Into a crate wearies of the society In which she has been So she secretly ties tags to placed the stems of several handsome apples giving her name address and Intithat she would be delighted to mating hear from the recipient If the rel clpient should happen to be a male Now these buxom maids of the healthy and hearty west often make good wives and the lonely bachelor who eventually purchases the apples Is delighted with the prospect o( coming In touch with a pretty girl different from the staid and conventional maidens of his acquaintance He writes a breezy letter and receives a He cheery response and a picture packs a shirt and two collars Into his grip and starts west’ They meet blush giggle and talk through a meal A week or so later they start east together — the happy culmination of an Of course they do apple romance not all end this way Missives Go Wrong Unhappily many of these little missives fall Into the hands of the unavailable But romances have come from them and such affairs are not confined to apples but apples are the latest and the girls behind the apples if ail acneed little recommendation counts of the apple country are to be credited ' Ottumwa Iowa— "For years I was slmost a constant sufferer from female trouble in all its dreadful forms: shooting pains all over my body sick One might fight follow the truth upon the keys mind receptive this Is John I have a scheme for oui elopement etc etc" "All right John dear” says Mabel as she picks the lint off her father’s coat and hands him his hat "I think we can shut poor old dad’s eye this time" and the elopement Is executed or Interrupted according to the feasibility of John’s scheme most modern romance has By Lydia E PInkham’s Vegetable Compound in different the United States but Pinkham's ble Compound has than all the doctors I feel it my duty to tell you these facts My heart is full of gratitude to you for my cure"— Mrs Harriet E IV ampler 624 S Hansom Street Ottumwa Iowa Consider This Advice Ho woman should submit to a surgical operation which may mean death until she has given Lydia E Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound a fair trial This famous medicine made only from roots and herbs has for thirty years proved to be the most valuable tonic and invigorator of the female organism Women residing in almost every city and town in the United States bear willing testimony to the s wonderful virtue of Lydia E Vegetable Compound Mrs Plnkhara at Lynn Mass Invites all sick women to write her for advice Her advice is free confidential and always helpful rattle and Copyright lull by AuocwUd Lntrtry Prat It was a matter of wonder that such an ambitious aggressive mother as Mrs Kent should have such a deYes the mure daughter as Estelle mother was very aggressive and the daughter was very very demure That was an opposite other mothers could not help but remark At seventeen Miss Estelle was sent She might have preferred to Vassar another school but her mother said Vassar and that settled that Mrs Kent was a widow with an income none too large but she had plans and schemes far ahead and nineteen Miss Esknowledge acquiring She she had finished and of course had had vacations no had been there change in her de murenesa She was given three or four days In which to draw her breath after getting home for good and then her mother called her to her side and At eighteen telle was still but at twenty kiss" said: “Estelle you are now twenty years old” "Yes mamma" “You should be thinking of matri- mony” “1 am mamma” face and a “You have a handsome and you ought to good education marry well” “So I should mamma” the “But the trouble is” continued mother "that there are no eligible That is young men around here This is terribly plebeian compared none who could support you in the with the future wedding oi a girl in style you deserve” "Not one mamma” Chicago with an impatient lover in and “But there Is a gentleman after all Hongkong by wireless telephone —a such things as submarine elopements gentleman —a man In this age of special trains and scores of 'wealth who has been attracted to of gilded swains who can afford to you He has seen you on various ride in them a man can pick up his occasions during your vacations and beloved in one town a justice of the has become smitten He was here peace in the next and be married en the other day to ask the privilege of route before the pursuers have run calling on you” their automobile out of the shed A “Yes mamma” "And I granted it Estelle troubled mother may endeavor to rush you at her daughter away from London to least know of Mr Henderson — the owns the Golden who evade the aftentlons of a suitor who gentleman does not fit into the family ideals of a Brewery?" husband but hy taking a fast train “Yes mamma” “1 have heard It said that he is all tp Dover or Plymouth and running out on a lighter the energetic Lochln- of t years old and dyes his Those innuendoes var can get aboard and persuade one whiskers are alof the numerous pastors always to be ways thrown out against the rich founds on a trans Atlantic liner to per He is a (at man and baldbeaded but watchful the form the ceremony while Is congratulating herself on ’IfCtron her cleverness Results Discouraging to Others Everyone remembers that Lina was captured by cable but this must not be dwelt upon for the results of the Chanler wooing might be discouraging to those who contemplate a similar campaign upon the heart of a maiden far removed Lawrence Critchell’s success In his pursuit of Miss Leslie Miller is a more wholesome and in view of example this episode It would seem that there are really no obstacles to true love more Every gain In speed of any transmission and transportation Is a gain of Cupid Every obstacle overcome by science makes a breach for the clever and wily little Invader Now think what would happen If there Mr Crltchell had been no wireless would have had to wait for the next his pursuit tq boat and continued doubtless Parts There he would have found that the Millers had gone to Italy By the time thetr stopping In Italy place had been discovered they would have returned to America and whatever the optlmlstlo may have to say about absence and the fondness of the heart love In these days Isn’t He Just Splendid?” “Estelle of hurry and Impatience Is not as everlasting as It was In pastoral Aryou don’t think that counts against cadia him do you?” was the wholly wireless Perhaps “Of course not mamma” responsible for the success of a real “Fat can be reduced and bald beads romance — perhaps there would have Mr Henderson been one anyway but at least It saved covered with wigs may not be as well educated as some And then It demtime—enormously he’s a thorough business man I but love that refutation onstrated beyond you thought might be prejudiced is a god wide awake to advantages not so highly perched among the against him because he is a brewer” “Oh no mamma” depiists of Olympus that he cannot “Of course be doesn't rinse out the scend to use the man made deyJces without which the gods manage to get kegs and bottles and refill them nor does he drive one of his relations again own along somehow In their He stays in the oflSce and wagons if tradition Is worth anything Golf ertalnly you are in good luck as a er if you go to America at all for are gloriously hospitable In that in the writes Horace Hutchinson So far as I could see don Graphic idea that some have heie— that American notion of the object of ing a game Is purely to win it is perfectly to enjoy the never had the Impression taken e strongly anywhere of being in company of men who were playing game for pleasure not for the e sake of winning the match But true as I heard i it is certainly of their judges (I mean a legil e though he was a Judge of golf speech that say in an “the cleanest sport in America” Likes American The Safe Side lere Is a story of a peasant worn-- l a French church who was found ling before a marble group and warned by a priest that she was biplng the wrong figure— namely mind" she “Never zebub "It Is well enough to have Mnncure D ds on both sW his age no matter wig and looked what It was No he was not an educated man He was just a millionaire with a loving heart and when he made this announcement he laid his hand on bis right side as If his hear had moved over He had hired a chauffeur that day and could Invite mother and daughter to go out for The a spin with him on the next chauffeur was and would! After be a man to do credit to him bis call had lasted an hour and the brewer who didn’t rinse his own bot-ties had rendered himself as agrees able as he could he bowed himself! out and the mother turned to the1 daughter with: “Estelle Isn’t he Just splendid?" “He Is mamma" was tbe reply “Can you find anything to criticise?” “Not a thing mamma" “Then let me give you a motherly And Just one hour after that mothon her erly kiss had been Implanted demure cheek Miss Estelle was walking and talking with the brewer’s chauffeur in the reading room of the town library! about They talked something that both smiled and giggled over and the deceitful young whistled the air of a lady almost topical song as she made her way homeward The “spin” was taken next afternoon Truly It was a fine auto and looking truly It was a distinguished chauffeur The ladles occupied the tonneau and the brewer Bat beside tbe driver that he might show off his fat back and red neck Ten — twenty — thirty miles an hour and then a stop! The auto had gone dead That was the way with all new autOB the chauffeur said Tbe boberank got foul of the jlm crow or gome such thing and tbe matter was easily remedied All four Mrs persons got out Kent and Mr Henderson sauntered up the road a bit and Mlsa Estelle tbe demure Bauntered down while tbe chauffeur crawled under the machine to beg of the boberank to behave Itself "Ah but she's a sweet girl!" whispered tbe brewer in tbe ear of the widow “She surely is" "I quite flatter myself that she has taken a liking to me at first sight" -“It surely' looks that way” “You are my friend Have you spoken to her?” "Most certainly" In case she “Many many thanks on man makes me the happiest ' earth—" Both happened to glance down th$ road at this instant and both saw that the auto had disappeared They ran to the first turn In tbe highway —no auto! “Oh what can have happened!” exclaimed the widow "I know — I know!” shouted the brewer Nothing "They have eloped ailed that boberank It was a job He Is her lover!” “Oh no no no! It can’t be!” "But I say It Is! The demure little cat has made a fool of me! I sqe It all — I see It all! By thunder—" "Sir! Don’t you swear In my presence!” warned the widow “Yea she’s a cat and I believe you are either a scheming woman or— or—” "You fat vulgarian how dare you!” It was three miles back to a farmhouse where the widow could hire a conveyance to take her home That night at ten o’clock when the demure Estelle her brought husband back and Introduced him the widow almost hugged him as she exclaimed: “I’m glad of it! That keg washer of a brewer called me a dodo and my darling a — a cat!" Burned Out a Squirrel Family C H Brown of Malden kindled a fire In a parlor stove that had not been used before this winter and as a result a family of squirrels was burned out of their home and the fire made a hurried visit to department the Brown residence Near by there Is heavily wooded land where squirrels abound The squirrels’s nest cluded a bushel of sticks leaves and moss and the chimney was effectually blocked when Mr Brown attempted to start the fire While the Inmates of the house were wondering at the smoke that filled the rooms a passerby was surprised to find (lames shooting from the chimney and he rang an alarm No serious damage was occasioned and as no dead squirrels were found It is presumed that they escaped— Boston Transcript counts the cash “Yes mamma” was the same demure and dutiful reply will probably "Mr Henderson call within a day or two He has purchased a beautiful auto and as soon as he can find a chauffeur to run it we are to go for a ride I knew you would think as I do about this matter but still I want to praise you for you? good common sense” “Thanks mamma" Mrs Kent smiled with satisfaction She hugged herself In her complaShe believed the match as cency Within a radius of good as made ten miles of her were a hundred other mothers who could have told her that it was the demure young Part of the Role lady to have an eye on but the cau"Shall we pose as millionaires or tion would have done no good That as foreign dukes at the hotel?” same evening a letter was mailed to "As the latter my toy As milsomebody up the state which conlionaires we might be expected to tained the following sentence: of wealth display some evidences “Come at once and hire to him as But as dukes nobody can possibly You know how to run take It amiss If we a chauffeur skip” We'll plan the rest after an auto Doing Him Justice you get here" “He is was planning a litwhenever he Miss Demure It was "yes mamma” runs anyone down with his auto ho tle scheme and mamma thought a speeds up and leaves them” to everything he’s “That’s because old— girl twenty years bis heart to hear their Yes he was It breaks called Mr Henderson He wore a groans of pain” short and fat and pudgy |