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Show "il.Phillipr SKLF-KXAMINATION FOR MODERN AMERICANS 1 Have you been self-indulgent, cynical and pleasure-loving for so many years that you are not sure whether the national anthem is "The Star Spangled Banner" or "Roll Out the Barrel"? 2 Have you yet reached the point where you can s-rp the idea that your country is a grab bag, a raffle or a punchboard? 3 Can you examine your conscience con-science critically and deny that you have regarded life as a merry gamble gam-ble for so long that When anybody mentioni 1776 you instinctively yell "Bingo!"? 4 Have you permitted yourself to grow into a mood which made it easy to define a "minute man" as somebody who was too slow to put ever a fast one in 45 seconds? 5 Do you ever think of Lexington, Lexing-ton, Lincoln and Liberty as merely the names of automobiles? II 1 Does it shame you to discover that while you don't know the words of "The Star Spangled Banner" you can repeat the chorus of the latest suggestive comedy song hit? 2 Have you subscribed to the Idea that a man who works hard is a sucker and that anybody who is so interested in his job that he comes in at 7 and sometimes works after 6 p. m. should be reported to the NLRB? 3 Have you ever stopped to question ques-tion whether Molly Pitcher or Betsy Ross would have gotten much fame today if they had never been known around the night clubs? 4 Have you ever made any serious seri-ous protest at the polls against larcenous lar-cenous political machines, crooked politicians, fence straddlers, muddle-headed congressmen, cockeyed demagogues and professional gravy hunters? Ill 1 Has your general attitude toward corrupt politicians been, "Well, they all do it, don't they? He s a swell fellow personally." 2 Are you as well informed about the lives of John Davenport, Nathan Hale, Captain Prescott and the Green Mountain Boys as you are about the lives of Al Capone, Dutch Schultz, Tommy Manville and the Reno girls? 3 Can you love "thy rocks and rills, thy woods and templed hills" unless you're in a pleasure car with somebody footing the bills? 4 Is it your idea that you are doing your bit for your country when you pay the cigarette taxes, take off your hat to the flag and pay 60 cents to have the radio fixed so you can hear one-third of a patriotic pa-triotic appeal and two-thirds of Fibber Fib-ber McGee? IV 1 Can you read the careers of Washington, Jefferson, Jackson, John Paul Jones, Farragut, Perry and Ethan Allen without ever thinking, think-ing, "Who took care of the business when they were away?" 2 Have you ever read the Constitution Consti-tution with one-fiftieth as much interest in-terest as you always read a list of sweepstakes results? 3 Do you stiU thrill to a Sousa march or does it take something by Cole Porter to give you a real lift? 4 Could you ever be a minute man without first wanting to know what the pay was per hour? FIRE-HATING MAYOR 1 "I hate fires. In spite of what you have heard, I really hate to go to them." Mayor Fiorello LaGuar-dia LaGuar-dia of New York in the magazine "Look.") Oh, keep my helmet near my desk, And keep one near my bed A fire may break out and it's The sort of thing I dread. My boots, oh, see that they are near Wherever I may be; I hate to go to every blaze How it depresses me! That siren on my private car-Please car-Please see that it's in shape, For I must speed to fires though I wish I could escape. Whenever something's burning let Me know without delay. For I must rush straight to it though I'd rather stay away. NOT A LEG The DuPonts have abandoned the chum to exclusive rights to nvlon hosiery. Recent anti-trust decisions convinced them that they hadn't a leg to stand on. Three drinks make a man a dangerous dan-gerous auto driver, an instrument has demonstrated. That's an understatement. under-statement. Nine out of ten auto drivers are dangerous, wet, dry or medium. RECIPE FOR POETIC GREATNESS Work hard and study and get writers' writ-ers' cramp; Some day in whiskers you'll be on a stamp. Grace S. Stevens. ADD SLMILIES As neutral as a waiter delivering the dinner check. As neutral as someone else's face-powder face-powder on your husband's lapeL As neutral as a newsrecL As neutral as political caucus. , Gene King. |