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Show He Called on Business. have called In answer to your ad "I vertisement in this morning's paper," tsaid the ycjung man. what Quallflcatlons have "Well, .you?" "As you see, I am a mere boy. I have never had any experience in the world's affairs have not, in fact, been discharged anywhere to make room lor a younger man. No firm has ever enjoyed the fruits of my best years ft labor ana then dropped me in order to squeeze some other lemon dry. I have not worked for years and years acquiring a knowledge of this business to be told after having mastered it in all its details that I have ceased to possess sufficient vigor and enthusiasm to make it desirable to retain me. - It will probably take me at least fifteen years to find out as much about the affairs of this establishment as is known by the man whose place I am to nil. I come to you absolutely fresh, you see, and can be depended upon to make hundreds of mistakes that an experienced, worn out man of 35 or 40 would be able to avoid." -Excellent!" replied the head of the great firm. You are Just the persou we are looking for. Come now and I will introduce you to the people who are to be your subordinates. I want you to begin your duties here by discovering why it is that our dividends have not been satisfactory of late, in spite of the fact that we have been systematically introducing young blood In all our various departments and carefully weeding out the exhausted old men who have been with us for more than eleven years." Chicago , The Mikado's Pulse. The emperor la of a serious temperament He has no sense of humor, and shrinks from society, but Is fond ,ot work and shooting, and takes most ot his exercise at a rifle range within the which include 25 palace grounds, acres, surrounded by a well, and give a reasonable amount of room for his majesty to exercise in. lie has severil palaces in different parts of the country which he never visits, and game preserves where he 6hoots. He never takes a vacation, and his ministers eay that his habit of labor is incurable. Although the emperor Is in excellent health, be is always attended by physicians. There are four eminent medicnl to the Imperial gentlemen household, one of whom is within ca.l at all times, night and day. His majesty's pulse and temperature are takhours en four times every twenty-fou- r .doctors. two the of of in"the presence .Tie prince Imperial and bis baby son 3 are. subject to similar medical surveillance. He has two and they have two physicians always in attendance, and a log book is kept of their physical condition, like that of the mikado. Washington Star. . Love's Young Dream. They were Just a young couple beginning life in a pretty flat, and what they didn't know about housekeeping would have filled volumes. Being very much In love and of a domestic turn ot mind, they worked together like a parr of turtle doves. Tors my made the fire and set the table while Polly was get ting breakfast, and they washed up the pretty wedding china together. wakened at mid. One night Polly night and slipped stealthily into a kfnono. "S'dralh,, whispered Tommy, "Is It turslars ?" "No; answered Polly. "You know we were to have baked beans tomorrow and I forgot to put them la soak." Tommy murmured something about buy old Jay being good enough for beans, but Polly continued on ber way tn the kitchen. Soon Tommy heard a , BRITONS ON OUR STAGE. A Jewel of a Servant. The servant question,' as a rule, is dull, but Mrs. John Gerken, during a wearisome discuislon of it at tho re cent Bayshore horse show, enlivened it somewhat. . "Whenever I have trouble with 6er.-- , vants," Mrs. Gerken said. "I think en viously of a certain proressorof universal knowledge of whom I used to hear at school. This pretender established himself near the palace of au Oriental; prince. The prince sent for him. " 'So you claim,' said the potentate, 'to know all things, eh? Well, your claim must be made good. Come to me again tomorrow morning prepared to answer theso three questions: First, how many baskets of earth there axe in yonder mountain; second, how much 1 am worth; third, what am I thinking of at the time. Now go.' "The professor, immeasurably 'distressed, went home. All day he rolled on bis carpet in agony. Ho knew well that on the morrow he must die. "But his servant, a resourceful learned of his trouble and offered confidently to appear lu his master's place before the prince. " 'Have no fear,' said the servant. 'I will get out of the scrape with honor' "So, the next morning, the servant, muffling himself in the professor t robe, duly appeared at court. "The prince, taken in by the servant's dress, failed to perceive the deception that was bclug practiced on him. " 'Well,' ha said grimly, 'you me here, ch? Now tell me, first, bow many baskets of earth are iu yonder mountain?" " 'That.' said the servant, 'depends. If the baskets are large as the mountain, one will suffice to bold it; It half as large, two; if quarter, four, and so on.' " 'Good enough.' said the prince, after a moment's silent calculation. 'Good enough. Now, for the second! question. How much am I worth?' " "Sire. the servant answered, 'the King of heaven and earth was sold for thirty pieces of silver, t conclude that you arc worth about one piece.' "The prince, smiled. " 'The third question next,' he said. 'Of what am I thinking?' " 'You are thinking that the professor stands before you." said the servant, throwing back the crimson fold of cloth that hid hla face. 'But it- is only bis slave. Judge, sire, fro4n the slave's poor talents, the' transcendent genius of tli" master.' " 'Excellent. said the prince; In great humor. 'Here is a purse of gold fur yourself, and here is a Jewel of prlc-fo- r your lord. You shall both hav places of honor in my courL' " Philadelphia Bulletin. - English Plays and Players Almost at American Theaters. America is at present benefiting from an oxtraordiaay invasion of English actors. Mr. Charles Frohman alone has between three and four hundred playing under his management, and, altogether, not counting the complete Engliih companies making special tours, there must bo at least500 British players engaged In American theaters. Mr. Henry Arthur Jones' comedy, "Joseph Entangled," has recently produced in Sin Francisco with a cast in which there are only three American born actors. Many of the most famous American "stars" have crossed the Atlantic from this country. They include Mr. Richard Mansfield, most popular of American romantic actors; Mr. Wil liam Faversham, for a long time lead ing man at the Empire theater, New York; Mr. Frank Worthing; Miss Hil da Spong, daughter of the well known scenic artist; Miss Clssle Loftus, and Miss Mary Mannerlng. Against these there is a very small, number of American players settled permanently in England. Miss Fay Davis was here for some time, but unhappily, she has returned to her own country; and of the few Americans left to us Mrs. Brown Potter, Mr. Bllnn (the Napoleon of "The Duchess of Dantzlg"), and Mr. Frank Mills are the most conspicuous. English plays are acted all over the United States, and American royalties play a large part in the income of English dramatists. On the other hand, very few American plays succeed in England, and not many ever have Eng lish productions. Mr. Paul Potter, the American dramatist and author of "Trilby," recently deplored this fact to a New York interviewer. la tbo variety theaters the advantage goes to the Americans, English music hall eingers have not often made great tuccesses in America: while on the ether hand, the American Mr. R. O. Knowles Is one of the most conspicuous of London variety "stars" and almobt every music hall program includes one or more American "turns." London Express. Pro-domina-te Hoi-broo- , to.-lo- k ' QUAKER REFLECTIONS. - Many a man is pound foolish who isn'e even penny wise. Tho policeman who patrols a cemetery knows il about dead beats. has its v;;ngs, gut It Every st-- se lakes an angel to make them flutter. In the game of life lets of girls would rather win a diamond, than a Leart .The funniest thing about, many a comedian is the fact that he thinks Le's funny. It Is natui 1 (bat the musicians who rlay wind Instruments should come to blows. When a man is his own worst enemy ft is up to him to make friends with himself. No, Mau' dear; then Is no simia dinner coat and an betwit-larity Eaton Jacket. The girl who fishes tor a husband should know the difference, between a nibble and a bite. It was a landiome wedding, lad happy was tho brldo. The men all swore it was a bora. And all tho women crieJ. "Most cf us can only rto one thkig well," says the Manayunk Philosopher. "The man who is generally successful as a money maker is generally a dismal failure ha a spender." Philadelphia Record. Senator Bate, of Tennessee, Is a passionate lover of tobacco, yet the cigar thrlek. he carries Sn his mouth Is always ""I know it was he said. He explains It In this way. and. seizing his revolver, he hurried to During the war Senator (then Generhis wife's assistance. He stood in Hie al) T.ate was riding by the side of his middle of the kitchen, very pale, but brother In battle. He felt a longing firm, brandishing a lighted candle, like for a smoke coming on, he drew a Liberty enlightening the world. from his pockHavana fiavoored finely "What's the the trouble?" asked et. He scratched a match against the Tommy, making a big bluff. He wore saddle, and was just about to light a sheet wrapped around him like a the weed, wten a shell whizzed sudRoman toga, and one glimpse of him denly and the quick rush of air acwould have frightened a burglar to companying the shell put out tfre death. match. He was about to strike an"Oh, Tommy, what do you think f other, when, turning, he discovered bave done?" that the chell had made its mark, for &et fire to the flat?" hazarded Tom there lay tha dead body of his brother. To this da fcr has a sort of superstimi. ' Oh. not so bad as that; but, dea tion regarding lighted cigars, and this we can't have baked beans tomorrow." explains why he only indulges In a love?' not. "Why "dry" smoke. , "I forgot to get any beans." Chi cago Record Herald. It Js reported that the Japanese hare abandoned Slanchan, Siatnafsze You cannot make a woman believe f nd Meichoul'r, positions east of Liao .ha I a word to the wise Is sufficient. Yaai. d. r--o With Charity for All. the daughter of the governor of Wisconsin, goes on the stace this fall. A Madison wotnau aid of her the other day. "Miss La Follette has a ready and rather caustic wit "At a meeting that we held here for a charitable purpose, Miss La Follette was one of those who passed through the audience with plates for contribu tions. "A rich miser sat in a rear seat akTTT. and when Miss La Follette extended her plate to him. he said, grimly: 'I have nothing nothing.' The young girl knew the man ws wealthy, and with a little smile she said: Take something, then. This collection, you know, Is for the poor.' ' Baltimore Herald. Miss Lola La Follette. A Trying Moment. Hamlin Garland, the author, relates toe follow ing, which shows that some' limes a prophet doesn't get all the honor due him. even outside his own country: The author tat beside a schoolgirl on a train in Western New York. Clanc Ing at the book she was reading, he saw it was one of his own noveU Naturally, he was delighted, and with an ingratiating tmtle said: "I beg your pardon, miss, but do you like that book?'' "Oh, yes, sir. I like ifVery much, In deed!" she replied. "Is there any particular reason why you should like It?" asked Mr. Gar land. "Well, I find It 13 a sp'.endld book to read because there are so many pages I can skip." Thea the novelist put on his think Ing tap and gazed thoughtfully out o the window. , A school for talesmen has opened recsntly in Chicago. been STRENUOUS SPORT. ... I ; . ' A Man's Way. that i, It so Water. your children are quarrelsome and ,' fretful,' They are miaunderateoa ana , is no wonder, Malays 'Who Toboggan Down a 'fall lata a. Pool. One cf .thedltemsqo, the programme of .the govnftor vis.it to the Federated Malay state is that of "menaggclun- chor,"'or a water'slidlng game, says the Malaya Times. This is a toboggan ing game which is peculiar to Malays of Perak and la known to b of ancient origin. The game is arranged as fol Mrs.-iiarty- - , unappreciated, "Like me, they .crevve sympathy and intelligent understanding, and they don't get it I have no patience wtthi people wha .orar theircaildren about all th6 time, as if they were dogs. You should come down to their level, find out what it is they enjoy and enjoy it with them. That will delight them, and you will flrtd that It is a source of pleasure to you. i It will make you . less irritable and better able to know how I feci when come home all worn out with a tremendous day's labor and ask for a little wifely sympathy. Oh. 'now you won't do it. You think it la beneath your dignity to play blind man's buff or hide and seek. Well, it's not beneath mine, and I'll very soon show you. Come here, children; papa is going to play with you. Won't that be splendid? Why. Wiiiie, you impudent llttlo whiffet, you ought to be giad to have your papa play with you. You want me to play with you. don't you, Esmeralda? And you. Marjorle, too. Well, come on. We'll play hide and sesk and leave Willie out. Oh, you want to play now, do you, Willie? All right. Come ahead. Wall . lows: A party.iof the Rajahs .and chiefs having decided to indulge in this form of amusement, warn their followers of their Intentions. As it U a game which abounds with much merriment and fun, several hundreds of men, women and children soon busy themselves tn making preparations for the picnic, which is usually part ot the pro gramme. A spur of hills from where leaps a waterfall 'and at the base ct which is a pool is then selected. On -- 1 1 the day appointed, all Instructed overnight wend their way toward the foot pf the hills. After climbing up the which they can accom great rock-omodate themselves comfortably, a halt is made. Fires are then made and the business of cooking started by the wo men folk. The game of menggelunchor then commences. It Is to slide, and the game U.:,to t"toboggaq" down the waterfall Into the pool below. Little boys first do the sliding.' They go to the top cf the fall, sit down on' one of the cascades with feet straight out in front cf them and with a hand on either side to support themselves, they glide down the hundred odd feet of height to the vailov below. They follow each other incessantly, those behind coming cn the top of those who have reached the base. The men, and lastly the women, then join the sliders, and the frolicsome game soon becomes as fast end exciting as on a switchback railway Occasionally a slider slips himself and loses his balance. The tun then com mences The frantic attempts by the awkward slider to grasp hold of something, bis tumbling and bumping as be ocscends. and final plunge ir.to the pool Is a fcjght which will provoke laughter from the gravest of judges. The exercise Is continued till about 1 o'clock In the afternoon, by which time everyone is tired, and a hungry crowi does lustiie tb the meal. After an hour spent tn gossip and 'smoking, the picnic is at an end and the pleasure seekers return to their homes. The noveAy anda charm ot the exer- cise is that there are so few casualties Id the game. Beyond a few scratches and bruises; the sliders seldom get the least hurt. Most of the sliders are, of course, trained men and used to the game. Sometimes' the tough flowei sheaths of the 'Pinang and Nlbong palms, called by the natives "Upeb." are used to help them in the eliding, but they are generally done away with, physical pain being a thing that excites little or no sympathy from mcst Maays. In fact. It is the marvelous pluck and endurance of the toboggan-Istthat ie:.d an Interest to tha gime of meng gelunchor. all play. No, you would rather play blind nun's buff, Esmeralda. You'll play hide and seek, tell you, or .you go to bed. Now. all you children hide, and I'll find you. ' No, I shall not hide. Lools here, it a Elngle one ot you dares to interfere with me again in the way I 1 have planned this game, I'll spank htm or her so quick that it will be surpris- ing. Go on, now, all of you, and hide, and not another word out of airy of you. Are you ready? Well, get ready mighty quick. I'm not going te staaoj here like an idiot with my eyas shut all night Now, I'm coming to find you. Earner alda, put your toot behind that chair. Do you want me to find you the very first second? Willie, stop that giggling That's no way to play a game. You must enter into the spirit ot .it like papa does. That's the only way yoa can get any real amusement out ot itj Aiarjone. it you aon Keep suu i a send you straight to your room. Now stop that sniveling! Stop it I say! There, Willie, I've found you. Why. what did you leave this placo, for, you little scamp? That's not in' the rules of the game. Come here and let me find you. You must think that papa has nothing to do but play this in; beetle game all the rest of (he even ing. Now, It's my turn to hide, ia It? Well, I shall r. i i0 it I am not going to clamb.r under a couch just to amuse a lot cf graceless and ungrateful child' ten. Go to bed, the whole outfit of you, hear one of you say he didn't ctjoy this game, I'll put him on bread and water. There, Mrs. Martyr. You see how eatlly that was done. I venture to say Doc ;d the Constables. that you'd be more popular with your Jersey g le wardens and constables children If you'd play with them like are keeping a sharp watch for persons tffat occe In a while. Philadelphia who attetnj . to take game out of the Bulletin. Hate contrary to the game laws. The shooters Item the Pennsylvania side ct Easy Test for Diamonds. In tddltlon to the process of subject the Delawaie ire equally Industrious in evading tnelr vigilance. One gunner leg the suspected stone to the action ot was luccetsful yesterday in bringing the rays of tn arc lamp, there are various effective methods ot testing tha Ms fame across, detpite the watchful Less ct two ccii'.ables cn the lookout genuineness of diamonds. Cover the stone with a little borat fcr their shares cf the fines. The1 shooter walked onto the ferry paete. beating Itln the Came of a lamp boat, carrying fc'.s gun and leading a burning spirits cf wine, and thea throw The constables it In a glass of cold water. If the stone couple vt retrievers. they crowded is sn Imitation It will break Into a eyed him sharply; against him as be pasted dowa the thousand pieces, while the true diamond will remain Intact F angway, ici could tot detect any On a diamond which has been weK thing to Justify tench. He took a scat id the men s cable until the boat cleaned and carefully dried let fall oca was well out tn the stream. Then he drop of water. Touch this drop ot walked ever into the women's cabin. water with the point of a needle; If the and eatlng himself by the side of a stone is false the water will spread or tyllib1y-dresewoman, who bad a disperse, while with the real stone the large dress ..alt case at her feet, said: drop of water will retain its spherical "Well, they didn't get us this tine. form. Have you the birds all right?" Throw the stone you wish to "de"Sure." was the reply, "ani tkey fil tect" into a glass of water. A diamond the case pretty full. I could hardly get Is perfectly distinct, whereas the Imithem all in." tation mingles with the hue of the She was the gunner's wife and bad water in such a way is to be almost Inmet him by appointment on tho Cam visible. Fluorhydric acid has no noden side to bring the gam home std tion on a real diamond, tut di?olves Tlol the wardens. Philadelphia Preta Imitations. The test of making an ink-don paper, and looking at It through The Japanese Alpine Club, which a magnifying glass with the stone one. The JewIs she oldest in the world. Is also a re between U also a go a ascents Circular eler's Weekly. ligious so;i.ny, and the compllshed by the members are pre Mine. Zola has presented hevhn-band'- s luded by a prayer which runs: "Ma our heart be pure, and may the weath manuscripts to the NaUwal er on th9 honorable peak be flna." 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