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Show TO Ct'EE A COLD IN ONE DAT, Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. AU tiruggKts refund the money if it fans to cure. 5c K. W. Grove's signature on each box. OUR BUDGET OF FUN. SOME The British militia ballot act makes every unmarried man between 18 and 30 years of age liable to serve for five years. GOOD JOKES, ORIOINAL AND SELECTED. A Variety of Quips Gibes and Ironies, to Cange a Smile Flotsam and Jetsam from Hi. Tide of Hanot Witty Savings. drum makes the loudest noise the biggest advertise- i ment often covers worthlessness. , Isaac Brock, a citizen of McLennan county, 'lexas, has UeJ fit years. He now lives t ich his at Valley Mills, Texas. In speaking of his good health and extreme old age, Mr. Brock sas: Tlie 1'ashful Man. be short or tall, I.lthe, plump, blonde or brunette. If only she will loe rue, that Is all 1 11 ask, dear gals and yet With thise concession-- , promised In advance. And this, that I 11 be good, AH womankind still 1. oks at me askance In my lone bachelorhood I Wonder wh I'd Rue to ask, but O! My courage oozes out, M heart beats fast, I squtrm and puff and blow. When nRe gills are about. My feet dre pious, so I cannot waltzi I'm not a man for style; I try to talk, my voice sounds harsh and false; I suffer much from bile It really makes me sad. I tire of life I was not born to roam I'd give most al! I've got to have a wife. A living plane a home. But, hang it all! my nerve is out of joint. My head is in a whirl; Somehow I cannot work round to the point Of popping to a gill. Philadelphia North American.' son-in-la- tare not wlv'thtr she I What a lot of trash is sold as cough cures. The hollow Tells How He Escaped the Terrors of hi any Winters by Using Peruna. "After a man has lived in the world ns long as I have, he ought to have found cut a great many things by experience . One of the things have found out to my entire satisfaction is the proper remedy for ailments that are due directly to the effects of the climate. During my long life I have known a great many remedies fer coughs, colds, catarrh and diarrhoea. had always supposed these affections to be different diseases, but in reading Dr. Hartman s books I have found cut that these affections are the same and that they are properly called ca, An Kye to Business. Sixty years' of tarrh. had several long sieges with , the grip. At first did not know that Peruna was a remedy for this disease. When I heard that la cures and such testi- mony as the. following have taught us what Ayers Cherry Pectoral will do. grippe was epidemic catarrh, I tried Peruna for la grippe and found it to be just the thing. I had a most stubborn cough for many years. It deprived me of sleep and made me lose flesh rapidly. I was treated by many eminent physicians, but could get no permanent relief. I then tried Ayers Cherry Pectoral, and I began to get better at once. I now sleep well, my old flesh is back, and I enjoy myself in every way R. N. at the age of seventy-four- . Mann, Fall Mills, Tenn., Feb. 7, 1899. Its the cough medicine. a 25-ce- Try bottle. nt niLLIONS acres of choice agricultural LANDS row opened for settlement in Western Canada. Here is crown the ce1 1 MILLIOil DOLLAR,0 on Most talked of potato earth ! Our atalog tells so also about 8al-zer- a Larllest Sir Weeks' Potato, largest farm and vegetable seed growersln U.S. Potatoes.fi. 20 and this notice and 6c. upabbl. Send OatBloR. a.atnp for Dig 5 into JOHN A.SALZER SEED (HA CROSStwiS SI cj ijfw6)1.with t pmokrd , Collector I cant keep coming here '' every day after this bill. a room tor I'll rent' you Landlady ten dollars a week. , , Impressed on HU Memory. You dont know wot youre talkin about, said Tuffold Knutt, as the two wayfarers came to the forks of the Yeres where we turn to the road. left. "How do you know so blame much about it? sulkily inquired Goodman Gonrong. Id ort to know, rejoined Tuffold I was rode on a rail all over Knutt. this neighborhood wunst abeut fifteen yfears ago. Chicago Tribune. Both Satisfied. Papa, if you will not buy me that diamond ring I will run away with the coachman. My dearest child, let me embraco you. am to get the ring, then? Heaven forbid. You get the coachman. I have owed him his wages for New York World. eight months. I "Sir, said the irate individual with a wicked eye, as he entered the editorial sanctum of a rural weekly, "I am told you called me a loafer in your last issue. reYou have been misinformed, We print plied the editor, calmly. Chicago only the very latest news. News. hours in a KRAUhERS LIQUID EXTRACT OF SVOKE. Made from hickory wood. Cheaper, rhaner, sweeter, and but t than the old way Seid for circular ' L. JL.iaLVLfciL.it u A Mean Advantage. - Bi!)., illituu. Pa SrSHEFmES.and wwhi I Mniba Tour Write us tor market reports sheep oondgumenrs aoPo.tf d bv kxoui i booth, the only Exciushe hheep Coramlsslou Company at the best neap market lu tile wot id. Kansas city btoi k aiut. filS AX xl k sil'X. old. PILES ITCH I No Piles prodin e moisture and caue itching. This form, aa well ae Blind, Bleeding or Protruding Piles are cured by Dr. Bosankos Pile Remedy 6oc a Stox itching and bleeding. Absorbs tumors. mail. Treatise free. Write Jar at druggists or sentDU.by BUSAN me about your case. KO, Philada., Pa. YOUSSGPJlESl! If you have money to waste try all the Cures you may know or hear of, if you wih to run the chance of fr ding a stricture buy the inactions which are sjd to cure In 2 to A days(f) But if vou want a remedy which is afisolutcly safe and which never fans to cure unnatural ii hargeg, no mutter how serious or of how long standing the case may be, get "PABST'S OKAY SPECIFIC No case Known it has ever failed to Cure. Nothing like It, Results astonish the doctors, druggists and aj wh oliave occasion to ue It. t an be taken without tnconvHnlenoordetentiuifmmbusiucss. Price, $3 00. all reliable druggists, or suit prepaid by Lx Frsaleby presh, pla.nly wrapped, on receipt of price by PABST CHEMICAL CO. t Ouvulai mailed on royurst. Very voluble man (to invalid ditto) Ah, dear boy! I heard you had quite lost your voice, so I just took the opportunity of looking in to have a chat Punch. Hix. faith in homeopathy, doesnt he? Dix Never saw anything to equal It. Why last summer when he had an attack of hay fever he married a grasa widow. Chicago News. mcAviO. Iix. siEsnasEEcSi j WHfcKfc ALL ELSE FAILS? Best Cough byrup. Tastes Good. in time. Hold bv druggists. Use ISiaUMAX W. N. U.. Salt Lake-N- o. a 1900, of 110 extreme old age to this remedy. at age Brown Robinson claims that he could have cut me out and married you himself if he had wanted to. His wife Why didnt he do it, then? Brown He owed me a grudge. truly yours. Very years. Believes the greatest of the for catarrhal age remedy Pe-ru-- na Fora tree book on catarrh, address The Peruna Medicine Co., Columbus, Ohio. diseases. English Idea of Happiness. Two little London girls who had been sent by the kindness of the vicars wife to have "a happy day in the Tiling He Liked. Th From Judge. My western friend, the colonel, having seen the illuminated portion of New York, and done full homage to the liquid deiights of Broadway, proposed to see Central Park. After an unqualified approval of McGotavern and the casino he wans pass wandered about, gazing at the collection of effigies which mar the landscape and listening in a bored fashion to my halting explanations; but when we hove in sight of the memorial to a great South American liberator his eyes visibly brightened and he viewed the rampant group with And that, said I, is the mouth. statue of Bolivar the Venezuelan. So? he replied. Stampin fine horse, that. Who in thunder's the jockey? country, narrating tlielr experiences 0. yes, mum, on their return, said: we did ave a appy day. We see two pigs killed and a gentleman burled. Stray Stories. The Proper Method You know when Mabel rejected me last week I told you my troubles and you promised to help me. Well, she accepted me last night. Am I to thank you for interceding for me? Cousin Belle Not exactly, dear boy. I simply intimated to Mabel that I was after you myself. Jack wide-open- Catarrh Cannot Be Cared K ft tie Alien' Foot-Eas- e. rj? fISB The Best Saddle Coat. Ji . Is (leiU I only by in. Baker ( o. Ltd.. Ilor. holer, Tb(4Dev,earUt 3 Corn j Take the C. C. C. Line to Certain Relief Without a Grip or Gric- e- Fare 10c Get Passage at Any Drue Store to-da- y. General Torres, . an forces commanding- the against the Yaqui Indians, has been killed. A Tex will reroio vieMlng ib fr In can beat rbai Open-t- o if'ty; cra fltviji ft Mintirota 4r0lu Br !GBO I BOATS yields 2 rm ft - acre, and jo 1899, It at WU i, - Uoniteeorn EARED '"Vu. the Public. It is reported iL. ! Maas. NO MORE GRIPS! j - F-- irr '"- -t lUVVi'l A dispatch from Cairo says that a rebellion has occurred among the Soudanese troops at Khartoum. New Line Now trj V cup. Mftde b a'tcr V & i' 40 Brrakfast Cocoa Eak.r's le.H thau on cea ft I G s i pr I IILTZ Greatest grain I r, ih iso! of tbt lit. tRtMJ Wonderful1 di lil bin ia U'K 35c. A 1 V rub, green feed for cattle, iwme poultry, etc , at 25e. ton W gi tune tcithi of Lht U lEpp, a Ha? e et 1 used in tbe U. 8 I? KOMI 8 mUMI'S Gratfvt gras on cartu. broirtt ptri lion in Amerl every wher. Salzer warrants u I TflF MILLION POLLAB put fit la tba most talked or po tsto on earth and Salter hli eela; both win make job rich, arf nt grower of Potatoes and Farm Reeda in the world. j VEGETABLE SEEDS artTKl, choicest Hat in (J 8 Onion Seed, ftOe. lb. Everything warranted to grow. S5 pkga ear liesl vegetable!, postpaid, fl 00. FOR lOe. STAMPS and tbit nolle, wo mail great Reed I I I Catalog and lOpkga Farm Send Noveltioa. Vi Catalog a'ona 6o. poatage. .woo . Expensive. SUCKER j e. What did papa say? He He said hed be delighted to have me for a only he couldnt afford it 4ft. Keeps both rider and saddle perfectly dry In the hardest storms. Substitutes will disappoint Ask for i3q? Fish Brand Pommel Slicker It is entirely new. If lot for sale In your tuwn, write for catalogue to A. J. TOWFR Boston, Mass. 213,000 powdtr. Year feet feel uncomNo more grips Russidn or any other fortable, nervous, and often cold and damp. If you have sweating, sore feet kind. That is the verdict of the traveling pubor tight shoes, try Allens lic who have grown tired after years of Sold by all druggists and shoe stores, experience with the grips and gripes of and liquid puigatives. 25 cents. Sample sent free. Address pillTo form open the bowels naturally, easily, Allen S. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. Y. without disagreeable feelings or results, has been the problem before modern science, which has been solved In Cascarets of Engines. lou? Journey Candy Cathartic. Cascarets are the Ideal laxative, harmA good railway engine will travel less, purely vegetable, mild yet positive. miles before it wears They make the liver lively, prevent sour about 1,000,000 stomach, purify the blood, regulate the out bowels perfectly. They cure constipation. We want you to A WEEK TO AGENTS $25 believe this, as it Is the truth, backed by PeTUnff our new LA MP. AGasPbint. Brighter than electricity or ei a h citv ga. guarantee. If Cascarets do beaper than an absolute not cure any case of constipation, purkeroaene, 100 CHndle light. out a day. lolished brass. Ful'y guaranteed ne.ail chase money will be refunded. 0. Big money maker. Live agents wauled eenwhere. standard Go buy anti try Casi arets Its Gas Lamp Co. 110 Mkfc g in m.. Chit ago. what thev do, not what we say they do, that proves thtr merit. All druggists, 10c, 23c, or 50c, or mailed for price. Send for The Halter She Wanted. sample. Address SterNew Wife I wish to get some but- booklet and free ling Remedy Co., Chicago; Montreal, Roll butter Newr or Dealer York. maam? Can.; ter, please. tabThis is CASCARET the New Wife No! We wish to eat it on let. Every tablet of the only biscuits. Chicago News. genuine Cascarets hears the Look magic letters C O C. the tablet before you buy, at I doctor said would My die, but Piso's and beware of frauds, imitaCure for Consumption cured me. Amos tions and substitutes. Kslner, Cherry Valley, 111., N'ov. 23, 05. She rr The British in a few days will have men in South Africa. with LOCAL APPLICATIONS, as they cannot reach the seat of the disease. Catarrh is a blood or constitutional disease, and in order to cure it you must take internal remedies. Hall s Catarrh Cure is taken internally, and acts directlv en the blood and mucous surfaces. Hall s Catarrh Cure Is not a qhaek medicine. It was proscribed by one of the best phvsieians in this country for years, and is a regular prescription. It is composed of the best tonics known, combined with the best blood punhers, mucous surfaces. The acting directly on the perfect combination of the two ingredients is h wonderful results in curing stir what produces Catarrh Send for testimonials, free. F J CHENEY A CO Props., Toledo, O. Sold bv druvgis,s price 75c Hall s Family Pills are the best President McKinley will replace the military government of the Philippines by aeivil administi ation. without wait- ing for action by congress. v w ed C His Wondrous Faith. Weeks seems to have a lot of How He Got Keen. DUHfcS a. Witness in a land suit - Foot-Eas- FOB Pe-ru-n- been my standby for many years, and I attribute my good health and the grippe - A i CURE with .. In Winter washdav article Agent for P? IHi A FJ Su. nfgieu merit. 1'ree ample for I OH MASK PAW, Ortur Rapid,, la. the asking. SHAY! n, SUFIE Always conquered Pe-rv-- na ! is made to give satisfaction nnd it does. Have vou used it? rtla T Born before United States was formed. Saw 22 Presidents elected. has protected him from all sudden changes. . Veteran of four wars. .. ..Shod a horse when 99 years . nn aitiiar Pe-ru-n-a, , Says: Adding Fuel to the Flames. C As for Dr. Hartman's remedy, I have found it to be the best, if not the only, reliable remedy for these affections. It has torn in Buncombe Co., North Carolina, March 1, 1788, I attribute my extreme old age to the use of J'e una Mr. Isaac Brock, of HARD lebrated NO. WHEAT, whicn brings, the highest price m the are of cattle thousands of markets the world, fattened for market without being fe grain, and without a day's shelter. Send for Information and secure a free home In Western Canada. Write the Superintendent of Immigration, Ottawa. oraddress the undersigned, who will mail you atlases, pamphlets, etc., free of cost. C J. Broughton, 1223 Monadnock Block. Chicago. I1L w ' John ASalzerSeed Co. LA CROSSE WIS. IftOroTiiotor Ataxia ron qiiered at last. Doctor! PU7Z led Specialists amazed at recovery of perfects f bought mciirab e hy I K. C II A FAS B LOO I ANON h it V K I OOI. M rite me ahmt vmircase. Advice and proof of cures ?KLE. I)R.ULiSfc,224 N.ioth St., PIlILAl'H PUUfPA FEVER and COLD in th Y positively relieved and CURED by this wonderfully cleansing antiseptic and Hauling S pecific. Price 33 and 50 eta. CATARRH-HA- HEAD to Hats ell Drag ft o at four drmziAW sxS Oolo. Vaan Agaata, IXnT.r, Co, |