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Show WWeW ew TROLLEy GfiRS ?M) PILLS. A pleasant conversationalist. On the groundd floor of her residence she conducts a candy store. xWhen our reporter visited her stoics, she in response to a question told him a very interesting story. Until about two months ago she began, I enjoyed the very best of health and could work night and day if necessary. Suddenly, and without any apparent cause, I began to suffer from intense pains in my head, in my limbs and temples. Almost distracted with this seemingly never endcure, prescriping pain, I tried cure after tion after prescription and almost a gallon f medicine of all kinds. Nothing did me a.ny good. In fact I became worse. The knuckles of my hands soon became cramped and the pain in my hips became more and more distressing each day. Business in the store had to be attended to, however, and o I was obliged, suffering as I was, to keep more or less on my feet and occasionally I was forced to go out. This was the ordeal I dreaded. Each time I went out I trembled when I came neanthe car tracks, for my pain at times was so severe that I was obliged to stand perfectly still no matter where I was. On one occasion I was seized this way while I was crossing the tracks on Market Street and there I stood perfectly a rigid, unable to move hand or foot while trolley car came thundering along. Forit was stopped before it struck me tunately but the dread of it all lasted as long as my I never knew when crossing the fiain, forwhether I would not drop to the ground in my agony and be crushed to death, , My anxiety to get well grew apace and I had about given up in despair when I saw in the Evening News one day, an advertisement of Dr. Williams Pink Pills. Here was something I hadnt tried before and I lost no time in getting to the nearest for a drugofstore. There I paid fiftycents box these truly wonderful, health restore lng pills. Before I had finished taking; half of the piU3 I began to feel relieved the pains in my hips gradually disappeared asand lor the first time in many days I felt if there was some hope. I continued to take the pills and the mere I took, the better I felt. I finished one box, got another and now, having taken only a few of the second fifty cents worth, I am free from all painI and as happy as th day is long. Since began to take Dr. Williams Pink Pills I have gained thirty pounds and now when I cross the car tracks I dont care if there is a dozen vehicles nearby. It is a great relief, I assure you, and suffering humanity has a never failing frieud in Dr. Williams Pink Pills for Pale People. I know what I am talking about. I speak from experience Dr. Williams Pink Pills contain, in a condensed form, all the elements necessary to give new life and richness to the blood and restore shattered nerves. They are also a specific for troubles peculiar to f am ales, such as suppressions, irregularities and all forms of weakness. In men they effect a radical cure in all cases arising frem mental worry, overwork or excesses of whatever nature. Pink Pills are sold in boxes at 50 cents a box or six boxes for and may be had of all druggists, or direct by mail from Dr. Williams Med. Co., Schenectady, well-ordere- ( $2-50- , N, Y. 'iwimiiiiiMl'iMiT'rffn wire lmtleii in, with a glut m,h on CAN LAUGH. her face. She intended tu give him a DUKE U TIClvLEIiS. - - ffu -: d-W- .- numerous that necessary to seof this purport within, the last j I treated with asLanguid tires restored to health and Igor. Tires blown up without pain. Wind free We understand the anatomy, physiology and hygiene of wheels and give homeopathic r allopathic treatment as individual cases Sure cure guaranteed. require. Testimonials: My wheel had three ribs fractured and you cured it in one treatment. My tires were suffering with a case of acute aneurism, which had been pronounced fatal by other bicycle doctors, but you cured the disorder and I did not lose a day of my tour. I was troubled with varicose tires, involving frequent ruptures. You cured me. Thousands of testimonials like (the above sent on application. Tid-Biti j s. One on the Teacher. A certain schoolmaster occasionally compares the achievements of his pupils with the work of noted men in their boyhood scholars disadvantage. days, much to the Now, John, have you solved the problem? asked the teacher the other day. No, sir, replied the boy, I cant." How old are you, John? Sixteen, was the answer. SixSixteen! repeated the instructor. teen and cant solve a simple problem like that! Why, sir, at your age George Washington was surveying the estate of Lord Fairfax. The pupil looked thoughtful but made no reply. After the class was dismissed a classmate inquired of , him if Washington ever did anything else remarkable when he was 16. I dont know, responded the hoy. Ha was a surveyor when be was as oil as I am, and when he was as old as our teacher he was president of the United States. Philadelphia Call. , A Child Enjoys The pleasant , flavor, gentle action and soothing effects of Syrup of Figs, when in need of a laxative, and if the father or mother "be costive or bilious, the most gratifying results follow its use; so that it is the best family remedy known, and every family should have a bottle on hand. all upYx Porter Yes, sir. Proprietor And notified No. 571 that his train goes out at 3? Porter Yes, sir. Proprietor Then its time for you to run down to the beach, discover the sea serpent and be back in time to take care of the baggage from the 5:30 train. Chicago Record. ! 1 , Need of Help Tlien. gasped a boy who ran up to a policeman; there is an awful fight going on in our strpptf Whos fighting? My father and another man. How long have they been at it? Oh, half an hour. But why didnt you come and tell me about it before? Why, because dad was getting the best of it all along up to ten minutes ago. Oh, do come and help! ' " Man Behind I may not be able toe ee de view, but I doan mine a little ting ilaik dat. Judge. w- cable car. Teacher Say, Not Uidy p Tlis! ITovrs T7e offer 0$e Hundred Hollars reward for any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHUNKY & CO., Toledo, O. YvTe, the undersigned,15 have known F. J. Choooy for the last years, and believe hirn perfectly honorable In all business transactions, and financially able to carry out any obligations made by their firm. WADDING, KINNAN & MARVIN, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, Ohio. Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. Testimonials sent free. Fiice. 75c iwr bottle. Ft Id by all druggists. Halls Family Pills, 5c. Wh a a paper Is started in this section of the country it is reported as ai.otL.er yarn r will in full operation. A Remarls able Offer. s cf The Youths rompanion r i u e a rtimrkable o for to the mule jn r L is of Los piper. New suhss nbers who u j v, I at once their name and adorer .1.7 Mill rot rivo fine a luntLOTe four-K- n (a tr, is JO ii., lithoraprid in inn tail j re e GO cents, Tne Youths i n 'c to Jrn. 1, is, J, i. fru tvrv C:Ai-ms and New Years ' N i and 'j he Youths Conv w u i fu'l yt ir, to Jnt. 3. 107. ri he 1 A Uts (JtL p Hilda, ll'O Oolur.1 l T; o r niifi-Lor-- 1 1 1 ) vn lii L ''.a 1 ' Av ii , O ej. p i-- . ti It . t! ir hu u 3 t1 ir cm 1A A-n Le mc-p- . 3 , No-n-n- Preacher. Ive heard your preacher half a said the boy who was a You people pay stick. whittling him three thousand dollars a year. He aint a bit bettern Our" preacher, and all we pay ourn is nine hundred dollars. Yes; but our preacher says eyetlier and nyther arid youra dont, replied the boy who was sharpening his knife on his shoe. Chicago Tribune. dozen times, 'A - ft "v f i NT Used Exclusively. In a school the other day a class of little girls was asked by their teacher to write a short composition on the North Pole. Many 'of the statements made by the young writers were highly amusing. The one that provoked the broadest smile on the part of the schoolmistress was contained in a very precocious dissertation by a little miss which ran as follows: The Arctic regions are used exclusively for exploring purposes. Got Even, Wool On the excursion yesterday Mrs. Enpec fell overboard; in an instant a man stripped off his clothing, dove in and rescued her. Van Pelt What did Enpec do for him? Wool Reported him for nude bathing. i i How They Solved the Trowhle. Smith and his wife quarreled right along from the time they were engag- ed until thov got married. And then? They got a divorce. Chios dine with me man to a friend. miPt decline. Im d An Orthodox Criticism The parson was bending over hard at, work on ais next days sermon. Pre: L lJL tly his youn to-m- Yt. fd. was the unblo I hb i with you." Il i , ' - r.owh m unlc u r your loo L i an i wr 3 I 3 1 rirh, rc t 3 r 4 ter r r' v'C.NC.i, f 0 f- - 1 Is the One True Blood IT:, Prominently in the 1uLL J 3 (ureanilfcr, Hoods Pills er a ncF3. Lea: acL Denver Directory, ACIIIKIsr good-lookin- g, ii 1,1 of 3UIMM2, Ivepulrt efce. UUierjr, t Odrn l.y i, Tips Not A XielfeLt tievaeors. om u I I Rui c y 2 ir.lERICA!! HOUSE nanl. Fruit IilL positively ler l.t-naui- u et., Denver, Colo. r-- n r fr nn I - c- . 1 profile RAVI I Horn whatever io IT lrretjulantie, Cali or AdJre-- s (1 VV I M tlIO ALcanto; On j n r , Lady Altai) t ,nt. i. E. E. BURLINGAMES ASSAY F FI Cl O Ana Chemical Laboratory, lHtdbnhti Ihbi. JI3 WELERS AND IHOTOaitAIiL aeod your sweeps and waste contaiLU.v I and Giver for treatment. lTou.pt ri and highest cash price paid forgot salt' ter bullion. Addic&s lh.'J and IDs iN fence btreet. Denver. Colorado. ", -. EVERY GIRL WANTS A FELLC 7 Ve use nnihmqt to look nice and clean ul Z soap and water; gives a liner f.nNh, muig ri hie, bolds to shape better and stars ( p ri . Much Longer when we wah them. h fellow? Oh I No! Bis shirts, cu2s ard h. a sen it j Young Tcllows, club tithe and v. e payer- worth of laundry at one together; if within 1 ,0i2 n charges both wavs, Denver prices Arnts vac, charge you only in all outside towns. Write for yrW particulars. Queen CKj Laundry, 1243-5- 3 Curt THE COMPANY PAVS THE FRElCHT 1, i v p I r. t ; : t a a 1 i : ! com mon-f- n new rtoul liorew vtl im, V On th'-iLoist 'li ton of rock S Hfeet each Rhilt. IsjuRt, It can be rfitkfid iron,, and reb.ab. ' ' an a can po. No cog i(nu, j, clotcbcRto brefik. 5) v rousht iron and euiif before breaking. Over hj ia aw I1 6 yenrw wi out cn6 some ranninrf dolJnrB eip-nsMe rntte hoists at prices, J25, 00, i5 J v j ' r v 'the l eiife-tn- f e ir - f i , ! Rl I u ur - . T p i B, 00 1, rv Fend for nn ilhistruted circular CurUs bt. Denver. Coia, or i-- n't. S) ' ifMt VUfmtnmLT r Yv N probably be studying some new tendencies which have established themof this t.en- -i selves in counter-balanc- e law of ft is inevitable the for it dency, human affairs that they perpetually seek to establish a stable equilibrium and never succeed. And now that an enormous slice of the Vanderbilt money will go to England to restore and maintain the state of Bleheim, it begina to look as though it were time for the first indication of a reaction to set in. Bum. Cf But that apart, the contrast and comparison of the great statesman and general' of Queen Annes reign and the school was Eton and his university was great railroad man of the nineteenth century is most interesting. There is Cambridge, where he did very well at not space to make it here in full, but his books and also played polo and cricket In a manner to satisfy contemit has no end of suggestions For Cornelius Vanderbilt is not alto- porary requirements. He is also said to have he ought to have good taste gether dwarfed when he is placed be- ln pictures, books and china; and altoside John Churchill. True, Churchill was much the greater man. Not only gether he is likely to do himself and to had he the advantage of figuring ln his country credit. He Is not likely Salir-burbattles and Parliaments and Cabinets turn out a new Beaconsfield or but he may do as well as his which provides the whole magnificent grandfather, who was Lord Lieutenant pageant of the history of a time for a of Ireland under Beaconsfield, and that d and not only was he cast be doing infinitely better than any will as a chief actor in an epoch of peculiar of the Four Hundred whom member dignity and splendor but in spite of Miss Vanderbilt might have married his avarice and his qualiwould ever have dreamed of doing. ties, he did have that greatness of soul The young Duke, Cbarles-Richs- rI which distinguishes the few majestic Spencer-Churchi- ll his name in, figures in the worlds records. Cor- John of Duke ninth the on the Marlborough and other hand, nelius Vanderbilt, of twelfth Earl Sunderland, is really a was scarcely a figure in history at all, Spencer by descent and a Churchill as it is written by the drum and trumby royal warrant. lie Is sprung as only and for greatness of pet historian, John Spencer, who was knighted from was never soul. If he had it he given about 1510, and whose descendants beYet he had one a chance to show it. came Baron Spencer and Earl of Sunfaculty that Marlborough had, and it next century. It was in the was what made him the first master of derland of Sunderland who took the science of transportation that the the third Earl wife seeond Anne Churchill, the his for and till the has seen, world up present of the alterof great the Duke, and after time the greatest daughter faculty the of death the Marquis of Blandforfl, ing and ordering conditions according of Duke son of Marlborough the to his own sense, disregard-'n- g the the objections and interpositions of the Churchill titles were confirmed to smaller-minde- d men. Vanderbilt, in a the children of Anne Churchill and her material way, had genius and genius son Charles thus became the second means imagination. And John would Duke, and after the death of his hahf brother by the first marriage of the Earl of Sunderland, the fifth Earl. Beside the title of Duke of Marlborough the Sunderlands also acquired the titlrs of Marqui3 of Blandford, Earl of MarlBaron borough, Churchill, Lord Churchill of Eynmouth, in the Scotch peerage. Prince of Nellenburg of the Holy Roman Empire. The English peerages give the Duke as Trince cf Mindelkeim. but the Almanack d"s Gotha states that Nellenburg was substituted for Mindelheira in 1714. Miss Vanderbilts predecessors ara worth glancing at. The first Duehesi of Marlborough was, of course, Sarah Jennings, tbe confidante and favoritri of Queen Anne, whose name will Iiyo In history as long as that of her illu3. trious husband the woman who hav ing been the wife of Johr Churchill" would not marry another man no matter what his rank. As Anne Churchill and her husband both died before her parents the Churchill titles were never enjoyed by them. SARAH JENNINGS, Tlrzi D ichers of Marlborough. Last September was the hottest in ISO not havo h; cn hamed of pornclius years in Paris. not by He had i most pro-pe- ct found r? fer money, ha I John. lie Virtue alone outbuilds the pyramids, took it from women, which is what Her monuments shall last when F wntt fall. Cmr,cliu, with his manly Dutch blood. Ycunu. ' f HAiGtENr J'1!1 I' t Ut j 1 I 1 con? U" NVti. 'Y x 2 ii r FE cJLu r -- RACED rp lira Li h aLa L Dul 1 ILL E1EEP YOU .A ii ;S GFI-C1ALTYS?- -- BLOOD l'OJSON pennancrq euredinlStoSS days. You can be treats a homo for same price under same go a ran ,, ty. If you prefer to come here we will c ' to pay railroad fareand hotel bil'e CDcbarpe, i f w e fail to cure. If you have taken ruer iodide not a ah, and still have BdieeaiJ cury, am c ti-r- y . o .HucousVat back-groun- hg Lire r c: ia pies, Hopper Colored hpots. ehrown fvIITt BLOOD it Is this heebndary out, we enwrantee to cure. We soiieit tbemont olati Hate cases end cimllene'e the world fora we cannot cure. 1 his disease ho alffc rae ba filed the skill of the roost eminent our urw 0500,000 capital behind sent r'$ Absolute pnnrantv. proofs SpUcnt von. Address COOK KKMLDY CO, Ldi idaeonio Temple, CHICAGO, ILL ng in mouth, Gore Throat, phv-cian- Cut out edcI aend this advertisement. DUttiUTlOXa rr Mp Jtr un- ity CREAM BALM Apply a particle of the Balm directly into the nostrils. After a moment draw strong breath through the nose. Use three times a day , after meals prefei rid, and before retiring. fD p fA OATflduuliUli far-seei- ng -- O' ? Cy ELY'S CREAM CALM opens and AlUvt iJx in 2a,sa,1 cleanse tO and Intlammaiion, the bores, protects the Membrane from CohK stores the hensesof The lasto and femeli. quickly absorbed and pives relief at once. A is applied into each nostril andisafi' Bob.particle Price 50 rents at Xjrufrgjsts or by mail. ELY EEQTBEES, 56 Warren St., KewTorh GURfi CURE for PILES ttprdin oM'rntrmlit'r Rfift Jo-ti)- PR. 1 u fl i Uni. P!1f BO-SAol-K- ft 'or I1' i ut mii i a jio-'- i or man. i PILE REMEDY, ' t ii rt in s Mt froe i. fl -- IffAXTrD nc i i V,a I'hllfc. make t" Any la iy wlohlng: to money qui, klv and needing- steady w tlientsbou! u ork for me seliloEr medicated wa,,! Address SI. Ijam, Zl. 1)., 212 Columbus BofeU-a. ARTI 37 nr iPi t tree Catalogue, t Lux 2i46, ltocbfe&te Is. y. LX L ! I Boils for local no: pot orsil' eror W nr it i loj, ... Kit)- particu1"' Xj. oisi ,c . ,v ,iilhinj.ton,'.oiin- f ditnuL aidre-M. N I I - 1 - 1 PAIKiTSJRADEf, Lvaminstlon nn rention. 1 of Advice as to Patentabilityto tor Inventors Guide, or How t' PATi.IUC 1 Fcn-- l O F .( in i, AicHLLL, Washington, D-- PARKERS BALSA.-liAIR and beautibe th t Cl 'irui, . H ertore St Faila to Youthful Co to ha,T hair aoiirnsrs Curts A a luxuriant powf I'rtmub-- i - p I'i . ! ooaip ..fl P p. S te.ded LLl-- 1 Ta-U'- t Fv s, t WIhmj - -- 1 S t K Lb- - tb.iod. , L . rtrm-eiB- t. 7 ol. Nil. No. b- lie n ntimr to advertisers, please siU vtu sin- the advertisement in this pU,e 71 . . rt, -i tjL Yu y, -- - L f.iinonouc:; time-servi- Mi din::: iirdililK Wrwv' to TFK Z2 Tg, Ir outside of der clothes, like dat. Truth. Yon Bet He Would. Mother, said Johnnie, after deep thought, suppose I should knock this Vase off the table and catch it then o I wouldnt catch it, would I ? I suppose not, his mother slowly ascontinued Johnnie, sented. But, still toying with the vase, If I should knock it off and not catch it then I would catch it, wouldnt I? Yes, you would! his mother grimly returned, this time with quick decision. Rockland Tribune. II I H- i. Ethel McSwath Yes, but she aint no heavy sw ell, fer no real aristocrats don't never wear their corsicks on de A Swell ! S.c: w. ter wear a corsiqk. If A N; Jtf. .! A)v ft Ragsy Roberts Kind lady, will yer please give an unfortinit gent a nickle fer a bite? Kind Lary Poor man! How did you get into so much trouble? Ragsy Roberts I bad ter give all me spare change, kind lady, fer me' income-ta- x an it haint bin refunded ylt. Judge. Tlie Retort Deserved. Fpeaking of the young mail who talks in public places, I heard of a retort made to Mm which was so good I was surprised never to have heard It before. It was at the theater, and the young man had seen the play before. He let everybody for four seats around know, that, and he kept telling just what was coming, and jusf how funny It would be when it did come. He had a pretty girl with him, and he was Hying to amuse her. At length he said: Did you ever try listening to a with your eyes shut? Youve no play idea how queur it sterns. a nJTTT1 faco r.ut jW in front. twisted hinr-M- f about in LH seat and glared at the young man. Young man, said he, did v try listening to a play with mouth shut? L . . f i nd on Matilda Maloney Shes takin on a lot of airs jist because shes old enougU ' w' HIsli-Bori- l i t( a, np WHIM CO. . Id t - A French Woman. A French woman al Max ORell says: ways has a little bustling, fluttering way about her that will alwats keep your Interest in her alive. Every one of her movements is supple and artistic. To lift her dress modas she crosses a estly and street she gracefully has not her equal In the muddy world. She may be, sometimes, I confess, a little affected, but she is never vulgar, and when she speaks to you yon cannot guess from her speech whether she is the wife of what socalls a gentleman or not. I nt u little ciety Frc ach seamstress or milliner in the most artistic drawing room for an hour, thanks to her keen power of observation and her native a liptabllity, she ill, at the end of that hour, talk, cross the room, sit rise, leave the room as simply, as down, as the naturally most high-borIn it. ; it. u i A , like to engage you as an assistant here before we go any further! Chicago Record. e f a aup r for i An grand-daught- Pupil No; but I took a new baby carriage home the other night on a good-for-nothin- g, Comments of Various Relatives. Penelope Charley called last night. Justine Thats twice in a week, isnt it? Penelope Yes. Justine I suppose hell come three Hme $n the next week? Penelope Thats what brother says. Justine And five times the next? Penelope Thats what sister says. Justine And six times the next? Penelo-jThats what aunty says. Justine And seven time the next? Penelope Thats what papa cays. Justine And then what? Then well get married; thats what everybody says. Justine And then what? Penelope Then I wont see him any more Jof an evening; thats what mamma sayk Brooklyn Life. His Trouble. '5 great-granddaugh- cycle? Rusty Rufus) Say, Jyou miserable, lazy, contemptible, greasy, dirty worthless vagabond, you were here Six months ago and you got off the same speech, word for word! You havent learned a thing. You havent gained a new idea in six months! Youre a disgrace to your profession, you sneaking, idle, shiftless, measly, whining, ragged burlesque on humanity! Heres a dollar for you, and if yon dont have a new song and dance when you pull my leg again, you pitiful, cheap, ugly, sniveling, mouldy, shabby, villainous, mildewed pusillanimous bag of bones Ill kick you off the premises! You can go now! Tuff old Knutt Yesr. n, not n though L" we i L; rn a r nt! m .n. Ln Churchill had Mia very I re cMIook cf it at first rs a young mg and if he had net had a si ter whom Their Lineages Compared Doth Spring the Duke cf York J peculiarly from Strong Mon Who Were Leaders to honor which, by the wuiy, in thoo In Their Time The Duchesses Who days was not thought so much dhcrcl-i- t to a lady as we now surge s he Have Preceded. might never have worn a sword. Gc that he knev what it was to rice in (New York Correspondence.) the world. And in fine, one thing is HE announcement that Cornelius Vanderbilt of the engagement probable; could have commanded an army betof the ter than John Churchill could havo of Corbuilt New York Central Railnelius Vanderbilt road. up the to the descendant But now to look at the young people in the ninth generMiss Consuela Vanderbilt is the ation cf John daughter of William Iv. Vanderbilt and Churchill, conquerthe of the late William or of France, ruler H. Vanderbilt. She is about IS years in all but name of old, very tall, very vivacious and quite England, and first writh dark hair and a Duke of Marlborough, is the topic of pronounced brunette complexion sbe the day in two continents. The two i3 heiress to one of the greatest young people themselves were pre- tunes in the world and has only one sumably less Interested in the various care in life, that her father and mother reflections which the event will callforth are divorced. Of course it can scarcely than other people; but there can be lit- be expected that so young a girl should tle denying that a more notable en- have as very pronounced characgagement has not been announced in teristics, yet but her friends say she has America since Jerome Bonaparte told much sweetness of disposition and a surprised and excited wrorld that he charm of manner, and her executive desired to take to wife Miss Elizabeth has ability already been tested Patterson, of Baltimore. of To begin with, the destination of the always the case with the childrpn has she with great fortunes great American .fortunes i3 becoming parents been most carefully educated and a matter of public concern, especially on account of the tendency of their in- trained to understand the responsibilities of her and to act as the heritors, when women, to marry for- mistress of astation, great establishment. is eigners of noble birth which suggests The of Marlborough Duke young that in a few years from now politione most of the promising of the cal economists and sociologists will reaJly of young noblemen England. Far from following in the footsteps of his father,whose reputation need not to be recalled, he has already made bis entry into politics and intends to devote himself to a public career. He was made !f the mover of the address of the Lords 's ' ln reply to the Queens speech on the opening of the present Parliament, an jjk honor generally conferred upon the most distinguished and promising of ' Li .0 A younger members of the party in gl Jflj Power. f He is very young, having been born on November 13, 1871, so he i3 J still short of hi3 24th birthday; hl3 Very Promising Pupil. At the riding academy. Teacher Have you been on haint ett a bite fur low-dow- OF a VANDERBILT A CHURCHILL. j r r. e Tit-Bit- s. Not a Credit to His Guild. Tuff old Knutt Mister, would you be so1 kind as to give a dime to a hun- moren Fellaire (formerly ever La, die MARRIAGE TO sho What do j nn a.-'- 1thwn? asked gayly. Are they on sir, I thin k, he Eelioe From the Dens of Our Most .,ring a hia IlumdrouH Pencil Pushers The tus between the upper and nether garFunny Man Extracts Fun From ments, and a general tendency to sag fore and aft, that you Lave left unEveryday- Incidents, done the things that you ought to have done, and done those things that , Vhy lie Censed Swimming. not to have done. Truth. The notoriety attained by the man you ought who fell in the rapids just above Niagara Falls, and who, just as he was about to be rescued, shouted: I will drown no one shall help me, instead of JL shall drown, no one will help me, bids fair to be rivalled by an ec centric individual who fell into the river at' the foot of Fifth street yesterday. At this place there is a sign for the admonishment of small boys in summer timeh It reads: Ten dollars fine for swimming here. Persons who saw the unfortunate fellow fall into the water thought he was safe, for he struck out boldly for Uncle Have you seen your father the shore. Suddenly he cast a despairsank and land towards the lately, Cissie? ing glance Cissie No; but as ma is out, I guess from sight. By the efforts of a numwas ber of persons on the bank he youll find him in the kitchen flirting saved. He was asked why he stopped with the cook. Judge. swimming so quickly, of His Regular Duties. Dont you see that sign, $10 Fine Ijyt as he Here? he for Swimming gasped Proprietor of the Seaside Hotel was being resuscitated. Cincinnati Have you collected the ice pitchers Tribune. from the guests rooms? Porter Yes, sir. Got the Best of It. Proprietor And taken the trunks 4 AND HEIUES kJq She sueecvd'l, for pleasant suiprWe. it was her first OF IIII1- - ers. COLLECTION CHOICE gry man that Where Bicycles Are Doctored. Bicycle repairers are so advertisements are startling cure business. A handbill has been widely circulated few days in the city: Bicycle surgery. Acute and chronic cases surance of success. ir .NOW-YO- News, Newark, N. J. From, the Mrs. Anna Burns, of ST,3 Plane Street. Newark, N. J., is a decidedly pretty brunette, twenty-ei- x years old, tall, and a -- nifiv 1 4 r 1 : |