OCR Text |
Show The Enterprise Review , June 2, 1976 The Un-Colu- mn Advertising, Promotion, and Other Modes of Insomnia. By Ryan Poulton FT. COLLINS, COLORADO Ever since a wandering shepherd made the startling discovery near here in 1959 of a handbill buried next to the remains of a campsite, archeologists have been intrigued by the question of whether early man had crude presses, or whether the Earth was actually a vast new market being developed by beings. Carbon dating methods have determined the handbill to be approximately 450,000 years old, and although only two-colon uncoated stock, its generally believed to be beyond the technical sophistication of mankind at that time. and registration of overlays is Its true that the half-ton- e rather primitive, reports Dr. Edward Chambers, Professor of but the concise Archeology at the University of Colorado, an definition of type-early version of Microstyle Bold, I believe-- is definitely of a quality that we dont believe early man was capable of. Here on the excavation site, each scientist seems to have a different theory on the exact significance of this curiously out of place promo. However, most concede the possibility that elsewhere in the universe there are advertisers of such sophistication as to make our Madison Avenue pros mere ants in comparison. Its not only silly, but presumptuous as well, to assume that we are the sole advertisers in the universe, states Dr. Chambers. Mankind has always had an egocentric preoccupation with his" expertise in buyer motivation or target marketing. Personally, I believe that advertisers out there could make our methods look very, very amatuerish. Indeed, the research here seems to bear out this contention. Without exception, each of the scientists that have read the handbill have expressed an interest in purchasing the advertised product, a uniquely compact solar device for heating huts. However, because no evidence of this device was discovered near the campsite, it is assumed that the handbill was part of a test to determine the feasibility of a more widespread campaign. We did discover, however, the remnants of what appears to be a nuclear club, with the same brand name on the grip as the one that sponsored the handbill. It appears likely that the same manufacturer had been developing this particular market for some time. This site may indeed hold even greater promise than originally expected. Just prior to this reporters arrival, another shepherd stumbled upon what may become a discovery of awesome magnitude. Located midway between Ft. Collins and Colorado Springs is a massive plateau approximately 15 miles wide and 24 miles long. The shepherd (at the time a passenger on a United 727 flight) noticed from 30,000 feet that the geometries of this plateau constituted a perfect rectangle. Further, the configuration of pine trees within this rectangle not only seemed to form strange, gargantuan symbols, but in one corner took on the definite appearance of an attractive girl in a bikini. The exactitude of lines and structure in a design so large could not have been achieved by an architect standing on Such a feat of the ground, explained Dr. Chambers. e birds-eyif or spacecraft-ey- e precision would have required a is The of a billboard gigantic suggestion you will, perspective. we are approaching this theory with inescapeable. Naturally, the greatest caution. Reputations could be at stake here. At are searching this very moment, a team of the surrounding area for any evidence of gigantic lights that ' may have been used for nighttime illumination of the sign. If such lights were ever there, well find them. After all, just the filaments would have to be over 12 stories high. Cro-Magn- on If you hold your sales meetings conventions downtown , youre asking for trouble. extra-terrestri- al or pre-mark- et extra-terrestri- archeo-electricia- Sales meetings and conventions are meant to be attended. So why risk losing your flock to the downtown attractions? Although we're located away from the downtown area, we dont think youll miss a thing. We serve delicious meals in surroundings that are relaxed, yet conducive to productive seminars. Audio-visuequipment, sound systems, special lighting, and a variety of room arrangements will guarantee you all the versatility necessary. Adequate parking? You bet. We specialize in providing for large groups because we have to. At Four Seasons the West, groups stay large. al full-servi- ce FOUR SEASONS WEST 3618 HIGHLAND DRIVE 466-437- 5 Prince, Langheinrich & Greer is looking good men. Each will have a private office. al Telephone John Prince, Phone 532-382- 5. All inquiries confidential, of course. John Prince ns Mtn. Fuel Declares Dividend The Board of Directors of Mountain Fuel Supply Company has declared a dividend of 50 cents per share on the company's common stock and $2.00 a share on the preferred stock. The common stock divi dend is payable on June 21, 1976 to shareholders of record at the close of business May 28, 1976. The preferred stock dividend is payable on July 6, 1976 to stockholders of record at the close of business June 11. 1976. Prince, Langheinrich INCORPORATED 350 South Fourth East Suite 204 & Greer Salt Lake City, Utah 84 111 |