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Show Page Two THE MOUNTAIN FLOWER November 5, 1973 . Feiffer Innocent Bystander Chicken Hawk And now, Candidates! Why Irving fought the new Draff call by ARTHUR HOPPE It was a heartrending scene in the Wasp household. Mr. and Mrs. Wasps oldest son, Irving, had just been drafted. Well, it isnt the end of the world, son, said Mr. Wasp, trying to smile bravely in the face of this disaster. After you do your two years, you can go back to college on the G.I. Bill. Tell me, have they assigned you your branch of service yet? Yeah, said Irving gloomily. They're going to make me a White House aide." A White House aide! Even Mr. Wasp blanched at this blow. Well, it could be worse, I suppose. They couldVe made you a Congressman. Mrs. Wasp broke into tears. Oh. I didn t raise mv boy .to be a politician," she sobbed. will our friends Whatever think? said Now, .now, mother, Mr. Wasp, patting her on the shoulder. Everybody knows Irving isnt becoming a politician bv choice. He was drafted. His country needs him and hes answering his countrys call. .We should be proud of him." I shouldve gone to Canada like some of the other, kids," said Irving grimly. Youd be an exile for life, said Mr. Wasp. Theyd son, never grant you amnesty. It wouldnt be fair to the other young men who took their chances in Washington. Well, I still dont see why they cant have all- -' volunteer politicians the way they used to, said Irving grumpily. Mr. Wasp sighed. You know the answer to that, son. When the polls in 1973 showed that politicians ranked at the very bottom of the list in those the admired public trusted and salesmen right below used car to young men started refusing go into politics. So what? said Irving. The country needs White House aides and Congressmen and even a President, son, to defend us from our enemies. Our national security was involved. So we had no choice but to revive the draft. Dont worry about me ever said Irving. being President, Im sure not going to be a lifer. I know, son. All you have to do is survive the next two years without getting indicted. Just take care of yourself, boy. Keep a low profile. Dont write any memos. . . They give us that in Basic How said Irving. Training, 4 to operate an Shredder, Elementary Burglary, Intermediate Cable Forging. . . Now, interjected Irving, While Mrs. Wasp worriedly, youre out there in Washington I dont want you to pick up any of that awful language those people u$e, like at this point in time or inoperative or. . . And always remember that anything you say may lie recorded against you," said Mr. Wasp. But dont worry. Many young men come home unscathed. And while they have a difficult time readjusting to civilian life. . . Irving suddenly folded his arms, sat on the floor and began chanting, Hell, no, wont go! Hell, no, wont go! Oh, Irving, you mean youre gping to be a draft resister? cried Mrs. Wasp, wringing her hands. But you'll have to go to jail. Dont you see, Mother? said Mr. Wasp proudly. Irvings ' standing on high moral principles. Hed rather go to jail than take partin what he feels is an immoral occupation. Right M-1- son? - no. Frankly, said Irving,odds of I just figure the my surviving two years in Washington without going to jail are real slim. So I might as well go to jail first and get it over with. (Copyright Chronicle Publishing Co. 1973) . He is not a mean man, but is bigger in all ways than many we will ever see again. As such, he is, and has demonstrated himself to be, unfit for the dirty task ahead. I would wish him the honor of rejection, given his circumstances. the g Next, On Party: city employees: Fire everyone within sight or hearing, and hire me to do it shortened to the One Man Band Proposal). On new utilities and services: If youve had it before you dont need it again. (Have you ever his part. been vaccinated 'for water and This' office is nominally subservient to the electorate, who sewers?) And on finances: Get certainly must- take some re- competent advice. (It is frightsponsibility for the deed. Let ening that even the most narrowminded can see die overwhelmus view the aspirants: Representing Park Citys se- ing need for this service.) quel to the Bullmoose Party: Even though this parody of Bill Sullivan, who, after failing Bud Gasparics platform is drawn to receive the nomination of the from rumor (a notable means Democratic Party, has struck but of campaigning in Park City) along with incumbents Bums and, regardless of my opinion and Martines to form an indethat if there were a contest inpendent party of dubious loyalvolving looking through a keyty, based on a platform of sheer hole with both eyes Bud would parochial inertia. be guaranteed a bronze medal, I am truly saddened by this, his ideas are logical. because Bill is one of the only For instance, there are grotrue, natural gentlemen I have ever had the pleasure of meetcery stores that efficiently handle three times the population of ing. He is honest, considerate to a fault and absolutely unfit to Park City daily, and sell their deal with the rascality that , has inventories at a dazzling rate all with a minimum been presented to him lately, besides of staffing. It is possible to run which no doubt continue unabata city of our size with one man. ed in the future. Ry ROB HAYS Once again, that biennial celebration of individual choice has crept up on us. Imminent when is that point in time the adage, The wheels of De' turn excruciatingly mocracy slow, but grind exceedingly fine will be painfully impressed on our lives. Like it or not, we must choose our dty leaders. Mayor! A fine, dynamic title allowing the recipient to be addressed as Your Honor," which of course implies a certain amount of Chutzpah on Know-Nothin- - e Mountain flower . Published monthly by Sound Projects. Address all correspondence to: The Mountain Flower, Post Office Box 11722, Pioneer Station, Salt Lake City, Utah 84111. Letters to the editor are welcome at the above address. The Mountain Flower reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish material we consider libelous or otherwise inconsistent with the standards of this newspaper. Third class bulk rate mailing permit at the Salt Lake City Post Office. Subscription rates: $3 for 24 issues STAFF THIS ISSUE: Amanda, Bob Hays, Jay Meehan, Bruce Roberts, Phil Rupp and Nick Snow. Next issue date: Dec. 7, 1973 Another example of efficient control by one man occurred down South, where a whole community, containing a distinct n of the best and worst was created overnight. This community, in its time and for its purpose, was a success. It was called Andersonville. And finally, die platform of superlatives: John Price, the surfboard king! The guy with die great house he restored himself! The beautiful wife, the absolutely great kids, the experience, the talent, the intelligence! The recalcitrant cynic who called he a horses ass for' two straight years! The man who has been through this before in and says he the big leagues wants to do it again because he cares! God help him, I believe he does. I might add that the variations of insanity have always fascinated me. The thought that someone as highly qualified for the job (as he most assuredly is) would offer his services at this time makes me clutch and I dont know at my heart whether it is fear that he will fail or fear that we will never see (me of his quality again that makes me do so. Two years ago, JoKn told me, You run for council and your friends will become your enemies, and your enemies will hate you more. He was as right and true as gravity on that and I wouldnt wish that sorting-ou- t process on anyone. What Promethian gifts could any of these men give us (especially when confronted with a remaining council consisting of one honest, but limited, citizen; a union boss turned Republican and a migrant worker)? Would they give us legible ordinances, a decent business- - com' munity relationship, and coher- ent financial policy? Or wonder of wonders! would they go so far as to guarantee attendance by the members of elected government, regardless of church,' business or personal phlegm? And, even more, would they guarantee . cross-sectio- - , (i . Continued on Page 3 |