Show Thursday November 2003 13 A4 The Herald Journa TBB CBRIBT1AX SCIlUfCK MOSITO Soapbox Essays on ‘The Hardest Choice’ ' Editor's Note:An article in Monday's Herald Journal bn adop- lion and the difficult choices faced by birthmothers prompted the two anonymous essays below the first from a young mother who gave her child up for adoption the second from the parent of an unwed teen mother Although this newspaper" doesn’t geh- n— II QAArtuinA ie IaHam it'iuad fall on awnnniinn iehm ilrf ' v : :' --f- ' ' ' ’ News article ignored joy of birthmothers that loves her as much as 1 do Placing a child lor adoption is the most unselfish decision that a single-mothe- r can make It is (his type of selflessness that birthmothers are made of and the birthmothers I know' are some of the most wonderful amazing selfless people The article focused on the hardships and pain that birthmothers go through but what about the happiness and joy? Only those who have sacrificed for I am w riling in response 'to (he arliele tilled "The Hardest Choiee"in the Nov II) paper While the intent of this article was to demonstrate (he honest perspective of birth mothers in their ride in' adoption' the article Jailed to' commimicatc the jiiy (hill binhmolhers experience While many painful quotes in the article were true the writer left out the posi- of adoption and created an agoliiiiig tone I am eniharrassed for the w riter whose perspective is uneducated and poorly expressed ! am ashamedthat this article has been read by many ami possibly created a negative 'painful stereotypeconeern- : ing nrthniothers and llie sellless : iheir etiild make for choice they ' v oIkt pcTson Airline security found lacking oris the receiver of sacrifice would understand the joy ha‘ hr n happiness ' changed my hfe gave my 'daughter happnespnd as a result fr’gnd myself and joy ' 01 urse J miss my daughter The- pain and joy of placing a child for understood adoption cannot Mama birthmbtherof a unless you have sacrificed in the old little girl whn wns adoptcd by a W? but I will try toiexplain " wonderful Taiiiilv I love my child With every pain I feel w ith every just as every mother loves hereto ld k‘ar I shed and with every heartache I love her with all mv soul and would do anvthmg fir her Kiiinv would experience a deeper and overpow- erjng joy is felt for my child and the ask "'if you love lierso mufti w hv ' happiness that I have given her If would you place her for adoption?'' ' ' rfulls 1 1 ' - h- - " 1 - ' - - By Alan Kesselheim that fhey devour oh the steps of post offiebs " that ' They say they plan night at the lake we camped at twp day under big days earlier A p in August We : - are descending a trail to the low-country on our way but: It's hotter 20-mi- le - Range N ' and dustier with bach miie'a contrast to the high cool air and mountain ridgefines we" vb been traversing for: We were feeling pretty jaunty young man lean and weathered wjth about and A a look hair averaging IQ miles a day We long ' ' 'tell fheitl what we’ve been up to bit ofa slog these five days- If pair of scruffy gaiters protects his reveal our thbme They ask a final milespfthe first inaugural hike' v lower legs Then I seefc companion few the route we’ve about of the OrYear Club elastic an He's questions nearby wearing taken! We mention the nice climb to : There are eight ofus who could around his knee They both West Goat Peak the highest point in hiake this yearns events an occasion look to be in their early twenties: the range fsee how the two of them " celebrate the vettheir like wear trail hatched to packs They are eyeing iis as we talk — how they benchmarks eransFprsome reason instead of V are taking in our balding heads our I got to go ' I towards trailhead the past striding ' ' knees with surgical scars all the gray '! first by r" stop to Chat virtueof'-beinhair in of Test our The v group stops' top' ' Then we say good luck move the a small knot of cooling shade There back onto the trail us towards the first in' the is that restless packTStrap-adjustin- g i parking lot and home them towards energy common to these breaks In wiothe cainpsiteinai'string that goes' nine ofus to j hiking back to March'and Mexico For atum50The (pHg before we discover1 trail-wo- ' m si - 50-ye- ar : ban-dag- e ’ - half-ceniu- iy ’ ! L' ofj - - ideaisthat whoever turns 50 gets to picfc'a section of the Colitinental Divide Tmil to hike and then everyone who can make it joins made a difficult decision ‘ concerns At no time Was our datigh- ter pressured to place her child for adoption Her decision to parent was ' he month if N'ovemher is National and Statc'Adoptibn Aware: ' respected'- ness Month I appreciated reading Three months before her due date-- ' the recent article in The Herald Jour- -' Jsnir daughter began to realize how nal on birth mothers I ain the grand- - - difficult it would be to raise a child !' mmher of a baby placed fori - alone The' reality of being the sole-- ' adoption Oiir daughter w iis I V and for herself arid another " 'unmarried when she learned she was ':V support human being began to set! in She: f ' expecting n ehi Id When she told us reafized that she wanted her precious that she was pregnant she let us ' child all of the 1 - j 'knoWright then that she was not: considering adoption and that'she wav planning on parenting the baby ' We told her that we Would support ’ ' h'erin her decision and that we would do even thing lljat we could to help her patent her child Her father and I did ask one thingi that she would consider going to LDS Family Scrv ices Weexplained that thev Would he a sinkI source of help and'supptirl for her We assured her that there would he no pressure from them t r her io place her Saby for adopii'i n She agreed to gi Her experience at LtJS Sucial Ser- - to hive advantages up thatshe had' She begad - StK-u- ' Placing a child for adoption is the hardest thingrnv daughter has had to do The fact that she made the deci- sion completely on her own and the fact lhat the adoptive couple were so concerned about our daughter made the placement doable: I am still in awe of my daughter's1 courage and - l vice was very positive She found know Icdgcahle social workers that were caring andsuppprtive of her decision lit parent her child lit addition to tree personal counseling a! support group w held ome a week where mothers thui placed their babies ft it adoption arid those that V chirse toparerit could djsciiss their - to think abfiut adiiption ' of maturity She put the well-bein- g Iter child above heir own desires The adoptive couple have sent letters and pictures weekly since the placement five months ago: All correspondence V still goes through the agency and will until the adoption is finalized at six months It's still hard for my daugh- ter at times and for my husband and I hot we are all at peace ith the decision that my daughter made Asa family we recognize that adoption is not the right decision for everyone but it has been comfrMting to know thalit w as right for my daughter s j ' ' on-'- -- from Mexico to Canada- Montana is' the last leg in a epic' v They started in March dn the south-- : ' era end They saidthatsouthem flats Wyoming with its near Rock Springs wras challengingbut nothing compared to the deep snows they had to posthole through iri the mountains of Colorado s‘ seven-mon- :v picked a stretch running through Anaconda-Pintle- r Wjltteraess in S Montana The friends whohave joined me have come from as far afield as Alaska Over the next half dozen FIVE chronological sec- - ! to discover lions of trailin celebration of that'- - V fact It is also celebration of the commitment toadventure made by ' everyone in the group adventures that go back through tbe decades many pf which were shared together Also of the fact that we're all still here to celebrate healthy enough to ' shoulder packs and climb peaks ' I'm first in line and fiist tosee the ahead standing off the trail at the edge of a small meadow He's a I Uie th huge-wind- : - hundredyards down the trail “That kids in their twenties are takirig qn v that kind of adventure’-’“Sort of gives youhope” I say “That hike will stay with them all their lives” Kim adds '‘It’s very cool:” r - : v sup-hik- : er Your view Don’t let Utah be dumpinjg ground editor To the ' ' tive waste and neither do I ' Being a Utah native I know how much Utahns love and value their ' beautiful children and state I know they would never purposely allow' anything that might jeopardize the w of either and I know thal Rob Bishop must feel the same! Thank you Marian for expressing my sentiments exactly-Thank you Utahns for the value you place on' your state and children Thank you Rob Bishop for recon-sidering your position on radioactive waste! ell-bei- ng ’ Herald Journal LfU JJST 4W TANT JSIIHiHliHIBs ft® foLVTitW- VENVRNL T- -i s UN' TAAN A30JT -- £ Lj-- LNTtLX edrtonal k E t cartoons and teuers from readen reflect tie opnons of twr writers and creators Edtonals inderfie headng 'Our View" represerttw views of V Herald Journal OF ' ' TheOpnion pages intended to acquaint wi a variety of viewports on mailers ' readers of puMc importance and prairie members of twcomnunly with a form fwtiOT terns Peonat cotumns ' ocoMtcV cotr Sr umdujwnsaJimciTehfely tobe tja&rtd outofa multitude of temgues tfua ! ' “You know what”- She says “I'll marked and maintained in wilderness bet those kids are just up the hill areas it u often nonexistent else- - ' where1 especily along sections1 ' talking about lis I'll bet lhey’re say- 'where the Bureau of Land Manager ing how cool it is that these old farts still getting opt jbow' they hbpe' are it 'are oversees several There ment of flatlknd mounbetween stints they’irstillbe backpacking when long tain ranges broken up with high- w ays and farms and fences Hitchhiking to get their resuppjy packages has been sometimes daunt- -' mg Their families have been porting them with care packages logistical backup and piles of letters - This letter to the editor comes to support Marian Sullivan's Sunday Nov 2 Ithaca Journal letter! Marian wrote that she did not want Utah to be a “dumping ground” for radioac " 5 'As weiirek on I think about all the country between Montana and Mexi:'- Mae Roberts River Heights Non Sequifrur r ' : ' tion is not about pai n and heartache but it is about love and selflessness Birthmothers sacrifice' their all for her Placing ijiv daughter was the hardest decision f will everhave4o make but I know that she is where Crossing two great divides Writers M the tard Mombots otthe edrtortal tioaM: DARRELL EHRUCtOcXy edrtor ' CINDY VURTHlaalures edaor ' " -BRUCE SMmVpubfcsher CHARLES MoCOLUMmanagng edaor sefatknL’ The Herald Journal wotcomes tetters to the" edeorPotertialyBielow or oflenstve tenets wi not be pubWied however and tie eefcor reserves twnght to edial tetters to conform to ttw length and style requrements of Letters should be: ' Typewntten and doubtespaoed No more tiari 450 words in length Addressed and nclude daytime phone nuntterforpiapoMSof varilicabon Signed by to auftor IndMduas am Imited to one pubiohed letter wdhrn any 30day penod Address ietlemto tytoderOhriewsxom Guest commentaries aw ataowefcomeand are iun at the editor's dscrehon - JudjpLeanviSanimricrijurist ai lS72-l3i- l) - i: |