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Show LEHI FREE PRESS, LEHI, UTAH fflaniffcmt Rio Fable of Link's One Large Day r SB By GEORGE ADE (C. Bell Syndicate.) WNU Sorrioe. there was an Industrial whose Name did not in the History of his Own Times. He cut no Ice except that he added a Grand Total of 1 to the Census TotaL He was Just an other Passenger on the Trolley and another Pay Envelope on Saturday night and another Vote to be rounded up by the Precinct Captain. De was known to the Koiks liwiijj Aei iiKr and the Foreman remembered him from one Week to another and that is as far as his Fame ever spread. He wore Overalls and carried a Lunch Pail with a Cup inverted on the Top and lulled at a stubby Dudeen, which was about all of the Biographical Details available. Except that being a Namesake of the great martyred President, he was commonly know as Link. Nothing ever happened to him until he died and then he received as much worshipful Attention as ever was expended on a Crowned Head. He may have been a Mutt while he was breathing but the Moment he became cold be was a Prominent Citizen. When he Joined the Majority the bereaved Helpmate consulted the Bank Book, which showed a stingy Balance of $534. There was an unpaid Balance on the House and a Doctor BilL Germany was well off as compared with Link's Family. However, a Sick Benefit had accrued from the Union. So the poor bereaved Widow began to make arrangements for the Obsequies. She took all she bad in sight and went Into Debt as far as they would let ber go and gave his Nobs one Whale of a While Link was here He and the Missus used to go to the Mat about once so often. In fact, they averaged about three Armageddons a Day, with the Issue always In doubt, but the Moment he cashed In, she remembered him as a Male Turtle Dove who did nothing but Coo. He was a Tough Bird while he had his Health but the Minute he breathed his Last he was Snow White. Alive and Kicking: Dead Can't Kick. As soon as they began making the Arrangements it occurred to her that they did not have. In the principal, aristocratic Cemetery, a Lot which was in keeping with the Social Prominence and Eminent Virtues of the Leceased. So she sent for one of the Trustees of the Graveyard and he let her have a small Tract of Ground on a High Spot, commanding a good view, and all he charged her was about four times what she would pay for land at the corner of Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street. After that she called In the Undertaker, who is a great help on such Occasions. He had a very beautiful Catalogue showing the different kinds of Caskets which might be purchased. He showed her some of the cheap ones but he very frankly admitted that possildy some of the Wood had Worm Holes in it and the Handles were not Sterling Silver, and, although he didn't want to influence her in any way, he suggested that she could not get anything which would be worthy of the Dear Departed unless she picked out something in the Back Part of the ONCE 7 - " wi- F .J-- , " -- Sss ? ...... w 4 sjAvi. V tor n. im- r- 1 A Street Vendor of Rio. by National OeoRraphlc Society. L' tptrad Washington. It. C. WNU Service. -V IO DE JANE1UO, which recent-- J ly has been disturbed by polit- leal strife involving several Brazilian states, basks on the plden sands almost astride the Tropic erf Capricorn. we To enter this great world port you mlk down the gangplank and straight ujlt Into a formal garden with a big ronze fountain. This leads off into a boulevard, which In s flows into a wide, each drive, past embassies, clubs, and alms aad geometric gardens. Dingy I ocka, pawn shops, pool halls, cafes, cheap rooming houses, innera, dirt, smells all the trash Dd claptrap of many other water onta are missing here, Oat lit the bay, the startling profiles singular peaks rise in their bulk arTto elephants sitting in grotesque the include They ipse. oddly-iape- d and the faphed Sugar Loaf, Corcovado, or Hunchback. T Rising fully 1,200 feet and almost jralght out of the sea. Sugar Loaf Is landmark, isily Eio's outstanding yjpcomlng air pilots, if half lost in fog f rain, hail its familiar outlines with runts of relief. In a queer aerial lu'olley a dizzy trip which is a supreme triumph for the nervous you in. reach its top In two laps. The Jtst stage carries you to the top of Pdrca; there, if still conscious, you Ide on Hp to the crest of Sugar Loaf a balloonlike view of the bay and uity. ;1 'i. Look at this spectacular city from ngar Loaf, Hunchback, or any high jrngle, and you see how smoothly in lass, form, and color it harmonizes '$lth the shape and shades of its ter-strial ' environment. gjgYoir observe that it Is cohesive, one 'ork of art; yet It is not a solid city. Jth a checkerboard pattern of blocks jhd Squares squeezed Into rigid "city rmits," 'like Leipzig or Indianapolis, fc Something easy, loose, and fluent in ii'.'M multicolored distribution makes you i sfeel that IUo Is simply flowing down lr;ie mountains about it in graceful Tchitectural streams, then coming to est hr quiet valleys and on sandy caches. i Seen From the Air. ' Fly over it and its marvels only ; it ha s so many parts, sections, nd suburbs; and in its pattern, from itoe sky, it looks like a great paint- potted ; easel of blue water, yellow and, green trees, red roofs, pink and ilue walls. Think of all these colored parts turning round and round, dke the odd formed bits of colored 'lass lrt an kaleidoscope. hen you can imagine exactly how Rio .boks from an airplane that banks and 'urns, a mile above it, on a bright, day. jlear ' a Back to earth, on the famous Rio Branco, the Unter den Linden or Fifth avenue of Itio de Janeiro, lou meet the city at its best ; also, sights, sounds, and Bnells make you feel normal here and world-famou- jrn quick-B.nd-dlrt- mnch-photo- 5r k ! mul-'lltply- Ave-Jild- big-tow- J'nncta Kew at home. tork papers, any popular North imerlcan magazine, chewing gum from Chicago, your own favorite brand of Safety razor, cigarettes, fountain pen, IWritlng or talking machine, sport road-'Iter, ice-boor outboard motorboat !ill are here, with all their familiar placards that greet you n Main street anywhere from Syra-tusto Seattle. Likewise, radio sets, eroonlng to crowds the latest Broadway "hits"; displays of North American cameras; enlarged snaps of local bathing beauties having Rrazilian "it"; groups of soccer players; the dark hors that paid 20 to 1 at last s races and his popular Jockey, pictured peeping through a big horse-Sho- e x, ihow-wlndo- w e Sun-'flay'- of flowers. Rio, window-shoppinhere, looks In on Paris perfumes, soaps, chapeanx, gowns and lingerie; German Etchings, water colors, oils, and shelves ' Of Anil 5; g drugs and surgical Instruments and hardware ; English rackets, balls, crick- et seta,; Raddles, socks, hats, and pipes; and, most significant of all. the steady Jnarcb of P.rnzil's own manufacturing, revealed In huge stocks of textiles, leather, shirts, clothing, dishes, toys, shoes, and packaged food -4- 11 "made in P.razil !" This wide, resplendent avenue, one nd aa eighth miles long, lined with beautiful trees, and piercing the city from the Heira Mar to the piers, was boldly opened only two decades ago In the ambitious plan for a better city. dry-good- To cut it through, nearly' GOO buildings were razed. One of its startling aspects Is Its sidewalk, made up of small stones of different colors, laid In zigzags, In waves, and In other dizzy patterns. Interesting Street Crowds. But It Is the people who Interest you most, especially the crowds who promenade late In the afternoon. Coffee shops, cafes and tea rooms line the Avenida Rio Branco, many with wide colored awnings that reach ut over the pavement. Flocks of tables are set out here In the open air, so that patrons may sip drinks, smoke, and watch the handsome women who stroll by to be admired. This is a custom of the country. It is perfectly correct to cast admiring glances, and the women do not resent it In fact they expect It And, on fine evenings, the passing show Is not unlike a parade of mannequins displaying the latest styles in feminine garb at a New York fashion show. Although prohibition Is unknown In Brazil, very few seem to dally much with the cup that cheers. Cosmopolitan seaport though it is, Rio is a most orderly and abstemious place. But It drinks coffee to excess. What we call lunch Is breakfast In Rio. After this meal the brokers, bankers, merchants and clerks all flock to their favorite resort to drink coffee. Late In the afternoon they all go again, and perhaps at various other times during the day they drop in for the tiny cup, if they happen to be near a cafe. Coffee is taken very strong and sweet, as In the Near East. In the cheaper cafes an automatic bowl of granulated sugar is on each table. By means of a trigger, it shoots a man's allowance into his cup at one dash. Often you see men fry It first toward the floor, to see if it is working! By his dress alone you can seldom tell an upper-clasBrazilian from a European. You seldom see a man without a vest, even on hot days. Derby hats and canes are everywhere; some men carry fans; and bootblacks and barbers could almost claim an "essential occupation" to avoid the draft in wartime! Here, along the Rio Hranco, Is the voice of the city. Around these side walk cafes you hear town talk, which Book. may be In any one of three or four The Widow must have been in a languages. It is a gossips' Mood when she very Sentimental And here conversation is an art as picked out the Metal Casket that let much enjoyed as music. All the loungdown in front, the same as a Kitchen ing coffee drinkers and the groups Cabinet. It had a lot of Puffed Satin standing about wave their hands and and wits guaranteed to stand up and wobble their heads in remain in Good Condition for a great emphasis, each anxious to make him many Years, which didn't make any self heard. Passing by, yon hear Difference, but the Widow fell for it scraps of talk on every theme, from Just the same. She wanted Link to the coffee crop and the Sao Paulo have the Best of everything. snake farm to the identity of the pretWhile he was alive, she would holty girl who Just went by in a roadster. ler until you could hear her a Block United States Visitors Welcome. away If he bought a Collar Button Nowhere, from the Rio Grande to that cost as much as !"0 Cents, but now Cape Horn, Is the visitor from the that he was gone and had become one United States more welcome than In of the Angels, let us hope, she couldn't Rio Whether he comes as tourist, think of anything too Recherche for salesman, scientist, diplomat, artist, him. So she ordered the kind of Cofstudent, teacher, resident engineer, fin which is favored by New York Millionaires and when she heard the merchant, or delegate to an international highway conference, he soon Price was Eight Hundred Dollars she senses that Brazilians hold our counwasn't feazed a trifle. try In high esteem. Then the Undertaker took up with Between the two capitals, Rio and her the Important Matter of how they Washington, friendly diplomatic Inter- should attire Link before spreading course has been unbroken for a hunhim out. He said that the neatest and dred years. When we entered the niftiest and slickest Costume for a World war. President Bras of Brazil Gentleman of Standing was a Tuxedo said In his message to congress: "With with Pearl Studs and Patent Leather our elder brother, the United States, Dancing Pumps. Than which nothing at war. It Is Impossible for Brazil to could have been more appropriate for remain neutral." Link. Rio rich, leisurely, and at ease Is Soprano Tried for Distance. not "Americanized" in dress, manners, He not only never had worn a Lew or in methods. Probably she never Cody outfit but he never had seen one. will he, for here a new race is In the What Is more, it would have required making a racial amalgamation new a Posse of very determined Men to to the world possessing unique social, get Link into a Tuxedo but, of course, industrial, and cultural possibilities. they had him counted out and lying But Rio Is tolerant and wise. From Horizontal and the Widow was having us, as from Europe, she takes what she her own Way, so she ordered, at a very can use, whether it is ideas or goods. high Price, a very beautiful Regalia Tills Is fair piny among nations. lira suitable for one who Is going to at all of her zil buys about tend a Dinner Dance at the Bit.. imports from us, and we buy perhaps After they got Link into the Nobb 4f per cent of all she exports, if she Outfit It would be unfair to tell you men can learn feels that her young that he looked different. If he ever more about engineering, floriculture, or appeared at the (iates of Heaven in Oentistry In the United States than In the Masquerade Costume there Is a Europe, she sends them here to school. Question as to whether or not Saint If she thinks North American capital Peter would have Identified him from and managerial talent can Improve her the Description which had been re public utilities, she Invites thrir aid; celved In Advance. she sets vigorously, and, Quite a Question arose as to where her public health officials to work side Funeral Services would be held the by side with Amerlcsn "Rockefeller be necessary to have a would It In fever control doctors yellow well-dresse- Fare-Ye-wel- l. high-price- s d free-for-al- l. Latin-America- one-fourt- Preacher and it waa customary to i break into a Church. It Just happened I that Link had not attended Church ' for something like a matter of 28 Years and be had no Sectarian Affiliations that anyone remembered, but his Wife happened to think that one of his Aunts had been a Methodist, so they fixed it up and had the Methodist Minister come over and he looked at the Remains and secured a few Data from the Bereaved Helpmate and by the time he got through Link waa almost a Methodist in Good Standing. The Pastor and the Undertaker told the Widow that It was customary, if you wanted to have a real Swell Funeral, to have some singing and that a good Soprano who was guaranteed to u slut the Departing Soul right into the Blissful Beyond would bring about 50 Dollars. Link's Wife said that nothing waa too good for Him so they hired a near-oper- a Singer and she did three Obll-gutat the church, her Idea evidently being to let them know in the World Beyond that Link was on hla way, because she certainly was Loud. Fortunately Link could not hear her and did not know what it cost ao everything was all right Roping In the Relatives. It seems that the Importance of a Funeral nowadays is gauged by the Number of Motor Cars which follow, the Motor Hearse out to the Cemetery. All you have to do to get a Motor Hearse is to buy it and use It once and then give it back. Link's wife wanted the Funeral to be a Real Success so she engaged all of the Automobiles from three Garages and had them lined up In front of the Church, so that all of the Mourners could get a Free Ride out to the Cemetery, with the result that a great many People who never bad heard of Link rode out and stood beside the Open Grave and cried like Children. We must not overlook the fact that Death Notices had been Inserted in all of the Newspapers nearby and that Mrs. Link had sent for Link's Brother, who lived five hundred miles away and had paid his Railroad Fare and had bought a new Suit of Clothes so that they would let blm enter the Church. All of this helped to whoop the Expense Account but there Is one tlme'when a Sentimental Woman will not balk at Expenses and that Is when she is planting the Beloved. It certainly was a most successful Funeral. Link's wife sent Flowers In her own name and In the Names of all of the Relatives who were not present Link looked simply wonderful in his ballroom Costume and the Preacher talked about him until almost anybody could believe that Link amounted to something and the Soprano did herself proud and the Parade was about four blocks long and the Assembly out at the Cemetery looked like a Mass Meeting. After It was all over, the Widow held a Consultation with the Children and checked up on the Family Budget They had no Assets In sight but there were quite a number of Bills. The Widow said, by way of Explanation, "It looks as though we would be broke for the next twenty years, but you must admit that we gave Papa quite a Send-off.MORAL Lf people are overlooking you, die. Get Rid of a Bad Headache in Few Minutes 4' ' V ri Bit of Early History Nicholas Disbrowe, Joiner, who "made the earliest piece of American furniture of proven origin," held the office of chimney viewer in 1(147 and again in 1055, 1003, and 1000. He must have been good at It. In 1005, he did more "sighting" as surveyor of highways. He served, too, In the Pequot war, for which service he was given fifty acres of land. Nicholas, with all these good deeds to his credit, is reputed to have been charged with witchcraft, but this was due as the story continues, to a dispute over a m ix Because of Quick Dissolving, Property Bayer Aspirin Starts "Taking Hold" 3 or 4 Minutes After Taking Remember, it is Genuine Bayer Aspirin which provides this unique, quick-actin- g property. So be sure you get the Real Article GENUINE BAYER Aspirin when you buy. Naturally you want the fastest, possible relief and that's the way to get iL Due to important, scientific developments in the world-famoBayer laboratories, almost INSTANT relief from headaches, neuralgia and rheumatic pains is being afforded miIlions. Because of a unique process in making and tableling. Genuine Bayer Aspirin is made to dissolve almost INSTANTLY in the stomach. Hence it starts to work almost instantly. And thus "takes hold" of the average pain or headache in as little as three or four minutes after taking. The fastest, safe relief, it is said, ever known for pain. us NO TABLETS ARE GENUINE To identify the genuine, see that any box or bottle of aspirin you buy is clearly marked "Genuine Bayer Aspirin." And that any tablet you take is stamped clearly with the name "Bayer" in the form of a cross. Remember Genuine Bayer Aspirin cannot harm the heart. A fBAYER ASPIRIN WITHOUT THIS CROSS E V Soldiers' Foreign Brides Duke Sociology Expert The duke of York is a student of sociological matters and Industrial welfare work In addition to being a fairly good mechanic, and his study at 145 Piccadilly Is being revamped to meet his needs. It Is a plainly furnished room on the third floor d office desk with a big flanked by steel filing cabinets. The bookshelves, now being extended, chiefly hold works about Industrial welfare and sociological subjects. Under the bay window Is a work bench fitted with a small lathe, which the duke uses In making wireless sets and small mechanical models. Of the brides that members of the A. E. V. brought home with them, reported up to March 15, 1920, were Kronen, 2,205; Rritish. 1,101, Luxem-burgian, 02; Belgian, 79; Italian, 41; Herman, 31; Russian 23; Spanish 7; Swiss, 5. Polish, 5; Greek, 4; Dutch, 3; Rumanian, 3; Serbian, 2; Jugoslav, 2; Czech, 1; Mexican, 1; un- known, 14; total, 3,709. The husbands of these women Include men of the army, navy and marine corps. It Is understood that a total of approximately 5,000 members of the American expeditionary forces married foreigners. The list includes only the brides of whom there U record. If a town can't beautiful Itself Is It harder to get an unprejuotherwise, It can cover all the ngly diced with areas grass. Jury in a little townT ground Forms of Government in European Countries The following European nations are Austria, Czechoslovakia, republics: Esthonia, Finland. France, Germany, Poland, Greece, Latvia, Lithuania, Portugal, San Marino, Spain, Switzerland and Turkey. Russia is a federation of republics, but of republics of a sort quite different from the oldei kind. The kingdoms are those of Belgium, Bulgaria, Denmark, Great Britain, Italy, the Netherlands, Norway, Rumania, the Serb, Croat and Slovens (Jugoslavia), and Sweden. The government of Hungary Is also, In form, that of a kingdom, but the throne Is vacant at present Luxemburg Is a grand duchy. Monaco Is a principality. Ireland and Danzig are called free states. In Danzig there Is a legislative assembly, elected by the people, and a high commissioner, appointed by the League of Nations. In Ireland there is the sort of government that Canada has, with a very slight formal acknowledgment of the sovereignty of the British king. 9 said: "omen BUT they hadnH tried the amazing New Oxfidol thent euds 50 more 9 Richer, longer-lastin- g suda that's why the New Oxydol can safely took dirt out of clothes so no ruLhing is needed and still bo kind to hands and dainty things. Use it for dishes too. Rinses clean, leaves no scum, softens water, never halls up. Procter & Gamble HADE BT THE Kia. u. . pat. orr. MAKERS OF IVOBT SOAP in ii initi-t- !MrMiiiwMMMniMiiMiiiinMeiiiiiiMMiiiMaiMii'iwinttiMi r i - ' " - r im 'inmi Too Few Aba! "Your husband seems to be a man The comedian smiled roguishly, "When," he said loudly, "Is an actor of rare gifts." "He Is. lie hasn't given me one not an actor?" "Nine times out of ten," retorted since we were married." Stray Stories. some one In the gallery. hill. For Your Clrild's Tender Skin Accountancy Very little Is known of the origin as a profession. The llrst association of which there Is record Is the Collegio del Raxonall, founded at Venice in 1581. Professional probably existed In Milan at .n early date, ns the government estah lished a scale of charges for them In 1712. The first Scotch professional accountant was George Watson, horn In .dinburgh In 1015. In IT'.Ht the British directory listed five. The first formal recognition given to accountants in the I'nited States was In the laws of New I'SE of accounting l York In April, 1800. " JJJj ' zf$ 7 if oan luifomva Innur" lli.it- vnn nrfi lavillffo the J , skin m or a healthy fun(lalin J rurcf gentle and deli- M latcr X put Anrl .1. 1 -- 1,1 Price 2Se. Proprietor!: Totter Druit Maiden, & Chemical Mini Corp, |