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Show LAKESIDE Lakeside Review 3 Thursday, February 19. 1998 Mission Possible: Homecoming orientation would help, missionary says By SUSAN TANNER HOLMES Standard-Examine- r H ' correspondent - For worrying else, and then all of a sudden its you, and every decision you make means more than ever, said Kristin Nilsen, return missionary from the Washington-Seattl- e Mission, who has been home a year. I really worried I wouldn't be as happy. Its simple on your mission, you get up and do what youre supposed to do and come home. When I got home I began to wonder if any of the things I was doing mattered. When she came home it was one of the highlights of our life, said Li z Nilsen, Kristins mother. Its one of those reward things, powerful and intense. But the honeymoon of enjoying family, friends and togetherness doesnt last forever. It basically happened to her sooner than us. Our change was more gradual. Not having a companion 24 hours a day didn't seem to bother Kristin as much as some missionaries. She had her family and shares a room with her sister. We are a really close family. I wanted to tell my family ev Farmington Teasdale From 1 go to Ecuador and get married there, and the process to get his wife to the United States would only take about two weeks. On Aug. 20, 1993, Todd and Doris were married in Ibarra, Ecuador, and they went to the American Embassy to get Doris paperwork started. They were informed that the rules had been changed, and Todd would have to go back to America and transmit the paperwork to Ecuador. It was a process that could possibly lake up to a year before he could bring her to America. Todd had no choice but to return to Utah without her. It was the hardest 'thing Ive ever had to do, Doris sajd. "I had no idea how long it would be until I would see Todd flguin.v rr't erything and my parents were there to talk to. Often Kristin and her mother would talk late into the early morning hours. We were so starved to hear everything about her mission, said Liz Nilsen. They wore themselves out the first little while. I got my talking done earlier in the evening, said Helge Nilsen, Knstins father. But it was fun just having her there and having her sit and talk with us. Culture shock can be traumatic. Day in, day out all your conversations are focused on the gospel. I worked right up until I got on the plane and flew the hour and a half home, said Kris- tin. When you leave you have a couple of months to prepare to go, then you go to the MTC (Missionary Training Center) and you are given more preparation, but when you come home and are sitting on the sofa, its abrupt, there is no time to prepare. Both Kristin and her mother agree the mission should provide some kind of homecoming orientation to help with the adjustment period. Change in the family, friends and the surroundings can be hard on a return missionary. Kristins family had just moved out of their house and into an apartment when she left. Coming home to share a room with a little sister was a change that could have been difficult. It's hard to come home and adjust to our life. Shes lived her own life and been her own person for 1 8 months and sometimes shed have to tell me to back off, said Liz Nilsen. When she left she had the chance of becoming a world class performer, but when she came back she had a different focus in her life. Finding new friends is difficult. Youre older, a lot of your friends are married and have kids or are working and have gone on with their lives. Finding new friends is difficult and different for each girl, said Kristin. "You have to learn a lot of patience in a lot of different areas. Then there is the roller coaster ride of decision making. You feel guilty about not doing as much as you were doing. You want to carry your mission over into the time you are home, she said. "When youre home you have other distractions like church callings, school, work, and looking for a husband or wife, and you have to work to make time for scripture study, prayers and sacrament meeting. You become spread out. I had to remind myself I was doing all that I could. She was a little restless, said Nilsen. And she looked a little lost, like life wasnt as meaningful as it had been for a year and a half. I hated to see her feel that he sent them to a regional immigration office in Nebraska. They stayed there for about a month and then they went to another office in Virginia. In all it took seven months for the paperwork to be completed by the government and get Doris visa issued. Todd was told by one immigration official that they were very lucky that it only took seven months -sometimes the paperwork takes up to two years to be finished. people were saying to me, said. er encountered anyone who isnt interested in where I come from. Many people have commented about my accent and ask me about Ecuador and want to know if I like it here. I do1, she said. In March 1994, Todd left Salt Lake City and flew to Ecuador to bring his wife home. I wasnt sure of what to expect when I came to America," Doris said. I had some family in Florida, and Todd and I went there before coming to Utah. Since Todd could speak Spanish and her cousins all spoke her native language, Doris got along fine there. It was when they arrived at the Salt Lake International Airport that Doris got her first real taste of English. "I had no idea what Dont try to do every good thing at once. Pick and choose the things you can handle. You're physically worn out so take time to build yourself back up. Try to find a balance. Go to the temple once a week. Its neat and helps you with a sense of direction. You get away from the world and worries and you can reorganize your thoughts. Welcome the advice of your parents. They give good suggestions and can be very understanding. Talking about things with them helps you make good decisions. Be patient not only with yourself, but with your family. Its hard for them to remember youve been on your own. What will help parents in the adjustment phase? Kristins parents have these suggestions: "Remember its an adjustment for them to come home. They have been sky high and will drop Many return missionaries want to focus on getting married, but have trouble socializing. It seems natural to want to get married. One of the most important works you can do is marriage and family. We had many opportunities to visit homes and see how families interacted and got ideas of what we wanted to do. I was anxious to employ some of those ideas, said Kristin. But its hard to go to social functions alone. I prefer to be in a group. "Missionaries need more of a social life, said Liz Nilsen. The kids seem to have a wonderful time at a fireside but have a dismal attendance in a social setting. Sometimes Kristin doesnt feel she has time for a social life, but she needs that balance. For the serious committed missionary its hard to change gears from not paying attention to the opposite sex to one of being social." What advice would Kristin give to the newly returned mis Learning to speak English was the most difficult thing for Doris to leam about her new country. Ibarra is a fairly large city," she said, and there is much American influence in Ecuador, but all of this foreign language was coming at me from all sides. In Ecuador, there are lots of people and it is easy to get on a bus and go anywhere you want, but here in Utah people depend on their cars. I had to get a drivers license and I knew that I would have to leam to understand English if I was going to be able to get around and be happy here. FFT'l'WW . Remember they all go through an adjustment period. Bj, patient with them and yourselves Let them talk, love them and give them their space, don't push ; them to adjust." Some parents also feel a spiri-'tual letdown when their child comes home. When she was on her mission we were on a spiritu al high, said Nilsen. We miss the letters and feelings we had. T Its a little letdown in a way not being able to share her experi- - ,, ences. I'd rather have her home, of course, but there is a letdown.-- It was a great experience for all of us." 1 4 hlL-- d 1 J 4 SAVE ON ALL MODELS! Natural Gas How many LDS missionaries marry members from the countries they have served in? Don LeFevre, Church spokesman, said the LDS Church does not keep records on foreign marriages. The Church expects its missionaries to obey Church and mission rules and not become romantically involved with those they teach, but often the power of love prevails. High Efficiency Energy Savings All Work Guaranteed Free Estimates Hi NATURA1 DESIGN BY Todd and Doris have many friends who, like them, have experienced the frustrations and delays in bringing their spouses to America. "Like us," Todd said, they have fought the red tape, but when you are finally together and your family is complete, its worth it." Today, Doris speaks English well and has a job with Intermountain States Plants, where she takes care of roses for commercial sales. She said she likes her job, and she likes the people she works with. I have found the people here in Utah are very kind and considerate. I have nev U "The hardest part is watching your child go through the prob- lems and realizing there is noth-- ; I ing you can do to help her, she own.her on decisions make must Remember they have been out on their own, are adults and they need their space. Don't be overprotective. Give advice, but dont be offended if they don't ;c take it. day. way. she to the question of What is the purpose of my life. sionary? Try to include as many of your mission habits and principles as you possibly can in your life. Get the basics done every 520 South State, Clearfield 5 773-483- 636 292-- 1 6 &T?niVT7?Nr&rrTT7JI7777TrrT?W7r i . Todd returned to Utah in September and immediately began the arduous task of filling out government forms. Todd said that he had to complete some of the forms several times, and then TWO-SPEE- ! 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