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Show t t tc v, f REVIEW h kkesidej ir. li- nt i I Which parenting style do you use? is By JOLENE M. CAMPBELL Sf Guest column Social service worker Its a chilly morning and new snow covers the ground. You head out the door to take your to school. Shes a beautiful child whom you love and adore. Yes, shes the same one who is currently standing behind you screaming that she doesnt need to wear a coat. Are you the type of parent who in this situation would? A) Insist that she is not leaving the house until her coat is on. B) Insist that she have the coat but end up taking it for her when she persists in her refusal, or C) Point out the new fallen snow but allow her to make that choice and when she discovers she is cold, pour out sadness and empathy for this unfortunate decision she has made. This really isnt meant to be a test, just a way to determine your parenting style. Most adults find themselves slipping into the same habits their own parents used. In fact, we have probably found ourselves slipping into the same habits their own parents used. In fact, we have probably found ourselves (usually when its too late) saying the exact things that drove us crazy when our parents said them to us as children. If we want to parent differently than how we were parented, its going to take conscious effort. K Drill Government directory Bountiful City Council - Mayor John Cushing 2 Home i larold Shatter 9 Home Barbara Holt 9 Home Sam Fowler Home 295-50'Alan Johnson 0 Home Stewart Knowlton 9 Home 295-609- 295-533- 295-544- 295-630- 231-491- i Centerville City Council : Mayor Frank W. Hirschi 8 Home Michael Barton 6 Home Franclne Luczak 4 Home W illiam Nelson 0 Home Rick Bangerter Home Ron Russell 5 Home 295-918- 292-427- : j ! I ! ; ; 292-993- 292-262- 298-019- 4 295-374- I Clearfield City Council ! Mayor Thomas Waggoner 1 Home Ivan D. Anderson 0 Home Diane Layton 5 Home ; ' 825-565- 825-695- ' 825-784- James W. Barlow 3 Home Curtis Oda 6 Home Garr L. Roundy 9 Home 773-828- Steve Curtis Mayor Richard L. Harvey 8 Home L. Dale Green 0 Home Anna Tina LePendu 9 Home Daniel J. Phelps 9 Home E. Robert Purdy 9 Home Diane Maynes 3 Home 544-436- 773-979- Home 544-868- 773-563- Clinton City Council Mayor DeMar Mitchell 1 Home Dennis Simonsen 8 Home Arvcrd T as lor Home 776-08Joanne Hansen 9 Home Richard Lee 5 Home Merlin Mitchell 2 Home 773-583- 825-841- 773-420- 825-689- 773-195- Farmington City Council Mayor Gregory S. Bell Home Pat Achter 1 Home Gary F2 Llliott 3 Home David J. Dixon Home David M. Connors Home Larry W. Haugen 6 Home Home 547-012- Mayor Henry Diekamore 4 Home Jack Frost 3 Home Jeff Monroe 479-3S8- 544-214- 544-088- 479-441- Kaysville City Council Home Mayor Brian D. Cook Home 544-58Joe Hill 1 Home Stephen Whitesides Home 544-32Arthur Johnson Home 544-84Reed Nelson 2 Home Robert II. Rees Home 451 6003 71 451-28- 479-873- 479-490- 3 Sunset City Council 48 Mayor Jan Galbraith Home James D. Bridges 773-77- Home 2 Home Brent A. Allen 8 Home Debra I Adkins 1 Home Stuart Adams 9 Home 544-010- 825-37- Max Hill 5 Home Carl Clayton 0 Home Carl Trusscl 825-809- 825-652- Home Mel Wood 825-590- 546-353- Fruit Heights City Council 7 90 547-902- 451-735- 3 Annette Gardner 544-326- 544-517- 451-77- 479-521- Brent Stauffer Home Layton City Council Mavor Jerry Stevenson 451-245- 546-11- South Weber City Council -- 451-508- 9 546-378- 546-491- 451-72- 546-444- F. Renny Knowlton ' Home 825-052- 5 4 sergeant parent Back to the question of whether to wear the coat or not. If you answered A, you are what Parenting with Love and Logic, by Jim Faye and Foster Cline, would call a drill sergeant parent. A drill sergeant orders others around, demanding that things be done their way or else! This is quite often effective in the short term but gives a very sobering message to a child. The message is that they are incapable of thinking for themselves. The parent has to make all the decisions because the child isnt smart enough to make their own, nor are they smart enough to learn for themselves tiie lessons of life. Hopefully, that is not the view we want our children to have of themselves. A helicopter parent A helicopter parent is one who hovers overhead waiting to make a rescue at any moment. This is the parent who would have answered B. You want your child to make the right choice even if it means making the choice for them. Helicopter parents have the best of intentions as they stand by to protect their child from the world and even from themselves. Some may even wonder why there is a problem with this way of thinking. Once again, we must look at what message we give a child when we do this. To the child, a helicopter parent is saying that they are not capable of going through life without someone to run interference and save them from their own poor choices. This may be the child who doesnt want to leave home upon reaching adulthood because they doubt their own ability to make it in the world without the parent. When life's lessons eventually L-- 1 -.-j Remember and can save you money! Get Your TRANSMISSION TUNE-U- P SAVE teaks 4 iil DOR COPY 40 Month cf Karats sve-we- ek course taught throughout the year. Dr. Foster Cine, of "Love and Logic," will be the keynote speaker at the ninth annual Davis County Conference on Fami- lies March 27 at Northridge High St hool. To register call the Family Connection Center at 773-071- 2. f f I an all models! i tp 1 N JUt I Thi Oxtpnn OS Gw Wttt) X j BY DESIGN jjj. xn- El Enrol p Coupon iff pone Arandas Hereto 687 S. State, Clearfield I If youre concerned about what the teacher will say, just let the school know that you are trying to teach personal responsibility and that you will support whatever consequence they feel is appropriate. Perhaps the child will not be allowed to go outside for recess. This will only help the child realize the importance of making a good decision about wearing a coat to school. It really is too bad that children dont come with an ow ners manual to help parents get through life. If that were the case we would not have our own parents to blame for our problems in adulthood. Jolene M. Campbell is a licensed social service worker with Davis Mental Health. She teaches "Parenting w ith Ltve and Logic, " a naiural Wrfh 'THANSMSSSiGA ' volved. High Efficiency Energy Savings All Work Guaranteed Free Estimates PRESENT THIS AD, AND WE WILL Check modulator and replace hose Road test vehicle after work a completed So what is a parent to do? By deduction youve probably figured out that the best answer is C. Fay and Cline would call this a consultants response. A consultant parent gives advice but allows the child to make the final decision, then allows the consequences of that decision to play out. If a person is to make good choices in life they must learn every choice has a consequence whether good or bad. The child also learns that their own happiness depends a great deal on their ability to think through and solve their own problems. The consultant parent is always there to provide support and guidance but especially empathy when things dont go quite right. The consultant parent sends the message that children are capable of making their own choices and that their happiness depends on the quality of those choices. A child also leans that mistakes are part of life and that the parent trusts them to learn from their mistakes the next time they are faced with a similar problem. Of course, whether to wear a coat on a cold day is a pretty simple problem, but it provides a clear example of how parents are different in how they respond to their children. Children face much more complicated decisions in the world. The same principles apply no matter what the choice. The only time a parent should interfere with natural consequences is when there is no way for the child to return from or undo the effects of their decision. Be careful in how you think about whether to become in- Natural Gas Today! Road lest your vehicle prior to service J check tor transmission Remove, inspect and dean transmission pan Adjust linkage and throttle cable Replace filter or clean screen Reinstall pan with a new gasket and M transmission with new fluid A consultant parent JH smsE Preventive Maintenance Works catch up with this child, its a much more painful experience because the consequences are much more severe than they would have been as a child. 776-554- 0 520 South State, Clearfield n "ninui 773-483- 6 1 292-- 1 636 ;h m 1 i ! j ! |