Show -- TV 1 THE 90 KEEP APITCH I lMN : TUB v PAPER A Devoted to Cents UNO HOO Principal Editor Deputy Asst EditorUBET UTtLIFE dep’y asst’s Clprk':::b i z ness TERMS: r - $1 l - 50 oo io ClUll RATES: Five Copies to one address S 500 Ten Copies to One Address and one to the clubber 1000 £3 For sale by all respectable Newsdealers everywhere advertisements Owing to the limited space devoted to Advertising we shall be under the necessity of restrict ing Advertisements to TEN lines or less Terms each insertion fifty cents a line All Communications to receive attention Hoo & Co Box D on Business in order must be addressed— Vxo Salt Lake City EDITORIAL RELIGIOUS INTELLIGENCE Since the religious part of the “New Move” has fizzled out we understand they contemplate turning the New Church into The price for admission a Theater to the “pit” we are informed will be Brethren let us unite merely nominal ? in SPURIOUS COIN We have received a circular from King No 39 Nassau St N Y on the spurious money business which discounts Stubbs & Co’s offer 100 per cent they There offer it for 10 cents on the dollar is one very singular coincidence in the letter from the two firms They are both printed letters and both have been informed by a mutual friend “a gentleman of the strictest integrity” that we can be relied on to' pass their counterfeit money in an W e have eminently honorable mariner As soon as written to them as follows the packages arrive we shall give our readers further information on tlie sub& Co ' ' X pense and trouble as ‘the counterfeit cannot )be1 detected from the genuine 'oetnp bills” instead off sending you the 10 per cent you require we suggest that you JINI DLtDSO deduct the 10 per cent from the 400000 and send — -- the balance — From Figaro ” With sentiments of the highest consideration for gentlemen so philantrophic He weren’t no saint— them engineers we subscribe ourself Is all pretty much alike— Yours in the gospel One wife in And another one here in Pike Uno Hoo & Co” A keerless man in his talk was Jim And an awkward man in a row— OUR BRAINS But he never flunked and hehever lied I reckon he never knowed how The new organ of the New Move talks And this was all the religion he had— about our brains This is “the most To treat his engine well cut of all” It is downright Never be passed on the river And to mind the Pilot’s bell cruelty to talk about our brains when they know we can’t retaliate on account And if ever the Prairie Belle took fire— A thousand times he swore of their being headless — devoid of even a He’d hold her nozzle agin the bank to them We may not be overplace Till the last soul got ashore put burdened with brains You see we don’t All boats has their day on the Mississip swallow a great deal ef fish or fish stories And her day came at last — either but we think we could brain the Tne Mo vaster era ft was a better boat But the Belle she wouldn't be passed New Move and have several pounds of And so she came tearin’ along that night brains left to If you want see our brain The oldest craft on the line to advantage just you wait till Perry With a nigger squat on her safety valve And her furnace crammed with pine brings us that load of trout from Bear The fire burst out as she cleared the bar j Lake And burnt a hole in the night And quick as a flash she turned and made ANOTHER FOUL PROCEEDING For that wilier bank on the right There was running and cursing but Jem One of the savagest blows at the piece yelled out Over’all the infernal roar of the United States in this Territory is “I’ll hold her nozzle agin the bank that of the rebel 0 R Savage Not conTill the last galoot’s ashore” tent with raising an insurrection against Through the hot black breath of the burning the peace of the commonwealth he now boat Jim Bludso’s voice was heard sets himself to work to raise a Henerv — a And they all had trust in his cussedness most foul proceeding — and what’s more And knowed he would keep his word s he is Well there this And sure’s you're born they all got off money Afore the smokestacks fell — consolation about Charley’s poultry they And Bludso’s ghost went up alone are of such a superior breed that for every In the smoke of the Prairio Belle grain of corn they eat they give apec7: and the Spanish hens are so ambitous STRUCK BY LIGHTNING that they will continue to lay eggs till they You have heard how lightning struck are black in the face — “ Lay on Me Duff” the traveler and how it waked him up — Spokeshave Well that isn’t a circumstance to the ef: t Scents Sense and Nonsense Per Annum in Advance Six 3Ionths 'Single Copies I KE E PA P I T C H I N ‘ Natchez-under-theH- ! eggs-aet- ORIGINAL (?) The Juvenile Tribune comes out in No 4 with several homilies on the degeneracy of the age speculations on the probable length of time to elapse ere the advent of the good time supposed to be coming together with long strings of solemn ublanJc ivorse ” as our devil calls it visions of the epic poets sermons from the Deseret News and voluminous extracts from the Tribune But hold your sides! now comes the funny part: “He has no department fox selected matter he needs none” We should think not! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! and likewise He! He! He! ject: “Messrs King & Co Gentlemen (?) Yours of blank date is received As we have more money than we know what to do with your services in our behalf are gratefully declined but as we have a friend who is not so sitWhen does a man have to keep his uated we would like you to send him about $400000 and in order to save ex- - word? When no one will take it ' fect it has ied If on this you soap it is fairly electrif& W take one of T bars of “Electric Soap” show it a tub of clothes it will go through it so quick that it will make your Taylor’s and head swim THE ICING WASHER Stand aside Make way for the King you one horse washers! Make way for the King ! : No buttons knocked off— 1 all no' grinding motion— so simple that a can 'work it— turns out your linen whiter than the driven snow ! Make way for His Royal Highness the “King” and child the “Royal Wringer 1” : “Ring out Wild hells tp the wild sky! Wring out your clothes and wring them dry! Proclaim to others all “Shoo Fly” V |