Show Kathleen Ia Norris orris N Says If Y You Yon Oft A Arc rc Bored With tit Marriage Its It's Your Own Fault mell Syndicate te Service c aw I AJ A J 04 pI p I N q r jt T TI I- I I wr fob Dob hat small sympathy with the struggles and handicaps handicap of these foreign foreign- torn lorn musicians and accuses me of being in lore line with the singer Vanni By KATHLEEN NORRIS HERE are arc terrible moments moments moments mo mo- THERE T ments in any marriage when it seems to both bothman bothman bothman man and woman that the light of love and happiness has gone out forever and the only possible solution is a complete break Sometimes these moments come in the first year of marriage mar mar- but but not often Quarrels Quarrels Quarrels are cured then and tears and despair forgotten in the comfort of making up And with the joy of being friends again the young husband and wife are almost ready to agree that the trouble was worth while After Alter several years too 12 perhaps perhaps per per- haps or 15 difficulties are less apt to arrive If U there Is fine quality in both partners a real willingness to forget and forgive to change and concede to grow together in habits and likes then the marriage gradually gradually ally becomes a real thing thing the the most perfect companionship human beIngs beIngs beings be be- ings can know in this life lite But in between the first year and the twelfth year there may come a abad abad abad bad time The glamour of honeymoon honey moon days is gone the novelty of the new life lite has worn away life lite has fallen into a routine of responsibilities responsibilities re- re responsibilities re re- and duties office meals dusting telephone bills getting getting get get- ting the children of off to school petty cares petty amusements petty wor wore lies ries Dangerous Years Years for for Women For certain types of women these are dangerous years when there gradually grows upon them a hunger hunger hun hun- ger for excitement change romance romance romance ro ro- ro- ro mance in short a hunger for self self- expression For they are apt to find that self expression along lines that hold no interest for the other member of the team Take the example of year old Jean Porter a Springfield wife and mother Jeans Jean's husband is employed by one of the big utilities corporations corpora and earns a salary of about a week He lie travels a good deal and is fond of golf poker fi fishing movies and his luncheon dUD Jean taught harmonics in the public public pub pub- lic lie schools before she was married and has never lost her interest in music She Sho plays the organ every Sunday in a community church of no special denomination but writes that she has no religious convictions lIes Hes a Good Man lan But Hut Hut- Everything Bob Dob does or likes ex except except ex ex- our common interest in our girl and boy Loy is intensely and fear fully boring boring boring-boring-boring boring boring to met mel writes Jean lie He is a good man who pays his bills and loves his children I have never known him to tobe tobe tobe be mean although his horrible habit of teasing me about my aspirations and my pipe dreams' dreams and delusions delusions delu of ot Hollywood success' success are as bad as meanness I gave up my profession when I married but I have kept up my organ work and naturally I associate with musical music people Three of these to whom Bob Dob especially objects are a Russian Rus Bus sian ilan violinist and his American wife wite and his brother who sings baritone in the choir where I play the organ Home nome life for Bob Dob and me rae has grown to be mere civilities lie He is scornful of everything that means self expression to me pie and I cannot reconcile myself to wasting time upon the sort of ot entertaining and party that he likes Men in to play card games game frankfurters and coffee at late hours trips trip of oft off in the car carto carto carto to some iome place where he be can play golf golt while the children and I amuse ourselves never ne any talk of ot culture or improvement never the reading of ot any worthwhile books for books for fobs Bobs only reading is the newspapers a INCOMPATIBILITY The Tile first fir t e years yours of 01 married narried lift life art are the l most critical according C to 10 Kathleen Norris The husband band until and iti e sometimes tend to 10 drift apart during these years ears because they find it impossible ible to develop similar interests Miss lIliu Norris Norri ni- ni this to a failure lailure to build upon those jose e interests U they do lime hate in ill common This is i riot not only Jan Jan- ferous but stupid she explains because happiness i is never neier found lound ready made couple of weekly magazines and the radio weekly weekly that that doesn't seem life to me Appreciated by Another I have a church rehearsal one night a week and often ask my friends into my ray home for an evening of chamber music Bob has small sympathy with the struggles and handicaps of these foreign-born foreign musicians musicians mu and accuses me of being in inlove Inlove Inlove love with the singer Vanni That I like him that we have interests and ambitions Li in common that he isone is isone Isone one of the most fascinating and cultured cut cul gentlemen I ever knew I do donot donot donot not deny Incidentally Vanni is penniless except for occasional singing engagements engagements engagements en en- and has no intention of marrying me or anyone else But Buthe Buthe Buthe he is sensitive congenial stimulating ing to me and our love for music isa Isa is isa a great bond Would you advise me as to a separation Bob going his own way and I mine with infinitely Infinitely infinitely in In- I finitely less friction than we experience ence today and freedom for both Surely it isn't necessary for two persons of completely different temperaments tem tern to force themselves into a position that is a strain on both Build on Common In Interests Perhaps this letter gives us a rather rath- rath er extreme instance of what I wa was trying to express Neither Bob Dob nor Jean in this case has been wise enough to build during the years upon those interests that they DO hold in common They have developed devel rather the things that separate separate sepa sepa- rate them Bob sneering at Jean Jean cultivating friends who despise everything for which Bob Dob stands This is not only a dangerous situ situ- situation situation ution but a stupid one Every worn worn- an married or single has to learn to live with someone learn to adapt herself to that persons person's ways of n. n n doing coing women who refuse tc to IU change to understand to cultivate other other- than their natural tendencies are presently lonely women with the history of two or three unsuccessful unsuccessful marriages behind them and with a final dismal conviction that thai they might have made a success of ol the first marriage after all Women to Blame In Jeans Jean's case I think she is to tc blame or largely to blame as liS I Ido I 1 Ido do in most cases For it usually is the wife who sets the tone of the marriage If It her husband gets the idea that what he does is contempt ble to her he naturally retaliates lie He wants to show her that he can have a good time in his own way and so the breach between them widens and alt all althe the spirit and flavor departs from their married life Wiser wives and husbands begin early in marriage to cultivate similar simi simi- similar lar tastes The husband may never appreciate classical music the wife may nev neV make a good poker play er ec Hut But companionship is more precious pre cious clous to both than an adolescent desire desire de de- de sire to hurt each other and so by degrees each learns to extract from uncongenial things a ceria certain in amount of ot pleasure and the marriage d deepens deepens deep deep- pens p- p ens from its beginnings Into that miraculous mi ml relationship that only the most fortunate human beings ever know Happiness in being together dependence upon each other the deIght de de- light Ight of ot sharing even the simplest plans for the children or the holi holi- holidays days this is true marriage and ninety-nine ninety out of every everl hundred wives might achieve It It if sta shi would |