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Show SPICE. Prof Von Note 'iou hat a flno collection col-lection of classic music here Music Dealer That s for joung ladles la-dles to look over previous to asking for a cop) of The Hone) suckle and the Dee 'New York eekly The Author This Is all nonsense about the literar) profession being un-health) un-health) , , .. The Voet Of course W h It Is tho greatest appetite producer In the world Chicago News Aseum I see Ornphter s got thit appointment ap-pointment you were aftei Its a permanent per-manent Job too Isn t It? Hope O not thank heaven' Ascum I thtiught It was H0pNo, onl) a life Job -Philadelphia Press 'A woman Is never happi unless she gets the Inst wotd said the man who runs to platitudes Thais a mistake ' answered Mr Meekton A woman nlwns Insists on a mans having the last word Put It must come In the form of an npolog) ' W nshlngton Star Pa said little V lllle who wan reading read-ing the evening papet, whit does Oas Trust mean? Oas trust m son replied his father fath-er means for one thing the absolute lonfldence we are compelled to have In the metet Phllndelphli Press You ia) you lne u new Idea for a stor)"' something original In plot? ' ell I hadn t thought much nbout the plot Hut 1 have an advertising scheme that will nuke a fortune for any book Washington htar. Wanted tn Know ' And nre jou renll) connected with the sign il service bureau" asked the Inqulpttlve girl es miss replied the voting nnn ' Then won t ou please tell me which is jour weather o?" Detroit Press Press Rule for Success ' W hat Is our rule of business jour maxim? ' we askel of the Wall street bnron Very simple' he answer 'I paj for something that 1 cant get, with monej that I haen t got nni then sell whit I never hid for more than It ever cost Life Chlcngos Way Perhips jou noticed no-ticed that nfter Mrs Cornelius Vnnder-bllt Vnnder-bllt s party some of the men guests went out in their evening clothes In the moinlng nnd plajed lawn tennis"' Their uvenlng clothes In the morning morn-ing ba that must have reminded some of the spectators ot Chicago Cleveland PHln Dealer Ills Preference Would ou like tn be Piesldent asked the goo l old gentlemen gen-tlemen In Hie park Naw ' responded the joungeter In the golf cap ' I d rather be the President Presi-dent little loy ' Andwlij"1 Ilecause then I could get my mmo In the papers If I only scritched my nose or had my picture taken Chicago Chi-cago News A New Danger What do jou think we hnd better do nbout this trust business busi-ness ' asked the npprehtnslve citizen I don t know, nnswerod Senator Sorghum "something ought to be done pretty soon or they 11 get so powerful nnd Indepenlent tint thej wont think It worth while to pay for Inlluence ' Washington btnr Rcglmld Mli Wose, don't jou think mj Imjortel Kgyptlin cigarettes are tine Miss Roio Yis, they aro perfectly killing Ills Only Request lulge The Jury has returned a verdict of guilt) Have jou mi) thing tn say for jourstlf before sentence Is passed Prisoner Onl) one thing, jour Honor Hon-or I trust jou will see jour wn) cleir tn deluct the time occupied by my counsel s speech from my term of Im-prlsonment Im-prlsonment Chicago News Prom Kinms It must lne been a good deal of n calamity when the water wa-ter overtimed jour cmnlleld thit wet seiaon Vot such n terrible cnlamltj' When the water went awn) It led millions of ilsh liehlnd I let ibem slnj there for fertilisers und raise 1 the biggest crop of corn jou over hear! of 'Chicago Tribune Not Otilltj Is jour husband n bib-lomanlne' bib-lomanlne' asked Mia Oldcnmle ns she wns being permitted to view the, treasures in Ihe llbrtry ot the now neighbors Mercj sakes no ' replied Mrs Pack enham he never blbbles a bit Oh of course I don t say that ho wouldn t take a little Ht his meals If the rest was doln' II, but Hint's aa fur as he ever goes In thtm kind of thlngii I hltngo Hecord-Hcrald Uallot and llullet ' I suppose ' salt the visitor rrom New Htigltntl that the people In thla State don t take ns much Interest In the election In ort years as In years of Prcsi lentlnl elections elec-tions " ( Oh no" replied the Kentucklnn rather tame affair Still, I've known tht shnotln' at the polls tn begin before daylight In oft yeahs sail Puck Merely an Oversight Newspaper Hd-Itor Hd-Itor Somehow or oth r I am unable tn see any sense In this thing Poet Oh, I beg jour pardon I mndo a mistake and banded you a poem Intended In-tended tor a magazine Chicago Dally News. A Little Misunderstanding Young Mother What will jou charge for n photograph of our little boy? Photographtr-Threo dollars mnilnm but It will be considerably cheaper for a dnien Joung Mother- A dogen' Oh no we cant wait so long bepb mber Llppln-cotl Llppln-cotl s Legal Polrt So she got out an Injunction In-junction against your totnpanj wo say pltjlngly why dldn t you fnrestull him by getting an Injunction tn pro-vent pro-vent the Issuance of his injum Hon' I couldn t jou ser he w is slick enough to get out nn Injunction against my getting out an Injunction against his Injunction Dalttinnre Heiald "Three knots an hour is not such Igid time for n. Ueigyman smilingly subl the minister to himself Just iftr he had united the third couple -Tit ling ih"sDl,!rtli " Bny "W n "" ri"'e" got tin trim Up 1 ,., (i,W nliik I i H " ' " " n If hr wh 1 j " t 1 1 , a ih n Uli Jb0 Am rl |