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Show BABY OVERBOARD ,Y time afore we got to civilization. Hut that babby! Well, there! It Just t made my 'eart Jump into my mouth when I seed 'Ira thrown overboard! And It was the 'cutest little cuss you Youngster Didnt Mind the Experi- ever saw, rigged out in them outlandish skins. ence, But the Mother- - Well, It Ain't it wunnerful what they small She Wee Glad When critters will live through? Where did Was Over. we sail from? Puntaa Arenas, if that four times Ive bln, elpa you much, and our ship was the the and Crita, and Jolly glad we all was to see said the teller of the story, of them there old Dover cliffs agin. Yes. last was about the most excitin em all. Want to ear about It? Right THRILLING OCEAN RESCUE. THE ROMANCE OF A Ship-wrecke- d oh! 'My ship was the Glencalrn, capen of her Nlcholls by name. Kd Is wife and babby aboard, kid only months 16 We was wrecked off Cape Horn la July; struck the rocks In as eavy a gale as ever I've knowed; fog, and enow, and ev'ry luxury, as one might say. Two men drownded In gettln off the lifeboat Tried twice, we did, and the second time was successful. Mrs. Nlcholls and the kid were got In, but the sea was that rough and tem'pestuous we couldn't land and back we come to the wreck agin, and a awful night we spent I can tell yer, thinking as ow she'd break up any minute. Next, day wed another try; the boat was launched right, enough, and the missis was lowered Into er. Then the capen with the kid in is arms went to the stern of the wreck, and we to see what watched breathless-llke would do, boldin the boat. with our oars as best we could with them great waves tossin us about like a shuttlecock. Well, the capen shouted somethin to the mate, who stood in the boat with 'is arms stretched out, and when the capen hollered again e just chucked that blessed kid acrost the bit of eaving water, and the mate e got it all right, and laid it in the bottom of the boat whilst the capen came aboard someow 'isself. "That kid didnt care a mite! It just crawled about amongst our legs, as jolly as a sandboy, till its ma got old of it She was in a pretty takin, I can tell yer, when she saw er offspring urled inter space. Well, we got ashore this journey, or I shouldnt be ere you of this yarn, and the Injuns met us brlm-mi- n over with the milk of uman kindness; rigged up a shelter for us, and there we stopped for a bloomin week. That kid was dressed up in skins, and its mammy carried it for all the world like them squaws. Then wed a pretty rough journey cross country to a missionarys house, where wed a good rest, and bime-bwe come to Rio Grande, a little matter of 60 mile or so. But it ud take too long to tell you of the country we passed through, or of our adventures, for wed a stiffish old. For love of her a youth did ' burn. Till finally It blazed out. She poured cold water on his flame And her father put him out Baltimore American. HE WAS WISZ. y When the Capen Hollered Agin E Just Chucked That Blessed Kid Acrost the Bit of Eaving Water." Ive bln four times wrecked, and praps Ill be four times more. Who knows? The kids mother she took to all our ardships very kind, and stepped out like a good un whenever there was any marchin ter be done. We ad a good bit of it altogether, and a good many shocks one way and another, but she came through em all smilin. The only thing as upset er was wen the capen threw the kid! SUBMARINE FINANCE. There was an ancient mariner. For threescore years and ten Hed worked upon a submarine Until the proud day when Hed viewed his warlike craft complete, The happiest of men. The government inspectors came And marveled greatly oer The wonderful invention that Was moored down by the shore. The old inventor glowed with pride And dreamed of wealth galore. They sped across the oceans foam. The men began to think This craft the great problem had 'solved. Its wonders made them blink In fact, it would do anything Required of it but sink. The old man was no financier; His purse was not rotund. Hed just enough to float his craft. But not a cent beyond. You see, hed been unable to Provide a sinking fund. Roy K. Moulton, in Judge. up-tow- n Now, Mr. Luggins arms and pockets were so filled with bundles that it seemed utterly ridiculous for him to say he had forgotten anything. Yes," he continued; I have forgotten something. Hut what In thunder It is 1 cant make out. Its not Susans hair ribbon, for thats in my upper vest pocket; its not Anns tooth paste, for that's in my lower vest pocket; and its not Bobbies collars, for Im sure I stuffed them In my hat. Now, what in the dickens .can it be? It cant be the stove polish, or the picture wire, or the bird seed, or the sample package of Peeled Wheat, or the toothpicks, for theyre in this bundle; and it cant be the carpet tacks, or the spool of No. 40 cotton, or the bottle of marking ink, or the colored post cards, for they're all in k, an subway express and missed it by the tenth of an inch. Then he walked back to the center of the platform and stopped. Tve forgotten something," he mutr I know I've forgotten sometered. thing." e pick-a-bac- ITS SUCH A LITTLE THING.. TOO! Mr. Luggins made a wild dash for AND no-where- s, HA-HA- I I TOLD YOU SO. "You took em off last week, ha! ha! And now you shiver in the breeze; Your eyes are red, O youre a sight; Go it, old boy! enjoy your sneeze. Oh, thats a frightful cold you have. But Ivp no sympathy, Oh, no! You took em off ha, ha! old man, I told you so! "Excuse me If I have to smile, It really tickles me to see That you are suffering this way. You should have given heed to me. all your fault, you were a fool. Its The fiddler you must pay, you know! Still youll remember, If you think, I told you so. I know Ive got an awful cold, By head Is stuffed, so bery tight, I caddot speak a siggle word, Ad I cant eben sleep at dight. But I could stand de cold, by Gub! Widout complainig ob by woe. If I could dodge the fools who say I told you so. " Detroit Free Press. And Heres Another. Happy Thought. in the public Maud Muller press. ' The habit of happy thought would In rhymes, halting harcommonest life into transform the Parodied has been, I guess, Ten thousand times. mony and beauty. Success Magazine. Yes, Grace Now, when you ask papa, In that bundle. Maybe Its It! thats Ive by heavens, forgotten face him like a man. to buy the piano! P. in J. Rome, You not will. goI Im bet Harry Judge. ing to give him a chance to kick. The Weight of Years. A woman, TOO LATE TO BEGIN. remarked the observer of things and events, doesnt begin to feel the weight of years until she discovers her first gray hair. And a man, rejoined the strong-minde- d female, begins to feel the of them on his twenty-firs- t weight and it takes about 15 years birthday, for it to wear off. Chicago Daily News. So Good of Him. Well, said Mrs. Kindhaft, who had answered the fing of the front door I suppose I can give you something, but youll have to go round to the kitchen. All right, lady, replied Hungry Hawkes, I ain-- t too proud ter be accommodatin. House cleanin, I suppose, an yer dinin room aint fit fur use, eh? Philadelphia Press. bell, The Flippant Youth. it all now,my son, said the old man, but when you have reached my age you will find you know comparatively nothing. I guess thats right, dad, replied the flippant youth. Ive often heard that one forgets much in his declinChicago Daily News. ing years. You know Why Not? was Tommie having his hair cut, and the barber got the shears pretty Close to the boys head, so Tommie began to cry. Oh, fie, Tommie! said his mother; you dont cry when Im cutting you a piece of pie! Well, I do if you cut it too short!" Why did old Skinem insist that his wife should give away the bride when his daughter was married? O! He said hed never given away anything yet, and he was too old to Northern Budget. begin! Exaggerated Language. Son (who has been caught reading a penny dreadful) Unhand me tyrant, or there may be bloodshed. Father No, my son; there will be nothing more serious than toolshed. Come, that is where the strap hangs. The best kind of a memory is the one that remembers the best things. , |
