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Show I THE SPECTATOR 11 I J 111 PEAKING of pol- fl M I itics'" said the 5l I Ward Heeler the II - - Oil otlier (lay "tlxey I HI say that Fernie llli555 i . ' ' ' Fernstrom's candidacy can-didacy has struck a snag already." "Is that so? Tell ine about It," I remarked. "Well, there isn't much to tell, except ex-cept that somebody let the cat out of the bag." "This sounds interesting. Go ahead and spin your yarn," I' urged. "Alright. I'll tell it to you just as I got it, but don't you dare to mention my name," warned the gumshoe politician poli-tician as he proceeded to unwind the inside information. "You see, Fernie wants to be city commissioner and his candidacy promised at the outset to I become a howling success from the Democratic standpoint. At least, the boys were all scrambling to get aboard his band wagon for the big drive down the stretch. His election was assured, according to the wise ones in the Democratic camp, and the only thing that bothered them was the .selection of a suitable running mate for the shifty candidate. It sure looked like an easy matter to capture control of the city." "How's that?" I interrupted. "I thought that there were only two commissioners com-missioners to elect." "That's right, but the Democrats claim to have a working agreement with Green, and then they can count on Bock, of course." "But I thought those two fellows were Republicans." "They are when they're talking to Republicans." "Well, go ahead and tell me what has happened to Fernie." "Oh, some old Democratic pie-hunter has charged him with promising to give John Halvorsen the job of license collector, if he is elected." "Is there anything wrong about that?" "There most certainly is, judging by ' the howl that has gone up from the Democratic camp. "What's the trouble with Halvorsen? Halvor-sen? Isn't he a Democrat?" "Oh, yes, he claims to be, but he is in bad standing with the organization." organiza-tion." "He has held several jobs under the party, hasn't he?" "Yes, but the bosses made it so hot for him that he couldn't hold them." "Doesn't he pay his campaign assessments?" as-sessments?" "I don't know. Better ask the committee com-mittee about that." "What does Fernie have to say about the affair, now that they have smoked him out?" "Oh, nothing Fernie never says' anything that you can fix on him afterward." af-terward." "And you think that this expose will cost him the support of the Democratic Demo-cratic organization?" "It looks that way." "Well that busts things wide open. What chance has he got with the party par-ty split into two factions over his candidacy?" can-didacy?" "Don't let a little thing like that fool you. Fernie is still in the running. run-ning. He is the slickest article that Sweden ever turned out. Why that old cuss is more slippery than a cat with nine lives. Talk about bareback riders he's the most agile equestrian that ever stepped into the sawdust ring. It's no stunt for him to ride two horses going in opposite directions. Don't you know that he is the original origi-nal and only Democratic sticking- plaster?" "Come to think of it, I guess you're right." "Of course I'm right. Remember the time when his cow was killed on the railroad tracks?" "Yes, I believe I do. That was the time when he was a member of the old city council, wasn't it?" "That's right. Well the accident occurred at a point where the tracks of the D. & R. G. and the Short Line closely parallel each other. They say that Fernie succeeded in collecting damages from both companies." "Quite impossible." "For the average citizen, yes; but not for Fernie. The story goes that he collected from one road for scaring scar-ing the cow and the other for killing it." Which merely goes to show how a fellow, with a brain as fertile as Fer- nie's, Is liable to reverse the rule and play the middle against both ends. He will bear watching. There's a big jackpot on the table and Fernie is not so foolish as he looks. Whenever he pulls a chair up to the table the game gets interesting. Also, he has been known to play a tricky hand. a FRIEND brought this yarn into the office, claiming that he heard it on the streets. Perhaps he did, but it was first told by one of the French soldiers in the Tabernacle, and its origin is traced to a boy in the trenches, who was writing his mother not to worry. At any rate, it is worth repeating, even though it has been revamped. It was after the great military parade pa-rade Monday and a party of young men were talking about the draft. "What have you to say about the draft?" asked one. "Me," he replied, "I should worry. You see," he continued, con-tinued, "I always have two chances. I will either be drawn or not drawn. If I am not drawn I need not worry, and if I am drawn, I still have two chances. I will take the examination and if I am rejected, well why why should I worry, and if I am accepted, ac-cepted, I still have two chances. "I will either be called or held in reserve. If I am held in reserve, I need not worry, and if .1 am called well, I still have two chances. I will either be put in the firing line or just behind it. If just behind it, I need not worry, but if on the firing line, I still have two chances; I will either be shot or missed. If I am missed I need not worry, but if I am hit, I still have two chances for I will either be crippled or killed. If I am killed I can't worry, and if I am crippled, the government will see that I am well taken care of the rest of my life." XT was tag day and many winsome win-some young women were selling tickets and pinning tags on purchasers purchas-ers in behalf of the mess fund for th soldier boys of Utah. Standing on the old Walker Bank corner were three well known citizens, including Joseph Hyde, than whom there is no better fellow, when the Spectator came up. "Say but Joe got a shot a while ago," said one of the trio to M the Spectator. "You know this is tag M day," he continued, "and we had just M bought our tags when a very hand- M some girl came up and taking Jog for M the grandpa of the party, said to him: M 'Won't you buy a tag, please?' Jon M replied, 'No, I'm married,' when quick M as a flash came the retort: 'Well if M you were not I should say from your M looks that you would stay single for M a long, long time,' and Joe had noth- M ing more to say." H H Germans, in spite of their rage, sc- H cretly envy Mr. Gerard the Order of H the Bath. ' H If there had been no Adam in the ,H Garden of Eden, Eve would probably H have married the serpent. jH |
