| OCR Text |
Show POLITICO-PERSONAL By CANDIDA. The candidacy of Elder Joseph Howell for the congressional nomination at the hands of the Smoot Republican convention is natural and always al-ways to be expected; that Parley Perennial Christensen, the big Swede, should be an aspirant for the office is not a surprise, for if there is anything any-thing consistent about Parley it is brought out each succeeding fall when there Is an office to be filled; but the most ludicrous sight so far silhouetted against the political horizon is the rampant figure of the Hurry Joseph person, shouting with gusto that he sees no reason why he is not entitled to the nomination, at tne same time beckoning to the political "come-ons" with the grace which has always characterized his tempestous conversations during the long and painful period in which he has inflicted himself on one or another political party in this state. Just think of those delegates being obliged to choose the Cache County elder, stolid as an Eskimo; the bulky and overbearing Christensen Christen-sen whose record during his incumbency in the county attorney's office was the joke of the time, or the coarse and uncouth Joseph, who for so many years has made himself obnoxious to the voters in or out of any party with which, to the sorrow of that party, he was affiliated. Just imagine for a moment if you can "Carisa" Joseph in the house of representatives in the Congress Con-gress of the United States. Would the members censure the great state of Utah for foisting the fellow upon them, or would they render the state a vote of thanks for contributing a subject upon which the cartoonists of the country could concentrate con-centrate their efforts, thus drawing their attention atten-tion from less spectacular personalities in the august chamber? Think of that voice, that English, and that sign language of the hands and arms at which Mr. Joseph is such an adept as he made his maiden spi ech, revised the rules, reviled the speaker, and arranged with that fine delicacy for which he is noted a new code of decorum for tne members befitting be-fitting their high station. It is very doubtful if anybody but himself will take "Carisa" Joseph's candidacy seriously, though Utah must be prepared for anything at a Smoot Republican convention and It would not be surprising sur-prising if he received the nomination. If his party could get him to Washington it would save them much future embarrasement at home, though Washington has always treated our people well and there is no occasion to punish the capitol city. For two or three weeks Parley Perennial has been Insurglng about the state and lavishly distributing dis-tributing his artificial handshakes. His chief asset as-set as a candidate for congressional honors consists con-sists of a lofty physique and the fact that he is always ready to champion any new idea through which there is a gleam of hope that its success might mean the landing of Parley in a place that would guarantee a regular income for very little effort for a year or two. However, even if he were elected, he might be inconvenienced, inasmuch inas-much as there are not as many assistants allowed a congressman as there are a county attorney and he might probably have to do some of the necessary work himself. There is one beautiful tiling about Elder Howell, How-ell, the present incumbent he never opens his mouth. In fact, it is very doubtful If it would be possible to pry the aperture apart for an exprea. sion on anything that is before Congress. It must be admitted, however, that he always knows how to vote, because Smoot is on the job all th time he is in Washington. For that reason everything every-thing moves along placidly, there is never any ruction from the congressional end of the Utah delegation, he never, makes any breaks because UH of his silence, and so in comparison to "Carisa" M Joseph or the big Swede, his appearance is H undeniably more dignified, and if a figurehead is H to be sent to Congress, by all means Elder How- M ell should be renominated. Joseph, Christensen, B Howell if it is necessary for Utah to be repre- M sonted in Washington by a piece of domestic cam- fl embert, by all means choose the least offensive B and send Joe Howell back. H Like a man hopelessly beyond his depth, who H in desperation seizes again the rotten bon d that M he has clung to repeatedly, knowing he wo. Id but H sink the quicker with it, Utah Democracy is m astride the prohibition plank and headed for a m quick and easy death. H With the plank as a bell about the neck of H Utah's bjaying as that long suffering brute will H impersonate a bell cow for all that propaganda Hj of holier-than-thous, idealists, smug preachers, H hypocritical dolts and temperance grafters who H Infest the state and erupt at every opportunity H with numberless tracts and prohibition arguments H written shortly after the year one, the revision of 1 which ever since has been steadily downward. H If the chances of a Democratic victory in Utah H vere not so closely allied with those of the pro- H verbial tallow dog chasing an asbestos cat H through the inferno, there might be a purpose H served in discussing at length the evils of state- H wide prohibition, though the question and prefer- H ence of open saloons, regulated, licensed and their 1 number in every community held within a certain H' limit, as against the blind pigs, tigers, vice holds H and dens that flourish in every state where prohi- H bition has obtained and an attempt made to en- force the laws, is now so clearly defined in the H mind of the average man as to need but little dis- H cussion. The reasoning of the Democrats in put- H ting the prohibition plank into their platform is H not difficult of solution, when the party's status f in the state is considered and the obvious hope- H lessneBs of their position is given thought, fl To subject the state to another agitation of H the liquor question at this time is, however, a po- H litical trick tliat cannot help but result in far R more harm to general business conditions than in H any possible good to the Democrats, prohibition- H ists and their ilk. M The leaders at the Provo convention were in H fine fettle and they "viewed with alarm" for H about five hours while the faithful stayed for the H big show. "Remember the Maine-election" was M plastered around the convention hall and thi3 ref- B erence to the recent Democratic victory in Maine, m for the first time in thirty years, came into its B full share of appreciation when the prohibition H plank was adopted, for Maine has just gone Dem- H ocratic on the absolute pledge of the party in that H state that the prohibition laws which have H stood on the statute books if the state for fifty Hj years or more shall immediately after election M be repealed and the state unburdened from its H curse of blind pigs, cellar booze joints, dens H where poison has been sold year in and year out H in the guise of liquor, despite the efforts of the H authorities to make the prohibitory laws effective m and stop its sale throughout the state. H With Bryan playing fast and loose with the Hj prohibitionists, at outs with his lifelong friend i, and adviser, Mayor Dahlman of Omaha over his j (Bryan's) stand for county option, and with R Maine swinging into the Democratic column for m the first time in ' tirty years, because the Demo- Hh crats there repudiated the prohibition laws 1 passed by Republican legislators and declared for Hj temperance and regulation, there is presented the B curious sight of Utah's Democracy attempting to H ride into power on a platform the chief plank of HF which calls for state-wide prohibition. Hl It promises to stand as the leading joke of the H campaign. |
