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Show PERCY'S PERTINENT PHILOSOPHY. "Why does th' gang in this town hit th' booze so hard?" said Percy the Kid to the New Comer in Salt Lake, who had wandered over to Smith's corner cor-ner from the Onyx. "Now if you gets up on the ' i tti fl box with me while I answers a call to Tenth East is ligHjH I'll tell you straight, for 1 am surely the village jl'ifulM dope sheet. Of course I knows that a shut mouth 1'fi B Is as much a part of a hack driver's make-up as a $ j . H iur coat in the winter time, and you notices 1 -'Wt dress th' part in both regards. However this time p E j jl I'll unhitch the information you're achin' for. They i'!ft 'B is drove to it! They is drove to it just as sure as $ H 'lB I'm drivin' this gilt wheeled Coronation coach we's J B sittin' on. Why does I call it a Coronation coach? I h. H Because so many queens has rode in it. Sure! 'l UB You're on! There is just two places for a young ' V'tB guy to seek amusement in this town. One is in ;f jVB the gilded dens of vice where you gets it two fer a l ' J? B quarter, and the other is in the glistenin' palaces Jijt ,B of gossip, where it comes steeper. And say, vice "tiiJtlB has got gossip backed off th' boards. " Mjl.iB Suppose a guy goes trotting up street some illy '1 night to do a s'ciety stunt. Suppose he's thinkin' Wi I fl about the red ink in his bank book and whether 'VrV l he can make good with his margins tomorrow or rJiL iB maybe what a mean cuss his boss is. Does he git j " (lf ffl th' cheerful mit or does anyone tell him what a &, !j'ffl nice young feller he is? Not for the price of a Nlfi'fl rubber-tired hack, team and harness. He gits told t 1 djB where he was the night before and how Mr. Alia- If 11 bazan was caught kissin' the cook and Mr. Bazoo Fp H ' JB was seen out drivin' with Mrs. Kazish at four in 61'iB th' mornin'. k flM But to pull on the other line, suppose he goes t pj "'JB out callin' some night when he feels like he's just IjcV imM broke the bucket shop or like a jock tnat has got a L lijfi'jjfl ten length lead in the stretch. He's took out a U JpfB license as the village wit and joke peddler and gjijS ';B after sparrin' for an openin', he cuts loose one that H'E'B would make Fisher Harris look like a sellin' J m jfl plater. Does anybody gic next? J. oes anybody Sitfi J hand over the cheerful ha ha? Not any. Instead Pi'Hll he gits informed what dissipated wretches oil his ji 'fjfl best friends are and how Mr. Spoopdoodle soaked $jb Jfl his wife with the umbrella stand. The nearest "'r jB I ever hears of a joke winnin' out was when a ll"' ' jfl statue rocked on its pedestal and even that didn't j ' , -jB tumble. The guy's lucky if he gits a chance to fe'L 1 B kick th' dog on the way out. mf 'H I knows all this, cause many a one of th' gang Wffi lfl falls into my hack and says, "Percy, take me down Wttt 'B to th' Onyx and revive me. Maybe I can beat a K ' ' ' 'B joke into somebody down there with an axe." Hon- f ' "I 'jM est, the s'ciety fillies in this town is muts, sellin' IHf'H platers, dead ones. The only time they'd ever m i''m get a call even in a cheap sellin' race would be li'hB when the Danish nobleman at the pool room ticker &jj ' ;H says, "They're off in a bunch." fifijB Now I've explained all this as straight as Ket- fr!'''B cham drivin' Croesus down th' stretch and it's li,' no knock either. The only time I carries a ham- 5 'kfl mer is when I goes lookin' for a small Park City S tl in the dice them other hack drivers rings In ki j' on me. !v ' M : 111'! |