Show JL THE GARLAND TIMES UTAH GARLAND S5S VYvrywryfryvrywrvrvnnrYvrwyvrrvYvrwYvyvyryYrin'''iTVwywyvyYvynnnnryrv Presidential Straw Votes calif Bohemian grove as I’ve alwats Lighter Side of Life as Depicted by Famous Cartoonists and Humorists heard is bom with a soft spot in its head and once in a while there's one who never gets over it but grows up and in presidential years goes around taking straw otes on railroad trains in order definitely to find out which ticket will be elected He is a kindred spirit to the oilier fellow who to settle the whole issue right now and avoid crowding at the polls in November offers to bet you a cool thousand that his man beats your man and then before leaving tries to borrow five dollars from somebody so he can get his laundry out of hock Having met both types within the ten days before coming here and being fearful that botli species is going to multiply rapidly during the ensuing three months I'm thinking scnously of taking the veil until after the campaign ends Politics certainly does breed its ticks Little Red School House in my early days we also the little red schoolhouse Maybe the reason we liked it then was that it got its red tone from the paint on the outside and not from the teaching staff on the inThe yES I had side Likewise in those unprogressive times we thought the youth of the land should be taught to cherish the American flag for something besides private hissing purposes Hopelessly old fashioned eh what? The Dictator Business IT LOOKS as though when the battle 'dust lifts from that distracted country Spain will have a dictator dictators being fashiona- ble It easy seems to be comparatively to make a success of it too Just follow a formula: Make it a blasphemous violation of the first commandment for anyone to assign you second place Be sure all sentences personally uttered begin with the capital letter "I” and end with the pronoun “me” Convince yourself that in order ever to behold any human being who is your equal in moral and mental stature you must carry about with you a mir- ror Never permit yourself to be phobut tographed in your nightshirt always in full uniform On arising lock the jaws and clench the fists and leave ’em that way all day And — this is very impoitant — have a dependable police force and somebody to pick on pieferably somebody without any friends ADAMSON’S ADVENTURES Rubber! By O Political C'lRINKING JEEMS FARLEY announces the Democrats will carry every division of the Union although he is said to be privately a little bit doubtful of two very backward counties in Vermont While generously conceding the central part of Mississippi and the western end of Kentucky to the diffident John Hamilton is enemy sure the Republicans will sweep everything else Congressman Lemke mos modest of the claimers is certain he’ll win in 40 states Really he doesn’t need that many but 40’s a nice even number If the shy Dr Townsend also should run he counts on 20000000 votes in this country besides clean-cu- t majorities in Sweden New South Wales and the Island of Yap JACOBSSON Oxen Versus Onions X7ITII no aim to set up as a specialist in human behavior think I ve stumbled on a significant timely discovery I found in 8 work this statement: Each living growth has to begin in a single microscopic cell Moreover every future thing of ei'her animal or vegetable kingdom contains in that first cell a r fixed of even more infinitesimal bodies called chromosomes In the ox the guinea pig the man and the onion the number is the same invariably” I contend this natural kinship in classification may explain why in campaign years some of us are bellowing oxen some are docile guinea pigs and most of the rest of us are just plain onions I 0 Our Pet Peeve — D Comatose Courtship Bier— The Weavers are so quiet tonight Is there anything wrong?” Gardiner— No they’re always that way When he proposed he just held up a diamond ring and said 'Eh?” and she looked at it — Pathfinder ” and said Magazine Vacation Romance? on this ring I to engrave: ‘‘For my darling Muriel” Jeweler— Would it not be better to have simply: “For my dar ling?” You see sir it will be at least a week before we can let — the have you ring Hummel 0 REST HOUR By BOilNCula Not to RMIlf 6FPIN4S J SEftSEffiED fcR RKt WILLIAMS Ctf Youth— Now should like you Mutual Concessions “You dare to ask for the hand of my daughter and a few years ago you were ball boy at our tennis club?” “Yes sir I said to myself ‘He may be a poor tennis player but that does not prevent his being a ” GLUYAS The CHMf or bv and runs to watch him 6oins window to 0 IRVIN tWNU OiKft ROSSrR 8EP HIM Of ThE Obf tO itEM 6V ecstvefs i ts Down at jPRjHfcS 6£t5 lb b CCLl 1b Time t ezi up poo HIS DC KU tiHJEs 0 INTO good mm re Mormons Bui upvrf ? If £HV5HrCAREfOPNoW Jh£ HEUHEl EEffS HATNa S COBB Service Made Own Sugar the statcs and har Cu! f1 Tfr° by Indians the Mormons undertook the production of their own suga5- Bfe Euar machinery was NWhnSid W Lirrpoo‘ shiPPed to then UP the river P?fTv f0rleansv ox teams in 1852 finally tugged the equipment from to Utah and 500 bushels of beet seed arrived This was the 3CUUhn °f thC beet SU£ar industrJ’ |