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Show MARCH 5, 2009 THE LOW-DOWN ON THE COWBOY LIFE I’ve dreamt of being a cowboy, a-galloping o’er the plains, But more and more that galloping equates with buttock pains. Horses bounce! It’s part of their shtick, and bouncing transfers through the saddle, Into your nether posterior, ‘til your bones and your brains start to rattle. So what I will do is I will eschew the discomfort that horse-riding brings on. A big ATV sounds comfy to me, or my Dodge truck, orsomething with springs on. I’m sure that cowboys are fine in their place. It’s not my intention to diss ‘em, It would seem strange if they weren’t on the range, and I’msure that the poor cows would miss ‘em. So here’s to the rider of purple sage, capable, sturdy and stolid. I’d be right out there chasin’ cows, too, if my butt was a little more solid. Poems written by Ray Conrad www.raymondconrad.com Full Time Professional Real Estate Services Serving Escalante, Boulder, Brian Head & St. George www.trailsendre.com For Great Real Estate Service.... Come Visit Us at 10 W. Main St., Escalante or Call Leslie Venuti 435-668-0540 or Denise Olson 435-680-4663. We can show all properties in the area and assist you with all your buying or selling needs. ESCALANTE: Just Listed - Updated 3 bdrm home with new paint, fixtures & appliances. Oversized garage with workshop area and shed. $145,000. BOULDER: 171 Acres on Hwy 12 with Views, 4+ acre pond and tons of irrigation water. New reduced low price ! OUT OF AREA - You can’t go wrong with this cute & clean Cottage in Beaver on .41 acre. Drastic reduction to $99,975.00 Laundry Comments A young couple moved into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside. “That laundry is not very clean,” she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.” Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: “Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?” The husband said, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.” Advertise in the Insider Call 676-2621 Every1Counts Opportunity in Disguise By Cynthia Kimball Humphreys Hard times are good --and didn’t even know times. who any of them were after You heard me. one of your surgeries-- and Hard times are good you had to learn to walk and times. talk again. And not just if you have Life is great? money (course money nevYep. er hurts unless you’re gamHe loves who he is and bling or spending it away who he is becoming (byand other things like that). the-way, he’s single, loyal, Ralph Waldo Emerson smart, funny, extremely said, “Bad times have a talented, and oh yeah, good scientific value. These are looking too, in case you’re occasions a good learner interested). would not miss.” Hard times create people. These are times to take They illicit ideas. stock of what’s truly imporThey fuel people. tant. They take risks. To figure out who you The added pressure? are. A bonus. And what’s important Remember the adage, to you (if you haven’t al- “If life gives you a lemon, ready). make lemonade.” To dig down deep and Or, “See the glass half full think of what you or the instead of half empty.” world needs. Or even “Change the way The next big invention? you look at things and the The next Stephen R. Cov- things you look at change.” ey? (Dyer, W.W.) The next entrepreneurial Or be like Larry H. Millidea? er who coined the phrase, A cure for cancer. “Go about doing good until It could be you. there is too much good in Right now. the world.” Today. How about it? This moment. Ready to see these hard It took a cancer diagno- times as opportunity? sis for me to come around. That would be a yes. And a brain cancer surviToday is your day. vor I recently interviewed This is your moment. is on fire saying, “Life is If you don’t now, when great.” Great? You had will you? brain tumors, cysts, three Dream. surgeries, divorced during Believe. your treatment, see your Do it. children every other week Walk the plank (figura- Page 5 The Garfield County Insider tively, of course). Reach for the stars. Reach for that opportunity that is starring you in the face. The big elephant in your financial situation. In our town or city. Our state. Our nation. And even, the world. See the opportunity in disguise. Be grateful for these hard times. Knock on that door. Open that window. Visualize it. Feel it. Taste it. Grab it. Act on it. Have faith with it. Create it. Be patient with it. Make it. Endure with it. Enjoy it. For information on coaching, consulting, speaking or training contact: Cynthia Kimball Humphreys, Vice President, Every1Counts, P.O. Box 574, Hatch, UT 84735. Ph: 435.632.1489, Fax: 435.735.4222 or Email: kimball@every1counts.net. Website: www. every1counts.net. © 2008 Every1Counts, LLC. All rights reserved. tHe lAuGhiNg pOiNt!! Gambling When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: “If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.” I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, “I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?” Dating Again After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. “I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don’t call the one in the second column. It’s me.” Jogging Group A friend of mine had resisted efforts to get him to run with our jogging group until his doctor told him he had to exercise. Shortly thereafter, he reluctantly joined us for our 5:30 AM jogs on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. After a month of running, we decided that my friend might be hooked, especially when he said, “I’ve discovered what ‘runner’s euphoria’ is.” When we questioned this he explained, “Runner’s euphoria is what I experience at 5:30 AM on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays.” Honorary Degree A rich Texan walked into the offices of the president of a small Texas college and said, “I’d like to donate a million dollars tax free to this institution. But there’s a condition - I would like to have an honorary degree.” The president nodded agreeably, “That’s not a problem. We can certainly arrange that!” The rich man then added, “An honorary degree for my horse.” “For your horse???” “Yep, you betcha. She carried me for many years and I owe her a lot. I’d like her to receive a Tr.D., a Doctor of Transportation.” “But, we can’t give a degree to a horse!” “Then I’m afraid I’ll have to take my million dollars to another institution.” “Well, wait a minute,” said the president, seeing the million slip through his fingers, “let me consult with the school’s trustees.” A hurried trustee meeting was brought to order and the president related the deal and the condition. All of the board reacted with shock and disbelief, except the oldest trustee. He appeared to be almost asleep. One trustee snorted, “We can’t give a horse an honorary degree, no matter HOW much money is involved.” The oldest trustee opened his eyes and said, “Take the money and give the horse the degree.” The president asked, “Don’t you think that would make us look ridiculous?” “Of course not,” the wise old trustee said. “It would be an honor. It’d be the first time we ever gave a degree to an ENTIRE horse.” It Makes Sense...By Veda Hale Isn’t it fun to find out that something we do is discovered to make sense. Well, this is a good one. I’m a doodler. My note books usually have lots of little squiggly images all over them. If I’m listening to something rather routine and boring and have access to a pencil and paper, I doodle. Now the researchers say it helps you remember. How? I don’t know. I don’t need to know to just keep doing it. These days I’m glad for anything to encourage my rememberer. One thing that sounds as if it is true is that cook books are not helping people keep off the weight. That to sell they need to tell how to make something a little better than the last book. We all know that adding a little more butter or cream can make about anything better, so the recepies keep creeping to the more fattening ingredients. Perhaps it makes sense to keep mother’s or grandmother’s old receipe books and use them. Now the latest advice in the diet world is to forget the diets that concentrate on one or the other kind of food, like low carbohydrate, or low fats , and instead just concentrate on eating less calories and heart-healthy foods, and then exercise. Sounds too simple. Why is it that we like a more com- results of puzzle from FEBRUARY 25 plicated plan to solve our problems? Take exercise. So many of us have elaborate exercise equipment in our homes when we most all have stairs or could buy an inexpensive rubber stretching band, and we could all use canned goods or a milk bottle full of water for weights to lift. If there was a thing to buy that would make us want to exercise and not get tired of it, then I would be for buying it. So far, I haven’t found one. Send suggestions to Veda Hale, Box 956 Panguitch Utah 84759 or email vedahale@hotmail.com |