OCR Text |
Show C M Y K April 2, 2009 Page 7 The Garfield County Insider C M Y K C M Y K Every1Counts To Act or Not to Act? By Cynthia Kimball Humphreys I observed a father and son recently. They were watching another family interact. No words were exchanged; there didn’t need to be. Their eyes spoke volumes. I remember thinking, “What is this father teaching his son?” Something as simple as the rolling of eyes can say, “You’re not important,” “You’re stupid,” “You’re a joke” or even, “You don’t belong.” My nephew, Christian, 12, was recently bullied during a lacrosse practice. Apparently, one of his teammates came up from behind, during a scrimmage break, and smacked him across the back with his lacrosse stick. “Dude, what are you doing?” Christian yelled. “Nothing,” this other kid C M Y K said laughing. “But if you play football I can’t wait to see you cry when I knock you down!” Unfortunately, this is bullying and can escalate especially if Christian’s teammate doesn’t experience consequences. But even if this kid does experience consequences, say from the coaches, which side will his parents and or friends support? (and that’s if the coaches don’t “poohpooh” the bullying behavior). And what will this kid do to Christian if these two are ever alone in a hallway or on the field or elsewhere? Do our own family members exhibit bullying behaviors? Do we really know? What about our employees, athletes or students? How do we manage them? First, we need to take a look within to see if we are exhibiting any bullying behaviors ourselves. I know of one boss who ignores his employees --except when he’s humiliating them in public or allowing his favorites privileges –who’s so self-absorbed, and doesn’t care if his employee’s families suffer since he expects them to put company before family. I don’t think he even knows all of his employees’ names and he’s only got 15. Has he ever asked them, “What would you do if you were me?” or “What would you change about our business?” I bet if asked if he were a bully he’d say, “No.” See, often times, that’s the problem. Bullies don’t think they’re bullies. Or someone enables them and says something like, “That’s just John,” or “Jane, you just had a bad night.” Hmmm. I don’t think so. I once was at an athletic event, where a coach humiliated his daughter. He screamed at her, slammed things, called her names, even said she embarrassed him (for real). Let me rephrase that. He actually ended up humiliating himself, not his daughter. I was mortified as was everyone else who observed this behavior. What was he teaching his daughter? What was he teaching his team? What was he teaching all of the attendees? By the way, can you imagine the impact --not to leave out self-esteem-on this child? (we already know the dad’s self-esteem is non-existent). If you see behavior like this coaches or the kid at the lacrosse practice, do something. What is that something, you ask? I can’t answer that for you. That’s something you’ll have to figure out yourself. But, I wished I’d done something at that athletic event. Maybe even that daughter wished someone had. Better yet, her dad. The flip side and better way to communicate? Just watch Orderville, Utah, Valley High School counselor and boy’s basketball coach, Dustin Shakespear, in action. His behavior also speaks volumes (compliments, thumbs-up, smiles, constructive criticism, etc.) And, is the kind to emulate. For information on coaching, consulting, speaking or training contact: Cynthia Kimball Humphreys, Vice President, Every1Counts, P.O. Box 574, Hatch, UT 84735. Ph: 435.632.1489, Fax: 435.735.4222 or Email: kimball@every1counts.net. Website: www. every1counts.net. © 2008 Every1Counts, LLC. All rights reserved. |