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Show Page 5 FEBRUARY 15,2007 THE GARFIELD COUNTY INSIDER pOiM!! tHe CAT SITTING One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department. "We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough." "How do you know that?" I asked. "Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said. Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast. THE TICKET Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a store. I was only in there for about 5 minutes'arid when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, How about giving a retired person a break"? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for "having worn tires". So I called him a "member of the doughnut eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. FOOD, FAMILY, AND PHILOSOPHY A young man is about to go on his first date and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy. The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like potato pancakes?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?" FISHLAKE NATIONAL FOREST RENTAL CABIN AVAILABLE A former Forest Service Ranger Station on the Fremont River Ranger District of the Fishlake National Forest is available to the public for a rental of $30.00 per night. Reservations may be made from from May 1 through October 31 through the National Recreation Reservation Service, phone (877) 444-6777, or on-line at www.reserveusa.com. Aquarius Ranger Station is located about 16 miles south of Loa, Utah on the west side of the Boulder Mountain. It is located near Pine Creek Reservoir, Cooks Lake, Millers Lake and numerous popular fishing lakes located on the Boulder Top, along the Great Western ATV trail. Popular activities in the area includefishing,ATVriding,mountain biking, hiking, horsebackridingand big game hunting. Visitors can reach the cabin by driving south from Loa on the paved county road for about 2 miles. Turn south on Forest Road #154 and travel about 8 miles, turn left on Forest Road #178 and travel south about 5 miles, and then turn left on the Aquarius Ranger Station road and travel approx. VA mile to the ranger station. All roads are semi-improved and graveled. The two room cabin sleeps four between one double bed and a bunk bed set. No bedding is provided. The site will accommodate a maximum of 20 people in tents and self-contained RV's. The kitchen has a wood cook stove, propane stove with oven and a propane refrigerator. Potable water is available in the cabin and at a hydrant outside the cabin. For more information about the ranger station cabin, contact the Fremont River Ranger District, 138 South Main Street, Loa, or phone (435) 836-2811. For more information about recreation opportunities on the Fishlake National Forest, please visit our web site at www.fs.fed.us/r4/fishlake. Community Mortgage ICE CAPADES A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first performance of the Ice Capades. She was so mesmerized that she wouldn't budgefromher seat even during intermission, watching the activity while the ice was cleaned. At the end of the show, she exclaimed, "I know what I want to be when I grow up!" The mother envisioned her on the ice in another 15 years, starring in the Ice Capades. She was brought back to earth when the daughter continued, "I want to be a zamboni driver!" Garfield Court U^y:\ 24Weeks/$480 Sf;;: Prepay contract « That's only $20/week for a 1/8 Page Ad. This ad will appear in every PO Box in Garfield County every other week all year long. You can change the content weekly, and you can double up on usage for larger ads. Best Advertising Rates Available! Call 836-2622 for details! LENDER "Giving You A Better Option For Your Mortgage Needs" Free Prequalifications Construction Loans Lot Loans Purchases Refinance - Give us a call. - Interest Only Loans - Investment and 2nd Homes - Home Improvement Loans -100% Financing Wayne Ott 435-590-6082 Sherrell Ott 435-679-8671 KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six." STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window." BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me? SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough." DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?" MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?" CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?" JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?" TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?" |