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Show B12 Castle Valley Review, February 2009 FAMILY PAGE Despite What Experts Say, All Babies Born Unique Dr. James Dobson Focus on the Family Q I was taught in my psych class that babies come into the world devoid of personality, and the environment then stamps its image. Do you disagree? Philosophers Locke and Rousseau told us in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries that babies came into the world as "tabula rasas," or "blank slates," upon which society and the environment wrote the fundamentals of personality. But they were wrong. We now know that every newborn is unique from every other baby, even from the first moments outside the womb. Except for identical twins, triplets, etc., no two are alike in biochemistry or genetics. How foolish of philosophers and behavioral scientists to have thought otherwise. If God makes every grain of sand unique and every snowflake like no other, how simplistic to have believed that He mass-produces little human robots. That is nonsense. We are, after all, made in His image. Just ask the real experts -- the mothers who understand their babies better than anyone. They'll tell you that each of their infants had a different "feel," -- a different personality -- from the first moment they were held. If these mothers are eventually blessed with six or eight or even twenty children, they will continue to say emphatically that every one of them was unique and distinct from the others when only one hour old. They are right -- and their perceptions are being confirmed by scientific inquiry. What else does research tell us about the personalities of newborns? One of the most ambitious studies yet conducted took a period of three decades to complete. That investigation is known in professional literature as the New York Longitudinal Study. The findings from this investigation, led by psychiatrists Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas, were reported in their excellent book for parents entitled, "Know Your Child." A Q A Astro Advice Monthly Eugenia Last ARIES (March 21-April 19): It's important to do your best to help others this month. It's equally important you not be taken for granted. Use your intuition, not your emotions, to decipher where your best efforts should be placed. You can make a difference. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You must pick and choose your moments to make moves, comments and decisions regarding your professional future. Focus on protecting your security and your position if you don't want to end up a statistic of the economic crisis. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't let anything or anyone Chess and Thomas found that babies not only differ significantly from one another at the moment of birth, but those differences tend to be rather persistent throughout childhood. Even more interestingly, they observed three broad categories or patterns of temperaments into which the majority of children can be classified. First, they referred to "the difficult child," who is characterized by negative reactions to people, intense mood swings, irregular sleep patterns and feeding schedules, frequent periods of crying and violent tantrums when frustrated. Does that sound familiar? I described those individuals many years ago as "strongwilled" children. The second pattern is called "the easy child," who manifests a positive approach to people, quiet adaptability to new situations, regular sleep pattern and feeding schedules, and a willingness to accept the rules of the game. The authors concluded, "Such a youngster is usually a joy to his or her parents, pediatrician and teachers." Amen. My term for the easy child is "compliant." The third category was given the title "slow-to-warmup" or "shy." These youngsters respond negatively to new situations and they adapt slowly. However, they are less intense than difficult children, and they tend to have regular sleeping and feeding schedules. When they are upset or frustrated, they typically withdraw from the situation and react mildly, rather than explode with anger and rebellion. Not every child fits into one of these categories, of course, but approximately 65 percent do. Drs. Chess and Thomas also emphasized that babies are fully human at birth, being able immediately to relate to their parents and learn from their environments. I doubt if that news will come as a surprise to most mothers, who never believed in the "blank slate" theory, anyway. It should not be difficult to understand why these findings from longitudinal research have been exciting to me. They confirm my own clinical observations, not only about the wonderful complexity of human beings, but also about the categories of temperament identified by Drs. Chess and Thomas. If punishment is never recommended for an infant, what form of discipline is appropriate at that age? The answer is loving leadership. Parents should have the courage to do what is right for their babies, even if they protest vigorously. Dr. Bill Slonecker, a Nashville pediatrician and a good friend, has stressed the importance of parents taking charge right from the day of birth. Too often he has seen mothers in his private practice who were afraid of their infants. They would call his office and frantically huff, "My six-month-old baby is crying and seems very hot." The doctor would ask if the child had a fever, to which Mom would reply, "I don't know. He won't let me take his temperature." These mothers had already yielded their authority to their infants. Some would never regain it. Good parenting and loving leadership go hand in hand. And it should begin on "Day One." I like your idea of balancing love with discipline, but I'm not sure I can do it. My parents were extremely rigid with us, and I'm determined not to make that mistake with my kids. But I don't want to be a pushover, either. Can you give me some help in finding the middle ground between extremes? Maybe it would clarify the overall goal of your discipline to state it in the negative. It is not to produce perfect kids. Even if you implement a flawless system of discipline at home, which no one in history has done, your children will still be children. At times they will be silly, lazy, selfish, and, yes, disrespectful. Such is the nature of the human species. We as adults have the same weaknesses. Furthermore, when it comes to kids, that's how it should be. Boys and girls are like clocks; you have to let them run. My point is that the purpose of parental discipline is not to pro- duce obedient little robots who can sit with their hands folded in the parlor thinking patriotic and noble thoughts! Even if we could pull that off, it wouldn't be wise to try. The objective, as I see it, is to take the raw material with which our babies arrive on this earth, and then gradually mold them into mature, responsible and God-fearing adults. It is a twenty-year process that will bring progress, setbacks, successes and failures. When the child turns thirteen, you'll swear for a time that he's missed everything you thought you had taught ... manners, kindness, grace and style. But then maturity begins to take over, and the little green shoots from former plantings start to emerge. It is one of the richest experiences in living to watch that blossoming at the latter end of childhood. I assume that you favor a highly structured curriculum that emphasizes the memorization of specific facts, which I consider to be a very low level of learning. We need to teach concepts to our kids and help them learn how to think -- not just fill their heads with a bunch of details. I agree that we want to teach concepts to students, but that does not occur in a vacuum. For example, we would like them to understand the concept of the solar system and how the planets are positioned in rotation around the sun. How is that done? One way is for them to learn the distances between the heavenly bodies, i.e., the sun is 93 million miles from Earth, but the moon is only 240,000. The concept of relative positions is then understood from the factual information. What I'm saying is that an understanding of the right factual information can and should lead to conceptual learning. (Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995(www.family.org). Questions and answers are excerpted from "Solid Answers" and "Bringing Up Boys," both published by Tyndale House. Copyright 2009 James Dobson Inc. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate.) slow you down. You have the potential to finagle your way into the perfect position. You will learn quickly and should be on the go as much as possible this month. Love is in the stars and is awe-inspiring. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don't let love lead to financial loss. You have to be smart with your investments even if someone tempts you with a deal of a lifetime. Nothing will be as perfect as it appears, so bide your time and take a wait-andsee attitude. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Nothing will be cut-and-dried and, if you let your emotions lead the way, you are bound to make a few mistakes that could cost you personally. Travel and romance will go hand in hand but don't forget about your responsibilities and commitments. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You are overdue for some changes at home and within your personal relationships. Consider who drags you down and who supports your efforts and make adjustments to these friendships. You can complete a pending contract or settlement. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You'll have greater opportunities to make changes at home that will be more conducive to your comfort and ability to get things done. Love is on the rise, allowing you greater options regarding your lifestyle. Take action and get your way. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You'll want to push for change but, in hindsight, you will probably wish you had held off. There are too many unanswered questions to proceed with wishy-washy plans. Someone is not telling you the truth. You need to do more investigating. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): Put your money where your mouth is and you will make headway. Don't be afraid to be different. It's your unique approach that will draw attention and support, enabling you to make the changes that will better your life. Q A Q A Q A Continued on Next Page. |