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Show The Emery County Review, Tuesday, June 17, 2008 The FAMILY PAGE Horoscope Focus On The Family Crossword B3 Figuratively Speaking FOCUS ON THE FAMILY Mother’s Relationship with Father Influences Children Dr. James Dobson Q My wife works hard to teach my sons to respect me as their father, and that makes my job with them easier. Even when she is upset with me, she never lets the kids know about it. Don’t you think that is generous of her? She’s not only generous -- she’s a wise woman, too. Mothers can help bond the generations together or they can drive a wedge between them. This concept was expressed beautifully in a book entitled “Fathers and Sons” by Lewis Yablonsky. The author observed that mothers are the primary interpreters of fathers’ personality, character and integrity to their sons. In other words, the way boys see their fathers is largely a product of the things their mothers have said and the way they feel about their husbands. In Yablonsky’s case, his mother destroyed the respect he might have had for his father. This is what he wrote: “I vividly recall sitting at the dinner table with my two brothers and father and mother and cringing at my mother’s attacks on my father. ‘Look at him,’ she would say A in Yiddish. ‘His shoulders are bent down, he’s a failure. He doesn’t have the courage to get a better job or make more money. He’s a beaten man.’ He would keep his eyes pointed toward his place and never answer her. She never extolled his virtues or persistence or the fact that he worked so hard. Instead she constantly focused on the negative and created an image for his three sons of a man without fight, crushed by a world over which he had no control. “His not fighting back against her constant criticism had the effect of confirming its validity to her sons. And my mother’s treatment and the picture of my father did not convey to me that marriage was a happy state of being, or that women were basically people. I was not especially motivated to assume the role of husband and father myself from by observations of my whipped father.” My overall research clearly supports that the mother is the basic filter and has enormous significance in the father-son relationship. Though Yablonsky did not say so, it is also true that a father can do great damage to his wife’s relationship with their children. Very early on I found that when I was irritated with Shirley for some reason, my attitude was instantly picked up by our son and daughter. They seemed to feel, “If Dad can argue with Mom, then we can too.” It became clear to me just how important it was for me to express my love and admiration for Shirley. However, I could never do that job of building respect for my wife as well as she did for me! She made me a king in my own home. If our son and daughter believed half of what she told them about me, I would have been a fortunate man. The close relationship I enjoy with Danae and Ryan today is largely a product of Shirley’s great love for me and the way she “interpreted” me to our kids. I will always be grateful for her for doing that! Wanda Perry Copley News Service ARIES (March 21 - April 19): Strong community or group ties are important to your success. Join in with local crowds, peers or siblings and voice your concerns, ideas and opinions. TAURUS (April 20 - May 20): Avoid confusion surrounding financial matters. Position yourself where you can clearly see and access your values and resources. GEMINI (May 21 - June 21): Feelings are likely to cloud your judgment this week. Do your best to keep emotions out of the decision-making process. CANCER (June 22 - July 22): An emotional journey takes you to the heart of a difficult matter. Fasten your seat belt and get ready for some soul-shaking jolts of reality. LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22): You have the power to greatly influence others. Use this force to support a charitable endeavor and to invoke productively among your peers. VIRGO (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22): Grand opportunities will arise out of a chance meeting this week. If a scheme or offer sounds and feels right, do not hesitate to jump onboard. LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23): This is the ideal time to expand your worldview. Physically, mentally and emotionally enjoy exploring new territories or interests. SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21): Strive to get a pet project off the ground. Attract investors or solicit the use of other people’s money with a brilliantly written proposal. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21): It is important to keep a promise made to a partner or mate. Failure to come through could severely damage your relationship. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19): Colleagues might not always agree with your ideas, but do not be deterred. Stick to your guns and let your thoughts and feelings be known. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18): You can gain invaluable understanding through the eyes of a child. Surround yourself with youthful souls and share their insights. PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20): Set the record straight on a misunderstanding between you and a family member. Tell your side of the story with honesty and conviction. If your birthday is this week, enlightenment, revelation and full disclosure are your key words for the coming year. Step back and get an unobstructed view of your life’s landscape. You should be able to determine how far you have come and see what lies immediately ahead. Make adjustments in your goals or plans based on your findings. Welcome relationships with elders that will contribute to your growth. Also born this week: Tupac Shakur, Igor Stravinsky, Paul McCartney, Paula Abdul, Nicole Kidman, Jean-Paul Sartre and Kris Kristofferson. (For more information go to WandaPerry.com) Having a child diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder can paint a pretty bleak picture. Is there anything good you can tell us? There are some advantages to having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. In a sense, even the word “disorder” is misleading because the syndrome has many positive features. As Time reported, “(ADHD adults) see themselves as creative; their impulsiveness can be viewed as spontaneity; hyperactivity gives them enormous energy and drive; even their distractibility has the virtue of making them alert to changes in the environment. Kids with ADHD are wild, funny, and effervescent. They have lots of life.” Let’s not forget, also, that ADHD can be treated successfully in many cases. (Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995(www.family.org). Questions and answers are excerpted from “Solid Answers” and “Bringing Up Boys,” both published by Tyndale House. Copyright 2008 James Dobson Inc. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate.) A FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING HOROSCOPE Week of June 16-22 Q John MacIntyre 57: Percentage of Ameri- cans who say that it is “very important” or “somewhat important” for them to be wealthy, according to a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center’s Social and Demographic Trends project. 10: Percentage who say it is not important at all. Source: Pew Research Center for the People and the Press. 37 million: Estimated number of young urban consumers -- ages 12 to 34 -- there are in the United States, according to a report from Packaged Facts. $594 billion: Aggregate income of these 37 million young urbanites in 2007. $684 billion: Projected income in 2012, much of which will be spent on luxury items. Source: Packaged Facts. 82: Percentage of corporate responsibility (CR) practitioners who rate their organizations favorably on their achievement of CR goals, according to a study by Sirota Survey Intelligence. 53: Percentage of providers White House, the Statue of Liberty, Yellowstone National Park and Mount Rushmore as the most popular U.S. landmarks searched for on the Internet. Source: Ask.com. of CR-related services (those who supply organizations and practitioners with strategic advice and counseling, management consulting, communications solutions, research and development, training/education, advertising and public relations, and other services) who say those organizations’ CR efforts have attained their objectives. Source: Sirota Survey Intelligence. 41 million: Estimated 1, 2, 3, 4, 5: Ranks of $9 billion: Estimated Disneyland, Universal Studios, Six Flags Great Adventure, Myrtle Beach, S.C., and Sea World as the top family-friendly vacation spots searched for on the Internet, according to Ask. com. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5: Ranks of the Florida Everglades, the number of trips avoided in the last 12 months due to air travelers’ frustration, according to a survey by the Travel Industry Association (TIA) and conducted by bipartisan polling firms of Peter D. Hart Research Associates and The Winston Group. $26 billion: Estimated cost to the U.S. economy in lost revenue. cost to the airlines. $6 billion: Estimated cost to hotels. $3 billion: Estimated cost to restaurants. Source: Travel Industry Association of America. 67: Percentage of college students who reported that they are confident or very confident about their ability to manage their own money, according to a survey by Higher One. 50: Percentage of students who are saving at least 5 percent of their income. 22: Percentage of them who are investing in some way. Source: Higher One. 72: Percentage of drivers who are admittedly guilty of driving while distracted (DWD), according to a Nationwide Insurance survey. 98: Percentage of Ameri- cans -- despite their DWD habits -- who think they are safe drivers. Source: Nationwide Insurance. 51: Although baby boom- ers (born 1946-1964) and “matures” (born 1900-1945) have much to offer Generation Y (born 1980-1988) in regards to knowledge and experience, percentage of boomers who report little to no interaction with their Generation Y colleagues. 66: Percentage of matures who report little to no interaction with them. Source: Randstad-USA. Idle Thought “Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” -- Jim Ryun See Page B8 for Puzzle Answers. Copyright 2008 John MacIntyre Inc. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate. |
