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Show WEDNESDAY, OPINION SEPTEMBER 8. 2004 someones life' For BY CRAIG BLAKE Sun Opinion Editor Change Eating Pop Machines - Weve walked on the moon, weve been to the bottom of the ocean, we've sent man to the highest peak on earth, but we cant construct a pop machine that doesnt eat the occasional quarter7 Civilization is crumbling Spain - When a train in Spain was bombed mainly in the plains, Spain wisely joined the League of Sissy Nations That's what you get when your entire country is built upon ball room dancing Viva la shame Dixie Rebates - Living a long tradition of raising people's hopes, only to crash them down and then pee on them That's right, I said pee Best Buy, how could you7 Macy Gray - For too long youve been a thorn at my side' Anytime now the world will discover that your voice sounds like a burning cat in a meat grinder Exactly like one, or uh so Ive heard Ktail-- up to Humble bumWINDOWS' COMPUTEHooblegooble R1 Ok, sooooo some thing to do with computers then7 Ill write that down Im sure that wandering aimlessly is the ti lck to pulling 80 percent' France' Heat - I know that this is getting pretty basic, but the next day I feel like Im MTV Cribs - When Shaq showed us his huge TV and totally cool stereo, I definitely didnt see it Laundry Machines - Suddenly a lack of hygiene dangerous looks so good 30 mph Speed Limits How dare this city limit my ability to endanger d walking directly in front of a giant blow dryer, is the day I forsake clothing coming Its the variety that really hooks me Why is this interesting again7 -- Lucky you The Deals In The Bag. ON Trie oTHeR HAND, We ARG in BY MIKE PINGREE KRT Newswir REMEMBER ME, PAL7 When she was 18, a woman was eating at a McDonald s in New York, when a thug threatened her, and robbed her of her jewelry She subsequently became a police officer, and, four years later, she and her partner respond ed to a report of a suspi cious person loitering in the Theater District It was him She happily placed him under arrest BUT OFFICER, MY DONKEYS ARE SOBER A man was stopped in for driving a donkey cart while intoxicated He said he felt he was doing noth Pius, well throw in a FREE Nokia 6010 phone and give you this cool book bag absolutely FREE! ing wrong, "because the animals knew the way home The cops called his wife to come and get him " Regional -i 'f UH, COULD YOU COME 3000 Wherever Minutes ArwiuI contract required t- taan BACK LATER7 A bride stole most rebate 1) A I Get Your Ring From Spring! of the items she needed for her wedding at her home in not included Md an arcMiory to your new phone purchase and rwetoe free book bag ($34 M retail value) tee store tor details Dandenong, Australia, including her $1,450 wed ding dress, fine china, cutlery, glassware and even the stereo that played the music She was quite irate when the police showed up to seize all the stolen goods HOW DO I KNOW YOU RE NOT A COP7 A woman in search of 4 27 locations from Logan to St. George Call or visit for the locations nearest you. 888.5.SPRING 9 1 www.springcommunications.com T -- Mobile The MlDbLe OF A STReATA... Through the looking glass Philippois, South Africa, Get all the minutes you need! Nokia 6010 $99 99 SRP $99 99 instant -- FREE -- that such TlhiDinigs CIS 1200 ble bumble DIXIE SUN drugs mistakenly dialed the police in Richland County, Ohio, and tried to buy crack cocaine three times The cops arranged the meet THE PERFECT LOCATION A former model who went from 115 pounds to a whopping 375 was named Jumbo Queen at an annual pageant in Thailand She also was the heaviest of the 20 contestants, out weighing the second place finisher in that category by almost 70 pounds The contest was held at Samphran Elejjhant Ground FEEL THE FIRES OF PERDITION, SINNER Unable to resolve a dif ference of opinion about the meaning of a Bible verse, an Oregon woman hit her boyfriend in the face with boiling oil OK, OK, YOU WIN' TAKE IT' Two men got into a dis agreement over a parking space in Port Melbourne, Australia The matter was settled when one of them pulled out a baseball bat and started smashing JUST TRYING TO BRIGHTEN UP THEIR DAY Officials at the St Joseph County Jail in South Bend, Ind have ordered female visitors to dress modestly, because some of them wear reveal ing clothing to excite their men, and a few have even bared their breasts One official said that, for men who have been "locked up for a long time, such behavior "can cause tension That s not a good thing in this kind of envi ronment , OH, HI, CAN I GET YOU SOME COFFEE7 A woman in Halifax, Nova Scotia, awoke in the morning and went down stairs where she found a police sniper in her kitchen He was involved in a standoff with an armed man who lived next door The sniper left after the man was apprehended |
