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Show DESERET NEWS Reconstituted Families: The Pull Of 2 Worlds By PETER BENCHLEY the stepfather, believe, psychiatrists embodies the patricide. Some reconstituted families are doomed from the outset because they are created for 'he wrong reasons. In one out of five of these marriages, exnlains Dr. Clinton E. Phillips .director of Los Angeles American Institute of Family Relations, the husband will marry a woman not so much because he loves her but because she has children who. need his discipline and the father urge is strung in him. or because he needs a housekeeper and professional mother to look after his children while lie's off making r living. And it works the other way: a woman can't wait to get her hands on a man's kids, dean up their faces, cook for them, wash for them. once reconstituted The family, formed, can became a trap. The father is bonded emotionally and financially to his second spouse. He would rather suffer a little bit every day than undergo the trauma of another divorce. So a dreary resignation sets into their lives while conscious of the unhaptheir children become steadily more py atmosphere neurotic. What makes such deterioration all the more tragic is the consensus among counselors that second marriages are generally a crucial last chance for stabil- (Newsweek Feature Service) The statistics are all to distressingly (familiar: for every four marriages that (take place in the U.S., one ends on the rocks. In I9G8 alone, 600,000 couples found their way to the divorce courts and the figure is rising at the alarming rate of 8 per cent a year. But once a marriage has ended, statisticians pay no further attention to the detritus of broken dreams. Though there are no hard figures to document the phenomenon, more and more of the once burned crowd are plunging right back into matrimony. And in so doing they are creating a whole new subculture of the 1960s : die reconstituted family. The best guess is that about 8 million American families are the patchwork results of two marital failures. They arc households that have to cope with two sets of children, his and hers, plus a host of wrenching inherent crises that give marriage counselors migraine. These are families peopled by says one counseling expert. ghosts, The memories of former spouses, the reminders of failure, are always right in front of their eyes. A great many couples, painfully aware that life on love alone is an unlikely existence, manage to make a success of reconstituted family life, but not without constant, unrelenting effort. In one Houston family, for instance, the husband, no matter how late he may work at the office, spends his evenings going from bedroom to bedroom talking with his and his wife's children. . If the mother and father feel theyre right for each other, his wife believes, the children will fall into line because they sense therighlness of it. such facile felicity is Unfortunately, the exception rather than the rule. For, cynical and realistic though they may think they are, most reconstituted families find themselves confronted with pressures and problems they couldnt even have conceived of the first time around. . ' not rare in the most occur in reconstitu-e- d homes with greater frequency and with far more painful results. In a fight, according Arguments placid household first-marria- "If the mother and feel father they! re right for each other " children will fall into line because they sense the rightness of itr to one psychiatrist, the partners try to use ammunition that will kill the other so dead hell never rise again. But in a reconstituted marriage, they have twice as much ammunition oecause theyve got the experiences Of the mate's previous marriage as well as the present one. Children sometimes enter the arguments (willingly or not), lining up behind their natural parent. In one Atlanta family, the older children went so far as to chastise their younger siblings for disloyalty because they showed affection for - the stepparent Children often resist the discipline of a statement and just as often the stepparent is reluctant to discipline children he doesnt consider his own. Once, recalls the wife of a Los Angeles accountant, my husband's oldest boy told me: I dont have to listen to you. You're not my real mother. And my husband held back 0.1 disciplining my children. Hed swat his boy if he needed it, but not mine. As a result, my son was r.rt obnoxious. When my husband finally punished him, he felt he had a father and belonged to someone. mine. It is the children, of course, who bear the brunt of their parents problems, and they can develop serious neuroses. A Boston housewife has a son who stares out the window for hours waiting for his father to come fetch him for the weekend. And she adds, "I leave when he returns, him alone. He has to have time to get back to what his home situation is all long-lastin- g Sometimes the father openly resents the children sired by someone else. You move in with a woman and two kids, and the two kids hate you, grouses a Chicago stepfather. Youre a visitor theyd rather see go away. Two snotty kids. When I have to go out and w'ork, thats when I remember those kids aren't about. A demanding stepfather who tries too hard to win a childs love can put a tremendous psychological strain on the child. He is, in effect, asking the child to kill off in his own mind, it least his natural father. The very existence 0.' Lucky By HARRY JONES Remember the bit the other day about1 Ken and Diane Dowd? The couple had worked in our town1 some time back belore Ken was trans- ierred to the Midwest. They were back in town the other day visiting with the Don....... Woodward family . . . en route to the coast and a new' assignment. Diane had said they always likd our. City of Salt because nice things seemed to iiappen . . . their lucky town. No sooner had she said it than a Chicago settlement house finally located v I them. The phone call was to .eport that consent had been obtained for them to . have a foster child . . . Kenny, a ley of 4. The authorities in Chicago flew the child to Salt Lake City for the reunion. It was the weekend of the deer season opening. ' ity and happines-s- . When you move on toward the third and fourth marriage, its all a downhill plunge with profound feelings of defeat, says a New York psychiatrist. If the second marriage doesnt work, thereafter it's just one mistake after another. But when the reconstituted family is successful, it often produces stronger, more lasting bunds than a starry-eyefirst fling. The husband and wife have already washed out a lot of the myths that go maintains a into a first marriage, UCLA psychiatrist who has been tlnice married. They know' their problems and are inspired to change. They leel theyre getting a second chance in life. Most of the problems that do arise can be solved if only the entire family sits down and talks them out. After all, thats wllut any type of communicamarriage is all about tion. Monday they left for California. , d fountain - WASHINGTON Captain Pitcher, a swashbuckling pirate who roamed the seas off Gulfport, Miss., became so infuriated by fickle winds and waters that he put a curse on the spot still known as Pitcher Point. This unhapand py hamlet hundreds of other . Gulf Coast towms reaped the legendary curse were wiped out in August by hurricane Camille. What some insurance companies are doing to Camilles victims would make the pirate captain blush. and Every state has its Pitcher Point spots cursed by hurricane and tornado, threatened by flood and fire. Likewise, property owmers everywhere can expect similar trouble with insurance claims if a natural disaster should strike their homes. For congressional investigators have found that, in most states, the insurance commissioners are handmaids for the insurance industry they are supposed to regulate. some from inPrivate documents surance agents themselves establish how victims of Camille are being skinned by some insurance firms while Mississippi Insurance Commissioner Walter Davis stands by. The American Insurance Association, a New trade group of stock insurance firms, openly gloats about having the $16,000-a-yeMississippi insurance commissioner in its pocket. York-base- d This column has obtained an embarrassing letter between two AIA officials, in which one describes how Davis, elected by the people of Mississippi, came hat in hand to their Mississippi office to get an okay on his own statement about the hurricane. At this meeting, surely unknown to the disaster victims, he unofficially approved an insurance rate hike on the spot. The letter, written by AIAs top man. on the scene, Frank Lewis, to his boss, AIA claims chief W. D. Swift, declares Commissioner Walter D. exultantly: Davis today brought in (his statement) for me to review. You note, I deleted one tial. While AIA ofncials are throttling down payments to dazed storm victims, was the huge insurance association paying out big sums to engineering research firms to dig up data that might ward off or beat down lawsuit from enraged policyholders. This column also has had access to the research documents. One Speaks of taking statements from 130 witnesses who told of tornado damage. Since the small print in most policies exempts the insurance companies from paying for flood damage but not wind damage, the, statements were unwelcome. sentence, which the commissioner went He recognizes that the along with rates are going to have to go up, and he is not adverse to let the companies know it now. This is how the man who has been Mississippi's insurance commissioner for 18 years protects the people who elected him, wdiile they dig out of the death and destruction of hurricane Camille. ... My associate, Leslie Whitten, reached Davis in his Jackson, Miss., office. He stoutly denied that the insurance companies had dictated to him, but he wouldnt go so far as to call the AIA letter untruthful. A are groaned the AIA. Some insurance companies have even built up files on potential witnesses. In a report for the insurance firms, the Allied Engineering Services of Raleigh, N.C., noted: Captain M. Gaugher, master of the SS Alamo Victory, estimates the He is basically a winds at 193 m.p.h. honest individual who straight-forwarspeaks and acts with authority. His testimony and several others like him will be very damaging to the defense. While Commissioner Davis nodded his approval, the AIA also set up a screening bureau to make sure that local insurance adjusters didnt show too much kindness to hurricane victims. A confidential letter circulated to some insurance company officials in Mississippi and New York explained that the screening boards would help stop neighboritis by letting adjusters know that someone is looking over their shoulder. the adjusters By screening considerable number of statements unfavorable to the insurers, ... reports, YOUR. HEALTH Damp Basement Health Hazard? Dear Dr. Thosteson : We are planning to convert our basement into a small It is apartment for our mother-in-ladamp and we are wondering whether installing a dehumidifier would make it suitable for living and sleeping, or do you feel that living in a basement might be detrimental to health? Mrs. D. O L. There is nothing inherently unsafe about a basement apartment provided it has adequate ventilation and is warm, light and dry enough. However, when it is so damp to start with that you have to start talking about a dehumidifier. Id be suspicious. Why is it damp? Do the walls and floor need repairing? Is there any flooding rain? Before considering making such a basement into living quarters (and spending the money necessary to do so) I'd install a dehumifier and find out whether, over a period of months, it can keep the basement thoroughly dry. A dehumidifier can cope with only so much moisture. Mrs. Redford Conquers An Audience Bv HAROLD LUNDSTROM Deseret News Music Editor THE PROGRAM Patricia Clawson Redford, soprano. Library Auditorium, October 25. Handel: As When the Dove Laments Her Love, Schwarze O N a c h 1, Da Tempeste: Das Magdlein, Di Die Sprode, Die Sprode.' Wer Bekehrte, tat deinem Fusslcin weh? R. Strauss: Rezitativ Wolf: e Zerbinetta. Verdi: Lo spazzacamino, Ad una La Zingara; stella, Ron Daum: Black Vase, Flower Girl, Purple Cow, "Cameo, is Spring; Ravel: La Princesse, Lenfant, Tom-morro- Le Feu. THE PERFORMANCE Simply a very articulate her voice - Mrs. Redford conprano one, that is quered a capacity audience in the Library Auditorium Saturday evening. In fact, she not only conquered it, but also she turned it into an unusually enthusiastic one. To continue: It was not only her challenging repertoire of German, Italian. French, and English art songs and operatic arias, not only her versatility that let her range from classic Handel and Wolf Leider to the fun song of a purple cow, not only her soprano voice that was dramatic or lyrical, but also it was the joy or sadness (depending on the text) that she communicated that won her listeners. The smooth-grainesinging of the Handel group was charming with the Handelian trills controlled admirably. Mrs. Redfords line was steady and shapely throughout the Hugo Wolf Leider, and after listening to these expressive accounts one can only lament the passing of ai t song recitals by and dedicated vocalists. d d so- - the small society by Brickman IF VoO'fZz WMAT Hot IS TH imposing number, from Richard Strauss' Ariadne auf Naxos,, was bright in its variety of tonal color and dramatic projection. This is an unusually difficult number to bring off artistically, but she was equal to every demand. Mrs. Redford's voice was rich in tone, and it smoothly produced the moods of the little Verdi jewels. Certainly one cf the most intriguing groups was the Subjective Moods for Soprano by Utahs own Ron Daum, who is now composing big things in Hollywood. The Black Vase has a soaring melodic line sung, if I heard it correctly, on the single word Hoo (like in owl?). Flower Girl with its appealing entirety, Come down, has the mood of a Her MUSICAL WHIRL F&LITics WoiZLP 1M Yoi) QoitiO most Negro spiritual. Purple Cow, with its clever piano accompaniment, ended about as abruptly as one can imagine, and not quite what one might have in mind for the image of a purple cow. Cameo is reflective and hauntingly beautiful melody that had the audience holding its breath. Perhaps the most appealing of the five numbers is Tomora pensive lyrical study row Is Spring, that ends the group. As Mrs. Redford was acknowledging the applause (but not by the concert stage tradition of bowing), one of Utah's vocal pedagogues most distinguished Those are a lot better songs whispered, than I ever heard from Ned Rorem! There was much beautiful singing to admire in the closing Ravel group. Mrs. Redfords ardour of the musical lines and her scrupulous care over phrasing gave a sparkling lustre to these seldom-hearjewels. Mrs. Redford was fortunate as is to have Lowell Farr as her any sii.ger in accompanist. The accompaniments her program demanded a great deal of atmosphere and authentic sound. And they were played artistically and persuasive1)' by Mr. Farr. d to-2- Ssr Jlv" 7 in front of the Salt Lake . A freshman cop lie investigated. didn't blame Ken for the accident, but lie wasn't sure but what Ken should have to buy a license for hunting deer. Being an the cost would have been And Ken didn't have room to haul the large buck the coast with the luggage ana alt. Jud then a hunter came hadnt seen a deer all day. And Latins, Indians Cutting Loose , 'r' by. lie he would sure like that fine spread of antlers and. the deer that Ken had nudged with his car. Tag it and it is yours, Ken offered. And the guy jumped at the chance. (Id like to hear the story hes telling at home From Uncle Sam ' Ken hurriedly filled the radiator to-the top and made a dash into Beaver for mechanical aid. Indians are reminding the United States that it must expect its influence to diminish as its interest wanes in the world out-- . side its borders. Bolivias nationalization of a Gulf Oil subsidiary and Indias readiness to tighten its diplomatic bonds with Hanoi are ' ' But it was the deer season and the town was empty with the exception the kindergarten and the people in the,' old folks home. the car dealers and mechanics far away hills. So Ken refilled the radiator and made y a dash for Cedar City. The garage was open, but Ken faced a three-dawait while parts were brought down from our part of the state. , He was eager to get on the way . . had to report on the job in a couple of, ,,,, All were symptoms of a mood being generated by the awareness that America means to curtail its responsibilities abroad. Latin governments have been advised by their ambassadors in Washington that President Nixon will not make any substantial moves to meet their capital in the ' y days. So he decided to buy a new 1970 autQ on the road. Ken and Diane wont forget their trip through Utah. When they entered Utah, they had an old car and two children. By the time they left about four days later, they had three children, a new station wagon and had bagged one of the biggest deer of the season. requirements when he unveils his Latin and get policy on Oct. 31. The word is out that the President, backed by the Rockefeller report, does not intend to respond to the joint petition of the Latin republics for a higher level of aid. Mr. Nixon is reported further to have refused to accept Gov. Nelson Rockefellers recommendation that he elevate the conduct of Latin affairs in the State Department by creating a special post of Secretary of State for South America. Rockefeller urged the change in his still secret report in order to emphasize the governments concern for the hemisphere and to attract more talent into ' ' -- , ; Im wondering if the Chewy dealer in Beaver got his deer? Because he sure lost a sale by going ! But Wit's End If the Salt Palace folks can wait, the Society of American Magicians is going to hold its national convention over there . . . maybe the magicians can do something with sound systems! diplomacy. But the State Department opposed the change because it would disrupt its channels of organization without promising over the long run to bring added attention to the Latins. Charles Meyer, assistant Secretary of State for Latin Affairs, argued that the gesture, unsupported by any real response to the pressures for more aid. would be cynically interpreted in South America as a cheap way out for the Nixon administration. BIG TALK So the President will propose a small bureaucratic reorganization, largely to propitiate Rockefeller, and a program more geared to trade and private investment than to aid. His speech will mark the redirection of American policy along the stringent lines being dictated by the popular mood. Although thoughtful Iottins doubt that Mr. Nixon could rationally resist this moodctlie fiscal strai's of the sister republics plus the twinge of Nasserism already apparent in the military regimes in Peru and Boli inspire many predictions that Washington's austerity will provoke the continent to turn away from Uncle Sam's influence. . This spirit has already surfaced in the Indian government, which seems bent on overriding American objections to its plan of installing an ambassador in Hanoi in place of the present The notion seems to spring from the impulse of Prime Minister Gandhi to take the lead in building regional cooperation in South Asia. Consul-Genera- ! about that.) The Latins and the WASHINGTON out Federal Building. to the AIA predicted happily that the savings that will accrue . . . will be substan- MERRY - GO - ROUND As " buck ran they neared Beaver a right in front of their auto. There was no inchance for Ken to avoid the accident. The stag was dead and the family car had a mashed grill, a broken headliglft and a radiator that did imitations of the, S50. By JACK ANDERSON State , You Can Bet CHARLES BARTLETT Hurricane Camille And The Insurance Firms 27, 1969 Utah's Their , one wife says, " the 5 October Monday, l. The Indians argue they can lessen North Vietnam's reliance on Red China by tightening its link with New' Delhi. They want to contribute to the Soviet prouosal for a collective security arrangement along the Chinese border. niriwiitftwai don't mind an " slogan like 'grime doesn't pay but 'now about a yell: 'Don't dump that sewage, raw, raw, raw!' " anti-polluti- I From photos token for the Deseret tiiiiy Birthday feature. News popular ' - ( |