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Show ENOUGH - riOS OUB BUDGET OF FDD BnlBrkSaA Broth erllnesa, that la the keynote of Chris lisa conquest Nothing less mu solve the problems ot eur or any day. SOME GOOD JOKES ORIGINAL Those problem, how confusing, ho AND SELECTED. weary we sometimes become, and how helpless. Tbs laborer, tbe Immigrant A VuMr ( Me. Glbae bMlM, the tramp, the war questions and a of others. Those confront us oa Orlgtal taS JMwMriMMB- - sat boat avery hand, and they not only aak. but trom ih Tide Beeaer command that we shall consider them. XVtiqr Bybaa W may laugh, but whether we laugh or cry or shrug our shoulders, they Tki kukalw'l Caaelalat , stalk before our eyes. Take tbe I bos Returning home at close ot day, question. 'There are tbe capitalist, th Who gently chides my long delay. employer and employe. How shall we And by my side delights to stay? measure just what proportion each Nobody! should receive? The brotherhood el man will solve these questions Rev. Who sets for me the easy chair. Spreads out the papers with such care, Tbos. Bob lent. And lays my slippers ready there? Tkrastk Weak. Nobody! j. s. God choses th weak things of this When plunged In deep and dlretila-tres- world to confound the mighty. Jonah did not amount to much. Wa are alWhen anxious cares my heart most inclined to scoff at his vacillation and foolishness. But God ehoss him. Who whispers hopes of happlneM? Earthen vessels hold Ood's riches. Not many mighty or grMt folks are called. Nobody! When sickness comes and sorrow If they ever become great It Is through their faithfulness. Oar ehlld'a hymn twain. And grief distracts my fevered brain. sever loses Us great philosophy: Who sympathises with my pain? Tittle drops of Watei. Nobody? ' Little grains of sand, T Make the mighty oeean But Im resolved, so help me fate. And the pleasant land." To change at once my single state, At Hymens altar I will mats When 1 am weak then am 1 Somebody? cried the great BL Paul For strong," Thomas villa (Ga.) Enterprise. He must God can only use wsakncM fill the worker with HlmMlt The Bis Vlrsl Css. wisest and beet workman is he who calls to God, Use me, and make me strong with Thy strength." No matter what you are, though weak and Ignorant you can give yourself to Gods service, end He can make you mighty. Floyd W. Tompktfii. f (apply Oa CiUaS lutlaa Rato la Cmlifarala. San Francisco Call: One million of dollars per aonnm can be easily added to the income of California, la th opinion of Prof. Walter T. Swingle of the United States department of agrifiga. Prof, culture, by cultivating gwingle has been touring the state and His conclusion la keenly observing. that the foothill region of California la excellently adapted to .the growing of Jg orchards and Is like the natural home of the fig. Imported figa are now selling on the Atlantic coast at the extraordinary rate of (1,000 per ton, and there are few to be had at that price. If California had a fig crop now it would be as good as a gold mine, "California ought to raise figs enough for the whole United State," Mid Prof. Swingle. T am Mtlsfied that the possibility of so doing will be demonThe explanastrated Mtlsfactorily." tion of this la that if the fig moth, brought from Asia by Prof. Swingle In Capri figs, shall survive the froeta the problem of fertilising the figs which hM pussled generations of Californians, will be settled. It has heretofore been supposed that the only way to Into California Introduce the wm to import small Capri fig trees In pots and wait for them to grow. Prof. Swingle hM adopted the more direct method and brought them In figa, the figs being wrapped la UnfolL A Journey across the Mediterranean sea, th Atlantic ocean and the North American continent did not hurt the moth In the least There are many Mmples of the moth in th state now, all so Imported and all are doing well. If the moths survive th frost this winter, the way will be biased out tor the futuri Industry, which cannot hut prove an Important addition to th states commercial resources. Prof. Swingle says that he thinks that It la also possible to Introduce th frult-bearlcactus Into California successfully. This la something like the prickly pear, with th "prickers left out Th fruit la of a dull, red color and tastes something like a canteloup. In Arabia this fruit grows oa the desert and does not need any water to thrive. There are large tracts In CaliDoctor My first case wm a child fornia, now producing no revenue, that who had been I want my Mlary eating candle ends. 'Salaries will be paid Immediately might be made to pay well with crops Assistant What did you do? la of Prof. Arabian this fruit Bwlngla after the performance. Doctor Recommended a change of Mine must be paid now or the per. Investigating carefully concerning the diet outlook for the date palm In Califorformance will not be finished. In awkward position be drew a nia Th shortage in th Asiatic fig Ways of the World. newspaper package from hie overcoat crP ouht t0 aupply a market for any forblack California to fit send Pikes figs Bandy Tings Aint fair In dts pocket It seemed heavy, and I heard ward thla season. Black dried figs wurld, Billy, the clink of coin. Awful lot of. silver, tonight ha have already been sold, in email quan Billy Coalgate Whatia da matter, titles, la the East at very good prices. now, Sandy? Mid, m ha handed m the pared. Bandy Ptkea Why, Ise jest tin doin' T dropped It scornfully. ' a little finkin'. Here's deae I want greenbacks, J said firmly. Dally mtMk fellows dat git a good dinner fer The moat people who live In the But I havent Greenback or no performance, I- - temperate Bones, the annual freshets Jeet tellln a funny story after dM ro eatln. We hM to fill a woodshed occasioned by Jhe melting of the winrepcated ealmly. ter snows and by tha unusually heavy before we kin git a little cold lunch." It Ton should havo aeenhla face! Too should have seen the property rains of spring are a matter ot fa- aint right Chicago News. miliar observation. Under a higher boy contorting hlmMlt with delight behind n 'set house. latitude and In the neighborhood of Ckat With the smothered curse of th glaciers, other phenomena are to be Journal Well," said Indianapolis melodrama the manager picked np the studied. An English traveler in Alasscattered coins and marched away. A ka has the following to report about Hungry Higgins, here la the first thing I aver read about them coltwenty --dolls bUl mb Week to me la the Hears of that oountry; Th Tak-ken- good dudes." a few momenta and the play ended In Ilk most streams of glacial lege Wot U asked Weary Watkins, orthodox fashion. origin, was subject to a dally rise and But what do you think of that for fait The distance of Its sources caused with little Interest Wy it says a lot of em had a can meanness?' the water to increase in volume and no. It aint either. Ita a cane rush "Encore In iwlftneu from noon to midnight, Im speechless " said I.' th oolong, pleaM? I must steady my after which It continued to decrease rush. They vu a bit of gravy coverin nerve!" from midnight to noon. Th dally rise up the . measured from six to ten ihches, acTha Bh CU4 th Do cording to the heat of the weather; th It t Wm Bs ssl B Wm Xs Baltimore American Mist Sourfac If I were only Santa Claus, (ally fall measured from five to eight Inches during the time the fine weathAnd Santa Claus wm me, (to tramp) Did you ever have a roer lasted. After a few days of cloudy, mance in your life? I'd show to him Just what a good Old Santa I'd be. Tramp Tea, mom; I had a sweetfalny weather, I found the river fall:rd al way bring the kind ot toys ing trom day to day about m fast as heart oncet dat looked like you. Miss Sourface (setting out another It had risen during the fine weather. And story book for him; It Is worthy of remark that during piece of pie) And did she die? ?d find his stocking evry year, fin weather I Invariably found th And HU It to the brim. Tramp No, mum. Me fadder wantwind during th daytime In th Chiled me to marry her, so 1 run away This year I'd bring a hook or m es! valley blowing np from the sea. It from home. On how we conquered Spain, Or how n hoy pursued hla toe began In th forenoon with a gentle Th hrsf Baehalor. breeze, which gradually increased to a Across the Klondyk plain. Indlanapolla Journal: How women mart gale, that died quit away by And boxing gloves and. My, I guam sunset During the night there waa do love to stare at a hero!" said the A pistol would be fine either no wind, or else it blew in the Cynical Youth. Tep," assented the Barege Bachecontrary direction. This regular movelor. That la one reason why they aldoubt no has ment ot th atmosphere flock to weddings." ways the with regudo to producing jpnch lar dally rise and fall of the river. A Ma of MetaV 4 WWW"Lj J '""'jj?1 ul op-pre- h ng $SSSSSSSS9SSSSSSS9SSS$ TURKEY ACTRESS" SSSSMSSOTSSSSSWWSSSS pretty little Thespian ult to me other day; "1 id uit look out for turkey Job for Chrlitmaa." Why, what do you mean?" I gueried. What, havont yon heard el tur-fre- y A Ae edly,Tf I don't dont go on. Why, thatll have any supper 1 be ell right, my dear. Well go out together, aad yea shall have supper with mn Aad he laid hie arm affectionately oa my iboulder. ' gave hint a good push, aad he fell actor' J I know plenty of actors who are up against th door. Oh, how angry he fceeee, and a tew actresses who are west 'What are yon doing? he shouted. f neks. was the reply. Oh, dear, no! Turkey actors are Rehearsing you la the character those who only get an engagement for of a gentleman. said I. and you wont Thanksgiving or Christmas or New ault He went out and banged the door, "And how long can they Uee om has a eery atee tapper came np to me la tar. 8tiU t remembered the gleans . that 1 of hate la hie eyes aad was oa my Well, lfa better than nothing. , engaged tor twenty dollars and ex guard, We had a very good houaa that last Christmas to play Altda pens Aa Iiloodgood In The Streets of New night and fet a little encouraged. I stood looking out of the peephole la York. Oh, what an experience! Come In here, quoth I, "and ertr a the cnrtaln. the property boy brnahad trimming hamper of chocolate or a against me, Beg pardon, he eald. burTledly, wild wassail of tea, tell me all. Aad as wa lunched together the told hut I're been workln eo hard an nothin to eat so that I'm ns weak as a me this: They aent for me from a dramatle rat. Ive had no supper. Tou shouldn't go without your agency, said the money wae cure and almost any dmsee would do, Allda la supper, X ealo. 1 aint got the price. the daughter of a hanker in the play, lint they said that in the town where T gave him half of my forty eenta. we were to perform oa Christmas night 'Go out and get a cup of coffee and they wouldn't know the difference. a sandwich. Ha took the money with a grateful Howtver, I fixed up three change Without (pending n cent look ana disappeared. "We were all to meet the manager The play went on. So did he, tor at the ferry in Jersey City. He didn't that matter, for he played two parts, poor little soul! At the end of the third act ha knocked at my dressing room door. Say, you're Miss jHallett, aint 1 r high-flute- d f Aftcr-DlaM- V na. Itr -, i WeIl. f got aome thin I want to eay to yer on the quiet I finished dressing and came out Tou certainly vu good to me, ha Mid with a grin, an now Its turn about What do 'Just thin - you mean? Th boas the manager, tent me up to the hotel to mean Just get five dollar changed Into pennies an nickel an ten cent piece. 'Well, what has that to do with i: met np aalarle Tlenty! Hea out front In th office, an hea with another feller. Hes going to pay you your Mlary la pennies In nickels an dimes. ' ' 1 don't believe It T WANT GREENBACKS." Well, you can, 1 heard him ten the other teller, an they think Ita a appear, but sent e message that he'd great Joke. He'a down on you for soma ae ns In the town. reason or other. Don't gimme away. W ell paid ur fare I had forty And to he disappeared again. cents left end reached the place So this wm th manager con pretty well elagusted. revenge, temptlble At the hotel they viewed us sue dollars la sickels and penTwenty and we no had as trunks, pldoualy. there we learned that th matinee had nies! I called the stage manager. been abandoned, no seats hating been Dont ring up the curtain, Mr. Bold. I said, for I shan't go on until ClMke, We had a rehearsal Instead, and R was six o'clock before t staggered into I get my aalary, But, my deal what I Mid, wm my to - Warn that we the hotel,-on- ly I meat back to my dresswe rejoinder, couldnt bar say supper unless room. ing in for It Ividually, paid thought of Patti refusing to put T sent wo d to our manager that old . I3haUn Five of the elephants attached to the what youd Why? circus of Lord George Sanger escaped Tlfley call him ailver tongues, he from th large tent in which they had In his teeth, and he certainly been hobbled for tbe nlgbt at Dart-for- d, baa gold ot brass. has were plenty found de -England, They vourlng th contents of a bakers shop, Chip f th Old Blolb having smashed a large plate-glawindow In tha shop front and eaten all the bread and pastry they could find end then beginning to destroy aome bags of flour. Four of the elephants Charlie, Edgar, H. K. H. and Mary were escorted back to the. tent hut uinnle could not be found anywhere. Ebe aubsequently waa dlacovered a mil and a half away, quietly sleeping near a conservatory in a market garden. IF 1 WERE HE. Eh had amused' herself by smashing To Klondykewlth, And then oh, yes, the windows of the conservatory, devaluable flower A wheel tor ninety-ninstroying n quantity of of lot a vegetable. sod eating big Id bring n leather suit and hat aaWMBaMMMMSmSpMSwmSSim The kind that cowboys wear. Ot bowie knives and thing Ilka that WcC 0refc jrtrst Wocm not counting anHed have a lot to spare. corset first The the Grecian son of Id fill hla stocking then with all cient modifications The candy It would hold. Introduced Into Franc or girdle "Ah, your sons a smart fellow got And where- the pack as es were asaS Catherine de. Medlci. lt lather's head, ehtchlp of the old .Ala br after the Id fill In round with gold. strange affair, and fashioned frameAnd when they mw how good 1 Ths wi style ofwasa knights cuirass. How happy folks would be entirely of Iron, and the velwork If 1 were only Santa Claus only. vet which decorated th exterior And Santa Claus was me. Served to hid a frightful and cumber- go-alp- act Bit. Three tour of the beautiful Maud of Puerto Rico are scheduled to leave Chicago December 17, January 11 aad February HL Special Pullman sleepers and dining care will convey the party to New York, thence on board the splendid new steamship Pones and San Juan, through and around th island by rail, automobile, carriage and boat Ticket "include all expenses everywhere. These select limited parties will be under the special escort of Mr. Walter Boyd Towueend, under the management of Th American Tourist Association, Rena Campbell, general manager, 142S Marquette Itineraries, map building, Chicago. and tickets can be had on application to the agents of the Chicago, Milwaukee A St Paul Ry. Tim ud Dirt SulkUaWA In keeping with it peat unapproachable record. Union Pacific K. R., the Gnat Overland Route, will, on October ISth, place la servio aa entirety new, strictly tint-clas- s limited train I he known by the old familiar nma ot The Ovarland Lh This la addition to tha present e Had. eallent schedule which will be eon tinned. The NEW OVERLAND LIMITED wig leave Salt Lake City dally at 11:16 a. aa, Ogden 1 :U p. m., arrive Denver Omaha 7:15 p. m., and Chicago 9:80 a. as, in ample time for all eastern connection! te Now York, Boston, Washington, etc., aad bo th most handsomely equipped and fastest train aver given to the western people, As usual there will be no change of cars te Denver, Omaha and Chicago, and only one change to principal easier cities. Forth Old particulars at companys office, Stand, SOI Main street Salt Lake City. It a, The B. A O. R, R. hM just placed an order for 43,500 tons of 85 pound steel rail for delivery In 1900. Th contract price is about 8? per cent more than paid for rail during the charge of the property. amount just ordered toe will get 26,000 tons, th 12,500, the Pittsburg 4,000, and tha Cleveland Valley 1,000. (3 per ton or the Receivers ttey Bad Of the total B. A O. proper B. A O. S. W. Uffifi and Western Terminal and ss , e. - -- vwj" TbM ChrWrn , "C. article that to ,01a . OX He wm aa active parcel boy. Maplesoa had no money and ihoaldat play 01 bit flippers until poor - From house to feouse he d two how ahe t,OGO range, got had produced srithoui my s' pper. on oa slipper And whatsoeer your hill might be thouMnd. put simply a him In door to my This hrou ;ht He always "had the change." durry, Ha knocked end entered With Heaven! Suppose they hid paid But creeW soars and chaugeleM boy n surprised Jr. Hls afforU did deride. her In nickels and peunlMi ! 'Why, my dear he said, thtrea from utter loneliness. came dashing bask. Until, manager The mo me mistake. The Util fellow died! this. Ulu Hallettr What'a there splrltI Is, replied, think 1 SStlTriaou S , and wi bight and In prettier than the others? th their to obtain what they considered ' ' a perfect figure. ? Besaie-- No. And ll did IMnk so wouldn't .ay so. He, tha gander! effort aad-watte- r BuneHrre?tria call a man of metal?" i'rPhIlsaelptira Mischief. Th Cralaaa Oral--. An orator in Missouri got off the fallowing: "We live in n land of mountain and high taxes, low wages, big crooked rivers and erooked statesmen big lakes and big strikes, big drunks and big pumpkins, big men wlQ pumpkin heads, silver streams that gambol In tha mountains, and pious polltlclani that gamble In the night roaring cataracts nod roaring orators, fait horse end fast young men, sharp lawyers, harp financiers, and sharp-nose- d noisy children, fertile plains thal He like a sheet of water, and thousands of newspapers that lie like thunder. San Francisco Argonaut . Xh ChBraetcrtatt. believes lh short engagements," remarked Mr. Enagga. BplalT Saaday Tea, tha Spaniards who were at chlU In an Spain there are only 1,220 Manila last year can testify to that" Ira n tha Sunday school. pi a an Chronicle-Telegrap- h. -- M. Mta Dewey HOLIDAY RATES- - Via Rio G rondo Wntan Rallwojk , On December 23, 24, 25, 81 and January I the Rio Grande Western Railway wlllsppty a rate of one single fare for the round trip between any two stations on its tinea. Tickets limited to January A It takas thla opportunity of wishing all Its patron a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. - two. w. Hanrre, General Passenger Agent Th dining car servie of tho Denver A Rio Grand Railroad is proving a great, convenience to th traveling public. Elegant dining ears are attached to all train leaving Denver on thla popular road, where meals are served in a manner pleasing te all travelers, and at moderate prices. The enjoyment of e trip through Colorados wonderful scenery that abounds along the roadie enhanced by th dining Car and" other conveniences that have been adopted. For information, time cards, rates, its, address S. K. Hooper, General Paasengee and Ticket Agent, Denver, or H. M. Cushing, Traveling Passenger Agent, 109 Went Second South StreeVSatt Lake City. Bsa re Uut. ..From tha ytlcn Observer; Th Irishman wu painting hls barn, and ha wm harrying hie work with nil hls ; strength end epeed. "What are you !a such a hurry for, Murphy?" naked n spectator. Bure I want to get through before me paint runs out," wae the. rF1Fa v- - - |