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Show 8 . COOLER TIMES - SEPTEMBER 1994 More MAIL from Page 1 models, the kind you have to pry open with these things called keys . . . What about car dreams? I keep having car dreams and I'm always in the _ Route fraud case broke during the When You Just Have to Have It Overnight: The quickest overnight mail useless and costly Star Routes. The Star Dear Festus, passenger seat. The car is either stuck in the mud, or the brakes don't work, or it is going downhill out ofcontrol. Does unforgettable administration of service to Castle Valley is via Federal this mean I'd betterfind a new me- President Chester Arthur. (Or was that Express (1—800-238-5355). The driver chanic or trade in my oldjalopy before Arthur Chester?) Fraud was proven on 93 Star Routes, 25 indictments were issued, but no convictions were obtained. Unfortunately, Star Routes still suffer from the “useless and costly” stigma. Only three of our six parcel boxes are in working condition. As the holiday season roars down on us, we leaves Grand Junction early in the I end up in a ditch? .7 Auto Lover overnight package to you the next now. An old theory says that car morning as well, but if the three parcel boxes are full, or if a signature is dreams have to do with your ego, the “vehicle” you “drive around in.” Your are faced with a crisis of Immense required, you’ll probably just get a Proportion (Urgent reminder: only 76 shopping days before the holidays). yellow slip. UPS (1-800-742-5877) is reliable, but their drivers don’t make it out here until later in the afternoon or ego is that conscious part of you that maneuvers your daily life to get you what you want or need, and avoid what you don’t want. Your dreams about Only three packages a day can be delivered to Castle Valley. The rest of them are returned to Moab, including those from the North Pole. “Any chance we can get the locks repaired out in Castle Valley?” I asked one of the harried postal employees in Moab. “It doesn’t do any good. There’s morning and usually arrives in Castle Valley by 10 or 11 am., unless he is busy in Cisco, which happens about Dear Auto, Hang on to that car of yours. once every leap year. The US. Postal Service (1-800-222-181 1) will get an Remember, dream images symbolize something else going on in your life _ evening. DHL (1-800-225-5345) also manages to get packages here, but it usually takes them an extra day, and through some mysterious process, the packages always end up at the JC Penny mail-order counter in Moab for pick-up. Airborne Express (1-800225-5345) is best avoided. Though your package will get to Moab over- people in Castle Valley that don’t know how to use keys. They just rip the doors open.” I apologized on all our behalf, and tried to explain how this new technology—Keys, did you say?——has yet to reach Castle Valley, and how ripping days. This means going down to things open has always been the more that he gets to you before his dogs do. traditional approach. Why, half the night, the driver will only deliver to Castle Valley on Tuesdays and ThursHoliday Haven, looking for the Airborne Express truck, knocking on the front door of the trailer, and hoping —Charlie Kulander homes in Castle Valley don‘t even have doorknobs! Turns out that a box of new locks has been sitting at the Post Office for the past two months. Problem is, nobody knows how to install them. We cars, mean you’rebeing given the same message over and over again, until you get it. I used to have a dream that I was half in, half out of a bright yellow VW bug (no small feat for a mule with no small feet), and was shoveling papers and junk out of the car in great heaps. Now, the bug part is easy to understand (I’m chunky, funky, out of date, but of my ego/mind all the time, and was going no place (parked). I needed to there with the Elvis stamp. Ask 00 and parcel boxes designated for Castle Festus Dear Festus, Are all dreams important? disappointed to learn that these new boxes weren’t the kind you could just Dear ?, Many dream experts think so, but I don’t. The garbled daily gunk we can‘t remember is what I call “enema” dreams—they just flush you out. You’ll rip open. No, these are the high tech remember the important ones. Festus that if they put the boxes up, they will be vandalized again. So I was a little you “going down hill” in some area? Now check out your ego. Do you need to plot a new road map? Recurring themes in dreams, like nonetheless cheery—bright yellow), have to wait for an official US. Postal Valley, but they are currently mothballed at the Moab Post Office. Again, the problem is that the Post Office can't find anybody to install them, though they aren’t exactly advertising the job. There is a concern seat in your life? Who else is? Where are you out of control (no brakes)? Are but the junk inside took me a while. Then I saw it. I was “half in, half out” maintenance employee from Salt lake City to drive down here. This no doubt is a top priority project ranking right up There is also a bunch of new postal cars just might be the latest news on how you are navigating. Ask questions. Are you stuck somewhere in your life right now (spinning your wheels in the mud)? When aren’t you in the driver’s flush out my brain cells of all the junk I was carrying around, useless worrisome thoughts. I needed to smell the sunflowers and roll in the mule puckey a bit more. Remember, car dreams are about ego, not your favorite mechanic. Getting your ego to take a new route ain’t always easy, but the cost NOT TO may be greater. If your car’s racing around out of control, sooner or later you won’t be able to afford the gas. Good luck. Festus |