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Show THE ZEPHYRNOVEMBER 1992 PAGE 12 The Color of Politics is Yellow? by Robert Fulghum FROM THE INTERNATIONAL NEWS DESK OF THE ZEPHYR - Robert Ftilghum Editor Stiles asked me if I had anything to contribute to an edition of the Zephyr devoted to the coming election. My first response was "Why add to the glut?" But as I write, on Saturday night, October 16, 1 am still thinking about the election. I have just finished voting. (Absentee ballot. I'm still registered in Washington State.) So election '92 is all over for me. Let 'er buck. How do I feel? My state of mind is like that of my neighbor in Seattle, a senior bureaucrat for the state. Recently he received an enquiry from the "Affirmative Action of his agency down at the Capitol. Political correctness is a great concern these days, as this question indicates: "Please list the personnel in your office, broken down by sex." He replied: "It's hard to tell, though there are several who show the effects of too much beer, two snuff dippers, and a chocoholic." Like the many of the rest of you. I've about reached my capacity on politics this time around and am showing the effects. God knows what it must feel like about now if you've actually been a candidate and have been campaigning day and night for a year or two. The democratic process is an exhaustive and inefficient way to run a country. It's the hard way. But it's the only way. My college history teacher used to say over and over to us: "Never forget that Hitler and Mussolini were elected to power because people got tired of doing their job as citizens and wanted one man to fix everything for them as quickly as possible." .. Haw'd 1 vote? .For a lot of women, for one thing. I don't care what the lunatic liberals say, women and men are different and we could use a little of that fringe difference in power at about this point in our history. As for president: Perot's popularity is a statement about frustration with the democratic process. He's not a solution, for all his wiggy charm. Didn't vote for him. Mr. Bush, perhaps the most qualified president in our history on paper, had twelve years to make a difference. He had his shot. He didn't produce. He's history. Didn't vote for him. So that leaves me with Bill Clinton and a lot of hope flavored with scepticism that he can turn talk into do. But he's about the 21st century, which is where we're headed. For a long time I supported a slate of Jesse Jackson and Cher. Can't you see what Cher would do to Quayle in a debate? And turn Jesse loose on Bush; sic 'em dawg! But my wife gave me a bad time about this and I hate being scorned in my own house. So Clinton it is. Sub-Committ- That's pretty much my contribution to this election issue. The rest of the column is a kind of antidotal relief for people who have done their political thing, made up their mind, and would like a radical change of subject. What follows ought to do it 94 West 1st North (1 Moab, Utah 84532 block west of Main Street) is urine. And, as my wife noted after reading My subject, brothers and sisters, . through this, I am full of my subject. that Times York Taiwanese "200,000 New stating Recently I read an article in the cure to disease, improve health or achieve are drinking their own urine daily longevity." Turns out this guy named Chen Ching Oman was applying for a new identity card and the police thought he was lying because he looked about 35 or 40 years old he was in such good shape because though he claimed to be 64. When he explained he had been drinking his own urine, the story hit the newspapers. Turns out it s true. Mr. Chen drinks three cups of urine every day. He suggests that people drink their morning urine, which he says is best. I am not making this up. He has a urine therapy hotline you can call to get advice on this matter. You can which documents cases in which buy a book called The Magic Golden Water Cure seriously ill patients have regained their health through urine therapy. According to those who know, urine from a healthy person tastes like beer if served cold. Mr. Chen notes that "Urine, like blood, is foil of nutrition. Therefore drink all of it and don't waste a drop. What happens is beyond your imagination." . - Right. ran this by a friend of thirty years standing whose integrity, intelligence, and professional experience qualify him as an expert on the subject of urine. He is just retiring as the head of the Department of Urology tit the University of Washington School of Medicine and if he doesn't know pee pee, nobody does. He says he doesn't think it's going to catch on, but drinking urine won't hurt you, and given the mysteries of the workings of the placebo affect, it's as likely to be useful as any other substance that provokes the body's capacity to heal itself. Urine has often prevented death by dehydration in extreme crisis situations. It's free and readily available. And yes, as a matter of fact; he has tasted it. And yes, it tastes" like beer. So I Oh. Urine therapy is not confined to Taiwan. My friend loaned me a book that's widely distributed in India, under the auspices of Morarji Desai, who has held many high positions in government; including Prime Minister. The book is Maim Mootra (Human Urine), The Elixir of Life. It's full of documentation by western trained physicians and scientists confirming the value of drinking urine daily. Apparently millions of Indians do. Mr. Desai would like to make it a mandated part of government policy. Now we're back to politics. Can you imagine the campaign rhetoric in our own country: "My party's national health plan is for everyone to pee in a cup and drink it every morning when they get up." candidate; Cher, could say that with a straight face. And it's not My ' such a far out idea. I mean if we've been living with horse manure as government to who's isn't reasonable urine alternative? a policy, say Vice-President- ial Sitting in a doctor's waiting room last week. Waiting. Got a sinus condition that's turned my head to cement Having exhausted the available reading material by going through an August 1975 copy of Woman's Day, I am watching people. Every once in awhile someone comes out of the bathroom down at the end of the hall acting furtive - like they've done something they should not have done. They glance around to see if anybody is watching. Then they quickly put a little jar on the nurses desk and hurry away to sit in a seat and intensely read the 1975 copy of Woman's Day like it contained the details of Pat Nixon's sex life or something equally unbelievable. What they left up there on the desk was a urine sample. Everybody's done it. Remember the first time? "Do what? In this? How? What the hell for?" It's something nice people do only for the sake of medical science. If you weren't WE HOPE YOULL VOTE "FOR" )THE OPTIONAL FORM OF GOVERNMENT BUT, ABOVE ALL, VOTE! (if you dont vote, dont complain) 9 t |