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Show (Oats aa as YR/ OCTOBER-NOV EMBER 2007 MYSTERIES of ARCHES NATIONAL PARK ~ By Jim Stiles Abbey called them “hoodoo rocks” and sandstone “hobgoblins.” Fantastically sculptured shapes have always evoked images of the supernatural. Even monstrous phalluses leap at our imaginations as we climb the edge of the Great Wall to gaze over the vast expanse of redrock desert. Truly, Arches National Park is a strange place to visit. But is there something more strange than just grotesquely twisted geological formations? Have we humans, as we've made our way over the land, created strange tales of our own? Tales that, in fact, complement the rocks themselves? Do the rocks seduce us with strange notions? Are there mysteries there that simply cannot be explained? And are there other questions, seemingly odd at first, that all make sense, once we consider ~ the lay of the land? As a seasonal ranger at Arches so many years ago—excuse me while I snap my suspenders and put my teeth back in—I saw many strange things. Heard many odd voices. Discovered odd freaks of Nature. Were they inexplicable at times? Yes. Memorable? Of course. Am I making some or all of this up and just having as go at you? Who knows? But these are just a few of the stories I remember. Take them with as much or as little recently murdered actor Sal Mineo. Areply came just a few days later. He told me that a “tall black man” would be arrested for Mineo’s murder (a few weeks later, Frederick’s prediction proved true and he sent me the clippings to show me.) But he informed me my wife would not return. Instead, he predicted, “You will marry a blue eyed blonde in 1996. She will be a = haired blonde tall woman and you will marry a college graduate!” I’m still waiting for that leggy blonde. But Mr. Johnson had bigger fish to fry than my love life. He wanted to share his vision of the world and he thought it might become. Here are some of his predictions: But he informed me my wife would not return. Instead, he predicted, “You will marry a blue eyed blonde in 1996. She will be a long haired blonde tall woman and you will marry a college graduate! {7 salt as you need to suit your taste... THE MAN WHO SAW GOLD IN SALT VALLEY If anyone could ever be called “The Scribe of Arches National Park,” it’s Maxine Newell. She grew up in Dove Creek, came to Moab in the 50s and took a job with the Park Service at Arches in the early 60s. By the time I showed up, Maxine was a fountain of park information, from the trivial to the profound. Nothing missed her discerning eye. Maxine eyed me warily when I first arrived, bearded and shaggy slob that I was, and quoting Abbey like a disciple gone mad. She may have even thought I was a Commie. But I clean up pretty well and our mutual love of history created a bond that lasts to this day. One morning, Maxine was perusing the morning mail when one particular hand scrawled letter caught her eye. It was postmarked Chicago and its author was unknown to us. He said he was Frederick Douglas Johnson and he wanted to share a vision. Though he’d never been west of Illinois and had never even heard of Arches or Moab, he had been gripped by a psychic image so strongly, he felt compelled to write us. r. Johnson wanted us to know that there was (and still is, | suppose) a gold nugget under Salt Valley, in the heart of the park. The size of the nugget is what surprised us. It was, by Johnson's estimate, about five miles wide and twelve miles long. One nugget. * In the year 2040 A.D. there will be a freash new wave of UFO sightings and landings that will bombard and swamp the earth like 1947 but on a vaster scale. They may be hopping and jumping around but the unisexual aliens will solve the president's problems and cure all ills and sickness and feed all the hungry in America. * In 1980 President Carter will lose to Ronald Reagan (he got that right), and in 1984, Reagan will lose the election to a woman president. She will then have two terms easy. She will have dark eyes and black long hair and she will be tall.” (Yes...if only Cher had run for high office in 1984.) been gripped by a psychic image so strongly, he felt compelled to write us. * In the year 2024 A.D. Chicago will be the Paris of the black world what with culture and arts and music and imports and history. And what have you, as well as various kinds of foods and wines and 96% of the Chicago police! I didn’t hear from Mr. Johnson again for quite some time; then I found one last letter from him, in the mid-80s. It was hopeful for us humans, but it also carried a remarkable prediction about global warming that he might not have realized was so apocalyptic. In part, he wrote: While we both knew the geology of the park and realized that finding gold in any size was highly unlikely, Maxine and I were intrigued. Still, as “NPS professionals,” we couldn’t exactly engage Mr. Johnson in an official capacity, so I jotted down his particulars and dropped him a personal note, a few months later. I was a smart ass, even then, so my questions to Mr. Johnson were mostly trivial and even silly. ] asked him about the future of my marriage (any damn fool could have predicted that outcome) and I asked him if he could predict the name of the man who had Moab's Oldest Legal Brewery! i) Restaurant ey * from the year 2008 to 2040 A.D. women of all ages will be going into space stations and this space city on the moon will be free from all forms of crimes and it will be because of this that women will build a city on Mars for women only. * In the year 2014 A.D. it will be an Indian president who will get politics OUT of all schools. Though he’d never been west of Illinois and had never even heard of Arches or Moab, he had EDDIE * In the year 2016 all of the races of the American Indians will bring back long hair and it will rapidly spread over all of this wild world. Men will have hair as long as thigh length! Cosmetics and jewelry will be in vogue. For men it shall begin with the Indians who will shave their legs and put on toe nail polish...So powerful will be this exotic popularity that all of Japan will be engulfed in it, together with Italy and Denmark. Meet me at “Tn 2042 there will be an easy happiness and everybody will have fresh starts...Everybody will get their wish then. Gay rights, Indian rights, women’s ERA rights, black rights will all be passed and the government will beautify America! We will have green parks and earth’s climate will destroy winter forever due to the carbon in the atmosphere.” I never heard from Mr. Johnson again and I wonder if he’s still among us. I have all of his hand-written letters and his address——maybe it’s time I dropped him another note. I could congratulate him for his global warming vision and also ask him whatever happened to that leggy blonde. We offer isiae tere helday ps2. (es McStiff's..... CSTE S &3 Microbrewery S. Main in the McStiff's Plaza Weenie www.eddiemcstiffs.com ANOTHER STRANGE CUSTOMER AT EDDIE'S? “Abh...there are ne ‘strangers’ here... just hairy fanged ereatures with a taste for beer that we haven't met!” |