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Show PAGE 10 THE ZEPHYR JULY '89 1 DeffesiisSve Dnyisig iini a Tousri4 Towsn by Alan West Driving, walking and riding require a high degree of skill In a tourist town. The major hazards for a pedestrian are: tourists In rental cars, Wlnnebagos and all derivatives thereof, bicycles and stingrays), skateboards, semis and (mountain bikes, locals using any form of personal locomotion. 10-spe- eds The major hazards In operating a motor vehicle are: tourists In rental cars, Wlnnebagos and all derivatives thereof, bicycles and stingrays), skateboards, semis and (mountain bikes, locals using any form of personal locomotion. The major hazards In the operation of a bicycle are: I bet youve got the Idea by now; Its a dangerous place out there and there are two ways to approach the problem. Defensive approach: Stay home or In your motel room. (No!) Offensive approach: Offensiveness, which until recent times was the forte of the urban sprawl, Is now developing In Its own manner In tourist communities. Always give a wide berth to mountain bikers! Contrary to the popular belief that all mountain bikers are welfare recipients, most are young urban professionals driving Saabs and Volvos with bicycles on their tops valued In excess of both my personal vehicles combined. The very few that demand a thirty-fo- ot wide swath of pavement are successful attorneys, specialized In personal Injury litigation. They will tie you up In depositions for years and cost you thousands of dollars, even though you had the Never strike another vehicle, bicycle or pedestrian with your vehicle. The owner of the other car does not have Insurance, the bicyclist Is an attorney , and the pedestrian Is only sight-seei(The plastic grill on the front of your car will cost In excess of seven hundred dollars, labor not Included.) Bicycle operation Is yet another emerging field of offensive vehicle operation. Bicyclists find cars offensive, motor vehicle find operators bicyclists offensive, and pedestrians, who do they think they are? Crossing the street, those two stupid lines 10-spe- eds right-of-w- ay. . ng. a car! theyre walking between wont Instopvarious This tourist town has wide paths ot geographic locations, In Installed an attempt to deprive us of our constitutional right to be offensive. Not to be outdone, a number of local motorists have cars, decided that the bicycle lanes are for their offensive opportunity. offering yet another In theory, those cyclists that decide not to avail themselves of the use of the bicycle lanes provided, If riding on a street so designated, open themselves up to all kinds of offensive attack. Recreational attack vehicles, aka Wlnnebagos, are altogether another story. The drivers attend factory sanctioned schools on offensive driving. Eight hours are spent on the proper timing and execution of the "Broadside Blocking Maneuver. This maneuver is it known to the rest of us as failure to yield involves allowing oncoming cross traffic to get close enough that when the "RAV." pulls out, you are required to leave long skid marks, (approximately 2,000 driving miles of rubber) without coming into physical contact with the "RAV. performing the hours are spent on a variety of other maneuver. Another thirty-ttopics such as offensive "Long Hill Pulling. techniques for the offensive Leaving the best for last: Though at a disadvantage in the personal Injury pedestrian. category, the freedom of. movement offered leaves offensive gesturing wide open. Walking sticks and canes also add excitement to a downtown stroll; firmly thrust Into the spokes of an offensive bicyclist that Just blew you off the sidewalk results In a double A proficient cyclist will always stick the flip with a half twist landing, without so much as a hop or half-ste-p. My personal reaction to an offensive, act against my person Is a more subliminal approach; a slow shake of my head, side to side, followed by a broad, obnoxious grin. It. always leaves them wondering. six-fo- sub-comp- act right-of-w- ay; wo . NOTICE: IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE STATE SUNSHINE LAW, SECRET MEETINGS AT FRIENDLY DAVES WELL BE HELD EVERY MORNING, 6 AM TO NOON, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK. THE PUBLIC IS WELCOME. The conventions over Curt, you can take off your helmet now. FROMf: THE WILLIE FLOCKO FOUNDATION oktarurrfi 4 : : ;:cPAlDFOR:BYA GRANT ' "'? .iV'.", - , m j f ,y . r ' |