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Show THE ZEPHYRSEPTEMBER 1995 in the shooting range property until they realized they were sitting on land worth a quarter million dollars. And the Sportsmen's Cub controversy is exactly the kind of issue we need to discuss when we talk about accountability, responsibility, and the advantage of state or local management of lands over the federal government. How responsive has the County Council been so far with regard to that issue? Despite the recommendation of its legal counsel, the governing body proceeded anyway. The only recourse for citizens was the threat of an injunction and a lawsuit. Or consider our latest helicopter controversy and the approved state lands application for lease of a parcel right on the San Juan County line? How responsive was the state to the concerns of neighboring citizens to the impacts a commercial helicopter operation might have on their property values and, indeed, their quality of PAGE 3 Soil 00 IS (80 iy'259:0732!orT(8OOr 845'BIK "Civilized tours, in uncivilized terrain" life? No response, really. They didn't even want to publicize what the land was to be used for. In fact, incredibly, the only issue that gave the state lands people pause came when a citizen suggested that the helicopter operation might adversely affect the value of other adjoining state lands! Only when they thought the deal might cost them did the state take a second look. And is the federal government the bloated, immovable lard ass bureaucracy that most of us think it is? While I have to admit, I can't for the life of me figure out what all those federal employees do at the NPS and BLM administrative offices all day, a recent study by the Brookings Institute that showed up in the Tribune last week REMARKABLY, INCREDIBLY OUR LU STRESS-FRE- E surprised me. According to the report, the number of federal employees nationwide has changed wry little since the end of World War II. In fact, while in 1946 the government employed 1 out of 62 Americans, today the ratio is 1 in 90. But now look at state and local governments who, in 1946, employed 1 in 42 Americans. Today, amazingly, the ratio is 1 in 16. While the federal government today employs 2.8 million people, state and local governments employ 165 million. So where exactly is the greatest concentration of dead weight? I'm not saying the federal government isn't fat, but more and more, state and local governments arc beginning to resemble Jabba the Hut to me. And very often with about as much integrity as Jabba too. Finally, what is the federal government's greatest sin? To me, it is the fact that, despite the aforementioned report, there are just too many of them. But why are there too many of them? Because we live in a country that has more people than it needs to efficiently run it, including the public sector and private enterprise. At a time when corporations are "downsizing" to maximize profits, is it any wonder that government employees are desperately looking for ways to make their own jobs indispensable? And as a result, we're seeing excesses and abuses in the system. But, like I've said before, this is no Big Government Conspiracy, the UN isn't going to fly into Nloab and take over the town with the assistance of park rangers. These 2.8 million federal government employees are workers in search of job security so they can feed their families. There's really no need for the militia. The Nine Second Rule Sometimes I think women are crazy. Men too. A couple of weeks ago I heard a story on the news that confirmed it. It seems that in Minneapolis a woman became infuriated by the long (or longing?) stares of a city work crew as she passed by. Now they weren't making cat calls or inviting her over to the site for a beer or two. Everyone kept their pants on. They weren't otherwise saying or doing anything. They were just looking. Yet the woman was distressed enough to file a complaint with the city. And the city, wary of doing anything logical in these politically correct times, issued an order to all city work crews: It is no longer acceptable to look at women for more than nine seconds; anything longer than nine seconds constitutes "visual sexual harassment." I don't know who's crazier now...the woman or the City of Minneapolis. Who came up with the Nine Second Rule? If indeed staring at a woman constitutes this altogether new form of harassment, why docs it only begin at nine seconds? Is it possible to find a loophole in all this by staring for eight seconds, then glancing away quickly at a neutral subject and then refocusing the stare on the woman again? Can the workers on the crew stare at her for more than nine seconds if the staring is done consecutively rather than concurrently? That is to say, can one worker stare for nine seconds to the exclusion of the others, then allow the next worker to pick up staring where the previous worker left off? What if they use mirrors? Does that count? And why would this woman resent the stares of these men in the first place? Now once said, "Men arc simple, helpless creatures," and I granted, as my could never put up much of an argument on that one. But most men I know would give a month's wages to be stared at by a bunch of women as we walked down the street. Even for one second. Or even by one woman for one second. We'd rev el in it. We'd go home and tell our friends. We'd probably have the event tattooed on our chests. It would be one of the great triumphant moments of our very existence. The truth is, men go through their entire lives walking down the street, trying to make eye contact with an approaching woman, knowing that even if the woman wants to return the look, she probably won't. Ever hopeful, year after year, men keep trying to catch a glance back in their direction. Almost always doomed to disappointment, men are obviously the more optimistic and the more stupid of the two genders. And don't think for a moment we're not proud as hell of that distinction. In any event, this was one of the dumbest stories I've heard about in years. I hope with all my heart that there are thoughtful, sensitive, intelligent women out there who agree. But for those of you who don't, who think this was some sexist diatribe, just remember this: There isn't a woman in this town 1 can't beat in an contest and I will show no mercy. arm-wrestli- DODD IS THIS MONTH. HOWEVER, WE'RE SURE HE'LL GET OVER IT BY OCTOBER. DID YOU PAY FOR THIS NEWSPAPER? 2 OUT OF 3 STEAL IT. BUT ITS NOT TOO LATE. You can help the financial stability of the Zephyr and feel better about yourself by... depositing 75 cents In the nearest coin tube, sending us a check for the proper amount, or turning yourself in to the nearest law enforcement authority. THANK YOU iDJWis rm smmes masoti HEATING & AIR CONDITIONING 259-71- 30 BOX 2916 CVSR MOAB Serving Southeastern Utah I'M SITTING ON THE SAME BLOCK OF ICEf BUT FOR A DIFFERENT REASONITS TIME TO START THINKING ABOUT WINTER AND YOUR HEATING SYSTEM. NO TRAVEL CHARGES FOR CASTLE VALLEY OR MOAB. Ufa h Contractor's License 942705 1 8-55- 01 |
