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Show MOTORCYCLE TO ATTEMPT TO BREAK WORLDS RECORD Good Cause to Worry. missionary You look worried. Second missionary I am worried. Real Exertion. "And so this is your gymnasium? asks the guest. "But where are your First missionary What about? gymnastic appliances? Second missionary About my fu"I dont need any, is the reply. I ture. find that I get all the exercise I need First missionary Wby should you just getting into and out of my athletic suits. worry about that? Second missionary I heard one of the cannibals say that I was a regular OF COURSE pudding, and It may occur to him that the proof of the pudding la in the eating. first Eased His Conscience. How old is the young lady? asked the clerk at the marriage license window. Do I have to be sworn to this? said the bridegroom-elect- . No. "Shes 23. An attempt is to be made with a motorcycle to break the record of the famous express which holds the worlds record for the fastest railway run of one mile In 32 seconds, which, if maintained, would mean a speed of 112.5 miles an hour. If this attempt should fail, it is hoped to at least create a record of 40 seconds, which will beat all records other than those of a railway locomotive. These hopes are 'ed upon recent remarkable trials HE DIDNT. other mechanism, and the wonder is where the great power it has developed comes from. The machine has made its best record in a spurt on the high road on a fine two-milstretch of macadam, doing half a mile in 27 seconds. One device in the machine, and a very practical one, is the arrangement of two under the seat of the steersman, which can be operated at will, closing off one or both of the e globe-valve- s A Youthful Estimate. said the Sunday school teacher, in her most winning tones, which little boy can tell me about the still small voice that is within Now, us? Pleasem, said the freckled boy at the end of the seat, my uncle has Jonahs Opportunity. Jonah, on finding himself in the whale, was enraptured. At last," he cried, exultantly, at last Im in with the Standard Oil push! Finding It impossible to bull the market, he began to bear It, aad though somewhat down in the mctith, ia three days came out ahead. A GOOD She If you dare to kiss me again Ill scream for help. He Whats the use? I dont needany help. eXCUSE. Might Do Much Better. D'Auber (with mock modesty) Of course, I may never be a great artist, but Critteek You should certainly be able to make a good living. DAuber Think so? Critteek Yes, you should be able to get a job doing something else. One On the Old Man. Honesty, my son, said the millionaire congressman, is the best policy. Well, perhaps it is, dad, rejoined the youthful philosopher, but it strikes me you have done pretty well, nevertheless. First Tramp When I seen you last Saturday you wus half drunk. Well, Saturday's a half holiday, an' I only got half a load AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAays Ready Inference. ; Yes, John married one of the best girls I ever saw. Shell make him an excellent wife." Its a pity shes so homely, isnt it? Oh, I didnt know you knew her. I dont, but you say she is so good. A Might Be Worse. Little Boy That ink that papa writes with isnt indelible Ink, is it, mother? Mother No. Im glad of that! Why?" Ive spilt it all over the carpet." t with a new and most interesting machine, in one of which, without preparation or Intent, half a mile was made In 27 seconds on a stretch of ordinary road. The machine with which the test is to be made is called a and is to be propelled by a benzoline engine. It is no doubt the most powerful motor for its size ever constructed. It embodies in its construction several secrets not to be divulged. It appears to be an ordinary tandem bicycle, carrying boilers, tanks and loco-cycl- e, Henry Phipps of New York Donates $100,000 for Boer Relief. An American is the first to respond to the appeal of Generals Botha, De Wet and Delarey for funds for the Boer widows and orphans and for the rebuilding of Boer homes. Henry Phipps of New York, a director of the Carnegie Steel company and QUIET GAME. Not That Variety. sakes! Miss Sally Gay Mercy Linger Long engaged to Jack Whoop-ler- ? Why, she told me only yesterday that she wouldnt marry the best man on earth! Dolly Swift She Isnt going to. The Smart Set. Had to Hammer Him. I hear Delafleld's new trotter is pretty hard brute to drive. "Yes. like driving Something nails. brother broke an iron bar with his two hands yesterday. Dolly Thats nothing. . I heard brother Jack say he broke four men with one hand the other night HeMy WISE WILLIE. Saint Vs. Martyr. According to a recent chronicler, a lady, a great admirer of a certain preacher, took Bishop Magee with her to hear him, and asked him afterwards vhat he thought of the sermon. It was very long, the bishop said. Yes, said the lady, "but there was a saint in the pulpit And a martyr in the pew, rejoined the bishop. Why He Rejoiced. "Mother writes that she Is coming to spend a few weeks with us, remarked the bride of three short months as she glanced over a letter at the breakfast table. "The saints be praised! exclaimed the man who had once declared that he could not live without her. Your mother, at least, is a splendid cook. The Last Request. An amateur sportsman had mistak- en a calf for a deer and the calf was oreathing its last. T tell mother, gasped the dying martyr, addressing the sympathetic His Mamma (who has just caught him smoking) I don't want yon to sheep that stood near by, t tell ever let me catch you smoking again. mother t that I died game. Willie You wouldnt have caught me dls time if you hadnt come In th Another struggle and the agony was room so quick. over. At Supper. Rival Goesiping Circles. Mrs. Subbubs Well, where did that bit of gossip come from from the Judged by Results. Uncle William, what is your opinion cl politics? I dunno, sah. De las time I had sewing circle? Mrs. Baklots No, Indeed. It came dealins wid it, it only gimme a dollar from my husbands whist club on the fer two votes; so I wonders what politics opinion is of me! Judge. I may have my faults, but 1 snapped the always respect old age. You. do? chuckled the comedian boarder. Then why Is it you handle the butter so roughly? Pointed Inquiry. you think I havent A A Wise Boy. Like the Home Product Do any Homer How did you find Jimmy What made you kick when brains? your paw told you to sprinkle the weather in London? Oh, I would hardly undertake to lawn? Dont you like to do it? Rover Oh, easily enough. I bumpsay that, but, if you have, why don't . Willy Sure I do; but if paw knowed ed up against seventeen different "you use them occasionally? that he wouldnt let me! Puck. kinds during the week I was there. An Awful ! Jolt Softleigh I've aw got a beastly cold in my head, doncher know. What would yo aw advise me to do foh it? Miss Cutting Oh, let will soon die of ennui. it alone; it Why He Proposed. Muggy I wonder if George knows I have money? Friend Has he proposed? Miss Muggy He has." ' Friend He knows. Miss A Worthy Citizen. Broadway Van Astor lives a very inobtruBlve life. Manhattan Yes, indeed. You never see his name in the paper except once a year, when he is swearing off his taxes. Judge. Shocking. "Well, I can say one thing, total abstainer. No one ever coming out of a saloon. Great hornpipes! spoke man with the claret nose. in all the time? stay Wicked Girls. Knicker Those bathing girls must be afraid of the police. Bocker How so? Knicker They hate to be caught with the goods on. What He Meant no accounting for tastes. Now, Emma's husband "You mean her late husband "No. I mean her later husband. She s married again. . Theres said the sees me up the Do you boilers, thus permitting the machine to be operated, if desired, with only one boiler. Still another contrivance is the automatic regulator which controls the fires under steam pressure, giving a uniform and regular force to the burners without any attention on the part of the operator. On each side of the boilers are two water-guagglasses, showing the actual amount of water in them, also two safety-valve- s set at 200 lbs. pressure. Its speed trial is set for an early date. e THE ORIGIN OF LARGE GIFT FROM AMERICAN. Poor Company. Banks (flicking off the ashes with his little finger) Yes, I smoke a good deal. A cigar is company for a fellow when hes lonesome. Rivers (raising the window) "You must have been bard up for companionship when you lit that one. landlady, was not Another grievous crime hat is that it is destined, later, to cause its owner to of th. -- J Boonw"1 , be AZ? wted. Short men do not suffer i t this respect as tall men, for thqj nut have such opportunity to Wi I their hats off by coming intoZT ttut with the roofs of ca.-.-i, tops of low doors, or the poluts of chandeliers. But eqmiij with tall men they suffer when average small boy has a snowball j! his land, for the temptation to jZ the silk hat as a mark is equally whether the wearer be tall or Again, silk hats have an unconnjl, knack of getting in the wrong when not in use, of being sat np that neither hatter or kicked into nothingness by or careless nor wearer is sat- short-sighteisfied with a aim-- all of which causes 1 unaffected the owner and the e, style. While the destroyer a great plain petasus suf- mental distress, ficed the old Ro- that can only be by the man, the modern avoided man must have banishment from his silk, his derby, civilization of the bis rough straw, high top hat. his panama, his Indeed, sin seems follow In the to and rough rider, his what-no- t in wake of every hats. Not only kind of hat The so. but the fash- untutored savage ions in each particular variety are is generally a docile enough create constantly changing, so that what is until bats have invaded his domain must be discarded to- With a hat on his head he will tndulga seemly morrow. In short, bats are less de- In acts of cruelty and rapine at which ne would shudder in his bare-heasigned for use than for ornament. It missionaries would The evolution from the simple to senses. the complicated In hats Is not only only think of this and would avoid the but amusing. In the appearaiu e of evil by discarding hale instructive, twelfth century a plain beaver was In when they started out for the fleijj general use. Pretty soon the nobles of endeavor, it is tolerably certain vt began to add plumes of many colors to would hear fewer stories of cannliui. their hats, In order to mark still fur- Ism. But no they must enter the between pather the distinction trician and plebeian. In the thirteenth dom of the savage with the latest century hats began to denote even style of hat upon their heads, and it a higher degree of rank, for It was once tbe barbarian feels a strange, desire to acquire that won then that the scarlet hat of the cardinal was Invented. Then a reaction derful sample of civilization for him set in, and everybody, rich and poor, self presto! the missionary to thi dinner pot, the hat to the cannlbi! donned hats. The pendulum swung back again in kings Wow. Taken all In all, tbe world would be the times of well rid of hats. 0 Not alone their Charles I., when afthe Puritans weight, but the preposterousness o! their design is enough to give a sensfected a simple itive man an attack of nervous pros style with a broad tration. A man who spends houn in 5( brim. Hereupon working' over some intricate problea fashion wielded Fori in science or planning some gigantic Ivbicb the hammer once w more. The broad community of interests in the realm d (miniIbeavu business must of necessity cram into brims were first bis poor brain more than it can b adorned wltb feathers, then were looped up and tied reasonably expected to hold, and hov thus originating the ancient and hon- is the overflow of mental energy to The orable cocked hat of the days of the escape if he jams a hat down over his Pretenders. Until the beginning of ears the moment his work is done and lAddr he 6tarts the nineteenth century the cocked home. Hence the bat reigned, to be displaced finally by but inelegant that hideous invention of Florentine ' truthful phrase, art, the silk hat. through talking Oh, the sins of which the silk hat ones hat," to estands convicted! Why people rexpress tbe idea that gard it as the most beautiful of masone is talking noculine headwear is difficult to say, yet nsense. One cannot it must be so regarded, or it would not talx anything else have held sway so long. Of all the when the teeming hot, uncomfortable, awkward, and profanity-inspiring thoughts of ss species of hat, give us overcrowded brain the silk. If it had but one redeeming are cooped up in s confaults be its many might quality is stuffy old hat but there doned, absolutely nothing shfihld to be said in Its favor. It can only People plead that it is fashionable, but this therefore get back to first principles Is no defense; fashion cannot ab- and lay hats aside utterly and ton ever. Mental collapse, nervous solve it from Its many sins. and Insanity, to say nothing oi One of the weightiest of its shortthe physical discomforts of baldnesi, comings is that it is conducive to baldness. Wearers of silk hats are are too often the concomitants of the almost always bald men, or-aon habit of wearing, hats. the high road to that most unenviable Hatless races are rarely insane, and Condition. While it still more rarely bald. Just think I is declared on the bit about it. New York Times. best of authority A Man of Nerve. that the constant A Cleveland young man, who swore wearing of any In order to style of hat will ul- he was over twenty-on- e Qu now explains in a end license, timately get marriage baldness, it may be that he was standing at tbe time on s lequs fund stated as an axiom piece of paper on whicb that magic that the periodic number was written. With the eH wearing of the silk hat is a sufficient xplanation he makes a request for s cause. divorce. 1 1 p "He has? Yesm. Hes a ventriloquist. on. it d one. Second Tramp anti after the j 1 conquest that bats were known in England, the history of bats can be traced back to the ancient Romans, and even to the earlier Greeks, who wore on occasions a species of The hatter of brimmed headgear. Greece must have had an easy time of it, for the fashions in hats could not have been very varied in his day; but from the moment that hats were introduced Into the country of our forebears the woes of both hatter and wearer began, and have multiplied to an extent that is well-nigimpossible to chronicle. The trouble lies chiefly in the fact WHILE Henry Phipps. other large Interests, has sent his check for $100,000 to Gen. Botha. The gift is announced simultaneously with the manifesto signed by the Boer generals. It is also understood that Mr. Lehman, publisher of the memoirs of former President Kruger, has given Mr. Kruger $150,000 to be devoted entirely to the Boer funds. Vanderbilt's Method of Revenge. William K. Vanuerbilt has undertaken to discipline the town of North Hampstead, Long Island, because that place refused to accept his offer of $50,000 for Lake Success, a pretty resort for picnic and other excursion parties. The only means of reaching the lake is through property which Mr. Vanderbilt owns and he has stationed pickets at all entrances to prevent the passage of any but those to whom ne gives permission. It Is understood that resort will be had to the courts should Mr. Vanderbilt insist on reserving for his own use a natural the townspeople advantage which think they should share. The New Stamp. The new stamp which the Postoffice Department is about to issue will bear the likeness of the late President Harrison. The new stamp is demanded by the enormous increase in foreign registered letters, and will satisfy a long-fel- t want The engravers of the government printing bureau who are at work on the new stamp pronounce it the neatest piece of engraving done by the government on stamp work. Where Woman Follows. It has been given to the women of our .race to set the fashion in most things the fashionable dog, the fashionable novel, the fashionable scene, the fashionable theater, the fashionable rose; all of these are prescribed each season by the ladies but in games and politics it is man who sternly takes the lead. And well for the nation that it is so. London Field and Kennel. Hale in His Cld Age. Capt. R. C. Gunning of Evanston, 111., is 92 years old, but few men are more active or steady on their feet than he. The oner morning be went out for a walk, carrying a cane, which he failed to bring back with him. "Did you lose your cane?" he was asked. Oh, no, said the captain: I saw an old man down the street and gave it to him. Forestry as University Study. The University of Nebra-k- a has derided upon a ccuise of study in forestry, which will be open to students this year for th? first time. It i3 a course of four year DAGO." First Used to Denote Portuguese In California. It is common to refer to all foreigners of the Latin race as dagoes. But how many know where the word dago originally come from? In early days, as tue New York Times reminds us, the hewers of wood and drawers of water in California were Portuguese. They cultivated thrifty little gardens and carried on a fishing trade along th) shores and up the creeks near San Francisco. :The most common name among them was Diego pronounced Deeaygo and the transition from Diego to Dago was natural. The epithet was transplanted to the Atlantic coast, and the American hoodlum there, as everywhere, found it a convenient term to express his crude intolerance. One day, at a railway station, two Italian laborers were talking volubly in their native tongue, and two American laborers were regarding them superciliously, yet with some pity, as one might view the efforts of a chimpanzee to make himself understood. Presently one of the Americans, who certainly thought that he belonged to a superior race, said to his companion: That aint no language them fellers are talkln. It's nothin but a jabber. PRIEST CHOSEN IN VERMONT. Electors Send Father D. J. OSullivan to the State Legislature. Rev. Father Daniel J. OSullivan, whose recent election to the legislature is causing no end of comment throughout New England, is a Roman Catholic priest, and will be the first of his profession to become a Vermont legislator. Father OSullivan has never before been in politics, and did no work in the campaign in which he was to-da-y re 1 TO ADORN Father O'Sullivan. victorious. He was born in Winooski, January 14, 1853, one of ten children and a brother of T. C. OSullivan Vt., of New York, an influential Tammany man. He was ordained to the priesthood December 21, 1876. He , is a learned scholar, and has traveled abroad extensively. Judicial Lights Still Vigorous. Next month Justice Shiras of the United States supreme court will have completed ten years on the bench and under the law will be eligible to retirement on full pay. Chief Justice Fuller is also eligible for retirement, but will doubtless continue to serve in his present office for an indefinite period, having a high regard for the position and its social advantages. Justice Harlan, still hale and vigorous, despite his long term on the benen, does not show any desire to abandon the flowing robes. Not a Mussulman. An American citizen named William Ernest Gee, immediately on his arrival at Tanglers, Morocco, paid a visit to the Kadi, the spiritual head of the Mussulmans in that city, and departed after having been received as a member of the faith. It now transFull-Fledge- d pires that the reremony or conversion was incomplete, as the would-bconvert had not fulfilled all the laws and ordinarces necessary before becoming a Mussulman. He has been allowed a months grace to reconsider his position. e FAIR WOMEN. HAD TRUE CHRISTIAN SPIRIT. Ostriches Despoiled of Their Feathers in Painful Way. . Ostrich feathers are plucked for market as follows: A man carefully ex amines the flock and picks out those birds whose feathers are ripening, groups them ' in so that they can not run about and injure their beautiful plumage. When the plucking time comes each bird is enticed into a narrow, dark passageway. The entrances are then closed and tbe bird thus imprisoned. A cloth bag is thrown over the creature's head. Then the plucking begins. Three men, perched upon platforms outside of the pen, reach over the board inclosure, and with various scissor-lik-e appliances pluck off the feathers. Whatever wounds a bird may receive areMmmedlately dressed. The tail feathers are puiled and not cut, simply because they reproduce better than other feathers of the ostrich. While the plucking is In progress the ostrich keeps up a dismal roaring. Were It not for tne stanch construction of the pen the creature would kick the boards into splinters. - Dogs as Collectors. Collecting dogs are popular Just bow in England for gathering money for charitable purposes. The Royal Berks hospital has recently been enriched to the extent of nearly $50 In 2,574 coins which Prince, a tox terrier, collected at Workingham. Prince Is the property of a local public housekeeper, whose customers amuse themselves by hiding a coin which the intelligent terrier speedily finds, when It is transferred to a box, where It remains until the time comes for the donations to be handed over to the hospitals treasury. It is said that a collecting dog at Paddington railway station In London has during Its service collected over $3,750 for charity and still continues his good work. Chnrity may begin at home, but Is generally least appreciated there. How Virginia Methodists and Luthe? ans Helped Each Other. An exchange unusual if not unprecedented in church history snd marked by the spirit of true brotherly feeling lately took place between the Methodists and Lutherans in Roanoke, Va. When tney were at the height of their prosperity the Lutherans built a handsome stone house of worship, which cost them $80,000 and which seats 700 persons. They got a fine organ and everything of the best and costliest Btyle and in their enthusiasm expended more than the? intended and had to borrow $18,000. Then came a squabble about the pastor and the choir, tbe attendance fell off and the congregation wss sadly divided, until, having lost It best men, the society found it difficult to raise tbe money to pay the interest e on the debt in addition regular running expenses. In the meantime the Methodists bad prospered and needed a new and lurger church. The Lutherans heard of it and offered to trade. The offer was accepted. The Methodists took the $80,000 church off their hands, assumed the of $18,000, paid them $20,000 cash and gave them in exchange their old house of worshln. to-th- mort-gag- e Bicycle Still Popular in Franca The bicycle craze shows no abatement in France. Good roads have kept the wheel from falling into oblivion True, there are not so many wheel seen on the boulevards and parks, but in the country the wheeling tourist i as promiscuous as ever. At the seaside and summer resorts the wheel is etlQ the favorite method of locomotion. Epigram from a Recent Book. The American wife has quite genuine affection for her husband. Even alter years of marriage h gone by she thinks of him with unaffected friendliness. He is so uP ful! |