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Show 14 THE HHE TIIIC FAT OF TI IK LAND' ouu mm. u- a.,.i. ft.T he w. rips that thought, admitting to think, he rr.j hie of effort enough He u;u!l g t mar t0 a rouclunlon. Idea cf mi;:;ortiu the no with a wjfe, n(,t by any means, hut with flit Intention that a wife shouU tiijq or : - -- ion- count of the Increased wear and fear of the boarding house plant, and because the show world had be.-- Invaded by were new forces, Freaks and the at the rage, also popular theatricals JO 20 30 rate of admission, and the stars and the lesser planets of the new Invasion quartered at the Dreers'. I was off to the Pacific coast for ft but jjiess trip, and did not return for more than a year. When I got back I w.s quickly In harness, and sought the old staud to make rates for members of the company I represented. To my surprise I found another name on the door plate, and surmising that the Dreer? had removed to new quarters I called at the place on the corner and ran against a man who knew all about them, an old professional acquaintance who was poring and purring over a newspaper and foaming glass of beer. After a handshake and an exchange of surprised to see yous the eteran er dend the slave to "fill another flagon" and seated and sipping I applied the pump: "What has become of the Dreers?" "They are living off the fat of the n Both parties to the contract were ns anxious as the manager and the press agent for an Immediate consum matlon of the union, and the preliminary proceedings were pushed with all the showman's usual promptness, pertinacity and precision. "The press agent had an eye to business, and the couple were Joined on the stage of the musmm before a large, The admiring and chaffing audience, lecturer was a wicked wag, and In describing the best qualities of the new Mrs. Dreer, he observed that she was a good winter girl, and had been tried In the balance and never found wanting, and the like. Then the band played "Heart Bowed Down with Weight of Woe," and the freaks gorged at a banquet, and were written up and Illustrated to satisfy the desires of the most selfish or exacting of press agents or By Charlea II. Day never learned much about the Dreers, because I am not of such an t Inquisitive nature as to make it my buslnend to be Intrusive about other j him. people's affair. When I first came to The Idea was an old one, and no know anything at all about them per; original with Jack Drrr. As soon as the theatrical reason on sunnily it was strictly In the way of j business, and it was not necessary to ened the landlady's son set m t to win tell me that they were a family whe a heart. At the start he aimed high had seen better days and condescended fln,j nought a leading lady, a Ml? to recehe a few guests who desired In the hills, who astonish d h!r by re refined surroundings." jectlng his addresses and Informing I.ater on they kept a bearding house. him that she was already wrd. the There was a Mrs. Dreer who had in mother of three chlldnn and was her the great family emergency and re self old enough to be his mother. verse risen to the occasion and met At first the leading lady was quite the exigencies bravely, skillfully and angry and was going to holt the Dreet diplomatically. There was also a Mr. boarding houre, but with her keen Dreer Senior, who scarce needs a men- - sense of the ridiculous hhe forgave th managers." tlon. "The blow quite killed father," youths bad brink, and. patting him cn When I rcfiected upon the decline of and ho never recovered from his loss ihe head, she said: the Dreers I expressed my sympathy, of fortune or made even the slightest "As you grow older you will know but to my surprise my actor friend did effort to regain a financial foothold. more, and that soft spot will harden.'' not Join me In my sadness. He looked One daughter had married unhappl Jack next set his cap for a yellow upon the results in a very different ly, and war paying the penalty for her haired soubretto. and, to his surprise light: injudicious selection of a mate by and Joy, she fairly Jumped at the land." "The grass-widoshes turned CirThere was a point to what he said, cassian girl and Is hanging on to her mother as the facts chance of matrimony. Hut the yotins supporting herself. man was saved by an actor, who ex- for the actor and the snlinriist both The fat woman wouldnt were, we cannot ray parents. A soc have It any ond daughter had "come out" Just prechucl.li d. After several sips the play- other plained: way; support her she would not. vious to the Dreer crash and had a "That woman has five living hus- er placed the newspaper aside and went " Go to work! she said, or I will set fine matrimonial prospect, which fadbands to date, and Is. ten to one. a big- on: on you. ed with the failure and left her another amist. Hy marrying yen: she would "Well, from boarding prima donnas "Rather than be 'set' on by a Incubus on mamma's hands. get a lot of press notices apd column? with high notes at high prices Mrs. sister-in-laCOO pounds the Jack Dreer was as helpless as his of revival cf her love affairs; then she Dreer allowed the thermometer of grass widow weighing got out and hustled." father and sisters, and universally vot- would drop you and look for number rade to drop to the mark of provid-n- g "But It is a come down for the elder ed of no account by all that knew him. seven!" freaks and Dreers," I remarked. while the poor old inan, It must be con"Too bad! I interrupted Which one had a narrow escape? "Why should they mind?" smiled fessed. had the sympathy of every one "Well, I dont know, resumed the the Experience is p great teacher: after player, ordering two more flagons, except those who had shared his fa- Jacks two attempts to noose a wife he ancient, "things were pretty well down "aint they and Jack living off the fat Dreer had a of vors In prosperity. proceeded with greater caution and laid to hard pan when Jack the land? ' and At the start Mrs. Dreer sought siege by gradual approaches, becoming stroke of fortune Dear Old Don. "You don't say? secured a select class of patrons, who quite nn all around gallant to the pro- The poet Tennysons sympathy with were willing to pay for style and ex- fessional ladies boarding at Mrs "Yes, being refused by the lady liv-n- g animals is shown by a wee story told in skeleton he was somewhat upset his "Memoir. clusiveness, and she made good head Dreer's, who found him quite handy tc A beautiful setter was wet on said shadow In his to a theater when that the the them escort propothe through way family supporting given him. At midnight it suddenly the best of management and unremitnight, or see them off on the train a sition was altogether too thin struck him that the new dog might feel "Ha! ha! ha! ting endeavor. But mighty little as departure. Mother Dreer, not know hungry and lonely, so he went down"Then he got thick with the fat stairs sistance did she get from her broken ing her sons object in view, was pleasand stole a chicken for "Dear ed at his unusual activity, and remark- woman and dispirited husband, or her undis Old Don. Great was the consternaha! ha! "Ha! ed: and and ciplined shirking daughters tion in the kitchen next morning as to "Miss Obese Wait, "Jack Is good for something, after son. what had become of the chicken. Mrs. Dreers, on account of neat furall." pounds, P. A. W. P. A. W., whats that? Something is not a very flattering nishings, excellent cuisine and central Valid Excum. "Press agents weight. location, became a famous house for word; it is fortunate that a stronger "My sisters got the measles, sir," said "Ah, ha! touring artists of the first class who one was not used, the truth was never "Her real name was an unfortunate young Sharpkin to his teacher. "Well, could afford to pay a good price for made to be stretched. home at once; theyre At this Jack Dreer wasted one entire sea- one for her business Tiny Little; but youd betterYougo high grade accommodations. infectious. ought not to have come period of Mrs. Dreers venture she even son in trying to "catch on. and wher I am not blaming the girl for that. If to school. I sy, Young Snopkln managed to get a little ahead, but the next amusement campaign opened your name chances to be Mud you live wiv im, leisure or pleasure she never knew, as the former patrons of Mrs. Dreer cant help it. That press agent was an teacher, is sister dont But in Birmingham! her nose was everlastingly at the fought shy of the old Home of the expert on nomenclature; he called the shes dahn had gone Moonshine. Professions; the two nearest legiti woman The Fat of the Land, and fre- young Sharpkin grindstone. As the furnishings of the house bemate theaters had proved unremuner-ativ- quently referred to her as The Only unit were tenantless, and Mrs. Living Food Exhibit. Now this press came worn the patronage dropped off Cheap IJurglar Alarm. occaDreer to and a was schemer a the and and cheap burglar alarm neat worker, A again proving equal agent a peg, and Mrs. Dreer was no longer once of more lowered the standard he concocted a plan, The Fat the which will not fail consists of a rubfavored by the stars and the prima sion, donnas, who sought more elegant quar- of her house and cut the menu and Land must wed. He spoke about it to ber bulb, to which is attached a tube ters. To the disgust of the daughters the price, and invited the patronage of the cherub I mean chub and she mis- with a whistle at the outer end, the and son the menu dropped down a peg, the vaudeville articles known to some interpreting his suggestion sighed and air being exhausted from the bulb. The exclaimed: tube is then shut in the crack of the and the charges fell off to a considera- as variety people. " Sweetest love, when shall It be, door, and, being released when the Jack Dreer look courage at this ble degree. The landlady met the new of door is opened, blows the whistle. darling? situation bravely, and continued to change of front, as he had heard vaude-viller"Now, a rifle ball would have glanc"cut the comers" with skill and judg- the fabulous ( salaries paid to off that chaps cheek, but he lost ed ment. especially to the imported his nerve and nearly fainted, but when The patient mother hinted gently to brand. One of the first stars from over the sufficiently calmed he explained that her children that the Dreer prospects In the future were drear enough, and wafer to quarter at Mrs. Dreers was he was already married a fib and she meant nothing humorous when Sweety Gumdrop, credited with receiv- thereby escaped a breach of promise she spoke the sad truth. But the sug- ing 100 a week for the season. Sweety suit perhaps. " Theres Jack Dreer, suggested the gestion failed to arouse any endeavor was pronounced absolutely loud, and wily press man, what is the matter on their part. They simply slept and she could punish beer "after the show ate regularly, and the struggling moth- in large quantities. In rushing the of "him? I will encourage him, replied the er worked on, fearing for the future. growler Jack was the handy man, and Jack Dreer might have had an am- before the week was out he proposed maiden, as she tried to wink an eye buried in a surrounding of fat. bition in life at his majority, but if he and was declined rudely declined. "It was not necessary to encourage "Rats! exclaimed the fair maiden, did it was never placed on exhibition; his chief end in life, if he had one, was what good would you be to me? I Jack; he was already making matriS R monial advances, and had no difficulty never carry excess baggage. a well kept secret. When the summer season came the During let us call it the vaudeville in winning the latest object of his and long, tedious summer Mrs. Dreers season Mrs. Dreer experienced but elastic adoration. Jack popped, Sittings By Appointment Only. overcome she and slobbered, slopped one bit of good luck. The youngest house was almost vacant, the theaters a musical by emotion, managing to say "yes with daughter eloped Arrangements as to time may be being closed, and the principal portion moke, and the are now doing a and remark that she had long felt the made with Mr. Kordame at .... . pair of her revenue thereby being cut off. turn in a necessity for some one to lean on sketch. Affairs reached such a stage .Lat Jack The next Mrs. Dreer was forced through life. Imagine her leaning on x Calders Music Palace. Dreer saw for himself that somethin to let down fall another peg, partly on ac Jack with her six hundred pound1 J i w - w 10-20-3- 0s : o s, STREET. w |