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Show fUE BEE 10 INANIMATE lnldji, That Thy lUm IlnjilMitil Numi of Ifutuor. Wt have read mul la I kill nlmiit thu total mu depravity of inaniuint think', hut thu of humor In intimate think'' box not Uvti written of it it oiik'ht loin. Thera can U littlo doubt that inanimate thing, Cfjviall v If they an miiuII and cltn.lvi, of humor. a Mrang pur lnintin, a man hod lit hUdik one of thoM inning think' with a handh In which !ii'rof I lotting njrr atv held. It win. our e:iitnt in Ion u It (amid U prevented Imm gelling Miovvrd under on ids i.-One day thu man iiiU-mit!o h tva- writing and vantl It. pad when JIi had a cleared jwuc orrupying tin center nf hi dok, and nil amund till ip.wo v.ra litter of jainr, letter nnd things. Naturally ho mijkimi that thn j wm had I k, - 1 under tlu-think'. Hu Mnrelud took curu not to get tho hut among uiier. of cleared the them Uon iwuo In tho any renter, lie Mnmhd over tho vvliolo lot, and it occurred to him that thi wiw a good time to put hi dek in onlcr. lie cleand up and Mirted out all the till tis and put them in pigebnhoh or within bands and made his dek piek and an, but iiotraeouf the pad could U) diseov got end. ou hi no jiifttiutHi in I'liuivtvonng to eon-- ! vert llu native mul even to liaptize them. To that tin an liblslioji answered certainly every Christian was at liberty alike to preach ami to liapUzo. w with masterly sk..l and whoso nainu is kil whore 1 got them. 1 gave him the naiiiu of a well known hoime. He laugh softly and then told mu that they were imt adjusted right, tin gu ards were and licit theotlier limit did not not (im!on then in)ouniled a plan ho had knowmates, Ids buslnes. Now tho other limn, for buying slaves a thousand nt a time, j I told im that no remember, drilling them thoroughly, and jierhaps other man in distinctly knew tin budne Chicago making Ju jiercent gotnl soldiers, giving but him. What ilo you make out of that! freedom ultimately to all, and linked My aunt has n cottage mar Engle whether slave buying could ever Ihj juftl-liabl- j said the student, "and tbootinr j wood, Again the archbishop could nvis-- day 1 was then when a jalnUr cm mo to sun hi scruples ami mint out that If j make estimates. I remenils r that ho was ! pimha.'til with n view to giving them lib - very anxious to know vvliat Imteii iaintcd erty the net would In romp.it j tile with the the Wi- - is forv. Said he ought to Uj ox higl Christianity. 'ihc ultimate dllli posed to tho trade, cully, however, was polygamy, Gonlon That remind mo," said tho lawyer. ; explaining that n man had rarely loss than of my watch. It stopjcd tho oilier day, four wives, ns this number sullieed to and I drop I'd Into a Clark street jewelers maintain him, and asking whether Chris- to vvliat was the matter. Tho man p.it tian tenets could jHivlblv sanetioii a limit- a six glass In Ids eye, ojtcned tho waten. ed plurality of wives. But on this Dr. squinted in and then looked nt mo with tin Temple admitted he could give no justify- other To r eyo in pitying astonishment. ing isTinlssion whatever, and to establish heaven's sake,' cleaned tills who said ho, a pseudo religion without so elementary a watch histy Ilo must have been a black prlm ipl of morality would le highly rep- smith. rehensible. Then," Kild Gordon, Africa Sav," put in tho man who was waitIs a long way from conversion if one wife ing for tho lawyer's jariner to pay him a . Is made an essential of It. lxmdoti You ought to hire a pluinlxr if bill. you want to hear that talk. Whenever you get a plumbing job, you have to vy The II cut of the Sou. It is imjiosslblo except by illustration for two hours' time taken up by tho and eomjMirison to grasp the idea of the plumber telling tho heljier what a rotten heat of the sun. According to raicula job tho other fellow did nnd wondering ho was a union man or not. tions, based upon t lie energy of t ho suns whether when And you eomo to think of it, rays on tlie cart 1C the 'tenijicrature at its said tho man who huil started tho flood, surface is computed as alxmt 18,000 dedoctors aren't much better. Professional grees I. No artificial temperature of this let them talk right out, wont courtesy degree can lie created by any known find if out what tho other doctor but they means. Efforts have been made to collect been has giving they always give some and utilize tho tremendous heat saver of and then there's lawdifferent, tho sun, but cloudiness, mist and darkness thing have prevented anything like marked suc- yers What about lawyers, demanded tho cess. At the Columbian exposition an apboss of tho oillco, looking up sharply. paratus was shown, consisting of a reflector They always agree, they do, said tho and proper attachments, which utilized They always mako tho heat of tho sun to such an effect that visitor, backing out. is tho smartest the out other that lawyer a two horsepower engine was run by it. so can more for in that town, charge they It is proposed to try experimenting with Times-Heraltho best of him. Chicago reflectors in countries where the sky is getting free of cloudiness and the sun shines almost uninterruptedly nearly every day in A GRACIOUS TRIBUTE. the year. New Yoik Ledger. An Incident at a Concert That Complete! Cut Offs Rarely Seen In the Street. Captivated the Audience. Ive seen old shoes in the street, said So much is said about the ill feeling and Mr. Glimby, plenty of them, and wrecked of musicians that it is a pleasure jealousy umbrellas and old hats and cast off coats to record an instance.of tho opposite sort. and various other articles of,' wear, but Two or throe was givconcert a. ago years never 'until today, and Ive lived soma en in ono of our assistfor cities the large years, did I see a pair of suspndeis lying ance of some charity. The programme In tho street, and this was only half a pair, was long, and repeated encores had drawn by tho way. 1 notico things habitually. it out to a wearisome length when a colIts a part of my business to see things, ored woman came forward to sing. She but I never before saw a pair of suspenders well not better nor worse than her In the street, and Ill bet you $ 1,000 you sang predecessor and the management, thinkNew York Sun. hover did. ing to hurry matters a little, sent the next on as she left the stage. performer Diamonds may be black as well as white, This was a man who Dlavs the organ and some are blue, red, brown, yellow, green, pink and orange, but there is no violet diamond, although, in addition to amethysts, there are sapphires, rubies and garnets of that color. And a tit give distinction tunny pro t Id and at the 11 na gramim. Hu lull lu the cuthuiatiu applause which fullowul i hu niugcrs withdrawal began to MiiUrii-n- i il It appeared that the audience felt that a slight had Urn put ujxju the singer, and j e. j j I j i j Tele-graph- M-a- play. I it tk j j the applause Urame uproarious. The woman eame forward and bowed her think, and tho organ hi Ugnn again, but the jHHiple would have none of him. They clapjH'tl and oundoil and htnntjed, apparently Ixnt on drowning out tho organ. At l.vt the singer came out again nnd with tv half aMilogetic glance toward the orgnnUt stcpjrd to the front of tho stage. the scene struck An nccomjvinist the preluding notes of Annie laiurle." An instantaneous hush fell uHm the great throng. The house was as quiet a it had Urn noisy a moment U fore. Then tho singer Irgan, and a sin sang there came, so soft ns hardly to lie heard, nu exquisite mronipmlment from the orgau a beautiful, wordless song breathing through the sweet old melody, uplifting nml susix-hin- d taining t ho snger's voice. It was n gracious tribute, and the audience was not slow to recognize it. When tho music ivascd, there was another tre- mendous outburst of applause, but this time It was by way of reparation a well as reward. Youth's Compmlon. He wa.s discouraged, nnd as it was near lunchtime ho locked up his desk and went Willielm II & Art I'atron. out to lunch. When ho came liack. he Wilhelm earnestly disircs to make the Oicned the desk, and there, exactly in tho fine art flourish in Prussia and In this remiddle of the dink, on tho very sot which bis had inxupled when lie was writspect, a in all others, to set tho pace for iijsr the German empire. Ho is generous In ing, was that ad, simply glaring at him. exhorting cities to raise monuments and It wanned to wear an expression that was was man Tho forced malicious. helps all ho can. Ho is indefatigable in positively visits to studios and in encouragement to to conclude that tho jwvd had a strong sense of humor, with a tendency to pracsculptors, iKilntcrs and other artists whom ho regards us able. It is, however, only ittical joking, and that it had concealed under great disadvantages that a man on self In some corner of tho desk when ho a throne encourages tho arts. His very was searching and while ho was gono had power stands in his way. Tho importance whipped itsejf out into tho most conspicuof what he says is such that a criticism ous spot on tho desk as a way of laughing exercises a crushing effect. Tho fact that at him. Of course it wasn't jxissihlo that he is of so impetuous and self confident if ho could have absentmindedly dislodged it not exactly domineering a nature puts while ho was looking over the paiers and him at this disadvantage. Ho admires gono off and left it there. greatly certain artists and their works Lately the same man had a slender little and almost violently dislikes the works of pencil aliout two Inches long. It was a very He is a others. amiable little pencil, of pleasing manners partisan, and, what is worse, he cannot help it, because he gets and suave movements, and tho man used it by inheritance from some old Slavio to hold it between his forefinger and his middle finger and direct it with his thumb prince of an ancestor who in his own day while he was scrawling memoranda or doprobably caused tho artists of tho wrong-camto be sacrificed to tho grim gods of other ing things which required a pencil. paganism. Century. Ho kept it in a w aistcoat pocket. One day tho pencil turned up missing. Ho wanted it and wanted no other pencil. He searchDisillnftion. ed all his pockets several times over and Nobody ought ever to undertake to looked all over his desk and shelves and school who doesnt love children. teach even searched the floor. No trace of it. but I did love children until after Oh, He sat down to w rite with a long, unI Chicago began to teach school! congenial pencil. It seemed to balk and mock him, and he said to himself, Oh, Lord, I wish that little pencil would apAnd at that very moment it droppear ! ped upon his paper as if from the sky, but really from over his right ear, where it had humorously concealed itself. Though, I of course, the humor came in the reaps Tho small farmers of Hawaii are giving pearance rather than the disappearance, i articles without a grain of humor in them greater attention to rice, which yields two i WITH may conceal themselves behind ones ear, crops a year. i if offers the ear especially ample oppori tunity for such concealment, but to flip SCIENTIFIC MASSAGE TREATMENT, 5 NOBODY KNG .. r.. . r . nlNCi. out just at the psychological moment tH that takes real humor. Boston TranMen Given Women Same and All in Men the In our Others Declare That Bath nt or own Rooms Home, your script. Trade Are Ignorant. BY GORDON AND POLYGAMY. Ivo come to tho conclusion that nosaid the small PROFESSOR KALI SKI, Late of ST. PETERSBURG, RUSSIA body knows No Conversion of Africa Possible If Mo- man, who hadanything, juSt dropped in to ask the Who has had 15 years' experience t was 2 years at the Sanitarium. nogamy Is Required. lawyer how he was and had staid 20 minA particularly interesting reminiscence utes. FIRST-CLAS- S CHIROPODIST. of General Gordon was given recently at Been reading Ibsen, suggested the the Shoreditch town hall by the archbishop student, who was studying leases. WE HAVE ALL KINDS OF VAPOR BATH CABINETS FOR SALE. ONE KIND of Canterbury, who presided over a meetNo. Been observing. I mean meFOR TRAVELERS WHICH CAN BE PLACED IN A HAND SATCHEL. ing convened in the interest of the uni- chanics and tradesmen. Today I stepped versities mission to central Africa. Very into a store whero they sell eyeglasses. Orders left at our Office for Cabinets or Baths " will receive prompt attention.. shortly before starting for Khartum, in There was a sign in the window proposing 1884, Gordon came to Dr. Temple to con- to fix ill adjusted glasses cheerfully and sult him on three problems, the first of without charge. Tho man took mine, which was whether as a mere layman he oLmccd at them In a deprecating mtun-c-r H. T. ROBERTS, Mgr . 262 MAIN STREET d. Russian BATHS y jx-tt- p Turkish UTAH HOME BATH CO., |