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Show Peace on Earth, Why. how do you do? I'm powerful glad to meet you again. How's all tho folks? Uh, bub' Yes. I seel Kvor try an onion poultice' Yes, t know It's sort of slippery In spots, but you tiso that from now until Christmas tlmo and you won't have to build thn morning tires any longer What's that? They're long onoug' now' i guess 3 oii'll get thoso kidding kid-ding clothes off when I remind you that It's almost here. Christmas, I mean and I'll bet n quart of prunes that you haven't saved half enough to buy Chrlstmni presents for loved ones and those who gave vou misfits last ear! Ah, ha' 1 thought that would hit ou where the Itlvei Stlx didn't cover our vulnerable heel. Well, now I'll tell you. You bogln wltli your wife. Iluy your wife n nice box or panutclla cigars und hint around that you would llku a brand now tablecloth table-cloth for the dining-room tablo. Then you get Willie a carving sot nnd Husan it chafing dish for the family and Aunt 8arab n picture of Washington Crossing Cross-ing the Delnwaru for the parlor, and when your wife's folks come to visit yon next Jnnunry they will think you nro prosperous or you wouldn't bo buying so mnny now things for the housel t . Always remember that Christmas comes but once n car, nud be tlmnk ful. Yes, becnuso It doesn't come oft encr. Keep your heart attuned to the beautiful sentiment, "Pcuco on Kurth, (lood Will t,o Men." It nlwnys pays to bo In tunc. The man whose heart- Is lll.o "sweet bolls Jangled out of tune" Is h more mess of Junk dropped down the cellar stairs of Life. Just the other day I had 'em bad the blues I mean, and I didn't rare for Christmas nor nothln'. I snapped ut my blonde stcnogrnphcr and growled 1 ut tho assessor because he Insisted my wife's piano was worth more than $ &0, and cussed tbe grocery bill and tore a nice new collar Into three pieces be-caiiKii be-caiiKii It humped up In thn back, and Oh, I bud n lerrlble Indigo streak! And then I snorted at myself, vumu down lo the olllco and wrote this bountiful boun-tiful little ballade In go on the front page of a Christmas cover: IIAI'I'V LAND. Iluppy liihd' llnppy In ml! Won't you .-.imp mnl Join our Imnil, Itlillix mnl Kit), on Hi" way To Kiln Krlnul.-H llolUluyT Iluppy Isnil' ll.ilpy laml! Won't you .'.uie mid Inkn our hund? M.-irlly. Hill we ko Tu Hip Uunl nf MlalleliM-l And then I felt lots better. You n- there's nothing like the Christmas spirit- If oii don't get too full of It. That night when I wuut home, I kissed no wife and she looked startled start-led and said: "What's tbu matter'' Are you sick?" Hut I wasn't sick. I was Just thinking think-ing about being elected pnwldont on the ChrUtmus I'resent ticket and living liv-ing all the balance of my days In Happy l-ind, with nothing to do but to' Iwms the reindeer and play pinochle with Suuta fiuitsl nd then oh. don't bo In n hurry. Well, drop In again-and don't forget the onion poulttcu. Yes. that's right. Kir t ou get the onions charged to our account and gruie them on your wife's nutmeg grater. No. It don't hurt to weep In 'em That helps to moisten the poultice. Then you gaum tbe stuff all up In a nice round muss and hunt up our silk neck scarf and fashion a neat little package about as long as a stick of Vienna bread. When she I n t looking you slip this around her trunk or. I mean her chest, and tie It like jou used to double-knot Little Willie Jones' shirt-tail shirt-tail down by the pulsing river at swimming swim-ming tlmo and the uext day she will be as well as ever! Ob. sa, )ou sleep under tht bod tbat night! All right, good by! XinrvNYY'JWu |