Show CHAFF GATHERED VP UP LITTLE STORIES WITH A TOUCH OF HUMOR hiram haymow deliberately adds insult to I 1 injury pro proposition posit ion favored by mr why meandering mike came back v found the opening the pedestrian was striding along at it a swift pace not intent upon his immediate surroundings Rc reaching aching a place where workmen tad harl torn up the street he made no pa pause iise hut but plunged into the excavation thank you he said when nhen they had pulled him out singularly open winter were having then he strode on shadow of discontent it Is upon the farmer that the greatness of this country really depends said the persuasive statesman ves es answered farmer corntassel but sometimes I 1 think id like tobe one of the fellers that have so touch much depending depend ln in on em sor so r I 1 could have time to wear v ear good clothes and go to a few parties part leg washington tar wanted it cool id like to make a small piece of lee ice said the millionaire in haefs no sir responded satan money was your god you can have ail the money you want but nothing else well then retorted the millionaire recollecting that he was a member of the press humorists association let me have a cool million louisville courier journal I 1 A consistent mendicant are you here again said the kindhearted woman yes lady answered meandering mike 1 I have returned I 1 give you all the turkey and mince pe you wanted yesterday you did an im hack back with one more request have you got any dyspepsia medicine you could spare oh dill bill congratulate me im cn engaged aged jill why I 1 understood she rejected you not on your life she say no she certainly did ell well I 1 asked her it if she could live without me had his reasons the modern infant was asked what he was crowing about 1 I am merely illustrating the influx incept environment 1 he be eap exp aln jed 1 I was an incubator incubator taby baby you ou know and for one of my sex to c ickle would be an anomaly dont happen to have a bottle of warm milk about you strange of all the stupid Ignoramus es neu ritch Is positively the worst yes positively what what he be know would fill any quantity of books well it seems to have filled one bankbook confession the author had been dragged fainting from a crowd of shoppers almost like my last book he murmured recovering his senses the listeners bing b ing of delicate perception cep tion knew then that the book had fallen dead from the press experience expeller Ex perler ce teaches of 01 course the mora more children a couple have the larger their doctors bill becomes not at all the more children they haie hae the less likely the parents are to become alarmed at every little thing out in the cold I 1 a weary willie this kicking mo me out ot of your barn into the snow Is w hati should call a rather summary proceeding ce hiram haymow waal layou alt in that wet snow fer a little while think its more wintry than summery um mery overdue the wages of sin is death emphasized pha sized the preacher announcing his text huh hub elded grouch sotto voce toce 11 a good many people 01 acquaintance ought to tobe be gett getting J n g their envelopes ve lopes loves A new one mi taid bald young mies Nu ritch when we was it at the Yellows yellowstone Yell owston tont park lid did no ne see all the geysers that was there yes my dear deaf replied sirs nu iu ritch we seen all the things that was there why because I 1 heard old nar dirken kopf telling 9 adother other man today to day that the geyser W wilhem was the greatest ever philadelphia press domestic recriminations he did yi see where a minister in new york ays that thai it is bad cooking that is driving the men to drink she yes and the same mans statement that women too are taking to the drink habit shows that wives are being driven to it by talk about the bread that mother used to make baltimore american A scheme but doctor asked the young practitioner tit ioner why do you always order champagne for every new patient that comes to you because my boy replied the wise old medical man 1 I can judge by what he says whether he cin afford it thai helps when I 1 came to make out my bill he lived in the city A papa why cant we see the moon in the daytime jimmie cause they dont light it lip p until after dark I 1 touched hands up the words startled the belated pedestrian des trian but he smiled grimly your allusion to hands Is painful he said im on my way home from a polier poker party myself 1 hastily thrusting a dollar upon him the footpad disappeared philadelphia 1 ledger nearing his last hour dill bill said tile the western editor to his assistant 1 I think better prepare an obituary notice of col tuttle what demanded dill bill wily why ho he aint dead look him collitti colln along the street now yes replied the editor coolly feeling for his bis hip pocket hes coming ta see me talks of herself tess miss cadley boasts that sho she never gossips jess yes tess yes she seems to think that ashes better than everybody else jeas yes and why she does biot gossip to gossip means to tali nf other othea and their affairs fairs 21 see that your druggist gives you no imitation when you ask for kennedys Kenn edys laxative honey and tar the original laxative cough syrup sold by the brigham city pharmacy wood was comma comino trio too freely some sixty years ago the town of palmer mas mam ma m had a settled minister by uie tie nas nal of backhus Back Bac khu hui in those days tile the ministers salary was paid in part by products from the farms in the month of february with easy el edding the farmers took to drawing green birch wood to the minister until his yard was piled full of it il the following lowine fol sunday the minister reverentially a ascended tie cie steps to his pulpit and in a loud voice said it if I 1 could have a few more loads ot of green birch wood I 1 could extinguish the fires of lell ei i boston herald STUNG first the fire 14 then the smoke fl no insurance then youre broke stolid get your our home insured with stohl brothers brigham city utah who I 1 settle losses promptly sags fe adf |