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Show ooo Of Dads and Death, A Daughters Reflections by Samantha Ann Norton Forum contributing writer Death is a strange thing. We all know that eventually our time is going to come, but we seldom take time to think about or discuss it. Even when it is staring us right in the face, we refuse to acknowledge its presence and implications, and consequently, we fail to learn an grow from its lessons. My dads mother died when he was 12. She had a heart attack, her mom walked into the room and found her body, and then she, too suffered a stroke and died. It was my dad who had the unpleasant task of discovering both his mom and grandma dead in his moms room. This is the way I recall this story which was told to me only once, by my father, when I was about 12. His level ofemotional pain was so high that I hurt for him. As a result, I have grown up in a family where death is a. hush hush topic. Nobody wants to upset Daddy, so nobody brings it up. Thanks to modern medicine and a bit of good luck, I never knew anyone who has died until I was seventeen. This last April, bout with my dads dad died after a Alzheimers or old timers as my dad used to jokingly call it. Bom in 1900, Grandpa was three months short of ninety. In his prime, he was one of the most entertaining men you could ever hope to meet. When he lost the ability to make us laugh, we knew that the man we had all know and loved was already gone. ar Aunt Ruby died a year before Grandpa. Ruby was his second wife and my dadsreal moms sister, ifyou can swallow that. After her death, we had to put Grandpa in a nursing home. He was immobilized with grief. I remember after every visit to their house, this was before the nursing home, Grandpa, after we had said our goodbyes and gotten in the car, would stand out on his porch and wave goodbye until we couldnt see him anymore. I really cared for him. Maybe because he cared so much for us. Every other weekend, my dad, my sister Susie, and I would drive down to Provo to the nursing home (we told him it was an apartment) where he lived. I remember we would all talk about things which none of us gave a damn about.' None of us wanted to be in that car, but we all felt obligated to visit Grandpa, and nobody wanted to go alone. Sometimes we would laugh about something he said last time we visited him. The sad thing was that we were laughingat and not with him more and more often. I recognized this then, but it was a good way to relieve the stress, even if we had to pay for it later with guilt. We would always before we got to the stop at a home. This was done partially to nursing kill time and partially to ensure that we would have a coke to sip on to quell the nervous dry mouth which always crept up on us when we were in that sterile hospital room. Personally, a beer always sounded better to me. When we finally pulled into the parking lot of the home, a hush would The Weekly Crossword Puzzle Cloth measure Vessel Meeting rooms Shoshonean 35 36 37 38 40 Indian 41 12 13 14 15 16 Shower Indonesian Imitated Sea eagle Wideawake 43 44 45 47 49 Sun god 18 Fuss Paid notice currency 51 Compass point ACROSS 1 Performs 5 Spirit 8 19 20 Stalk 21 Kind of type: abbr. 23 Spanish article 24 Small island Poker stakes Possesses 30 Greek letter 28 29 32 Foray 33 Haze 34 Chinese pagodas Microbe Article Country of Asia River in Siberia Time gone by . Region 2 Brightly I knew outside world was a monthly check from a busy daughter or son for their room and board. Is this how they had imagined themselves ending up? Trying to push these intruding thoughts out of my mind, I would attempt to focus my attention on the pictures on the wall. I would pretend with my facial emotions that I was, for the first time, fully enchanted with the pictures I knew all too well. Nearing the end of the hall, we would turn left towards his room. Good. We were almost there. Once inside the room, we were disgustingly full of smiles and happiness. How phony. Often I felt like it was actually rude or disrespectful to act so cheerful when this man that we all loved was losinghis mind and drowningin lunacy. But we were the cheerleading squad, sent by obligation to cheer someone who had all but lost the ability to experience hope. On one occasion, when Grandpa was having an exceptionally perceptive day, he confided, through tears of humiliation and that he sometimes wet the bed. He broke down, and I have never felt so much compassion for someone. Through all this, my fathers expression never changed. His statue-lik- e pose both unnerved and sculpted me and my actions. I know he loved his father dearly, but self-hatre- d, bird 3 Metal 4 Symbol for tin 5 Manservant 6 An article 7 4, Nov. colored from the hollow stares that the only contact some of them had with the listening to the music. The Dead Goat is featuring Tangent on the Nov. 13-1Cafe Society on Nov. 15, national act Mike Morgan and The Crawl on the Nov. 19 and Skin and Bones on the 7 Deface 8 Exclamation 9 New Deal agency: init. 10 Support 11 Deity 16 The sweetsop 17 Gratuities 20 Winter vehicle 22 Symbol for tantalum 25 Long-legge- 26 27 28 29 bird Sink in middle Domain Exist Torrid d Beast of burden 33 In honor of 34 Mountain lake 31 36 Himalayan mammal 37 Vital organ 39 Babylonian deity 40 Assent to 41 Float 42 Chills and fever 44 Arrow poison 45 Sole 46 Tunisian rulers 48 Individual 50 Demon 51 Guidos high note 53 Decimeter: abbr. 54 Hebrew COUEGE PRESS SERVICE folks. Continued from Page Unit of Iraqi DOWN 1 I remember dreading walking down thatendless hallway which led to Grandpas room. It was all so stressful. I hated passing the old people in their wheelchairs. I would usually try to look away, but sometimes I would try to smile and say hi. I wondered about their lives and if anyone ever bothered to visit these twisted old somewhere, sometime, in his past, he had learned to hide any trace of emotion. He has never felt comfortable with the expression of feelings. Damn. I wish now that one of us would have hugged Grandpa. There was a calendar in his room which people could sign when they visited him. This damned calendar, to me, seemed to express the communication gap which has always existed in our family. Grandpa couldnt read anymore. The calendar was obviously not meant for him. It was like an unspoken contest between our family to prove who loved him most. To be honest, it made me sick. But we signed it. Not only because my dad insisted, but also because it gave one of us something to do besides trying to make the stranger who was once Grandpa smile. On a late day in April, 1990, 1 received an early morning phone call. In a slumbering stupor, I picked up my Garfield phone to encounter my somber fathers voice. Grandpa passed away early this morning., he said. Oh daddy, Im so sorry, I said. Its really sad. Ive shed tears all morning, he said. His voice was so raspy. I told him once more how sorry I was, but sorry seemed so empty and useless. I wished I were God. My dad, at that moment, reminded me of Hercules, trying to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders. But I wasnt God and there was nothing I could do. I was a powerless human being. After I put down the receiver, a thunderbolt of knowledge struck me. I knew in that moment that as big and strong and successful as my dad was, in many ways he was still a scared little boy, and for some reason, this thought comforted me. Bands and Boots Beat Bibles and Wingtips Rip 52 Essentially 55 Abound 56 Fondle 57 Bodies of water 26 Boxes fall over the car. month 20-2- 1. The Bar and Grill is located at 60 E. and 800 S., and like the Dead Goat, its a beer bar with the cover determined by whomever is playing and night of the week The place is basically one (usually big room, except in the summer when a back deck is opened for those hot summer $2-10- ). nights. The place consists of a bar, stage, fairly big dance floor and about 15 tables with a good view of the stage and dance floor. The crowd that frequents there is a younger college crowd who like their music loud and enjoy the swilling (or spilling) of a good beer. The crowd can be kind of wild and get out of control once in a while, but on the whole, its not a bad place to go and toss back a couple while listening to the reggae of John Bailey or some other rastafarian group. Appearingin November at the Bar and Grill are: Boxcar Kids on Nov. 13-1Big Face, Nov. 15, Gamma Rays, Nov. 16-1national acts, Desert Air and Soul Asylum on Nov. 18-1- 9 respectively, Swee Rhino and the Strangers, Nov. 20, The Change, Nov. 21, Boxcar Kids, Nov. 23, Skin and Bones, Nov. 24 and 28, Rhythm Fish, Nov. 27, Villains, Nov. 29 and JohnBailey on Nov. 30 4, 7, and Dec. 1. The Zephyr, at 301 S. West Temple, is your best choice to see live national acts on a regular basis with anywhere from four to ten national acts playing there every month. It is also a good place to see local acts with most seats being able to see the dance floor and a second story balcony to watch both the stage and dance floor. The Zephyr is a private club and to get in you must either be with a member or purchase a full year membership at $25 or k a temporary for $5. The biggest drawback to the Zephyr is that both its cover charge and drink prices are higher than normal and can cost you a few extra bucks. The cover usually runs 2 and the drink prices vary according to what you order. While this may be a drawback, you can still hear some of the best club acts in the nation with acts such as Del Fuegos, two-wee- $3-1- Leon Russell, Leon Redbone, A1 DiMeola, Jessie Colin Young and Jack Mack being just a few of those who have performed at the Zephyr in the past. The following national acts will appear in the month of November at the Zephyr: Steve McCormick 13-1Methods of Dance 15, Wild Brides 16-1Monkey Meet 22-2Diamonds Mighty 26, Special Beat 27, The Vanguards 28, Jimmy Rogers and his All-StChicago Blues Band 1. Live music in Salt Lake depends on the people who patronize these clubs and provide the incentive for better live entertainment to be shown . Ifyou wish for the tradition and talent to grow in our area you must be willing to both pay and applaud those acts you find to be of national caliber. Only then can Salt Lake become a hot bed of the talent that we must now import from 4, 7, 4, ar 29-De- c. other states. November 13, 1990 Issue 9 |