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Show April 11.1986 Forum Page 5 features ii by want to, uh, shtup? Both men bloom beet red as Donny hangs up. Debra Harris Its that time again. ..Time to wake up and smell the coffee... Time to bid sweet adieus . . .Time to go out into the wild blue yonder and come up with something better than pigeon droppings... Yes, Westminsis the Titter's ter swan song. So. my little chickadees . . . lets your gray matter is still firmly attached to the Grateful Dead; The Doors; Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, etc. And after hearing the names of the newer groups these days . . . its an even better thesis for the Geritol set here at Westminster. Groups like the; The The, o Gurus, Beat Flying Lizards, Violent Femmes and Psychedelic Farmers, Furs. And if thats not enough, fit these in for size; Blow Monkeys, Oingo Boingo, Flesh For LuLu, Wall of and Depeche Mode. Is this what the 8Qs hath wrought? The likes of. i. Straw berry Switchblade, Fine Young Cannibals, Sique Sique Sput-nicInterferon, Dead or Alive, China Crises, and my personal favorite... Maurice and the Cliches. I mean whatever hapy sounds of pened to those the boss kahuna baby ... I mean they really are the only names we can literally remember! Who could ever forget: Steppen-wolCanned Heat, ? and the Mysterians, Vanilla Fudge, Strawberry Alarm Clock, Country Joe and the Fish, Balloon Farm, Pink Floyd, Crabby Appleton, Blind Faith and my personal faves The Swinging Blue Jeans. I mean like bitchin, ya know. So what do we get instead... Killer Pussy. Yikes . . . rock me Amadeus but that phony powdered rug has got to go. PLEASURE PITS Go on... admit it. Havent you always had the urge to receive something in the mail wrapped in brown paper ... just so you can say, Gee, Mom ... I wonder who sent me this?... Well stand back and cover your eyes cause Titters has for the latest in titillating gone toys for the adult persuasion. If you havens received your catalog from Stamford Hygienic, dont hold your breath. With a name like that . . . its a wonder they sell anything besides ice cubes. Well, kiddies . . . here lets all give Donny a round of applause. They dont make new images in Hollywood for nothing. Yaaaa... Donny! Now I say He learned a new word today. (And its sure a lot better than Im in deep yogurt.) Oh, Donny, youve got a long way to go. Just look at what Marie had to do to get some attention. Have you ever thought of turning , naah. OH, YOURE A HOLIDAY Why does Easter always come on a Sunday? We never even get Monday off. I hereby say we need more holidays. What about the great day when they invented Milk of Magnesia? That should be a holiday. Or the day the first Hare Krishna donned his orange apparel? Lets throw a holiday. How about National Hangnail Day? Utah scoop some poop. IIoo-Do- g-g- SPEAKINGOF FIDO Have you seen the cover of People last week? I know Ive been fairly decent to Andy Andy) of Royal Kingdom fame but the new could turn the lights out in Pittsto top it off . . . the related story And burgh. highlights her many live-i- n affairs . . . right there in broad daylight! And the Queen approves no less! (Youd think after the Royal Gynecological visit with Diana, the matriarch must have a hat pin loose somewhere.) While Im on the subject DONN Y DO-Dof gossip rags (much like la teat, of course) lets talk Us. Big feature story on How Donny is fighting back amid claims of bad planning, bad image and an overabundance of clean living.... Looks like Donny cant take a joke. Picture this scenario... Cupping the receiver, he whispers instructions to the former teen idol, Donny Osmond, to tell the person on the other end that you want to shtup her. Shell love it. A skeptical Donny takes the receiver, Yes this is Donny Osmond... uh, do you (ex-Ran- light-of-his-li- fe Voo-Do- k. groovy-wavy-grav- f, Day? Im all for any day. Or how about Kindness To Prickly Pears Week? I dont know... what this country needs is more holidays. Write your Senator today, (you remember old Orrin, dont you? Hes the one with the phony Rolex taped around his wrist.) MUSIC MATTERS One day between The Dolls House and Oedipus Rex, Professor Baar came up with one of his many bits of profound witticisms... that after a certain age (older, dear) that your brain can only hold a certain number of names of rock groups. Thus, if you are a baby boomer. O o, we go. WE HAVE YOUR WIGGLE STICK. . . Weve got your Upstairs, Doumstairs . . . Weve got your Big O beads ...Weve got your Pleasure Sunng, and your Time Release Lovers Pills . . . (Hmmm . . . this is starting OW 11 31 SI to sound curiouser and curiouser) ... lets see, Jims standing over in the bushes here on Animal Kingdom . . . but what is he doing ...why hes reading the latest issue of Ani mats as Sex Partners . . . Boy this stuff is sicko . . . lets see what else they have ... oh, looky here, a set of handcuffs, French Finger Ticklers, or how about the UFO Ring? (Dr. Spock can you hear me?) What Id like to know . . . does someone get paid for writing all putz? I mean, listen to this for Spurious Spanish one teaspoon in her drink turns her into a sexual tigress! This super potent formula makes women crave for sex and beg for more until you beg for mercy! ... Give me a break. But I do have one quick question before I stuff this smutville back into its carefully folded brown paper bag... how do you tell when your Spanish fly is spurious? SHAZAM, SHAZAM, SIIAZAM Well, gawlee Andy, it looks like you and Op are back on the boob tube (bad habits die hard). Yup, their all gonna be there ceptin Aunt Bea and the tonsorial wizard. Floyd the barber. I just hope Barney leaves his Polyester Lester outfits on the set of Threes A Crowd. Yeech! But just think how good it will be to see the old gang together again. Little Opie played by Little Opie. Gee whiz Aunt Em!... Now if they bring back Seallunt, weve got it made in Ff...Just now-defun- ct the shade. NANCY NIXED What is the drug rehabilitation effort going to do without their strongest cheerleader?... Sitting in the grandstand, beatin on a tin can. Who can? We Can! Nobody else can. Yeah, clean living! Word came down from on high that our Miz Nancy was to appear in the Concert That Counts, an concert to 11-ho- benefit the the and other luminaries on the seamy side of Snowville. But she was axed from the show for abuse of an uncontrolled substance: Ronnie. I smell a pungent aroma of rat here. Seems the First Couple looked down their See " Titters II" page 6 drug-ridde- n, n, A ' S SCEENCE MAJORS I Why not consider a career in PHARMACY? Applications are now being accepted for Autumn Quarter at the University of Utah. T DOLLARS OFF PIZZA j Sun. thru Thurs. RECEIVE 1.00 off every 12" 1.50 off every 14" pizza pizza 16" 2.00 off every pizza Expires midnight April 30, 1986 Limit one coupon per customer per visit FREE SOFT DRINKS Take Out free quart 2 free quarts 3 free quarts 1 J j 12 pizza 14 pizza 16' pizza Dining In Two 16 oz. soft drinks Three 16 oz. soft drinks Four 16 oz. soft drinks i j X Expires midnight April 30, 1986 Limit one coupon per customer per visit i For information call 581-62- 88 J I j J I j J College of Pharmacy University of Utah SIC, UT 84112 or write: |