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Show Thursday, March 26, 1959 THE VALLEY VIEW NEWS Page 14 CANNERY SALES ANYTHING GOES BySciwKcy had a little pain in my side a while ago and like any red blooded hypochrondiac off I went to the examination, doctor. After a thorough three-minut- e the doctor leaned back in his chair and said, If I thought you should have an operation could you afford it? To which I replied. That all depends. Do you think Id need one if I couldnt afford it? Ignoring me completely, he said, Your appendix have to come out. Not wishing to agree too readily, I said, Are you sure that is the trouble. A friend of mine had the same thing done and he died a week later of gall stones. I could see the doctor was hurt by my statement. He said, He must have gone to a real quack. I guarantee you that if I take out your appendix thats what youll die of. Naturally, such confidence is to be. recommended. Wanting to get all the information I could I asked him what the odds were regarding my recovery. About 2 to 1, was the reply. I told him I could get better odds in Las Vegas but he ignored me again. Wishing to change the subject for a while, I told him that I had a bad cold for a week and what did he think about my drinking whiskey to cure it. He Medical science has definitely proven that said, whiskey cannot cure a cold. To which I replied, Neither can medical science, for that matter. This gave him the opportunity he was evidently waiting for to preach to me about the evils of alcohol. He took a glass of water and dropped a 'worm in it. (He has a stock of worms for these demonstrations.) The worm swam around, happy as could be. Then he took a glass of whiskey and dropped a worm in that. The worm died almost in- stantly. Very seriously he then said to me, Now, doesnt that prove something to you? It certainly does, I said. It proves that if you drink whiskey youll never have worms. Realizing I was too smart for him he changed the subject again and said, Well, what about this operation? I asked him how much it would cost. He said, Six hundred dollars down and $67.75 a month for two years. Sounds like buying a car, says I. I am, says he. Thinking he was only pulling my leg, I said, I respect your opinion, doctor, but would it be possible to get your assistant in here for another opinion? It wouldnt help, he replied. This is the age of specialization and my partner is specializing in the nose. Which nostril? I wanted to know. Once again he ignored me. Lets fill out this form, he stated, pencil in hand. He read from the paper in front of him, Age of grandparents, if livOne hundred and forty-twI replied. ing. He looked amazed. One hundred and forty-two- ! Id like very much to see them. I said, You cant, theyre both dead. You asked me how old they were if they were living, and I told you. I could tell now he was getting a little unhappy with me. Once again he read from the paper, Did your parents enjoy good health. I replied, "Enjoyed is hardly the word, they loved it. The look he gave me was undescribable. He said, I notice you have rather large ears. Do they run in the family? said, No, noses run in our family. A faint smile crept across his face. He said, Id like to operate just as soon as possible. The last time this happened I operated just in the nick of time. By this I guess that if he waited any longer nature would have cured the patient without the operation. You dont walk into an operation like this blindly, so I asked him for his qualifications. He stated, Young man, Ive been practicing for thirty odd years. Frankly, I would have liked a doctor that was through practicing and knew what he was doing, but I didnt want to discuss it at the time. I 1426 West 3500 South Home of those Famous 8c lb. bananas, and 3 lbs. for $1.00 ground beef, now brings you these SUPER SPECIALS for Easter. 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