Show JOHN HENRY ON BUTTING IN BY HUGH MeHUGH George V Hobart i i i7 I = IN Till PAINTED BBANUUY Of course If a fellow has a lady friend thats a dead swell looker hes always anxious to grab her by too elbow and lenu her In among tho rest of the promenaders Im out to wager two or moro seven dollar bills that when it comes to face and form my lady friend has tho rent of tho bunch looking llko tho wallflowers wall-flowers ai a Choctaw cotillion Shes tho nag from tho starter Shes the only mirror on tho man loplece bollovo mo I took her down the lane to ono of those swell grub stations tho other night and since then every time 1 thinK about It I feel like getting up and ordering or-dering myself out of the room Being somewhat of a money hater myself of course Im wise to enough pikers to fill a ploughed field Just as sure as I stride into a fancy feed store with nothing on my mind but c desire to act like a gentleman and buy hot cookies for the Best and Only Im doomcu to meet a bunch of sawdust sports who want to leave their own tables and associate with me Of course they only do It just because be-cause they have elastic In their necks They expect an Introduction to the Beautiful Girl and after getting It theyvo figured it out to hand her a lino of conversation that will charm her to a standstill and make tho Man shes With look like a dried apple And every mothers son of them I talks like hed been struck ln tho grammar by a ferryboat Anyway I took my lady friend to a sumptuous souphouse tho other evening even-ing for dinner Ivo just ordered four dollars worth off the card and were sitting there n the hand painted bean cry chatting pleasantly and waiting for tho longshoreman to journey back with the oysters Up to our trios comes Able Sluice bongos Able has a groat pull all along the line because the picture of an uncle of his sung in the Hall of Fame for nearly an hour before tho janitor got on to It and throw it out Able puts a hand on each corner of the table and leans over with all tho grace peculiar to a soft shell crab Hollo John Henry says Able I bow and give him a Klondike grin but ho ducks and comes up happy Eatln7 inquires Able No Able I answered Just to put him wise to tho fact that a swift walk away would do us all good No were not eating Wo just dropped into in-to play a few hands of bridge whist with tho waiter and he s gone to got a deck of cards We never come Into a restaurant to eat Usually wo drop IP during tho rush hours and help tho I r oI J to ivoJ < tP 1J f 12 J tt1 t III I = LORD HOPE proprietor peel tho oysters On this occasion however were out for a dickens of a spree so weve decided to play bridge with tho waiter Quit your joshln John Henryl says Able youre getting to bo a worse kidder than Bill McConnell After a whllo Able notices that its up to him to fondlo a fierce frost so he backs out Whos your friend t Inquires Clara Jane after Able had moseyed away Now you know a fellow cant con fees to the Original Package of Sweetness Sweet-ness that hes entered In tho same race with a lot of 3 goats I On the level now can ho It was my cue to make a Big Play I I bad to get gabby and make Clara Jean believe I associated only with v Torrid Tamales And did I Oh ask mo easy just to tease me I Who that I says after I fished for a few French fried potatoes why thats Lord Hope My lady friend dropped her knife and fork and gave me the stalled gaze I never whimpered Oh scold me scold mot Lord Hope saye shoo Why John Henry you never told me you knew Lord Hope Didnt I I says my I my I how thoughtless Well thats Ills Lord ship all right all right Clara Jane thought a whllo and I carved my initials on a silver of celery But you called him Able says she after a pause Suro thing I says what else Want me to call him Mose or Ilosey or Meyer or Ikoy Hes not Irish I cant Imagine an English nobleman noble-man being called Able says my lady friend for shes a first rate Believer by nature but a Doubter when tho lice roll her I was bcgiiilng to feel just about all happy as a hard bolled egg but I was In up to my neck and I couldnt holler for help Englishmen have queer names es peclally noblemen Say wont you have a charlotte rusie or an apple frit terItll do you good I says hopIng hop-Ing to swing tho conversation closo enough to tho shore so that I could jump oft and take to the timber My finish was ringing tno door boll Just then Mike McGulro strolled Into tho neighborhood and wanted to hang up his hut on my hook Once In a while Mike breaks Into a theater and tries to act till somo ono catches him with tho goods Then ho apologizes backs out of his harness and Is up and away to the swamps Good evening says Mike pushing push-Ing out tho familiar list Im right back at him with a short arm nod of recognition and In a minute Im busy with my beans Foedln I see says Mike wishing wish-ing to show my lady friend that his powers of observation are strictly homemade I gave him a look that I figured would comb his hair but hes out to make a deep impression on Clara lano so my haughty expreeilou tnt finish ono two three Before I can get bark from tho breakaway I find him reciting tho sad story of his life and watching my lady Friend to see If she cnjojf light lltora turn Oh yes lays McGuIre I do so lovo thP stage Ive been playing the Provinces for eighteen weeks as Hot spur tho Boy Hero in Ben Hur and I was the hit of tho show Two to one ho was out doing tho potato plantations with a No 3 Unc Toms Cam Co About all that guy could mix with Is a parcel of Uncle Tommors Finally after writing about four chapters and getting his life lines crossed with George Washington Manny Friend John McCullough and Tod Sloan ho begins to notice that the wind is blowing chill across tho I wild moor so he signals tho conductor and hops off the wagon Who was that inquiries my lady friend as McGuire ambles back to his own table Theft I says Ohl that was tho Earl of Yarmouth Clara Jane handed me a swift glance then sho patted her hatpins and grabbed her gloves Curse along John Henry says she King Edward will bo here in a minute and after what Ivo read about him I dont think I care to moot him Lets go home She wins In a whisper Itll take three weeks to square myself my-self I Hereafter mo to Dennetts Mo to tho stack o wheats symposium where the rest of tho entries stick to their stalls Where the outside conversation conversa-tion is confined to Draw one and Boll two meejum No more swell Sandwich Salons for me where the grafters want to butt in all tho while Oh scold me scold me Copyright 1501 by 0 W Dllllngham Co |