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Show WHAT SHE ESCAPED. BETZWlXE TALES Philo Gubb and the Auto Hen 3y Ellis Packer Butief What theLawmakersEatinSummertime mm Atdhor ofTicjs is Pids" Etc- Mil mid-summ- Jack There goes young Softy. I la , took Ills flnacoe out rowing last rocked the bout, and the poor Among the WASHINGTON. gll was drowned. that Influenced the Ruth Lucky girl! making of the tariff bill in congress, Jack Why do you say that? there has been overlooked one eleRuth Why, she might have lived ment that had Indirect but Important and married the Idiot. effect on the raising or lowering of schedules. Three times a day this HAD AWFUL WEEPING ECZEMA influence got to work on the senaSua-day- tors and congressmen perspiring In heat of the capltol. Pace and Neck Were Raw Terrible the It was their dally diet. Itching, Inflammation and Soreness ; The menus of Washington are a All Treatments Failed. culinary jumble, a gastronomic bash, Cutlcura Proved a Great Success. a geographical mixture of tropical and temperate zone cookery. They must "Eczema began over the top of my serve the pie eaters of New England, ear. It cracked and then began to the Frenchified palates of New Yorkspread. I had three different doctors ers, the beefeaters of the north, the stomachs of the west, and and tried several things, but they did Iron-claine no good. At laBt one side of my the uneasy livers of the south. Tbe city has not completely . acface and my neck were raw. The water ran ont of It so that I had to quired the art' of hot weather dining wear medicated cotton, and It was so that you can find best exemplified In Inflamed and sore that I had to put Kgypt. India, and tbe far east where ' a piece of cloth over my pillow to keep Englishmen and Americans live in exthe water from It, and It would stain ile. It struggles between carnivorous the cloth a sort of yellow. The ec- appetites and tropical temperature. What sort of a tariff decision would zema Itched so that It seemed as though I could tear my face all to pieces. you expect from a man who eats beefThen I began to use the Cutlcura Soap steak for breakfast, yet this Is what ' and Ointment, and it was not more you can find on Washington bills of than three months before It was all fare. Then there are 17 different healed up. Miss Ann Pearsons, North-fiel- kinds of cereal foods that leave a sawdust nourishment In your stomach. Vt, Dee. 19, 1907." Potter Drug Cbem, Corp Bole Prop, Boston. mid-summ- d d, All In Fight Against Tuberculosis. Prevention of tuberculosis versus dividends Is the proposition which some of our largest Insurance companies are now trying to establish. The Metropolitan Life recently applied for permission to erect a sanatorium for Its policy holders and employes afflicted with tuberculosis, but the application was refused on grounds of Illegality by New Tork State Superintendent of Insurance Hotchkiss. The company Is, however, conducting an active educational tributing 3,500.000 its policy holders. campaign by dispamphlets among The Provident Life Assurance society has .also established a health bureau, where its policy holders may receive free medical advice. Several fraternal torders, notably the Modern Woodmen, Knights of Pythias, Royal League, Royal Arcanum and Workmen's Circle, have already established or are contemplating the erection of sanatoria for their tuberculous members. T Sit Up. Much rot has recently been writ, and wags have rent their brains asunder. In trying to make food for wit this dreadnaught lid the girls hide under. What need have men to knock it so? They do not have to sweat beneath it. Is it because the fellows know the landscape has been robbed to wreathe it? We are no judge of ladles' lids, and care not what your choice or vote Is; It's not what's on but In girls' heads that makes us sit up and take notice. Hard of Benzie. Decidedly Rattled. Of an Irishman, named Dogherty, a speaker or rare eloquence, the following amusing story is told: After sone of his speeches he asked Cunning what he thought of it. "The only fault I could find in It." Canning answered, "was that you called the speaker, 'Sir too often." "My dear friend," said Dogherty, "if you knew the state I was in while speaking, you would not wonder If I had called him 'Ma'am!'" . . IT WORKS The Laborer Eats Food That Would Wreck an Office Man. Men who are actively engaged at bard work can sometimes eat food that would wreck a man who Is more closely confined. This is illustrated In the following tory: "I was for 12 years clerk in a store working actively and drank coffee all the time without much trouble until after I entered the telegraph service. "There I got very llttlo exercise and drinking strong coffee, my nerves were unsteady and my stomach got weak and I was soon a very sick man. I quit meat and tobacco and In fact I stopped eating everything which I thought might affect me except coffee, but still my condition grew worse, and I was all but a wreck. "I finally quit coffee and commenced to use Postuin a few years ago, and I am speaking the truth when I sny, my condition commenced to improvo immediately and today I am well and can ent anything I want without any bad effects, nil due t shifting from coffee to Postuin. "I told my wife today I believed ! could digeHt a brick If I had & cup of postum to go with It "We make It according to directions boiling it full 20 minutes and use good rich cream and It Is ccrtulnly deli- cious." Look In pkgs. for a copy of the mous little book, "The Road to fa- Well-vllle.- " "There's a Reason." V.xff read n r he above and a dozen different acldy fruits that Carlsbad doctors tell you to avoid. There Is nothing In tbe world that lies heavier on a tired, flaccid, stomach than an Iced melon the first thing In tbe morning, yet a majority of the tarlffinakers ate them dally. Tbe internal chill their digestive organs get Is a rapid cooler for tariff reduction enthusiasm. ' Tbe capltol restaurant serves more dairy dishes and pie than at any other time of tbe year. The average lawmaker eats at noon a good habit In this country, If only he would eat Rut he turns his digestible food. liver with overdoses of milk, pours down quantities of Iced drinks amid layers of pie and devitalizing food. The one salvation Is that roast beef generally cold still remains the principal blood making, brain sustaining, muscle giving meat dish of the Irftrrf A niinrnra from tint to 11m. Tbrf BriinlD?, Irue, and full tl humaa capital Out it is the night diners that furnish the most amazing specimens of menus. Tbe bills of fare of the leading hotels follow closely parallel lines. Their principal dishes .can be classified as follows: Twenty-fou- r different kinds of ices. Fifteen cold salads. Fifteen different ways of cooking potatoes. Twenty-nin- e hot and vegetables, cold. Eight fish cocked in 15 different ways. ILLUSTRATED Philo Gubb is one of the tenderest hearted men In Iletzvllle. lie hasn't tbe style necessary to mingle in our best society, but he has a good heart, and when bis speckled hen died after setting on a nest of eggs for a week I'hllo's heart bled with pity for the poor motherless eggs. The very minute he saw the dead hen he hurried over to Aunt Rhinocolura Betz' and asked if he could borrow one of her hens, but they were all engaged in family business of their own just then, and Philo r t down on the edge of the porch and wept. After he had wept about a quart of tears he perked up all of a sudden, and asked Aunt Rhinocolura if she was using her bottle. When she said no, that her neuralgia wasn't giving her much trouble that summer, Philo just jumped up and down for joy. As soon as Aunt Rhinocolura gave r him the bottle he hurried home, hlppity hopping with joy, and r filled the bottle up to the neck, and screwed tbe stopper In, and laid It with gentle hand on top of the eggs. During tbe day the eggs did not worry him much after that, for r the sun kept tbe water In the bottle warm enough, but it was a touching sight to see Philo at night. He spent all his time at the edge of hot-wat- hot-wate- hot-wate- hot-wate- birds. ii. the Capltol, an obscure little photoshop floats on Its frontal n grapher's mm PENT TArT drapery of white cloth beurlng blatantly the black legend: "Come In and have your picture taken with President Taft" The trick Is turned, of course, by the simple method of Improving the customer's figure beside the stock you want your picture taken with plates of President Taft with outIFPresident Taft, come to Washington. stretched hand, as If In greeting, or It's a proposition. Wheth- In a friendly pose. Tbe er the biggest man of the nation Is Illusion, however. Is very good, and at Deverly or Rullymahoo, it's all the the perpetrator has been making same thing. For the nominal prk-money ever since the Inauguration, of half a dollar or n bagatelle of that when postcard fakers filled the street N AMO HA E VS. VOCiai) II sure-thin- arm-nnd-ar- e sort you can go thundering down to posterity on a piece of pasteboard clasping hands with the ktng of America or costly locking arms with His Honorable Greatness. Of course, as far as the president goes, it Is absent treatment, plctorlally speaking. All you've got to be particular about Is to be on hand your own self. 'Way down "the Avenue," close to with similar enticements. The Capltol or White House looms convincingly In the background, and in the forefront there you are in the presidential grip and under the radiance of the presidential smile. Of course, your friends in Wayback believe they have ocular demonstration that you are the whole show when you come to Busy Boosters of the Latin Republics review number. John llarrett Is director of the bureau and Francisco J. Yanes Is secretary, "hese two are none of the imputed tatln to work In those who conduct the Internationa) Bureau of American Republics here. The bureau, which, by the way, Is putting up a spick and span new building, acts as a sort of press agent for the countries. A perusal of one of Its monthly bulletins Is a liberal education In what the "Other Americans" are doing and In the resources of their countries. The July number was the annual THERE Is Latln-Amerlcn- n at one. - ' only Qiother they had, and they would run to It, chirping out their little joys and sorrows, and Philo kept it full of hot water, so It would feel cosy and comfortable to the chicks. He used to snesk away once In awhile and dig a worm or two in the potato garden, and come back and drape it through the handle of the stopper of tho bottle, and then stand off behind tbe door and cluck like a ben does when it has found a worm, and then he would smile when the chicks ran up and grabbed the worm. When the chicks got largo enough to venture out a little Philo tied a string to the It bottlo and dragged around the yard after them. He got so thoroughly Into the nor tion that the bottle was really a hen that sometimes be would drag it over Into his vegetable garden, and then shoo at It to drive it out He treated that auto-hejust as a mother hen should be treated. Probably he took to it more because he was a bachelor and lived alone. He had less to distract his thoughts. The bottle grew so realisto Philo that when tically hen-liktbe chicks got old enough to care for themselves, and Philo had a cousin from the city stay to dinner, he went Into his back yard and looked over the chicks. He saw that they were not old enough to broil yet, so he got his ax and pounced down on the auto-beand chopped the stopper clean off. It wasn't until Philo grabbed r what was left of the bottle and started to pick the feathers off that he realized it was not a real hen. That is why I say It Is mighty lucky bottles don't have feathers. If they did have Philo Gubb would have gone right ahead and cooked and eaten' Aunt Rhlnocolura's and as Philo is one of those who believe everything should be chewed to a pulp before it is swallowed, he would have sat there at his dining room table and have chewed his lower jaw clean off. (Copyright 190. by W. J. Chapman.) busy as bees, keeping the countries in which they are Interested In the public eye. The July Issue covers the activities of the 20 Latln-Amercan Republics of the Internatlon.il union for the year 1908. "The spirit of Internationalism to Its broadest application was the pur adlng characteristic of relations between tbe various countries of Amor-leduring 1908," the bulletin says. "The year was marked by numerous gatherings of the representative elements of national life, both In Latin America and the United States, and on all occasions indications of a unanimity of sentiment and community of Interest were markedly displayed." a 'ITO SI MAIM LARS C4TI VMS All Hallows Co!leg SALT LAKE CITY BOARDIHG AEiS DAY SCHOOL FOR BOYS hot-wat- hot-wate- Clan begin Wednesday, September 8. Clinical, Scientific and Commercial Special department for little coarMi, boys, aader tbe care of a trained teacher. Cymntiiaai and1 Military Drill aader (be direction of special instructors. For term aid information, apply to hot-wat- e Very Rev. J. J. Guinan, S. M., President HARRY J. ROBINSON AT LAW ATTORNEY S04-S0- S Juaia lulle-in- c Salt Lake City Speaking Well of the Dead. Dennis was doing his best to speak respectfully of the dead. "Yes," he said, "Mike was a folne ', mon. Honest, straightforward, " glnerous "Olnerous?" Barney, questioned rather doubtfully. "'Did ye ever know of his treatin any one in all his loife?" "Well, he nearly treated once." "Nearly treated?" "Yis. I remember once he dhrop-pe- d into Cassidy's when th' boys were all there. 'Well, Jads,' he sez, 'wbat'U we have?" wld a wave or his hand toward the bar. "What'll we have? School Municipality. rain or snow?' "Everybody's MagaIn one 'of the schools of Brooklyn zine. they have a "Junior Municipality," Don't Miss Yeur Train. with a mayor and other officials. The Salt Lake Route changes Urns The In so are have the majority, girls they elected one of themselves mayor. The Sunday, Aug. 29th. 't wo Tlutlc trains. Three Utah officers appoint monitors, boys on the Three Tooele trains. Ask trains. on your agent the girls' side, Valley boys' side and girls and these see that there Is no fighting a Had Monopoly. or other disturbance. Then on holiSome federal officers in the civil days girls visit the home and give the others lessons in taking care of war once sought shelter for the night the baby and hygiene generally which In an old, tumbledown shack. About they have learned from tbe teachers. two o'clock a polecat announced its presence in its own peculiar way. A Aroused Curiosity. German sat up and looked helplessly "Beg pardon," said the hotel clerk, about him. The others were all sleep"but what Is your name?" ing peacefully. "Name!" echoed the Indignant guest, "Meln Gott!" he exclaimed In tones who had just registered. "Don't you of "Al the resht ashleep, see my signature there on the regis- und despair. I've got to smell It all!" Every ter?" Magazine. "I do." answered the clerk, calmly. body's Modern Methods. "That Is what aroused my curiosity." "Did you keep the suspected one Foxey. under close surveillance?" asked the "Papa is a pretty good poker play- chief of detectives. er. Isn't he?" "Yes," replied tbe faithful sleuth; "Yes he Isn't" see for yourself." he wins from you "Why, be says And a moment later the movements every time you play together." "Of course he does, but wait until of the suscpected one were reproduced machine. you see what I do to papa when you by a moving picture and me are safely married." Don't Miss Your Train. The Salt Lake Route changes time Wants to Try 'Eem. Win..!' wo Tlutlc trains. "Looks mighty queer." tfvndjy. Ai-Three Tooele trains. Three Utah "What does?" "Uermany has been bulldMg some-gun- Valley trains. Ask your agent. for destroying airships, and now Watering Greenhouse Plants. she has invited the Wright brothers For the guidance of thos who are to come over there and fly." Inexperienced in plant culture It may Oh. he stated that no greenhouse plant "How did you act when he pro- should become quite dry at the roots posed V run lay to Octoir. If a plant does "I sank gracefully on oue knee" not actually suffer it comes to a standIn the world "How ridiculous! What as soon as the roots can no longer still did you sink on your knee for?" draw up niosture; therefore there is a not mine." his "On knee, distinct loss of time, a certain amount of the growing season being lost. This His Fault. "Jim has all the qualities that go to fact is so well recognized by market make a good husband." growers that a man In charge will be "All but one." pardoned almost any fault rather than "Wbats that?" that of neglectful watering. Garden-In- g "He won't ask anybody to marry." Illustrated. hot-wate- Your Picture Taken With Mr, Taft While they last we are selling a limited lot of perfect cut, clean diamonds, from half a carat to two carats ach, at the above price. If you want a diamond, better see these SALT Members of Congress Hot After Mileage As an evidence just closed is THE extra insession the eves of the law as the first session of the Slxtv-flrs- t con gress, so unless a court ruling Is made which reverses the treasury department the lawmakers will eat no mile age when they come together next December. The senators and congress men, however, have not given up hope of securing their mileage for the Dlngley law session, for they carried the case to the court of claims. Gen. Urosvenor. until recently a reore- sentative from Ohio, and one of the leaders of the Cannon machine in the house. Is the attorney In charm of the case for the mlleaee claimants. The mere fact that most of the sena tors and congressmen did not return to their homes between adlourament on March 4 and the beginning of the extra session on March IS does not lessen their desire to get the mile age. It Is so much "velvet," if they can get it, and the majority of the gentlemen who go to Washington to serve their country have the reputa tion of getting all they can. The statesmen set IS cents a mile over the longest possible route to their homes. Some of the New York members get more than $100 for a trip. $1 50 FER CARAT By PETER. NEWELL Thirteen fresh fruits. Eight varieties of cheese. Seventeen hot roasts and entrees, of which eight were chicken and of the reeentivn position on the part of the members of congress It might be mentioned that tbe representatives voted themselves each 1125 eatra "stationery allowance" soon after the beginning of the extra session. A great many of them do not snend mom than sir Ur f20 a year on their stationery. i nere are 891 members, four delegates and three commissioners who may draw this comfortable little additional $125 allowance, making 398 all told. Tbe sum of this Item, therefore. Is $21,450. Every employe of tbe capltol working force was granted an extra month's pay, and as the salaries run all the way from $6,000 a year, experts, to $50 a month for messengers, and $2.50 a day for pages, the sum total, is a tidy one. The extra pay of the senate pages amounts to $4,800 for the- - extra session. These youngsters, of whom there are 18, are given $2.50 a day, reckoning 80 days a month. The urgent deficiency bill carries a number of the Items due to the extra session. Among them Is one "for miscellaneous Items, exclusive of labor, $25,000." Who gets It Is not divulged In the bill. Another line In the bill reads: "To reimburse the official reporters of the proceedings and debates of the senate for expenses Incurred during the first session of the Sixty-firs- t congress for clerk hire and other clerical services, $3,240." The official reporters of debates get $5,000 a year apiece and extra compensation for additional copies of their tran scriptlons. DIAMONDS AT - hard-workln- hot-wat- if He Got Thoroughly In the Notion That the Hot Water Bottle Was Really a Hen. the nest, with an oil stove at his side and a tea kettle of water boiling away on the oil stove. He was like a mother to those eggs, and it was most affecting to hear him while he had the bottle In his hands, filling It and saying: "Now, now, dearies, don't be impatient, daddy will have mudder full of hot water In a minute, and then mudder will cuddle dearies up again." The eggs seemed to understand the love Philo Gubb was showering on them, too. Of course an egg 'can't show its affection very well. Next to a china door knob an egg Is about tbe dumbest uneffuslve thing there Is, but those eggs used to lie there and smile no, not smile they used to He there and look up at no, they didn't look up anyway, they used to He there. They used to He there as quiet as 13 brick-batThey were just placidly happy, as you might say. Care free, knowing Philo would take good care of them and protect them. Well, one egg got broken! It was nearly the death of Philo, and only the fact that there were 12 left kept him alive. He just couldn't allow himself to die of grief when there were 12 motherless eggs depending on him, so he braced up and tried to hide bis sorrow, and kept the hot water bottle warm. Tbe day those eggs hatched out was the gladdest In the life of Philo Oubb. He was a proud man, I can tell you! He gave each one a name as it pecked Its way out. The first he called Eeny, and although he tried to be impartial anyone could see he 'Iked this eldest a little the best. The next one he named Meeny, and tbe next Cracky. The others, as they came he named Feeny, Omnia, Noo-chPoppa, Toocba, Rick, Stick, Stan and the last of all, the baby, as you might say, Staw. I remomber how proud he was when Uncle Ashod Clute asked him how the eggs were Says doing. Pbtlo spoke right up. be: "Eeny, Meeny, Cracky, Feeny Omma, Noocha, Poppa, Toocba Rick, Stick. Stan, Staw O U T, all out!" Hut tbe most gladdening thing to the hard heart of man was to see the way in which Philo helped supply a mother's care to those little chicks. They seemed to sense right at first r bottle was the that the a, hot-wate- s No Resting. Don't Miss Your Train. Yeast Does you wife ever sit with Salt Lake Route changes time The her chin resting on her knees? Auk. 2Hih. Two Ttntlo trains. Sunday. No: wife seldom Crlmsonbeak my Tooele trains. Three Utah Three sits with her chin resting at all. Valley trains. Ask your agent. Yonkers Statesman. "How on earth did you ever cultiRedd They tell we some of tbe vate such a beautiful black aye?" costs from to one stick in Thibet asked Rrown's friend. two dollars apiece. "Oh," replied Brown, who had uninGreene Oh, they are troubled with the gasolene smell over there, too, tentionally been illustrating the fall of man on roller skates, "I raised it from are they? Yonkers Statesman. a slip." Lucky for the Prisoner. While trying an old woman on a charge ef stealing faggots a Judtfe who had acquired the habit of t hi n lain g aloud unconsciously exclaimed: "Why, one faggot is as like another faggot as one egg la like another egg." The counsel defending the cue Insurance. The Reason. heard tbe observation and repeated it Alice Ethel tells me sbs Is engaged "She's unemotional cold. I took to the jury, what the Judge cried: to Jack. Do you think she really her to see that pathetic heart-dramof "Stop! It Is aa Intervention means to marry him? and she didn't shed a tear." This was the providence. very can Not if she Kate "No her complexion won't permit thought that passed get anybody through my mind, else. It (lentlemen (addressing the jury), the prisoner." London News. An Optimist. Not Impossible. "He's an optimist." The Topper You must have had an "Still I have seen him meet trouble awful fright when you awoke and more than half way." found tbe place burning. "When was that?" The Trilby My dear feller, vy I vos as vlte as your shirt 00, vlter "The other day when he went to the station to meet his mother-in-law.- " than that! Tbe Sketch. ao-q- |