OCR Text |
Show Wednesday, April 4, 2007 Heaven Help Us A5 Sanpete Messenger/Gunnison Valley Edition Living by serendipity By Corrie Lynne Player Adopted children have unique needs “Mamma,” sobbed 4-year-old Amy, “if I’m so bad, are you going to send me back?” Amy had been adopted six months earlier, after shuffling between five foster homes and her alcoholic, natural mother. Her words shocked her adoptive mom, who had simply reprimanded her for scattering toys and kicking over the dog’s water dish. But Amy was voicing what many adopted children feel—the insecurity that comes with knowing their position in the family is different from the average child’s. When any child is brought home, parents wonder what to do next. All first-time parents feel the same way, even in the recovery room, as they look at that bit of life that has become their sole responsibility. Parents of adopted children are challenged and rewarded in ways unknown to biological parents. Parents of an adopted child quickly learn how adopted children differ from birth children. Besides having the same needs and frustrations as any growing child, adopted children worry about their place in the family and wonder about biological parents. Reacting to the adoption depends on whether the child is a newborn or older, whether the child is from another country or racial group and whether other children are already in the family. Today, I’d like to tell you about Becky Patterson (not her real name). Becky and her husband adopted a threeday-old baby boy. The Pattersons were on five agency waiting lists and married 11 years before little David came to them. Becky brought David to a party when he was two weeks old; he wore a miniature camouflage suit, complete with tiny boots. He was held and bounced and passed around, and exclaimed over. Becky watched proudly but wearily. She told her friends that David never slept more than an hour at a time. He also screamed between and during feedings. She changed his formula twice, but he still screamed. David’s distress was part of a cycle that started because his mom was rested rather than worn out from giving birth. Becky didn’t realize that when a woman’s pregnant, she slows down. After Baby is born, Mom’s stomach sags and she’s tired. New moms don’t do much socially for a few weeks. This slower time gives Mom a chance to get used to Baby and develop a nap schedule to make up for wakeful nights. Nobody over-stimulates Baby, because everybody is too tired. As the house develops a schedule, based on Mom’s recuperation, Baby’s needs are also met. The adopted baby, however, enters a home that has anticipated his/her arrival for years. Both parents are active and rested. Baby is showered with gifts; Mom and Dad buy musical teddy bears, bathtub boats and twirling mobiles. But the adopted baby has been through labor and delivery— even if Mom hasn’t. Little David needed quiet, uninterrupted sleep, a relatively germ-free environment, and gentle, consistent handling. David came into an atmosphere different from his prenatal growth. Since he wasn’t used to his new parents’ germs, he had less immunity to colds and flu and needed time to develop resistance. He also needed bonding to help him learn who his mom and dad were. When too many people participated in his care, he became confused and upset. Becky had treated David like an exciting toy. As soon as she used his needs to curtail her activities, he became more content, and her nerves lost their frazzle. I’m working on a book about raising adopted children; if you’re willing to share experiences and tips, please email me at corrieplayer@hotmail.com. Put “adoption book” into the subject line. I’ll talk about unique needs of adopted children in a future column, including handling cultural issues, sibling rivalry and curiosity about birth families. Sam DeLeeuw (above), never set out to be a juvenile probation officer. Nor did she plan on finding success in the poetry of her famous alter ego “Hilda” (right), but somehow it’s all worked out for the best. Manti’s Sam DeLeeuw finds success by simply following where life leads By Sean Hales Associate editor MANTI—Sam DeLeeuw never planned on being an internationally recognized and award-winning cowboy poet. Likewise, she never set out to be a juvenile probation officer, which she is now and has been for 29 years with the 6th District Court system. And when she first went to college, her goal was not to become a schoolteacher, a profession she practiced for two years in Ferron Sanpete News Company, Inc., publishing the Deadlines, Post Office & Contact Information UPS# 3284-0000 Copyright, Sanpete News Company, Inc.©2006. All rights reserved. Reproduction, re-use, or transmittal of all matter herein is prohibited without prior written permission of the publisher. Published each Wednesday for 75¢ each, $24.00 inside Sanpete County, $27.00 outside Sanpete County, by Sanpete News Company, Inc., 35 S. Main, Manti, Utah 84642 Phone 1-866-620-1935, 435-835-4241, fax 435-835-1493 E-mail publisher at: suzanne@sanpetemessenger.com E-mail sports to: sports@sanpetemessenger.com E-mail school items to: school@sanpetemessenger.com E-mail news to: news@sanpetemessenger.com E-mail ads to: ads@sanpetemessenger.com Deadline: Thursday, 5 p.m. Manti: 35 S. Main, Hours: M-F, 9 am to 6 pm Periodicals Postage Paid at Manti, Utah 84642. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Sanpete Messenger, 35 S. Main, Manti, Utah 84642 Publisher ........................................................................................ Suzanne Dean Associate Publisher ............................................................................... Lloyd Call Associate Editor .................................................................................. Sean Hales Assignment Editor ............................................................................... John Hales Copy Editor ........................................................................................... Lori Smith Outdoor Recreation Editor ............................................................. Bob Bahlmann Education Editor ............................................................................ Tanya Spencer Office Manager ............................................................................... Jacque Marsh Circulation Manager .......................................................................... Kelly Howell Webmaster ................................................................................. Jessica Prisbrey (Above) “Horses, horses and more horses,” is how DeLeeuw, shown here atop her first horse, describes her life from a very young age. (Right) DeLeeuw finishes roping a goat in style during her high school rodeo years. in Emery County and at Gunnison Valley High School as a substitute. And yet, somehow, she has been all of those things, among many others. “I just figured my life would take me where I was supposed to go,” she says, not upset in the least with the way serendipity has steered her life. “I’ve always been a fatalist.” But two things have never changed for DeLeeuw: her love of horses and kids. And despite the fickle nature of fate, of serendipity, the winds of her life have never blown her far from them. Brenda “Sam” DeLeeuw was born in 1949 in Blackfoot, Idaho, just outside the Fort Hall Indian Reservation where her family owned five acres. There they grew a small garden and an orchard, along with raising a few cows and chickens. And it was there, among the hills and tributaries of the Snake River, where cattle provided livelihoods for families, that she developed her lifelong passion for horses. But in Blackfoot, it would have been hard to avoid horses. “People had horses like kids around here have bikes,” she said. DeLeeuw got her first horse at age four and has never since been far from her equine companions. Even when she moved to Ephraim to attend Snow College, her horses were not far behind. “My dad said he was probably the only man on earth who sent a daughter, two horses and a dog to college.” DeLeeuw, who was tall for a girl, was not destined to be a girly-girl. She said, “I was upset that I wasn’t a boy for a while. I wanted to do what the boys were doing.” She said she spent much time with her father, a local Scout leader, and would engage in Scout activities such as building birdhouses and camping. She also spent time on the gridiron, playing football with the local boys. “My dad would explain our family … that he had two boys, two girls and Brenda.” Even her LDS bishop nicknamed her “Tommy Brenda,” a moniker he (See “Serendipity” on A7) |