Show tJ THE KEEPARITCIIININ: A Devoted Principal Editor UNO IIOO IJBET URLIFE I z Ness 13 coun-terfe- term Si: Per Annum in Advance $1 50 Six Months 1 00 Single Copies 10 C X U B It A TESs Five Copies to one address $ Ten Copies to One Address and one 500 to the clubber 10 00 For sale everywhere - by“all' respectable 7 t Newsdealers : adveutisesehts Owing to the limited space devoted to Advertising we shall be under the necessity of restrict ing Advertisements to T E N lines or lessT Terms each insertion fifty cents a line All Communications on Business in order must be addresse cJ— Uno to receive attention Iloo & Co Box D SUNDAY' - Salt Lake City - - - JAN 1st 1871 EBZTOiajLZi - G entle i It has been decided by crucial experiment that UieJBrilliarit Gasoline Fluid not only gives a brighter light but actually burns longer with the same head of steam on Tne reason this oil is so easily carried is because it is light oil Try it It will lighten your labors we had to If diswhich cannot be greenbacks choose between losing uurwrife or the oil ' tinguished" 'by the Tiesrjudges from the we should say at once “Mariar you can ’for the sum of $10 genuine currency J to T & W Taylor’s and get me a go Stubbs & Co” off!” Good for you James gallon right What a generous disinterested old soul must be Stubbs You you impoverish the OXPLEASAXTXESS nation and risk your life for the sake of J ones says some married folks are always presenting us with $40 and ask no comand contending from mornFor quarreling what it that’s amounts pensation? to if you speak the truth Now we don’t ing till night and from night till morning wish to quarrel with you not in the least For his part he can’t see the necessity for but we always look at things in this sort of it It is true sometimes when he - asks is Mariar a light which is most probable that Stubbs Mariar Jane (his wife’s name r Jane) to get up and light the fire and she &' Co are so daring generous and or that somebody is lying? is rather dilatory about it she"sometimes Stubbs you would be surprised to learn falls out He don’t state what causes her how often we come to the latter conclusion to fall out but he makes it arule never to We have somehow got an impression fall out with his wife when anyone offers us two or three dollars for one that he don’t mean it That A CO(WJLOtFY in short he presumes we are a fool and Brown'—' “I say Jones you don’t mean that he can swindle us at his leisure to say that you can afford to keep a cow No ‘wo don’t think we’ll invest’ at preV why she’d eat her head off in a sent Stubbs (this is confidential) we?d up month! I don’t see how you manage see you hanged by tho neck higher than it” Hainan the son of Hanbedatha the Of course I Jones—1 “Keep a cow? Agagite and then we wouldn’t keep a cow Its the easiest thing in the world and as for the cost it don’t cost “HONOR TO WHOM HONOR IS DUE” me a cent It’s all in the management have secured You see in the first place publishes the cheering intel a vicious active beast that can take care ligence that “somebody is going to fur- of herself and in the summer time she nish the Keepapitciiinin with another gets a good living out of the neighbors’ subject to pitch into after it has thor- gardens and when winter comes we oughly exhausted the “New Move” turn her out near the Hay Market and We sincerely hope they’ll hurry up as we she always comes home as full as a tick learn from parties who ought to know Nothing like’ management you see” that the “New Move” ’is about exhausted PHYSIC now We are glad to see that our friends recognize our agency in this matter Yes Doctor Ring— llh Utah you should we are happy to be able to say that it is medical adviser about exhausted and that the Keepa-pitchwi- n employ me as 'your so?” Utah— 'Mr “Why “ A has exhausted it” Honey D R— “Oh! you have not taken any saw it qui Molly Ponse ” which being libmedicine for some time and consequently erally translated signifies that owing to system must be out of order” your the Keepapitciiinin it failed to come to What would U—uAh indeed Mr ahead We shall not charge anything recommend” you for the obituary notice as we stated in D R— Describe your symptoms” the beginning we will publish the Ui— “Obi I eat well and sleep Mr'' or death of any of our friends or well preserve good order in my family with pleasure and pay my debts punctually!” Dr R—' “I’ll give you something that will change all that” Punchinello is gone up Its no use Why is a man who never lays a wager these one horse papers to try to run quite as bad as one who does? Because ainst us it can’t be did he’s no better the ‘following letter: JtRcar Sir : — A confidential ' friend having notified us that you can be relied on we send you the enclosed circular” ' The “enclosed circular” informs us that they will send us “$5000 worth of ' Scents Sense and Xonseiise Deputy Asst Editor Dep’y Asst’s Clerk LIGHTNING I AVe have received PAPER to Cents CONFIDENTIAL Deader: Die another number ©f our valuable paper issues ybuwillbe knocked by old tbe beginning of 1871 (A “No 1 year) hence we take occasion to wish you—and when we say you we embrace the 100000 of our readers in the Territory and the hundreds of thousands in the United States and elsewhere ex cessively “happy New Year’ and1 may you continue to grow more exuberantly and riotously happy from day to day until you shall slip peacefully through the crack of doom &ud rejoice in Abraham’s bosom 'six months before the d knows you’re dead 1 ? A NARROW ESCAPE Our readers have all read the absorbing accounts published of the late rebellion in 20th Ward but there is one thrilling ‘affair which refer to this ly it V' -- I ' mar-Nna- |