Show THE KEEPAPITCHININ baseless charges and mean and wicked falsehoods But I never finished the task for the very next morning a paper came out with a new horror a fresh malignity and seriously charged me with burning a lunatic asylum with al its inmates becaufe it obstructed the view from This threw me into a sort of my house panic Then came the charge of poisonwith an ing my uncle to get his property imperative demand that the grave should This drove me to the verge be opened On top of this I was acof distraction cused of employing toothless and incompetent old relatives to prepare the food for the foundling hospitaj when I was warden I was wavering —wavering And at last as a due and fitting climax to the shameless persecution that party rancor had inflicted upon me nine little toddling children of all shades of color and degrees of raggedness were taught to rush on to the platform at a public meeting and clasp me around the legs and call me Pa! I gave it up T hauled down my colors and surrendered I was not equal to the requirements of a gubernatorial campaign in the State of New York and so I sent in my withdrawal from the candidacy and in bitterness of spirit signed it “Truly yours Once a decent man but now T Mark Twain I P M T B F C and L E” THE SELF-MAD- E MEN OF JYo OUR TIMES 1 Why was a certain lawyer fined? Be he was a jBaskin in the genial rays of the court DISTINGUISHED VISITORS PARTINGTON and IKE were 6een passing up Main Street when Ike “Oh mother suddenly pausing exclaimed hark how it thunders I” “Tut! tutl” said she “that's the inte restive public rushing into G W Davis’ store He’s expatching a great many rich goods for the Christmas f estiflea-tions- ” Ike gave a nod of intelligence and proceeded to attach an old tin kettle to the tail of a small dog which happened along— Com MRS Another rebellion is said to In consequence of the immense crowds of highly excited individuals seen daily passing down East Temple St and then suddenly and mysteriously disappearing it was supposed that another fillibustering ex pediticn was on foot But the police have ascertained that it is the crowds of people purchasing Christmas supplies at TEASDEL & Co’s new charter for l city The the Charter which (with other choice is almost to teMSiiDtulente is Oak stoves) s R Bavage 6ays: stop my advertisement of people rushing in given away by T & W Taylor Don’t fail to secure one before they are all gone “I wish you to I’ve had crowds here day and night haters ' i !! books and prints : And papers should aspire Just put your Sunday flxins on And visit Brother Dwyer i Or If you wish to treat a friend To something rich and rare J Don’t fail to visit Dwyer’s Stand You’re sure to find it there If you to Christmas - : e sketch The subject of the above was bom at a very - early period of his existence at a small town in the middle of the 19th century near 'the line of the The line of this canal is a Erie Canal tow line and perhaps this first drew his young ideas out and set them to spinning yams “ Tis education forms the tender mind And with a switch we whip it in behind” life-lik- night and day trampling over everything in their frenzied haste to be taken with “a high forehead and smiling” until I’m utterly exhausted and used up "Stop the advertistment at once I’ll pay you all the same but for mercy’s sake stop it” We should have taken great pleasure jn complying with your request but it came rather too late We never stop the press and if you could realize as we do the for Our paper you yearning of the people : would not 6k it Be patient until after Christmas when we will see what can be done for you Jabez wishes us to inform him what use Bishop Silver makes of the Tithing contributed by the members of the New This is a question that should Move have been sent to’the Bishop himself or to the Tiihune if anywhere but in our Jabez’s business opinionit is none of with the Tithing what Bishop Silver does If the people choose to entrust him with it and he chooses to receive it and use it whose business is it ? Bet Bishop Silyer alone : world-wid- cause SD C e reputation then all the Territory felt that he was indeed a Liin among men He sometimes looks back over the scenes of his early life and exclaims in his peculiarly inimitable language “When I fust came hyar I wasn’t wuth a darned sent an’ now look at me I’m a owin’ thousands !” Nothing of particular importance occurred in his young life until he was eight years of age at which time he was born agaim Many of our young readers will perhaps remember the anecdote in conHe was nection with his second birth somewhat proud of it and used to be always urging others to be born again One old' gentleman asked him if he bad Oh yes he had some been born again “Well” said he “I don’t time before think it would hurt you young man to be born once more” Joseph never refers toithis touching interview without being He is very tender on affected to tears sonie points perhaps in consequence of having been switched so much at school His next appearance was in the adobie yard of this city where he indited several stirring epistles to the now defunct Telegraphy :JIe shortly after discovered the Bear Lake Monster which gave bim a ATTENTION THE UNIVERSE! BY 211 Kingdoms! On your left wheel into Kelsons Golden G- te where large stores of Kandy Kakes Krakers and Konfectionery are piled ud till you kant rest ALMOST ASSASSINATED was recently enticed into a A GENTLEMAN house on Main St when a cloth was over thrown him and a powerful man seized him and cut every vestige of hair off his face Look out for them at Squires’ It’s Barber-u- s MUSEUM AND MENAGERIE the 3Ionkevs are at home again SANGO and from 930 am to Happy 430 Family pra TTF YOU WANT YOUR PFITPTAKEX with a high forehead and smiling go to Savage and Ottinger VICK'S FLORAL GUIDE 7 For 1871 The First Edition of One Hundred and Fftv Thousand Copies of Vick's illnstratecl or Seeds and Floral Guide is Cntnlogne to send out— 100 pages and published and an Engraving ready of almost every desirable Flower and Vegetable It is elegantly printed on fine and tinted paper illustrated with Three Hundred Fine Wood Engravings!-anTwo Beautiful COLORED PLATES The most beautiful and the most instructive A GERMAN EDIFloral Guide published TION published in all other respects similar to the English Sent free to all my customers of 1870 as rapwithout application Sent to idly as possible order them for Ten Cent all others who' Which is not Address half the cost JAMES VICK Rochester N Y |