Show THE KEEPAPITCHININ EXCITING RACE cozmasPonDBtfcs Yachts “DWYER” and “CAMOMILE” Plain Sity Ma the 14 ’70 Mr Edditur i hev tuck yeur paper ! fur the last 35 years more or less and i BETWEEN THE THE “ DWYER” VICTORIOUS Fall particulars from oar Special on the spoil At precisely 8 o’clock p m on the 10th the schooner ‘‘ Camomil ” a vessel built on the Dutch Galley-yacprinciple — narrow at the bow but widening rapidly at the stern cast off moorings and sailed out of the Post Office loaded to the guards with papers for the Salt Lake House She had scarcely got the full benefit of the breeze before the look out at the mast head cried “Sail ho ” and the commander of the “Camomi'e ” by the aid of a glass— (of Goddard’s cider)— made out the new comer to be the “Dwyer” a long narrow rakish looking craft clipper built hugging the shore and coming down on the “ Camomile ” hand over hand with three sheets in the wind and one flutterThe “ Camomile ” immediately ing threw out stu’ns’ls alow and aloft shifted her ballast and altered her course so as to get the full benefit of the breeze and sailed in thi owing the spray from her The two vessels bows in fine style rounded the “boy” on Godbee’s corner (who refused to work for less than $2 a day in greenbacks) neck and neck The excitement on the street now became intense Bets of two to one on the “Dwyer” were freely offered with no takers Just at this juncture the “Dwyer” met with an accident —one of her four sheets was carried away (price ten cents) and in heaving to to recover it she fell to leeward lke a log The “ Camomile ” now shot ahead rapidly and passed Dunfiml & Sons’ fully three lengths in advance but the “Dwyer1 was getting the benefit of the tide and walked along like a thing of life and when the vessels reached Goddard’s the “Dwyer ’ had shortened the distance between them to a length and a half and was rapidly closing on her antagonist when the wind hauling more abeam the square sails were taken all aback and The wind came down on the run now hardened down into a spanking breeze as they passed Woodmansee’s and both vessels tore along merrily but just of the “Camoat this juncture the top-amile” being unprovided with a pi even ter back-stasnapped short off with an ominous crash The sudden strain carried away her main halyard and in a moment her canvas was all in a heap The “ Dwy er” immediately shot past like a streak of ‘foam and hauling her wind on the larboard tack rounded the boy and came into the Salt Lake House in fine style distanc ing the “ Camomile” by three full lengths Time i a minute and 1 seconds The “ ( amomile” entered a protest and another race will be run over the same course evening at 8 o’clock precisly The “Camomile” is now laying I m Dried Ox for repairs inst ! like the atmosphere around the Hot Springs only a little more so or as though an extensive match factory had caught fire Climate — 170 degrees above blood heat digestibles— spiritual onions d eggs squash red herrings Dixie cheese &c &c drinkables — diluted alcohol forty-ro- d and“sich” etceteras— just anything you want in a spirituous line providing youve got the spiritly “scrip” to settle with and His Majesty will exact his dues to the “uttei most farthing” Talk about his being dead! You deal with him and see if he is No Ubeturlife he lives and reigns to the sorrow of of the created creation I write these few lines to you hoping they will find you in good “spirits” as it leaves me at present —I’ve just come from the Drug Store “Fare thee well and if forever Then forever fare thee well” “Adieu Remember me” Come and see me Yours transcenden tally mediumistic hard-boile- must sa i ’dmire it— it’s a reel western i wuz paper — en ime a western man fi tcht up onto the grate western peraras — free en boundliss ez the are we breethe — drunk out o’ the Massnsippi et raw buffaler end slen onto the grate guver ment purchase with only the blue kano-peof hevin fur a kiver us western folks needs jest sech a paper az yourn it’s large uv its size end it’s got the right jingle tu it this iz the bigest kentry under the son The western kentry taken We hev the as a hole kant be beet longest rivvers the tallest mountings the deepest hollers the loudest thunder end the most blindin litenin The swimmers— tha kin dive deeper stop under water longer end kum out drier then ary other nashin er tribe on adani’s footstool — en your paper’s one ov em — let er rip You kin kail fur mi bottom Wilkins Micawber dollar on sight inklozed find a ten dollar I’m in P S— no want dont her something will turn hopes change— keep slug— up to give me a chance of earnihg the agoin on the high presher prinsipel worth of a stamp — times are dull RePeels Needer Heelsen J member me to the Friar :o: P S S— Direct to me as above via Boston June 14 ’70 Planchette Mr Editor: Dear Sir: — Inclosed find ten dollars in THE (JOTILS AND vandals I am currency— never mind the change an Eastern man and your paper just suits me There is a something about your paper that fills a void long felt in my mind I used to be troubled with longings for the infinite and soarings after the inscrutable but realizing intuitively with my impersonal consciousness the existence of the cardinal idiosyncracies and inherent omniscience of the immutable incontrovertible and imperishable principles of infinity 1 resolved to mitigate the hypochondriacal lugubriousness occasioned by perusing the twaddling insipidity of productions In regard to your paper I feel to say in the words of Homer “ttm acu tetigisti” With assurances of distinguished consideration I have &c &c &c J Romulus Jones spiritual Dqmrtttmit COMMUNICATION From an to Fame Astt-pira- How long is this thing to continue in a free land like ours? O ur life has again been threatened this time by the NorthWhat are the police about? ern hordes A stalwart ruffian at the head of a gang desperadoes from Bear Lake presented himself at our sanctum armed with a large boulder which he frankly informed our wife was designed to crush and our cranium until tbre should not be so much as a grease spotdefc Nqw we have naturally great presence of mind but in such cases absence of body is preferable We were absent and it is perhaps a good thing fer the perambulating mas-cera- te inhabitants of Bear Lake thatjwewere otherwise there would undoubtedly have been several inauests held on short notice We have since learned that the leader of the gang one Saxcy hearing that we were coming took the first train for the North and has not since been heard from :o: ANOTHER NEW HOVE T I il y 39 Uno Hoo U Keepapitchininto k Co: Dear Sir:— The following letter was Progress is the order of the day with He predicts to his disbr Harrassing no doubt written by some poor fellow this that ciples year the 24th of July will in limbo: We shall see come on the 27th Hot Spring Purgettory June 41th Dear true’ Ed: — “I ) 1870 J am here staunch and anything moie than you know concerning this “bourne’’ I forgot to get my picture took when I was “among men’’ please go to Savinger & Ottage’s and get one taken and send it to my maternal uncle It’s not nice here— it smells something 1 can’t tell you — :o: THE BEDHEAD BENEOADOI : Captain Marrowfat informs us that of writing the first pgrt of the exertion f thjs thrilling tragedy of the ocean has entirely unfitted him for duty this week consequently we defer its continuance until next number |