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A SEMI MONTHLY -- PAPER - - Devoted to Cents Scents Sense and Nonsense f UNO H00 Principal Editor Deputy Asst EditorUBET UELIFE Dep’y Asst’s Clerk B I a trial Z Ness TERRIS Par Annnm in Advance -- -- $150 100 10 CLUB RAT £S: $ 500 Five Copies to one address Ten Copies to One Address and one 1000 to the clubber For sale by all respectable Newsdealers everywhere ADVERTISEMENTS Owing to the limited space devoted to Advertising we shall be under the necessity of restricting Advertisements to FIVE lines or less Terms each insertion fifty cents a line All Communication on J3usinesst in order to receive attention must be addressed— Uno Hoo & Co Box Salt Lake City D it is nothing of the kind I for a Tom Thumb or a Chinese Giant Is perience I and it is certain that anybody with an this equality? average amount of common sense would J For fujrther light on this subject were at least think twice before being wRlingly fer the gentle reader to onr forthcoming brought into it while it is more than pro- - work on the Constitution which we that many would if they could urn tend to write some evening when we have hesitatingly refuse to be subjected to such time le - Six Months Single Copies MAY 15 1870 XSDXTOXLXAA It may be said however that it is necessary the World should be peopled Without at all admitting that to be a necessity we must say that even if it be such— even if it be requisite that we should be born somehow and somewhere in order to make up the population — then at all events the least that could have been done for us would have been to For allow us a choice of circumstances not only are we born against our inclinaallowed to tion but we are not even choose our own lathers and mothers nor r our age or country result is that the great majority of people get born at the wrong timp in the wrong place and of the wrong parents and that these original mistakes make successful life a simple impossibility And yet by another piece of irony we are all of even The us expected to celebrate the time to love place and to honor and obey the pa-which have thus been imposed upon us and to prefer them to all those others which would have been so much more ap- - FREEDOM’S SHRIEK “And Freedom shriek d when KussyOn- - car tell”— Herobotus When in the course of human events to dis- becomes imperatively necessary solve the erroneous principles which have become respectable through antiquity decent regard for the perturbed spirits of our lamented ancestors requires that we should state the reasons which urge us on That bundle of incongriities--th- e of Independericfe—declarOs Declaration that “all men are born free and equal Now we entertain great respect for that venerable instrument but we must be per mitted to observe just here that the foregoing is a most unreasonable and unac countable lie from beginning to end— an assumption entirely at variance with every We are said to be “born known fact free “Let us examine this point You are never consulted about tha matter nor even informed oi it at all but it is all arranged behind your back and one fine morning you suddenly find yourselfpitched ' into the world whether you will or no while by a refinement of irony the event is as often as not made a subject for reCan anything be more unfair? joicing It would be all very well if the world were a decent place to live in but we know from the universal testimony of moralists and philosophers let alone your own ex - BR NESLING’S BENEFIT We recently received a very pressing invitation from the renowned English tragedian Br R F Nesling to attend his farewell benefit previous to vis ting perfidious Albion We are conscientiously opposed to theaters and consequently very seldom vsit them and never under any circumstances allow Our family to go unless we accomBut vhen we learned that pany them our influence and our presence would give tone to the affair and thus substantially Br N in getting out of the country we went cheerfully Having known brother Nesling for years we mst 'say there perhaps no one whom we would moe willingly assist out of the Territory Casting our eye over e the programme we were somewhat appointed notwithstanding our apprecia-rent- s feon of McKenzie’s ability at not seeing gr Nesling’s name in the part of Hugo as was Br McKenzie did very well consid We understand that the Theater ering will be closed during the absence of Br N i- - dis-th- 1 it HMHHUIII that propriatc our spheres compulsorily j there arbitrarily there is yet with all this we arc TRIALS MUST COME held to be liable to blame if we fail to fill creditably a situation which we have not It seems that we are to be tried in all from which we cannot escape chosen we have been tried with lo cusses and which in most cases is the case of thins: circusses grasshoppers crickets potato all others for which we are are and New Movers and just as we worms suited are beginning to get rid of the latter So much for the boasted freedom ! Now along' come the grasshoppers again ‘ ‘All men are born free for the equality! There is always some little sect or and equal is the “Declaration An asspringing up The gulls cleared away the sertion as much at variance with truth as crickets and gulls are likely to effect the the foregoing We would like to ask any same for the New Movers but what shall man woman or child with the faintest ? Quin be ho the ray of intelligence illuminating the mental Brought into and maintained no escape and ct organism where the - equality comes in? We must confess with all due respect for the feelings of our departed ancestors that we ean?t see it We will say for example a person may be born in Europoe of very intelligent parents and surrouded by all the refinements of civilization and intellectual excellence or he may be born among the Bigger Indians are they Lorn A man may be born fchfte with equal? straight hair which he has to curl artifi- or be may be born black with hair He mlty be destined already curled O’Cromwell was ank Englishman of the Roast BeeJand persuafcion He is no dead Cromwell deserves our I The inspirational delin heartfelt pity eator of culminating conceptions ' whose fervid eloquence deluges the columns of the Tribune with typical irruptions of I nate volcanic force shouM say something about this hero with the iconodasfs hose I Plum-puddin- g |