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Show mable and the insurance companies might increase our rates. The central thought to be grasped by the economical man is this we have been living too well. The high cost of living is simply the cost iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 11111,11,11, 1, 1, OBSERVATION PLANE I s I s aa 3 a ftllllllllllllllllllllllll Illllllllllllllll nil Hill Two Merry Tales Official Gloom rf AVE I IIIIIIIIIIH Illllllllll of heard the story of the profiteers of Liberty Park? Commissioner Green might tell the story if he would, but he wont. it is necessary for someone to tell it; otherwise it would be unyou Con-sequentl- y, told. July 4 is a great day; in fact, as President Wilson would say, a tremendous day. All good Americans like to make it a tremendous day and so, too, do the profiteers of Liberty Park. Therefore, they went to Commissioner Green and told him that he must allow them to increase their prices on July 4. Why? asked the commissioner. We must explain the answer of the profiteers in detail because it reveals a scientific discovery. They declared to the commissioner that on July 4 it was the custom of the great American people, old and young, to carry bottles out of parks. Mind you, on every other day of the year the American will drink his ginger ale, root beer or soda pop and then, smacking his lips, leave the bottle on the table or the counter or a bench'. But on the Fourth of July? Never! The commissioner, profoundly by this psychological discovim-press- ed ery, surrendered. The profiteers departed, rejoicing and on July 4, at the opening of business, amusement and bottles in Liberty Park they began to charge ten cents instead of the customary six cents for drinks. During the forenoon no less a personage than Harry Joseph wandered into the park and was assailed by rude cries of complaint But I am not the park commissioner, he replied. On second thought he admitted it was an outrage. On third thought he began to be exceedingly angry. It required only a fourth thought to impel him toward a telephone. He got Commissioner Green on the wire and told him what he thought of the official O. K. on profiteering. The commissioner, sitting on his golden throne, began to tremble and be afraid. He thought he saw handwriting either on the wall or the ceiling. At the eleventh hour he tried to stem the tide of profiteering but it had become a tidal wave. Chewing gum, popcorn, peanuts, ice cream everything that delights Young America on the glorious Fourth had risen to exorbitant prices. Commissioner Green was helpless. Like another King Canute he stood on the edge of the tidal wave and commanded it to stand still, but it went right on profi- of high living. How easily, we got rid of that costly machine the saloon. All that is necessary now to reduce living costs is to eschew other luxuries. Instead of wearing straw hats wear cabbage leaves tied under the chin. If your wife objects hand her the wooden shoe. Why wear neckties at all? There was a man in Kansas a few years ago named Jerry Simpson a mighty statesman who didnt wear socks even in winter. Why not imitate our elder statesmen? It is all very clear that we can reduce the high cost of living if we want to. teering. reminds me of another Fourth of July story. All will remember the more or less magnificent fireworks display staged at Bonneville Park by the Elks. Nor will they have forgotten that the city commissioners, led by Mayor Ferry, contributed $2,500 to help finance the celebration. By way of appreciation those in charge invited Governor Bamberger to attend the display and ignored the city commissioners. They snubbed the commissioners with the mayor still in the lead. It is really a new code of etiquette, I understand. When the mayor of a city does you a favor, thank the governor. It is a sort of Chinese system Which of politeness. The next time a city official grants you a favor, thank the governor. If, for example, Commissioner Neslen should apportion you another half hours recreation squeezing water out of a parched hose, thank the governor. But there is another theory. Perhaps the committee in charge of the siss, boom, ah! celebration thought that the commissioners could not bear to see their $2,500 burned up so fast. (We closed our saloons, it is true, but we went right over to the drug store and paid more for our soft ,J drinks, and the government imposed a luxury tax. Of course, ice cream sodas, ginger ale, root beer and all the rest of the secductive beverages are luxuries. Cut them out. Drink water. If you can stand it, drink buttermilk, which does not cary the war tax. Everybody uses ice. Cut it out Nearly everybody eats meat. Cut it out Nearly everybody eats something. Cut it out or most of it. They say that in Russia, millions of people have cut out eating almost altogether. a proposal that promises to bring down the high cost of living like a thermometer dropping in a Texas norther. T last we have A wooden shoe dealer, who to theaters, circuses, movies, baseball games or prize fights. If you go to church, dont drop anything into the collection Dont High Cost of Living Easy to Remedy care- fully conceals his name, advises men to use wooden shoes and to present their wives with them at $1.25 a pair. They are said to meet all the requirements of shoes and to be much more effective than the parental slipper. Merely abandoning $20 shoes of leather for $1.25 wooden shoes will not end the reign of that cruel tyrant H. C. L., hut the sabot dealers suggestion points unerringly the way we can if we really are in earnest about freeing ourselves from the yoke of this ruthless despot. After we have adopted wooden shoes we can put on celluloid collars. This, however, may be of doubtful use, for celluloid is inflam- - go plate. Dont buy books or magazines or newspapers. If you must read read only weekly papers. But how shall we beat the coal man. Aye, theres the problem. We have offered many cures for the high cost of living. Others will readily suggest themselves to the intelligent reader. But there is one sure cure. If you dont want living to cost so much, stop living. Develop The City s Water Sources you don't believe this is a dry IF town, ask Commissioner Neslen. He admits it, megaphones it and, we had almost said, glories in it. Of course, we are not blaming Mr. Neslen for what his predecessors failed to do. He is not to blame because, back in the sixties, a city official declared that some day Salt Lake would have 40,000 inhabitants and ought to have water enough for '.V at least 50,000. It is deplorable that our officials who were commissioned by the people to provide adequate water re- sources lacked vision. Nor has there been any sign of recent years that the commissioners have grasped the water situation in its totality Those who have been vested with the right to think for us about water supply have not suffered from Insomnia because of overburdening their gray matter. If they have had water on the brain it has not been of the right ' kind. The other day a committee of busion Commissioner ness men called Neslen and took occasion to inquire about the conduit for which the people voted bonds a few months ago. Why had not the work started on the conduit so that the surplus in Cottonwood canyon might be used, they asked? Because there was no surplus. Mr. Neslen said that the Parleys canyon conduit was big enough to carry all the water that could be run into it from both Parleys and Cottonwood canyons. The new conduit is not needed because there is not enough water for the one already in operation. If we reason not amiss the new conduit would be used only in Wet seasons and would be idle in dry seasons. therefore, we Apparently, voted bonds for a conduit that can be used only in seasons when water is plentiful. The conclusion is obvious that in wet seasons, as well as in dry sea-onwe have no adequate water supply for a great and growing city. At no time is the city very far from a water famine. . Often have we laughed at the man who tried to empty the ocean with a, spoon, but has not the policy of our water officials been almost as absurd? They have tried, as it were, to supply Salt Lake with water by the spoonful. It is time that the inhabitants of Salt Lake began to think of a real water supply. It may be necessary to bring it many miles probably, from Bear Lake, and the cost may b' colossal. The total cost, however, is apt to be much less than the total cost of our mistakes. Commissioner Neslen has tried to convict his subjects of disloyalty. He has obtained figures to show that we use more water per capita than does Los Angeles. Figures tell the truth when you want them to tell the truth, but they are not averse to deception. The official who could not make statistics obey his slightest wish is not worthy of an honorary , gree from a kindergarten of politics. No doubt the figures were perfectly correct. We have no doubt t hat each sinful Per Capita of Salt Lake uses just what the commissioner accuses him or her of using. We have . s, |