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Show LEW FREE PRESS. IEH1. UTAH '' or more sue Sir??" ten heandis Lea H.rdJtj put nolher Jlsk Me The A General Quiz Q Honorable Uncle Lancy By ETHEL HUESTON The Question , 1 yr-rp oiSpia said it wouldn't work Americans; said somebody orchestra leader a, and they'd all SSSr lo Sart danc,,g and she'd have them OPPORTUNITY a tnr on ner nauua w did -Adele complained that they as at uts t6ii K s5tk Mu not serve nearly so much .w . Cl UiC rmhasCT- mines. ..i, Afriran Union, for instance, alwhere it was a banquet as it Legation. Siamese the at is ways of Aunt Olympia says it's the law nathe smaller the compensation; ! Globe-Ciling Birds feedW tion, the bigger the aste Ueat Utilizing to Allotti d Gabriel "I finally put A Powerful by .w r,n the pacifistnot question as vuhiera proving that we are Uncle Ornithologists and amea bv. ble as we iook mu de- - good reasons to believe that hidden the all out Lancy ported IrMinlll fenses to me ana 1 maue a wvo, several times..j w...u lne w it for during the ,, . keeping I'm them. of map de-- 1 lives. their National on Incidentally you, in case you go great birds, which can be fer.se. for days by ocean gales, becon. "And, oh. Brick, weren t you survery seasick when standing onthl from prised at Ed Eicher retiring had he after for Congress the race won renomination in the primary? And what a break for us Iowa ReIn a new South Dakota flour furipublicans! Aunt Olympia was the heat generated by frictinTi: was ous. She said in her opinion it the grinding machine is so great a congressman's Christian duty to nidi uic ncaicu air it creates. of instead Hrnu-nfF hv a fan an T hang onto a good seat "iiea,n chucking it to the wolves. By wolves sumciem 10 r neat the entire six- she means us, R., Iowa. She want- story ouuaing, except m very coy ed Uncle Lancy to call him up and w earner. give him a piece of her mind!" IS ih . VNUSsnka ?'Zt -: in- ,- j i , What American statesman was the grandson of a king? 2. Is the cantaloupe the same as a muskmellon? 3. What causes an oases in a desert? 4. When was the first depression In the United States? 5. At what period of Life does the brain grow fastest? 6. Who wrote the famous "Unfinished Symphony" Bach, Schubert or Beethoven? 7. What is the capacity of the human stomach? 1. The Answers 1. Charles Bonaparte, who was in Theodore Roosevelt's cabinet. 2. The cantaloupe is one variety cf muskmelon. 3. Springs rising from subterranean streams generally cause oases. 4. The first depression in the United States occurred in 1783 and lasted until 1789. 6. During the first five years of life. 8. Schubert. 7. Normally from four to five pints. U7 I WORK BUT &LOW-BURHIH- I FAS-TLIKE G 4 CMELS. r they're milder AND COOLE- RBETTER FOR 1 STEADY SMOKING b1 '7 BILL CORUM-- W sports writer and columnist THE STORY THUS FAB Left orphan by a triple automobile accident which claimed the ttves of their mother and father, three sisters. Helen. Adele and "Llmpy." are visited by their Aunt Olympia, politically minded lie of Senator Alencou Delsporte Slops hire. Sne Insists that the (iris retura with her to Washington, to make their home with them. In addjuoo to iovuif the (iris. Aunt Olympia knows they will be a terrific political asset. Senator Slopshir has as his political opponent one Brother Wilkie. a minister, whose political campaign is furthered by seven "unspeakable brais ' moo sit on the rostrum with bun while he makes speeches. Senator Stops aire, a pleasantly foggy Individual who depends on the astuteness of his lie. prepares for their coming. Though Llmpy. the youngest, is 16. and Helen, the oldest, is 21. the Senator buys them all the toys and gifts be can rind. When they first meet their "Unci Lancy." as he is to be known, the girls lake him to their united bosom. Soon Adele. most beautiful of the sisters, meets Len Hardesty. publicity man for Brother WUkie. Though it is Len s Job to help defeat the Senator, he promptly falls r In love with Adele. Olympia buys an automobile which will accommodate the five of them, and from which the Senator mill campaign. Then she decides to hire a publicity agent tor the Senator, securing the services of Dave Cooper, and as his assistant, young Cecil Dodd. At a Washington tea Helen meets Gabriel d'Aliotti. Gabriel then searches out Olympia. and asks If he might call. Olympia acquiesces, thinking it might make Helen forget her suitor back in loa. Brick Landis. brick, owner of a grocery store, is also running for Congress. CHAPTER VI Continued laboratories that the slower a cigarette burns, the cooler and milder the smoking. Some cigarettes burn fast, tome slower, some just in between. Laboratory tests show Camels are definitely slower burning (details btlow). Turn to Camels and get the extras mildin smoking pleasure-ext- ra ness, extra coolness, extra flavor, and extra smoking. Or, as Bill Corum puts it: "More pleasure per puff and more puffs per pack ! " In recent laboratory testa, CAMELS burned 25 slower than the average of the 15 ether of the largest-sellin-g brands tested slower than any of them. That means, on the average, smoking plus equal to 'SMOKES TSRPACKf " "By the way," he inquired suddenly, "have you cautioned the girls about mentioning our plans to well, Len Hardesty? You know what he can do with the most casual re- mark." She winked cheerfully at the spellbound girls. "We haven't mentioned the campaign to them. Be sure to get this in, Cece. Being entirely domestic and housewifely, as I am, I accompany the Senator to take care of him, to see that he eats properly cooked food at regular hours and gets sufficient rest. We go only to look after his health, his food and his comfort. I take care of his clothes . . . Make a note of that, will you, LimpyT Remind me to buy a needle and some darning cotton . . . But we play no politics. The voters of our state are not constituents to me, they are dear old friends and neighbors . . . You'd better get that word for word, Cece. you can't improve on it . . . Friends and neighbors! And when they know these precious children as we know them, they will be their friends and neighbors, too." "Am I sprouting a halo, Adele?" put in Limpy neatly. "I seem to be going angelic by the minute." "Cece, remind me to add a motorcycle escort to the cavalcade," said Aunt Olympia, reverting again to the practical. "We'll need him to carry the socks back and forth to Hilda to rip out what I put in." "Do you make speeches. Auntie?" asked Adele. "I'd love to hear you make a speech." " 'No indeed,' declared Mrs. e laughingly. 'I do not make speeches.' . . . Except perhaps, privately to the Senator. No indeed No speeches. All I do is put a little ginger in Del's . . . Don't put that in, Cece." Although Adele had heard Cecil's hint about Len Hardesty without change of expression, without flicker of long eyelash, she did not forget it. That night when they were all together at dinner he said cheerfully and yet with gravity: "Darlings, would it be better-be- tter politics, I mean for us to see no more of one Len Hardesty until after the election? I can get along Slop-shir- 1 TOR EXTRA MILDNESS, EXTRA COOLNESS, EXTRA FLAVOR SLOW-BURNIN- G COSTLIER TOBACCOS We haven t that. We re admit enough, Helen. The trouble it at though. working work building hard such is it's not down the as talking defenses up across the country. I fanatics." self and I'm no slouch at pickings-uAnd if it wasn't Len hanging around it would be somebody else and probably someone a good deal less interesting." She frowned thoughtfully for a moment. "In fact, the closer you keep him to your finger tips, the less good he's doing Brother Wilkie and the less harm to us. I'm not sure but you should marry him and put him into the discard once and for all. And good riddance." The Senator was so touched at the generous thoughtfulness of Adele's offer that he wiped his glasses, one pair after the other, for a solid hour, and discontinued only when Helen came in from the library to ask his help. "Uncle Lancy," she said, "I find I'm terribly vulnerable in my national defenses. You'll have to straighten me out. Just look at this p. The girls gasped. Cecil made fast notes with the Senate pencil. Aunt Olympia descended then from the plane of an interview to practical counsel. "At first, Cece, you'd better let Dave read your stuff and make suggestions if he wants to. You see, he knows our constituency. You can use the same ideas for different constituencies not always, though; and frequently they must be couched in different words. For instance, some words will delight a Scandinavian or Irish settlement which would grossly offend a Ladies' Aid. Dave has the state mapped out and knows every prejudice in it. You can work that out with him." "I've memorized the map," said Cecil. "That is, the regular map. I know the counties, towns and rivers, but there's nothing to indicate the prejudices." "Dave'll Indicate 'em," said Olympia drily. "Now, in writing about the girls, Cece, remember to use only what we call innocent adjectives 'young, simple, girlish, ingenuous' not 'innocuous'; be careful about that. 'Quiet dignity' is good, and 'innocent youth' and 'childish candor' are effective. If you absolutely have to mention beauty, qualify it; call it 'youthful beauty,' or 'girlish beauty.' But avoid beauty if possible. To the average mind, beauty goes with bathing contests and rich husbands. In mentioning their clothes always call them 'simple,' 'girlish' and 'inexpensive.' " "They do not look inexpensive, though," he remarked, being one who knew clothes. "Considering the effect they are going to have at the polls, they are cheap as dirt," said Aunt Olympia. "Never under any circumstances refer to elegance or luxury; these belong to royalists. Never say lavish or costly or luxurious. Say 'homey .' comfort,' or 'companionable without him, you know. And if it would be less dangerous it is quite all right with me." Aunt Olympia, spokesman for the Senator as well as herself, offered a prompt disclaimer. "Not at all, Adele. It's nice of you to make the offer, but it is not necessary. Of course, we may accidentally let something drop that h; can pick up and if he can, he wilL But Len's quite a dropper him spread clear fourth-line-defens- house-traile- homi-ness- SENSE and years COMMON experience have told Bill Coram what scientists have confirmed in their research Vork ases must realize that Newtucked two or harbor has a gun Ana away somewhere. down the coast! Here s Washington wouid I doubt if even Gerald Nye o. vote to destroy the defenses Washington. "But we're not what some peop.e Ln-cl- e call plain suckers, at that." said strategic Lancy. "We've got care of, and points fairly well taken third-a- nd we've got second and "Well, I'm relieved," said Helen. "I wasn't sure I could sleep tonight. Of course. I'm for peace myself . Not quite at any price, perhaps, but at any reasonable price." Helen was having almost as busy a time as Aunt Olympia herself, for she continued her pursuit of political Lim-py- 's enlightenment so avidly that for overlooked were logarithms days at a time. Dull teas, deadly luncheons, receptions, boresome congressional clubs, she attended them assiduously; she had to, in order to help Brick when the time came. "And how about this garden party at the British Embassy?" Aunt Olympia demanded one day. "We've got to answer it. Do you want to go?" "I'd love to," said Helen promptly. "Wasn't I invited?" asked Adele jealously. All map." "Yes, we're all invited She spread a relief map of North right. I'll accept for you girls and America on his knees and dropped on a stool beside him. "Heavens, Helen, have you gone back to geography?" said Adele. "I'll go back with you," offered Limpy quickly. "I'll swap you my trig for your geog. I'm very good at geography. What do you have to do fill in rivers and mountains?" "No," said Helen. "I just have to build forts and guns and establish submarine bases and scrape up a few aerial bombers . . . Now, look, Uncle Lancy! . . . This is the Canadian border. Not a fortification for miles! Think of that!" "Have the Canadians declared war?" asked Limpy. "No, and we say they never will. And probably they won't . . . But that's not the half of it. Suppose Great Britain got messed up in Europesay with Russia. That would keep her busy. Then suppose Germany and Italy got together and decided to colonize Canada. They could come galloping right over and England couldn't do a thing. And there they'd be, right next to us, and no defenses." "What's come over you, Helen? I thought you were a pacifist." "So I am. But I have been talking to "Leo Hardesty taught me that They say you can't be peaceful without pretrick." paredness. And just look at that Canadian border!" us, if you really want to go, and "All right, look at the Canadian decline for Limpy." border. You're right. It's vulnera"Aw, Uncle Lancy!" wailed Limpy. "I've never seen a lord!" ble," agreed the Senator, smiling. "You haven't!" he ejaculated. "Then take the Mexican border." "A Mexican invasion would start -- wen, wen, ininn or that now. us all eating tamales and beans, They're no great shakes, in my opinwouldn't it?" asked Limpy. ion, but if you want to see one, go "Mexico herself wouldn't invade," and take a good look." said Helen, patly. "Ah, but sup"Del!" protested Aunt Olympia. pose she had alliances; strong alli- "Why, she's a mere child!" ances. Say with Japan . . . Very "Well, she's a nice child," he invulnerable!" sisted. "If a cat can look at a king, "The Mexican border is better I reckon a child a nice child can defended than you realize," said the have a squint at a lord in the makSenator. "We haven't got all those ing. There's nothing worldly about forts and flying fields and military garden parties. In my opinion, it's camps down there just for the sake children they're given for." of the climate. Big cities are the "Garden parties," said Aunt vulnerable points for an enemy. Olympia severely, "are worth There are no very large cities down wages of a gardener for the the there and we have a scattering of rette ashes they keep off the cigarues defenses from the border north- alone!" ward," said the Senator, becoming interested, almost defensive. "It was very nice," Helen wrote "And just look at our Atlantic to Brick Landis. "They served coast!" Helen was full of her sub- champagne punch under a marquee ject. "Disgraceful! Just look, from ai one ena 01 me garaen and the way up here at the tip of Maine refreshments a long way off at the clear down to Panama! And how other end under another. Aunt much of a fleet have we got? How Olympia said that was to make it many airplane bombers? How many harder and take longer for guests subs and dreadnaughts and what to go dashing back and forth, conelse should one have? Why, it's an suming liquor and refreshments. open temptation to the covetous, like They served exquisite big strawleaving pennies around in sight of berries and an American substitute children who love lollypops." for Devonshire cream. Yon fcnr, "You can join the Red Cross, Hel- how Limpy loves strawberries. Unen. That'll help," said Adele. cle Lancy braved that formidable "You can be a Girl Scout, and line of butlers three times to get coax Uncle Lancy to buy you a bow extra portions for her. He said she and arrow, said Limpy. was entitled to still more under her "The trouble with people who go quota because she doesn't around talking about national de- champagne. Limpy said she drink didn't fenses," said Uncle Lancy pleasant- think the Ambassador was half as g ly, liking his attentive audience, "is as Uncle Lancy and that for the most part they don't he wiped his glasses for ten minutes know what they are talking about. and the top of his head turned so as you know, Personally, Helen, I, pink that somebody asked if he was while an ardent and consistent pacisunburned. He stopped the car on fist, am in favor of a full defense the way home and bought her six program from bombs to bandages. big boxes of strawberries and I dare But that Atlantic seaboard is better say she'll break out in a rash. defended than you think it is! We've "The invitation said from five to lot of a got very impressive works seven and exactly at seven o'clock spread out along there. They look the orchestra came out from behind like mere show places to the visitthe bushes and played God Save the ing tourist, but there's more under King and everybody stood up, and the surface than shows on top. You the chairs just seemed to melt away don't suppose the shipyards up in out of sight and everybody went Maine and New Hampshire are un- home. defended, do you? And in Mary"Limpy told Aunt Olympia she land and Virginia? You don't sup- ought to try that way of getting rid pose Boston is standing wide open, of people at her when she do you? The most doubting of Thorn- - invites them fromparties five till seven ... lordly-lookin- Strange Facf ri - Fil 1 . the girls Olympia sitting at her desk, very red of frowning intently at a thick pad 'of paper and chewing the ruba with a of snarp ber long, pencil point. As they watched, she bent forward, smiling broadly, and wrote a few lines, very fast. When she had finished with a big black period, she looked up at the girls with a slight smirk. "It can't be her expense account," said Limpy. "For even in a dumb thing like trig they figure things out in numbers." "It's my speech," said Aunt Olympia, obviously well pleased with what she had written. "Your speech!" "For the campaign," she exin June, were amused to find Aunt rin a mnmine , j A number of American lawtrr. not only handle the legal affairs of meir cnenis, our. are also request-fac- e ed to take charge of such personal details as buying and furnishing homes, advising on marriage part ners, paying Dins ana even selecting servants. In most outboard motorboat races, the fuel used is a mixture of alcohol, benzol and castor oil because it is more powerful than any high-tegasoline. Collier's. st Evidently Young Man Had But a Peep for the Ring The young man had just to the most beautiful girl in plained. "You know, Helen," said Limpy the world. She had accepted him, reproachfully, "that trigonometry of and now he stepped into a jeweyours has got me clear off the Eng- ler's to buy an engagement ring. lish language. That's what cosines He examined various rings, and and tangents do to a brilliant mind. finally picked up a beautiful diI understood her trigonometrically amond. speaking to say she doesn't make . "What's the price of this?" he speeches." "You understood me all right," said Aunt Olympia. "But there always comes a time, quite late in the campaign I select the time-w- hen the Senator is delayed in an important conference perhaps with Farley, or maybe just a call from the White House and just to fill in the gap till he comes I arise and make a few extemporaneous remarks. And I always like to be prepared. Len Harlong-distan- desty taught me that trick and a good one. He helped write last speech and it was the hit of campaign. But now I can do right alone." it's my the all "You know, Brick," Helen wrote, quite anxiously, "there's no getting around the fact that this is the crooked est racket you ever heard of. Not exactly crooked perhaps, but definitely bent. Maybe you'd better stick to groceries. I think I can get you an appropriation from Con gress. Brick, you can't believe a word anybody says. Aunt Olympia looks so honest, so and frank, and here she is, even before Congress has adjourned, open-heart- ed d inquired. "That," replied the assistant, "is $250." The young man's eyes popped, en He whistled loudly and pointed to a second ring. "And this one?" he asked. "This one, sir," said the assis"is two tant, eyeing the price-tawhistles!" long-th- g, COHSTIPATEB? Don't Let Gas, Nerve Pressure Keep You Miserable When eonstipated two things msy happen. FIRST: Accumulated vaates swell up tbi bowels and press on nerves in the digestivt tract. This nerve pressure often causes headaches, dull, lazy feeling, less of appetite, and diisiness. SECOND: Partly digested food starts to decay forming GAS, bringini on sour stomach, acid indigestion, and bloating you up until you sometimes Then you can't eat. Yoa gasp for breath. can't sleep. Yotrr stomach is sour. Yoa fen BAtired out, grouchy, and miserable. LANCED Adlerika. containing three laiatiTM and five carminatives gives yon DOUBLS ACTION. It relieves that awful GAS almost at onee, and usually clears the bowels in lesi than two hours. No waiting for overnightreliet Sold at all drug stores writing and practicing her extemporaneous Contagious Laughter fiD to in a strategic moment While there is infection in dispeech that she selects herself. sease and sorrow, there is nothing "Brick, when we do get around to in the world so irresistibly cogetting married, if you stick to poli- ntagious as laughter and good hutics, I warn you that if you rise at mor. Charles Dickens. the wedding to make a few extemporaneous remarks, I shall arise myself and publicly denounce you I've learned that there is nothing extemporaneous in politics." J 1jLa1L. jllil The next time Len flew down to ,U7T msrXmske. "BUCK IEF WM II 60 Washington, Adele, who had what ?UST was virtually a unique for a quality beauty straightforward frankness, looked him gravely in the face "I told the folks that if it is at all Needed One dangerous, or if it embarrasses No one is useless in this world them in any way, I would not of ansee you again until after the election " who lightens the burden other. Charles Dickens. suppose, as some u"u eiectricai current that can be turned off or on at will." "I meant it, Len." Salt Lake's NEWEST HOTEL d6ar adorable MUCH fARIM .iVY?S: ni?bet you "They said that you at all." did. little devil What did they it was not necessary mem "Well, they embarrass me no he said bitterly end, "Sitting around making me talk politics wnen 1 could relax and P37o your eyes Not that lib. Ji I f' ' thlngTlaabyourSeayneys v.uuanass me bv m nn mair. if i couw ic( (;, ?y stituents what they rop'ed Wlin u lnp mp Fiahi vuciii wnen .u 1 ,uu messeo ik.,'. "Lene"eCsLthe bJltS in a min""e ' hesita"t'y. "thev are so friPnri,Sd you and vm. s. nicely; you wouldn't treat use thing you hear here against would you?" , 1 ''Bre wo"'d. if I had a chance T my job. And they'd too, in a minute no doubt do. They ruUtou'cJm paign for me, Wn to the other side and tLn you on me!" sPr"ing 0 11 - ' th.i (TO BE COSmiED) 1 Kri Hotel TEMPLE SQUARE Opposite Mormon Temple highly recommended It's Rates$1.50to$3.00 a mark of distinction to stop this beautiful hostelry it Ebvpst f unesiTRn. furt. H |